My brow furrowed, and my skin crawled with the thought that maybe I shouldn't be part of this conversation. That I had interrupted something much more serious than I'd intended.

"Was it a fluke?" River growled, staring at the wooden table. His body was stiff, like he was fighting a bad memory.

Eight years ago, Queen Natalia overthrew her own mother with the help of the wolves sitting at this very table. The news spread through the packs like wildfire, reaching the West in no time. While most of the packs there did not know the monarchy personally, we were still affected by the change in ruler. Some celebrated Natalia's ascent, but most of us were confused or indifferent to the event. I personally had not given it much thought.

Eirenae shrugged. "Not all of it. Everyone was in agreement that Anne needed to step down and allow the next generation to take the helm." She swallowed, "But the attacks on our pack to get Emerald and myself to Menai Moon were entirely extraneous."

Emerald's fingers fluttered to the corner of her lip where the tiniest dot of a scar was visible. Her eyes hardened into a glare.

"So why did they do it? Why did they push the packs to unite over their troubles?" River asked.

"Wait," Emerald raised a hand. "Are you saying there wasn't a load of issues to fix within the packs like they were complaining about?"

"Correct." Kota answered his daughter. "They wanted substance to support their plan of attack."

"They probably just wanted to be heard." I blurted. The outburst was instantly regretted as four pairs of eyes landed on me.

Shaking my hair from its towel and running my hands through, I explained. "I remember talk circulating the pack and even between packs when you guys overthrew the queen. Some were excited because we hadn't been paid attention to by the Purus Lupus family in decades. Rogues invading? We were brushed off. Hunters killing our packs? All we received in return for our pleas was silence. We learned to fend for ourselves without the royals' intervention."

Eirenae pursed her lips together. "That's why the packs are so disconnected right now." It was as if that had only just dawned on her. "Half of them feel forgotten."

Emerald nodded at me to acknowledge my insight, but she spoke to Eirenae. "The problems Natalia need to fix aren't inside the packs."

"They're between the packs." I finished, and everyone went quiet as they thought that over.

"So," River finally spoke, slicing the silence with his low voice. "Does this mean that we simply don't have a rogue problem? Or a hunter problem? 'Cause I don't buy that. There's always a problem."

Eirenae shrugged, but if I remembered correctly, she wasn't raised in the werewolf world and might not have known just how big of an issue rogues and hunters could get. "It seems like the issues weren't as heavy as the packs made it out to seem."

"Natalia is still keeping in close touch with certain alphas to ensure it stays that way." Kota added.

Emerald sighed slowly, looking to her mate. "Maybe we should increase some of our patrols, just in case."

River nodded. "Rogues and hunters are always a problem," he repeated. "If increasing patrols helps us, helps you, feel safer, we can do that."

The luna dipped her head in gratitude before her eyes landed on me. "Sorry to bring you into pack politics tonight."

I waved her off. "I'm the alphas daughter, remember? This isn't new for me." I was just concerned some of the things discussed might not have been intended for a random guest's ears.

She smiled, "Oh, do you need food?" As she waved an omega over, she continued, "I'll get the cook to heat something up for us. The kids will probably come in soon begging for something, too."

"Sure! Thank you."

The table was mostly quiet over our early dinner of pasta and chicken. Feeling as though this might be my best chance to talk to Emerald, even though the rest of the table was full, I spoke up.

"Emerald, I don't know what to do." My voice trailed into a sigh.

She stopped chewing to look at me, concern filtering her gaze.

"Do I simply ask him?"

She swallowed her bite. "Ask him what?"

I laid my fork down on the edge of my plate. "If I'm his mate! I'm not sure what else to do. It's been over a month now and he's still interested, but I still can't feel any pull."

"That's frustrating." She nodded sympathetically. "But if you bring it up, you have to be ready for the in depth conversation it would bring. You'd have to come forward about everything, so that's up to you if you're ready."

I sighed again, my chest feeling tight with uncertainties. "It's been fun being human, like you said. It's been fun living freely. That's why I'm not sure what to do."

Emerald reached across the table to squeeze my hand. "This is your path, April. You have to decide. None of us," she gestured to her family, "can make these decisions for you. But we will all support whatever and however you go about it."

River spoke up, "I can directly ask him if you want to know for sure before you do anything rash."

My heart soared with hope. "Wait, really?"

River shrugged nonchalantly. "Only if you want."

I thought about it. It couldn't hurt because I wouldn't be directly in the conversation. "If you ask as though I were the human that lives down the street, I think that could work."

Emerald shot River a fierce stare I didn't know the meaning behind. He shot her one back and their tiny silent conversation ended. She turned to me with a smile. "If that's what you want."

I leaned back in my chair. "I think it's a start from just sitting here wondering. If I'm not then nothing changes in my friendship with them, and if I am, at least I know I can be more open to Xavier and prepare myself better to clear the air."

River nodded. "Okay. I'll subtly bring it up next time I meet with him. I can't promise anything though, especially if you're wanting to be this inconspicuous."

"Thank you." My heart calmed and my body relaxed. I really did love living as a human and having normal friends, but my brain needed to know where this was going. An alpha normally didn't attach himself to a human without a reason. Was it just to get in my pants, or was he serious because I was his luna?

"Wait." Eirenae piped. "You can't feel the mate bond with him?"

I shook my head. "I don't know enough about myself to understand how I'm so different from other shifters like wolves, but this is why I hope Xavier tells River. Maybe I don't feel the bond because he's not my mate. But maybe I don't feel the bond because I'm a fox and so everything about me is entirely different from a typical werewolf."

"Well, I think it might be a blessing that you're in our lives, and that we're in yours." Kota smiled at me. "As you figure things out, I encourage you to write it down, and keep track of the differences you discover. And, if you're comfortable, I would be willing to pass it along to the queen. Maybe she can update the Information Volumes. It would be anonymous, of course. I know how fiercely you're protecting yourself, and for good reason. But maybe you'll consider it, so that if there's anyone else like you, they might not feel so alone and confused?"

I beamed, stunned at what he was offering. "I'm not sure my parents will like that, but if it's anonymous, I don't see the harm." I giggled giddily. "Do you know how hard it's been not having any information on my own species? Everything I do starts from the dark and I have to uncover bits of myself in slices and I know I'm nowhere near the full picture."

"So, you'll do it?"

The smile hadn't left my face. "I will. I can't promise how fast we can get things to the queen, because my personal progress has been slow. But someday, we'll incorporate my kind into the books."

🐾🐾🐾

I retired to my room early, but not before I had expressed my gratitude to Eirenae and Kota for allowing me to listen to their relay of the queen's update. While I wasn't ready to be alpha yet, I still enjoyed discussions like that. If not for the politics, but for the pure curiosity and the awareness of what was going on in the country and werewolf kingdom. Maybe that came from being raised in the midst of pack politics, or maybe the goddess really did have holding a high title in Her plan for me.

I was also incredibly grateful for Emerald and River and everything they have done for me and helped me with. Emerald always had good advice in my messy world, and I honestly didn't know what I'd do without her. And River, while I was shy of him at first, he's come around to be someone I also can look up to. Especially tonight, with his offer of directly asking Xavier what I meant to him.

As I lied in bed that night, my mind drifted to Xavier, my heart pounding with the scenarios running through my brain. What if I really was his luna? How did I confirm that for myself? River could ask him, but what if it was a yes, and I was simply forever blind to the matebond? I couldn't help feeling a little sad by that thought.

However, I couldn't deny the small signs he showed: paying extra attention to me, inviting me out with him and friends and giving me the passenger seat, sitting next to me every chance he got at school. . . But I couldn't feel the pull, minus the natural human attraction because he was good-looking. So either he liked me because I was his mate, or he's a douchebag who didn't wait for his mate. The latter being an option still left me with no clues going forward.

Ugh. Why was this so complicated?

The next week at school, I returned to being completely submerged into my human act. It was getting easier and easier to forget I wasn't really human. School was fun, seeing my friends around campus was great, and we dived into Halloween planning. The holiday was around the corner and Everlee and Andrew were insistent that Xavier and I joined them. I wasn't a huge Halloween fan, but I was welcome to try to have fun with whatever they came up with.

Friday, October thirty-first hit us like a train, it came up so fast despite all the planning we'd been doing. Except that Everlee's focus had been solely on the haunted house arrangements, and our costumes ended up being lazy and half-hearted. Ironically, the three of them decided to go as wolves, pinning a faux tail to their pants and wearing "ears" on a headband. I had joked that I'd go as Little Red Riding Hood, or a pig that gets her house blown down by the wolves, but in the end I settled on being a fox. Just for kicks and giggles. Except it was an inside joke only I could truly understand.

I just told them it was my spirit animal and they accepted it.

That night, I met them in the usual parking lot. Everlee brought me to Xavier's truck where she passed out our thrifty costumes. I had worn orange all day, and the others were in various shades of gray and black. We slipped on our ears and tails before climbing into the vehicle.

It was a short drive, just outside of the town limits, and it was popular. The parking lot was busting at the seams and the line to get in wrapped around half of it. I started walking to the end of the line but Everlee grabbed my arm to steer me towards her. I jerked away from her grasp but followed close behind.

Standing around the midpoint of the line was Jacob and a few other people I didn't know. I assumed they were other members of Xavier's pack. They introduced themselves as Taylor, Ray, and Nora and I politely shook their hands.

"Do you like haunted houses?" Xavier asked me to make conversation and pass the time standing out here in the cold.

I hugged my arms tighter to my body. "I've never been to one." That felt strange to admit, like I was claiming to have been too poor or something that I was deprived of a typical teenage life. In reality, I was simply an outcast within the pack I was destined to rule over.

Nora stared at me, overhearing our conversation as any wolf within range could. She pushed strands of her shiny dark hair out of her face, revealing her brown complexion that hinted at Indian or Middle Eastern descent. "What do you mean, you've never been?"

I shrugged. "I didn't really have people to go do things with in high school."

Xavier was studying me closely, like he was recording everything to memory. Jacob was also studying me, but his gaze seemed to be scrutinizing instead of endearing. I'd known the guy for a month now and I still couldn't read him. To be fair, I couldn't read Xavier yet either, but at least he wasn't borderline creepy like Jacob was.

"I'm sorry." Nora frowned, bringing me back to the conversation.

I shrugged. "I'm here now." I offered a small smile, one she returned.

Getting to the front gate, Xavier paid for me, despite the small fight I put up. This wasn't a date! I didn't think it was, anyway. There had been no other indications it was, and the rest of the group and then some were here, too. I was confused. Were human friendships and relationships always this convoluted?

Stepping into the building was a relief from the biting cold. While shifters didn't get cold the way humans do-sick, tired, blue limbs, etc.-we could still feel the sting, just as we could feel the blaze of the sun in the summer.

Once our entire group was through, we set off down the dark and windy hallway, lit eerily with shaking candles. I was sandwiched single file between Xavier and Everlee, with Andrew behind her and then Jacob and the rest following.

Eventually, the tunnel opened up to a cavernous room, where fake creepy crawlers dangled from the ceiling. Everlee's hands became spiders across my back, and she giggled. It took everything in me not to snap at her for touching me. I blew through my nose to calm myself, knowing I just had to accept that that was who she was. I didn't want to be rude to my friend, because she didn't do it to be malicious to me, she just constantly liked touch. I saw her with Xavier and Andrew, too. It was just who she was and it would be rude of me not to accept that.

Surprisingly, though, she spoke up from behind me. "Sorry. You didn't like that, did you? I could tell."

I shrugged, glancing back at her. "It's okay. I'm just not very touchy."

She raised her hands. "Oh, goddess. I'm so sorry. And all I do is hug you and pull you around!" She went to touch my arm and stopped herself. "Why didn't you say something?"

I gave her a sheepish close-lipped smile. "Sorry."

"No, I'm sorry!"

"Hush!" Andrew snapped from the other side of her. "We're in a haunted house, remember. There's no time for cheesy girl talk!"

Everlee and I just rolled our eyes at each other and shared a grin. But we obliged and continued through the house after Xavier.

People dressed in dark clothing and masks jumped out of hiding to try and spook us. Everlee just giggled, but I caught her startle at a few of them. Xavier was stoic as ever in front of me, unfazed by all of it. I wondered briefly if that was his alpha instincts to be in the front and become stone to protect the pack that trailed behind him. I couldn't say I had the same alpha instincts, even though I probably should.

A few of the scares got me, particularly the ones that had to do with spiders. I hated spiders. I knew they were fake, but the adrenaline that coursed through me when one jumped out of thin air was not funny.

Behind us, Ray thought it was hilarious to make ghost noises throughout the entire thing, but it was so corny and so obviously him, that it made the rest of us crack up, too. At least it took some of the edge off.

I decided haunted houses were not my thing. I preferred the cheesy autumn activities like apple picking and pumpkin carving than the spooky side of the holiday.

At one point towards the end of the house, the hall was wide enough for two people. Xavier fell in step beside me. He glanced over with tilted eyebrows, asking me quietly how I was doing. I just gave him a weak thumbs up, because if I were being honest, I was waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel-literally-and for us to step out of the haunted house.

He reached for my hand, but I flinched away. He ignored the flinch as if he hadn't even tried anything, and we kept walking in silence. I told myself I flinched because I wasn't afraid, but I was definitely afraid, just not of the house like he was thinking I needed his hand for.

I was absolutely terrified of holding his hand.