{TW: self harm}

Week Four: Senior Year

Jake took me home. Jeremy didn't answer his phone. He tried calling Michael, but he didn't answer either. It was concerning. It didn't help that Kermit kept croaking in my ear that I was as worthless as the friends I thought I had.

Jake tried to stay in my room that night, but I told him I was fine and need some time to sort myself out. He reluctantly agreed and sobered off to his own room. The Squip went silent as he left. It was eerie and uncomfortable. I know what I needed to do. I pulled open my bedside drawer. My phone buzzed, it was a text from Jeremy. I ignored it and pulled out a red lighter. It was small, and I hadn't used it much. Only when the voices became too much. I flicked it on and took a deep breath. 

My breathing stuttered as I placed the fire close to my stomach. I slept shirtless sometimes so I didn't have to worry about my clothes getting caught on fire. I made a line across my stomach. It was longer than the others, but it's hard to tell which ones were self inflicted theses days. I had scars all over my body.

They didn't make me self conscious. I wasn't worried about my image. At least that's what I told myself. They were annoying. They itched and burned sometimes, but I was used to pain so I didn't mind. My mom had gotten some cream stuff to put on it so usually it worked if the itching got bad.

I pulled the lighter away from my burned flesh. It hissed and I blew the flame out. I checked my mind. Nothing. No sound. No feeling of something ominous. It was like it never happened. Except for the fact that now I had to wonder into the bathroom to clean up so my bed sheets do not get dirty.

I cleaned up quickly with practiced hands. I pulled a nice Legends of Zelda tee shirt that I had cut the sleeves off of. As I exited the bathroom Jake stood in the hallway. He looked dark. Shadows played under his eyes as if he didn't sleep. I had never noticed them before. "Hey man, you good? It's like almost midnight." I said as he looked at me.

He said nothing, but lifted my shirt up and saw the white bandages over my stomach. "How long Rich?" His tone was broken.

"It's not that big of a-"

"How long." 

"A couple months after the fire."

"Why?" He said softly brushing his hand down my stomach. His fingers tingled, but didn't hurt.

"It's the only way I know how to get them to shut up." I said looking down. When I ventured a glance up Jake looked shocked.

"Rich-" He went silent. "There's another way...if I had known...I'm so sorry." He said walking with me to my room. We sat on my bed.

"Mountain Dew." He said playing with his fingers and the ring there. He never seemed to take it off.

He stood and walked out of my room and I thought it was over. Then he came back with a bottle of Mountain Dew, but the cool thing was it was completely red! I'd never seen something so artificially colored, even Fanta and it's neon orange crap didn't look as bright as the bottle presented before me.

"Try this next time." He said and I took the bottle from him and nodded. For obvious reasons I didn't like Mountain Dew. I'd much less subject myself to bringing It back. I put the bottle aside.

Jake nodded and stood to go back to his room. I threw mounds of bedsheets over me and fell asleep.

The next day was another final. This one was better. Math was always my strong suit. Calculate the density and the area in which this experiment occurred.

It was fun really. I finished early so I looked around at everyone else. There were a couple people who were working diligently. There was one girl in the corner practically ripping her hair out in frustration. Another guy beside me was chewing through his five pencils he brought and the girl in front of me was shivering.

Jenna and Martha were in the back giggling about something. The teacher would glare at them from time to time to keep them from getting too loud. It was mostly quiet. Then I started to itch. It was terrible, I realized my bag was at home. I had only brought pencils. My bag had the cream to put on my scars to make them tolerable.

I glanced at the clock. Two more hours of nothing but itching. I wanted to die. I was miserable. I closed my eyes and tried to go to sleep.

I started to get really dizzy. My mind wandered and when I opened my eyes the world was spinning. I tried to stand, but my legs wouldn't support me. My desk toppled and I could here everyone gasp as I clutched my head and my abdomen.

"r̼̯̤̈ͭ̃ͨ̆ich͚̖̜̍̃͐" the static voice said. It materialized in front of me. "You can't get rid of me. I'm a part of you." I could hear kids whisper and the teacher came up to me.

"Are you okay son?" The teacher asked and I was too out of it to respond coherently. I got angry.

"I'm fine! Don't touch me!" I sneered and stormed out. I knew that if I went to the bathrooms they would look there first so I went to the spot under the bleachers that I used to take the girls I scored. I hugged my knees to my chest and sobbed. I guess I could never be free of this.

The Squip was in my head and it was staying. The bell rang signaling that the buses were here and the children need to leave. After an hour I assumed everyone went home.

I tried to stand but I heard whispering and I froze. "I don't know what to do Michael..." it was Jeremy. He sounded upset.