This chapter contains heartbreak. Please read with caution. :/

—

Four months.

For four months, Navy was only able to count four days where she didn't sob her eyes out, curled up on her bathroom floor.

Her days usually started off fine. She woke up, had breakfast, drank her tea, and if she was able to reach past that point, where she ended up staring at herself and the silver coating her neck in the mirror — she had to manage until she got home again.

Sometimes she didn't manage, sometimes she failed there, in front of her mirror, looking at herself.

She could burst out crying, sobbing until she couldn't breathe, weep until her sight became blurry. She had to kneel, and before she knew what was happening, she was crying on the tile floor of her bathroom again.

Or she held herself together, gave the shaking reflection of herself a reassuring smile, nearly convincing the breaking part of herself that it would be fine.

She could manage for a few hours — that she could hold herself from missing him for a few hours a day. She could do this.

This was the easy part, she believed. Not being home was easy. She couldn't break down whenever she wished to do so. She had to keep herself sane, keep herself together for her business, and she did.

Navy kept herself occupied throughout the days. She went to her meetings, sat in her office. She didn't work from home as often anymore, not that she didn't want to, she did, but because it hurt.

It was torture, being somewhere both she and Draco was ready to be together, somewhere they wanted to be but couldn't.

She could find herself staring out of her office window for hours, just thinking of him. The icing breeze outside reminded her of that blond nightmare, how cold he used to be, but how that freezing feeling caused her to feel alive.

She did, never did Navy feel as alive as she did with him.

She'd been drowning for over two years since he left her, and she was drowning before that, before that first night with him. She was fading within the coat of her own skin before he walked into her life.

Navy was settling for someone who cheated on her, for something she knew but never dared to speak against, and then Draco saved her. Only to find herself in that exact position again, locked and moored to someone who didn't see her, who used her and played her. Draco saved her again, and then she left him. Just like he left her.

Still, he made her feel everything, even in his absence. It didn't matter that she didn't see him for two years or the four months that had passed now. He still managed to make her feel everything, all of it, all the time.

Draco made her feel so much that she found herself sobbing in the middle of the grocery store, all because he wasn't there with her, stretching past her to reach the things she couldn't. She found herself crying in her shower because he would touch her shoulders, kiss her neck. He wasn't there. She found herself shaking at night, waking up completely alone without anyone.

Navy didn't quite know if she hated it, hated him for making her so dependent on him. The way he made her feel, the way he still coursed through her veins, the way she hated herself for what she did to them.

They were going to be together. Finally, after so much, she was going to be with him again.

This was where it got difficult again, where she needed to shake her head loose of all the thoughts and focus on work. She'd lose it if she didn't.

Navy tried to stay at the office for as long as she could. She didn't return home until after dark, until the only thing lighting up the streets were the glistening of snow, hushed steps muted by the fluff.

She always sought to be the last to leave her office, smiling at the guard she passed on her way out.

Sometimes he'd start a conversation with her. It was almost as if he could see how heartbroken she truly was, how she stalled all her time by hiding up on their floor, almost as if he pitied her.

He never showed it. He was kind, asking her questions about her work, how her day was going, if she wanted him to send for a car to pick her up so she wouldn't have to walk out in the cold. Polite, he was so mannered.

But every time she declined, she spoke about her day like any other person would — how great it was going, how she was going to pick up dinner after work, or that Pansy and William had invited her over so they could take her mind off things. She never told the man that, but he knew.

It turned unbearable from there, if she wasn't invited to her brother's apartment. Which she was almost every day. They always managed to convince her to come over, to cook for her, to make her feel a little less lonely.

Once, Pansy made one of her old friends join them. A blind date, she called it. Navy went straight home. She didn't even want to think the thought that it might be someone else after Draco. That she might have to move on. She didn't want to move on. She didn't want someone else, no boys, no girls, no blind dates, nothing.

She wanted him—her blond nightmare.

But she couldn't have him, not anymore.

That was another thing she battled as she stepped through the doors to her apartment building, pressing the elevator button and unlocking her front door — if he'd be there.

He showed up sometimes, but not in time to catch her — later on, almost so late that she'd gone to bed. He did that often. Draco ever so came by her apartment, knocking on her door after midnight.

Day five.

Navy froze. Her breaths hitched in the back of her dry throat as the first knock hit her door. She panicked, not knowing who it was.

In her mind, it could've been Asher, coming back to seek revenge for how Draco had treated him the last time she saw him, bus she quickly realized how wrong she was.

''I know you're in there!'' Malfoy growled from outside, his attempts to unlock the door with magic failed. Navy had performed a spell of her own to prevent anyone from entering that wasn't her, her mother, William or Pansy. She couldn't trust the fact that Asher wouldn't return or that Draco wouldn't let her go.

''Just open the fucking door, White!'' He shouted so loudly that the walls were shaking, the pounding turned violent, ''I know you're fucking in there!''

More knocks struck the wood, over and over and over again, until it stopped, and she could hear a loud thud crashing against her door. His forehead dropped to it, his hands splayed out on each side of the doorpost, ''For fucks sake—'' His voice lowered, ''Just open the door.''

She didn't. She couldn't. She wanted to, but his father's words took over her mind when she took one step forward. Lucius would take his mother away if she let him in.

''Please—'' Draco breathed. She caught the hurt in his vocals. The torment of her shutting him out was audible, ''Please, White. Just...''

A silent sob cleared from her chest, slamming her hand over her mouth to muffle the cry as it so powerfully wished to escape.

Navy fell to her knees. Curled up on her hallway floor, she cried. It hurt so much. It hurt more than anything had ever hurt before. Doing this to him was pure torture.

She promised him a future. She promised him heaven after all the hell they'd been through. She promised that they'd be together. She promised him, and she didn't keep it.

She hated herself.

Pulling at the handle, he tried to rip it open. Draco tried and tried and tried. He didn't stop, and his temper missed him together as his fist collided with the wall next to her door.

''Open the God damn door, White!'' He punched it over and over. His knuckles bled, ''Just let me fucking talk to you!''

She didn't. She hugged her knees to her chest on the hallway floor as he begged and pleaded. He cursed and threatened. She cried quietly into her own limbs. She cried and cried until it turned silent. She couldn't hear him heaving anymore. She couldn't hear his breaths.

He was gone.

Day fifteen.

Stepping out of the shower, Navy reached for a towel.

Her hair was drenched by the hot water. Pearls of it dropped down her bare spine, pooling around her on the mat. She froze again. This was the tenth day in a row she flinched by his knocks on her door.

Today he was screaming and shouting so loudly that she feared that her neighbors would send for the police.

Rushing out of the bathroom, wet marks made by her bare feet was left in a trail over the wooden floor coating the bedroom. Navy didn't stop until she reached the door, feeling how it nearly vibrated out of how hard he was hitting it.

Draco wasn't always this violent. Yesterday, he didn't knock at all. He just whispered that he was sorry, over and over and over. The day before that, he didn't say anything. He stood still, leaning against the wall across from her apartment for two hours until he simply marched away.

The walls were shaking from his heavy pounds. It stilled after a few more. He stilled. His forehead was back against the wood, but this time — this time, she tilted hers too.

''I don't—'' He said, knowing she stood there, ''I don't know what I did. I don't—'' A hurtful pause took over, ''I don't know where you stopped wanting me, but if I—''

This was so hard for him. Draco Malfoy rarely admitted to being wrong. He rarely apologized, but he did now.

''I'm sorry, White. If I did...'' Another pause, ''If I did or said something that hurt you. I have gone over it in my head, over and over, and I can't—'' He swallowed, thickly, ''I can't figure out why you just walked out on me. It has to be my father, right? He said something?''

Navy felt tears as they silently rolled down her cheeks. Closing her eyes, she pretended that it was the drops of water from the shower she had taken. Anything was better than drowning in the missing of him.

Denial. So much denial.

''I just... I can't figure out what he said. I can't think of anything—'' He sighed, deeply, ''Or is it me? Am I the problem?''

Navy shook her head against the door, mouthing a silent no.

''Was I not good enough?'' He breathed lowly. It pained him to talk, ''I can do better, White. I promise. I promise I can be better for you. I want—''

Her hand landed on the handle. Oh, how she wanted to rip that door open and tell him that he was perfect, just how perfect he was. That no other human on this planet could measure up to him, that he stood above them all, and that he always will. No one stood a chance against him.

It turned silent again. She had to hold her breath to hear if he was still there.

''I'm sorry.'' Draco pushed off the door, sounding so guilty, ''If I made you feel like this when I left you. If you felt anywhere near how I'm feeling... I'm so fucking sorry.''

He walked away.

Day thirty-two.

He didn't miss a day, except today.

Draco was always there, outside her door at night, talking to her.

Sometimes, he called her a whore, an ungrateful fucking bitch that deserved what happened to her, but if that was the case — he was back no less than half an hour later, apologizing for what he'd said.

Other times, he slipped down the door, leaning the back of his head against it as he talked.

He blurted out everything that had happened during the day. He wasn't sure she was listening anymore. He didn't even know if she was in there most of the time. She could've met someone new for all he knew, but he still sat there, speaking, talking, discussing with the belief of her being there.

She was.

Navy sat on her side of that door every night. No matter how tired she was, how sick with the flu she had been, nothing was more important to her than sitting there, listening to him.

She rested on the ground, curled up against the corner wall, smiling from time to time about what he told. She cried too, a lot but into her hand. She didn't want him to hear her.

Draco told her about his mother, about his business, about his driver, about all the times he'd walked into her office only to sit in the lobby for a few hours to feel close to her until he went back to work.

He went to see her mother, knowing that Navy didn't show up for their Wednesday meetings anymore. He did that instead. He said her mother appreciated it, that she said she adored him. He even took her out for lunch the other day. She seemed lonely, he said.

Draco didn't know her father passed away during their years apart. He said he was sorry, that he wished she'd told him, but he understood why she didn't.

He even spent time with Blaise again, they were out one night, and he punched him for sleeping with her. He'd overheard Asher the night he attacked her, how Blaise and Navy had slept together after Draco left. It felt good, punching him for it.

Navy felt bad.

He was happy to be closer to his old friend. He'd missed him, he said. It took his pain away, if so only for a little while.

It caused her heart to ache that Draco didn't show up this night, but that didn't stop her from sitting there, tucked into her corner, thinking about him.

Day forty-six.

Quiet. He was mostly quiet these days.

He still showed up, like clockwork. He didn't miss one single day except for that one a few weeks ago. He didn't speak about it. He didn't tell her why. She could tell this was hard for him. Something had happened. Something he wasn't ready to speak about yet.

''I saw Pansy today.'' He slipped down the door, midnight, sharp, ''I heard about the engagement.''

Navy smiled weakly to herself as she thought about it. William had finally proposed, after years as a couple, they were getting married, and soon.

''I heard they wanted a... what did she call it?'' Draco huffed out, ''A winter wedding. So it's soon, I suppose. She said she would send me an invitation, but I told her not to.''

Her stomach flipped. It hurt again. Her smile faded.

''It's your brother, White. I don't want to be where... when we're not...''

Pain. Nothing but pain. She dragged her knees all the way up to her chest, resting her chin on them.

''I asked her to send me a list of what they want, though. I know it's... shallow, but I want to do something for them, even if it's buying them every damn thing on that list. I'm happy for them.''

She was too. Navy was so thrilled for them. They came over the night he proposed, and she showed her the ring. Gorgeous. But she already knew that. Navy helped William pick it out.

''Your mother said I should be her plus one to make you see what you're missing out on.'' He let out, sounding slightly amused, ''But I am the one missing out... I said I was busy. And I am. I'll be going away for a couple of weeks.''

Navy had to shift a bit in her position. Ache coursed through her veins.

''My father needs me across Europe for... I don't know for how long. I wasn't going at first, but I think it's for the best if I go.''

Shutting her eyes closed, she nodded to herself.

Navy couldn't blame him. She was the one to blame.

Even if his father held something over her head, she still felt so at fault.

She deserved this, she believed. She deserved that he was leaving, and he deserved to leave. It wasn't fair to him, being held back by his love for her.

''You're not coming back to me. I know that now.'' He grunted as he pushed his palms against the floor, forcing himself up, ''And I can't be here if you're not mine. It hurts, White. It... hurts.''

Navy stood up too, tipping her forehead against the door.

''I've arranged for someone to go to the store with your mother. You don't have to worry about that.''

She could feel the pressure of his hands landing on the wood.

''I'm sorry,'' He said, lowly, ''I'm sorry I did this to you. You never deserved to feel like this when I left.''

Quietly, she mouthed, ''I love you,'' Tears pricked again, her throat tightening, ''I love you so much, Draco.''

''I don't know when I'll be back, so... I don't... I don't know. All I know is that I love you, Navy. I love you.''

The tears fell, rolled, and gushed down her cheeks at that, hearing how he sighed, lingering for a moment and wishing that she'd open that damn door — that she would open it and tell him not to go, to stay.

She didn't.

She couldn't.

He was gone.

Day seventy-five.

It had been a month.

One whole month since he said goodbye to her. It had been seventy-five days since she walked out on him, almost two and a half months.

Still, Navy sat there every night, hoping that he'd come back. He didn't.

She didn't blame him. She was happy that he had other things to do, that he prioritized something else than her. Navy was thankful that he did and that he didn't do what she'd done — locking herself up for a whole year.

He was out there, across Europe, working and finding his way through his misery. She wanted that for him. She wanted so much for him.

It was late. Past one and that was usually when she went to bed. If he didn't show up at midnight, he would most likely not show up at all. It was both pain and relief when he didn't.

Pushing herself off the floor, she turned the hallway light off, ready to sleep. Undoing the bedding of her bed, she placed the larger pillows on the floor, only keeping the one Draco always slept on. She slept on that one too. She couldn't fall asleep if she didn't.

She froze in her doings, bent over her bed.

The thud against her door was back.

Not truly certain if it was, or if this was her mind toying with her, she hesitated. She straightened her spine, staying utterly hushed to hear if it was him.

The sliding sound of him dropping to the floor followed.

It was Draco.

He was back.

Navy snuck her way back out in the hallway, curled up in her corner. She heard his troubled sigh.

Draco waited for minutes before he let out a single sound, ''I missed you,'' He said.

She frowned. Navy nearly scowled as she caught his voice, exhausted, tormented.

She believed that he would come back rested and in a better state than when he left. He didn't. He was worse now.

''I don't—'' Draco tipped the back of his head against the door, ''I don't know if you're listening anymore. I was...gone, for a long time, and I'm sorry for that. I wasn't supposed to be gone for over a month, just a few weeks.''

Her eyes flickered to the floor, listening intensely.

''I understand if you don't want to hear from me anymore. If you want me to stop showing up here. It wasn't fair of me to disappear for so long. I couldn't come back... It hurts, White. It hurts being here without you. We settled our company in London because I knew you stayed here, but now...''

Her insides rushed in pain at the small details of how even after he left her, he still thought of her, but this didn't feel like it usually did. This wasn't him telling her about his trip or his day.

This was him saying goodbye.

''I...'' Draco sighed again, lowly, ''I don't know what I am doing here without you. There's no point—'' His voice broke, lightly, ''There's no point for me to be here when you're not with me. I can't... I thought I could. I thought I could do this, be here and wait for you, but I can't. It feels like I'm drowning. Living without you... it kills me.''

She cried. She didn't even feel it coming. It just did. The tears rolled, slipping down the curve of her jaw.

''I want to ask you to give me a reason to stay, White... I want you to tell me not to go, to give me something, just... something.'' He stood up, both of his hands onto the door as his forehead leaned against it, ''If you're there, come here.''

Navy swallowed, nodding silently to herself as she pushed off the floor, standing on her side in the exact position as him.

''It wouldn't be fair of me to do that, to ask such a thing of you.'' It was almost as if he could feel her doing what he did, ''Just... If you're ready for me, someday, I'll be waiting for you. I will wait for you.''

Her lower lip trembled, her insides lit on fire as one of her hands once again landed on the handle. He could see it twitch a little. She was there. He smiled weakly. She hadn't given up on him, and that was all he needed.

''I'm sorry.'' He said. His voice shaking, ''I'm sorry we weren't enough. I'm sorry I ruined you.''

Navy gripped the handle tighter. He felt tears in his eyes as he saw it from his side, ''You will always be enough for me.'' He whispered, lingering for a minute until he pushed himself back. Sighing out, ''More than enough, but I have to let you go, for now.''

Stop him. Don't let him leave. Don't make him do this. Stop him from hurting, from leaving, from breaking.

''I love you, Navy. I always will.''

Navy nodded again, hoping that the darkness would swallow her, hoping that she could fade from existence right there and then.

He smiled bitterly through the threatening tears, giving the door he'd spent months watching a frail curl of his lips before he walked away.

''I love you more,'' She trembled, falling to her knees as she realized he was gone.

—

She hadn't heard his voice since then.

She hadn't seen him, hadn't read anything about him in the papers.

It was as if Draco Malfoy vanished from the face of the earth.

Her mother didn't speak of him anymore. She used to after he left. She ever so reminded Her daughter of what she'd lost and what a great man Draco Malfoy was. 

She knew that. She knew how amazing he was, how she had missed every chance of being happy with him.

But still up to this day, four months later — she sat in the corner, curled up between eleven and one, waiting. 

No matter where she was, she made sure to be there in her hallway. She knew he wouldn't show up. It's been months, yet it comforted her, thinking that one day he might.

Except for today.

Today would be the first day where she didn't wait for him because today her brother was getting married.

Pulling up the zipper of Pansy's black dress, she brushed the dark green lace covering most of her brown hair down her spine, letting it fall graciously over the back of her dress.

Pansy refused to wear white. She didn't want to get married in an original way. So she picked out an inky dress, silk, and a bridesmaids dress for Navy to match the color of her hairpiece.

Turning around, Pansy smiled widely at her, her face covered in make-up, beautifully so, ''We're getting married...'' She whispered as she tucked a wavy strand of Navy's dark hair behind her ear, ''Can you believe that? That I'm getting married to your brother?''

Navy rolled her eyes playfully as she felt an arch taking over in the corner of her mouth, ''No, I can't believe you're marrying him.''

''We're going to be sisters now, so no more funny business between us.'' Pansy joked, her thumb stroked over Navy's cheek, ''Or maybe—''

''No,'' Navy chuckled, looking down at the black heels smeared to her feet, the green silk of her own dress fell to the floor, ''No maybes, no more funny business.''

Pansy let out a sigh, mockingly so as she spun around, heading for the table and her bouquet of flowers resting on it, ''Fine, no more funny business.''

It turned quiet as she let her fingers tap over the petals, ''And this is a good idea? Right? Me and Will? We can do this?''

Navy dropped her arms to her sides, stepping closer to the dolled-up girl, ''It's perfect. You're perfect, and believe it or not—'' Navy joked, ''He's perfect too, in his own ways. I don't think there's a better match than you two.''

Humming slightly in response, they walked up to the door, standing ready to walk out as soon as the music began.

''I can't believe you're flying solo on my wedding day.'' Pansy looked over at her, smiling faintly, ''I had a whole list of men that would've—''

''I don't—'' Navy hewed her off, shaking her head lightly, ''I don't want anyone else than... him. You know that.''

Pansy frowned worryingly. She was so troubled for her friend and the fact that four months had passed without Navy even thinking about moving on, ''He sent a whole truck of gifts over to the house the other day, with a note.''

Navy pinched her eyes shut. No matter how much time passed, it still hurt hearing about that blond nightmare, ''Really?''

''He apologized for not showing up today. He had a lot of work to do,'' Pansy huffed, locking her sight at the door again, ''It was marked from Madrid. I think he's been staying there for a while. At least, that's what Blaise said—''

''Let's not—'' Navy forced a bitter smile, holding herself back from breaking apart right there and then, ''Not today, please?''

Pansy had a heartbreaking cloak taking over her features, nodding stilly, ''Not today then...''

The chatter from all the guests outside those doors hushed, muffled tones of the piano playing, and footsteps echoed down the aisle. William. He was walking first, just like they'd rehearsed.

''Thank you...'' Pansy nudged her to the side as Navy took her hand, intertwining their fingers, ''Thank you for being my bridesmaid and for walking me down that damn aisle.''

Navy peered up at her, smiling truthfully now. Of course, she accepted Pansy's question when she asked her. She didn't have her parents anymore, not after the war, and she didn't know any other person that would fit the title of being the one giving her away, if not Navy.

They'd been inseparable. Comforting, protecting, and saving each other over and over. It was meant to be. It was perfect.

''I love you, Naves.'' She whispered, hearing how the notes of the piano shifted louder, ''Thank you for everything.''

''No, thank you, Pans, for all of it. I love you so much more.'' Navy gripped the handle of the door, shoving it wide for them to walk out.

With tears in their eyes, they walked.

It was stunning.

The decor of lighted candles brightening up the barn was absolutely beautiful. The greenery coating the seats, along with the altar dressed up in winter-colored flowers, nearly took their breaths away. Flakes of snow fell from the open roof, but it wasn't cold. It was so warm, so comforting, so perfect.

William wanted to look away. It stung in his eyes seeing his girl walking so gracefully alongside his sister down that aisle. Tears rolled down his blushed cheeks as Blaise handed him a napkin. Both of them were clothed in black suits, dark green ties to match everything. They were so handsome.

Pansy's fingers tensed around hers, and Navy gripped her friend a little tighter, holding her steady, ''I got you, Pans.'' She hummed silently.

''I know you do,'' Pansy met her soft eyes.

Her bother stepped down the somewhat raised stage, taking a stride up to them. He was crying now. He couldn't help it.

Navy gave him a taunting frown that quickly leveled into a sweet smile, ''You better take care of her, Will... Or I'll be hunting you down.'' She arched her neck, allowing him to place a soft kiss onto the top of her head.

''You know I will, Naves,'' He whispered, lingering close to his sister for a moment, ''And I'll take care of you too, both of you. I promise.''

Navy smiled, nodding as she reached her hand up, brushing his dark hair out of his eyes, ''I'm so proud of you, Will. So proud.''

''I love you, Naves.'' He looked down at their tangled fingers as Navy slowly let go of Pansy's hand, wrapping her arms around her friend.

''And you better take care of him,'' Navy said, bending back and looking at her, ''He's an idiot, believe me, but hurt him and I'll be hunting you down too.''

Her words made most of the people around them laugh out happily.

''Now off you go,'' She hurried, lifting her tear-filled eyes to her mother as she stood in the middle of the aisle, ready to start the ceremony, ''Go get married so we can eat that damn cake—'' She nearly sobbed out, her emotions taking over.

''Oh baby,'' Pansy grinned, kissing her forehead before she handed her the bouquet of flowers, ''You'll get your cake. I promise.''

William chuckled as he held his arm out, letting Pansy take it. He led her up to his mother. Standing next to each other, with their backs turned to their guests.

Navy wasn't slow to follow. Holding her dress up a little, she stepped up to the stage, taking place next to Pansy, just like they practiced. Her mother began talking. The room was quiet. She needed to inhale sharply several times not to break out in tears at the sight of it all.

That barn was so filled with feeling, emotion, warmth — yet, somewhere, Navy had never felt more numb.

The one person she wished for wasn't there. She couldn't be with him even if he were there. She hated herself. She didn't want to hate herself, but she did. In this exact moment, she did.

So she smiled, her eyes flickering, snapping between the guests and the couple standing ready to marry each other. Her cheeks were stained in a rosy color, not used to the attention of people looking at her. She felt shy, her fingers gripping the flowers harder.

Navy tried not to focus on the dozen and dozen of guests as they looked at them. She tried to focus on William, on Pansy, on her mother as she asked them to speak their vows.

But there was a feeling — something nagging, troubling, bothering that ached within her. Feeling watched, studied, scanned, almost. She sought to shrug it off. It didn't work.

The feeling was still there, not evilly, not viciously but warmly. Her eyes moving, looking out over the sea of people, wanting to identify whoever made her feel watched, and as she did.

As her sight traveled, her irises sweeping across that barn, it landed on him.

The man, sitting in the far back of the room, his chest strained, clothed in a dark suit. His tie matched William's.

Her fingers shaking, her lips parting because everyone was looking at William as he promised to love Pansy for the rest of his life, while he — that blond nightmare.

He was looking right at Navy.

—