NOTE: there are seriously gruesome activities and allusions to SA. As well as DV. I am deeply so sorry to any victims and survivors, I am with you. This story is not meant to trauma dump nor use triggers for shock value. It's simply a work of fiction with some details and plot points from my real life as this is one of my only ways to cope. You do not have to read this by any means. You have been warned, and I am sorry.
There is a note at the end that is very important explaining a lot. Just know everything in this story is intentional for reasons explained later & the ending is somewhat of a political statement/spoof. An "f u" basically to the (not so great— controversial) movies/tv show(s) this book was heavily inspired by. Please note I do not condone any type of violence or toxicity. Also, I do not share the same beliefs or opinions as (many of) the characters. Thank you.

***

Sydney Bay Janes Eight Years Ago . . .

"--Mommm!" I dragged, yelling from the kitchen.

"Honey, it's yelling again," my father joked about my noise.

I laughed at him and slammed my Android phone face down on the countertop.

"It's only, like, the biggest game of the season," I ranted as I stood in the hallway mirror, "if we don't get there now, I'll just die!"

Dramatically, I put my hand to my forehead and dropped to the floor as if I fainted.

My brown hair fell across my face and even got in my brown, round-shaped eyes.

When I blinked one eye open to see if my suburban parents were paying any attention to me, I saw my mother's spoon-shaped body standing over me.

I smiled cheeky and raised my arms for her to hoist me up.

She finished putting in her right pearl earring and asked my father, Dean, if she looked alright.

Bored, I plopped down on the couch and watched them engage in a compliment battle.

"Nora, you take my breath away," Dad smiled at his wife.

I pretended to gag and they blew raspberries at me.

"Can we go now?!" I emphasized, seeing the time on the clock on the wall.

Dad, putting his black cap on, asked me, "Why can't you be more like your brother?"

"Maybe because I'm an only child, Dean-o?"

He laughed and threw his arm around my neck. "Come on, Janes gang, we have a ball game to get to!"

"Finally," I drawled, grabbing my phone before darting out the front door.

My mom's sister, Delaney, was dating the state university's head men's basketball coach so she got us floor seats! We had been a few times but not in a while, and I was more excited this time because the team -- the Seahawks-- had been on a 6-0 winning streak. That, and it was my birthday. I didn't make it a big deal or remind my parents because I believed they plan something special, but I didn't know what.

Mom locked the door and asked Dad if he wanted her to drive for a change. When he tossed her the keys, I caught them. They both looked at me in shock.

With my hand on the driver's side door of the Jeep Grand Cherokee, I looked back at them and began to whine.

"Oh come on," I blabbed, "I'm seventeen, I have my permit - let me drive. Pleaseeeee?"

It was Dad who gave Mom that "I'll allow it" look and she took her seat in the back of the truck. I shrieked with excited, glad it was my father who'd be up front as he was much more patient with my driving than Mom. The college wasn't too far, though, I figured what's the worst that could happen, hitting a mailbox or a couple recycling bins again? Pfft.

And we were off. . .

At the red light, I caught a snippet of a song playing on the radio.

"If you gave me a chance I would take it. It's a shot in the dark but I'll make it," I sang along aloud.

"Ooo, I love this song, turn it up!" I exclaimed, reaching for the radio's volume.

I just so happened to swerve and gasped when I realized.

Dad remained calm but placed my hand back on the wheel.

"Dean," my mother gritted, getting worked up.

I giggled, trying to make light of things. "Oops."

Anyway, Dad did go ahead and turn up the volume but only lightly.

This is the furthest they've let me drive, I thought in my head, not believing he was letting me get on the highway. At least it wasn't a busy road.

"You're doing good," Dad assured me.

I smiled at that and nudged him so he'd ease up and let me turn up the volume some more. He did and even Mom began to sing along.

"--Know with all of your heart, you can't shame me. When I am with you, there's no place I rather be," we chorused, all grinning.

Thinking I knew where I was going at this point as I could see the road signs said American Central University was only in five miles, I reached for his phone to turn the map off.

He looked at me questionably but I let my parents know I knew what I was doing.

"I wanna go to AMU," I let them know.

"You've only been saying it for the past four years," Mom said.

"I know, but I'm a senior and all my other friends have gotten their college acceptance letters by now-"

"Didn't you get into Nebraska, Maryland, and Baylor? Why stay here in Encintas?" My father wondered.

"Yeah, Syd-ee, don't you wanna get out of California?" asked Mom.

I hunched my shoulders. "I just really like AMU."

"Well, I hope we can afford it," Dad sighed.

"We can," I beamed, remaining optimistic.

"If you get a scholarship, Syd. Do you even know what you want to do, or did you change your major again?" Mom nagged.

I made a turn off the highway and looked at her face in the rear view mirror.

"Not sure. I'm between business and, like, some type of party planner. I don't know," I mumbled.

I watched my mother's small lips pull into a faint smile, as did my father.

"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, eh?" he teased while my mother just looked content.

She was a wedding planner, I always went with her to the events and meetings. She was always so busy and I loved how important everyone made her seem. Meanwhile, my father did people's taxes, or something. Who cares, it's boring?

"Yep. Will you guys come to my games like this, I'll get you and Aunt Delaney courtside seats, too?" I grinned, picking up speed.

Dad chuckled. "Delaney isn't your aunt, she's your mother's best friend, and not that good of a person."

"A-hem!" My mother cleared her throat to warn my father from speaking negatively about my supposed God-mother.

"Anyway," Mom spoke lightly, "of course we'll go to your games, baby, and watch you cheer!"

I've cheered since elementary school, I just liked it. I was a flyer. No, the flyer. Now, at seventeen and a senior, I'm captain of my high school's varsity cheer squad and we were three-time National champs.

"You gettin' smart with me, woman?" My dad joked, unbuckling his seatbelt to play fight with Mom.

I heard her unclick her seatbelt, as well, and they began wrestling around.

"Wait, I don't know where I'm going-- ah, whatever, I know the way. I think. Do i... turn here?" I said my thoughts out loud and they paid me no mind.

"Okay, eyes on the road, Dean-o," my mother reminded me as she applied lipstick in her compact mirror.

Dad looked up from his phone but it was too late. I had taken a wrong exit with oncoming traffic of the opposite direction and collided with a large Escalade.

The airbags deflated and I heard the terror and pain in my parent's screams.

My vision was all a chaotic blur then it was bright.

After a few minutes, I picked my head off the wheel and groaned. Blood came from my head and nose, otherwise, I think I was alright.

"Mom?" I called.

"Dad?" I coughed, exiting the smoking Jeep.

No answer.

I choked and stumbled away from the site. The cars passing kept to themselves after some nosy stares.

"Help!" I heard another man call out. I knew that wasn't my father's sitcom-y voice.

"Over here!" The man hollered. I limped to his SUV but with hesitation.

He hopped out and stared down at me, an older man. He looked familiar but I wasn't about to ask where I knew him from.

"I'm sorry, I'm-- I was driving, this is my fault!" I claimed, crying.

"Mom? Dad?" I repeated, stepping away from the totaled vehicles.

"Damn right it is, you will pay for this! Do you know who I am?!" He raged.

"Shit, I think my nose is broken," the man cursed.

"MOM? DAD?" I screamed this time, desperate.

I went back to the vehicle where they were and I should've looked the first time. There was my mother, unconscious in the back seat.

"No..." I wept, seeing a piece of the car had impaled her chest.

Distraught, I stumbled around the car and a few feet away, saw a mangled body surronded and covered in shards of glass. My father.

I knew he was dead.

I ran back to my mother, hoping she could hang on.

She weakly blinked one eye open, the other drowned under blood pouring from a gash in her temple.

"Sydney... I..." she meekly whimpered.

"Mom, no," I cried, kissing the back of her hand.

I saw my Android on the road and picked it up to dial 911, only the screen was severely cracked and cut my fingers as I tried.

"H-hey, something's leaking," the older man warned.

"Mom," I croaked.

Tears filled my eyes, I couldn't even see her clearly.

"Syd--"

In the blink of an eye, the man snatched me by the arm. I was thrown over his shoulders as he shouted, "IT'S ABOUT TO BLOW!"

And it did.

Finally, an ambulance came. That means so did the cops. They asked a hundred questions and I didn't answer one.

The cop, impatient, left me in the back of the ambulance.

I sat there, covered in a blanket, and stared at the man feet away who talked to another officer.

It looked like he was angrily recalling what happened.

I gulped and followed a coroner who put covered my father's lifeless body with a sheet.

The man with the SUV followed my line of sight and then adjusted his tone. He shot me a pity look and I just stared past him.

"Sir?" I heard the officer say to him.

"It was my fault," the man claimed.

"Mr.Becker, you caused this collision?"

Someone on his phone that was on speaker shouted, "Tony, do not confess to anything! We're gonna get you out of this just like last time!"

The Tony Becker man walked over to me. He hung up the phone and was followed by some officers and the people in the ambulance who fixed me up.

He looked down at me and touched my chin.

"She's been through enough. One of you take her home, will ya?" he insisted.

I stood and looked around at all the concerned faces.

"Where am I supposed to go?" I sniffled.

"I'll get her a hotel, it's fine. Just take her to the Walden, I'll call ahead."

The next morning, I lied in the bed, clutching the sheets to my chest. It would've been a good night's sleep except I didn't sleep at all and there was nothing good about it.

Knock. Knock.

I didn't move.

After another thirty seconds passed, I heard the door open.

I didn't even have it in me to react, but it was the SUV man - Tony Becker.

I had remembered where I knew him from, tv. He starred in some shows my mom watched a while back. I knew him from talk shows where he acted like a complete ass and was married and divorced to a new woman on each episode. He was a problematic c-list celebrity.

"How you feeling?" Asked the man.

He was accompanied by who I took to be his agent, the person who was yelling through the phone last night.

"Sorry about your parents," the agent said. "I'm Donovan Hayes, Tony's manager. So, about the crash-"

"Don," Tony gasped.

"Well, you can't take the fault for this, you just got a DUI last month," Donovan seethed.

I just watched them go back and forth.

He went on. "It was her fault, this is your out, man."

"She lost her family," Tony explained.

"She broke your nose!"

Tony put his hand up. "She's just a kid."

Donovan slid his sandy-colored hand down his round face.

"Today's my birthday," I finally said something.

Both of their necks broke, turning to face me.

I got out of bed and stared out of the window.

"I'm sorry about your nose. It was my fault, and I don't even have my license, yet. I was supposed to but my mom said I wasn't ready. Obviously. Now I have nothing... no one. So, you can send me to jail, I don't care. I'm sorry."

The men looked as if they didn't know what to say.

"You've lost enough," the little man, Donovan, let out.

Tony lifted my chin then tried to smile. "Happy birthday."

Donovan's phone rang and he stepped out of the suite to take the call.

"Don't worry, we'll clean this mess up. No one's going to jail, trust me," Tony talked smoothly, sitting down beside me.

I sniffled, looking between his eyes. "I'm supposed to just trust that?"

"Well, I told the cops I did it. I think they believe me, I'm not the most upstanding citizen," he chuckled there at the end like it was funny.

So, I decided to listen to him. After all, we were in this together.

I put my head in his lap and let it all out, my tears staining his three-hundred-dollar jeans.

Tony lifted my chin and smoothed my hair back.

I pulled myself together long enough to look into his grey eyes and say, "I owe you my life."