"Um... so anyways... I was just wondering..." Oh god I was so awkward.
It was the end of November and I was sitting with Otis on our regular bench by the edge of the forest. My stupid ass had developed a rather large crush on my best friend, and I was unable to hold it in anymore. I just needed to get it off my chest.
So here I was, attempting to ask him out.
"Nika you look so pale, is everything good?" Otis asked, nudging me with his elbow. I sighed, looking down at my black school shoes.
Yeah I couldn't do this. If he didn't reciprocate those feelings, it would just make our friendship weird, and I could not risk losing the only real friend I'd ever had.
"Uhhh nevermind, I forgot what I was saying." I replied to him, faking a cough and looking the other way. Yeah I was being weird.
"OkkK?" He said, and I ignored him, trying to get my bearings together. My Jacket was wrapped tightly around me and my feet were ready to drop off from the cold weather. Somehow, Otis was wearing his regular red hoodie, and I was confused as to how he wasn't freezing his toes off.
"You know we're not allowed out here right?" Otis scoffed, looked back at the school behind us with a displeased expression. He hated the restrictions that were being put in place. I sniffled, wiping my runny nose with my sleeve, "oh well, what's the worst that'll happen anyways?" I asked playfully, glad that he didn't question my awkwardness only a couple moments earlier. "We get caught? Maybe Friday night detention?" I smirked.
He nodded, "yeah you're right, whatever."
Talking about the murders was the one topic we both avoided talking to each other about. I had my suspicions and I'm sure he had his, but we didn't share them.
We sat in silence as we did often, it was just nice to know that there was someone beside me.
"OAAAAATTTSSSS!!" I heard someone yell behind us. I turned around to see Leo jogging up towards us, his regular crazy grin plastered onto his face. "You got a letter!" Leo panted as he reached where we sat.
"Oats?" I asked giggling. I liked that nickname, "I might just steal that from you Leo."
He grinned, "go right ahead."
Otis, or should I say Oats, shook his head in annoyance and grabbed the letter from Leo's hands. "Thanks Leo, now go away," Otis grumbled, ripping open the letter with one swipe.
Leo and I started to tease him, but he ignored us reading the paper in front of him.
"Oats, what's your favourite food?" Leo was giggling uncontrollably and I laughed along with him. "It better be oats! HAHA!" He doubled over, hands on his stomach.
Otis stood up, still ignoring the two of us and started walking back towards the school. His facial expression was all of a sudden blank, and I could tell that whatever was in that letter was not good at all.
"Otis?" I called after him, standing up and jogging to catch up. I turned around quickly and gestured for Leo to stay where he was and not follow.
"Otis!" I yelled again as he forcefully opened the main doors of the lobby and stomped inside.
I broke into a run, catching the door right before it closed and grabbing his arm. When he turned to face me, I expected more of an angry expression, but instead he had tears in his eyes.
"Oh-" I gasped, "Otis what happened...?" I was almost scared to hear his answer.
Otis looked at me, the pain in his eyes absolutely heartbreaking. Without saying anything he wrapped his arms around me and sobbed into my shoulder, snot covering the sleeve of my jacket.
I held him as he cried in the front lobby of the school. No one passed us since it was evening and most were eating or doing homework.
I just let him cry.
After a few long moments of me wondering what the heck happened, and feeling bad that I kept thinking about how good he smelled instead of the obvious crisis he was going through, Otis pulled away, pressing his palms to his eyes.
"Sorry about that," he muttered, avoiding my concerned gaze.
"No, don't say sorry," I said gently, placing my hand on his arm. "I'm here for you."
"My Dad died," Otis blurted. "He was enlisted and they sent him to fight. He was shot three times, once in the head and twice in the abdomen."
I knew his dad was in the army, we had talked about our families before, and I also knew that Otis loved his dad more than anyone. I couldn't even imagine the pain he was going through, it must have been unbearable.
"I'm so sorry," I whispered, not knowing what else to say. To be completely honest, I had never had to comfort anyone in my whole 16 years of life. What should I have said? I'll never know.
Otis suddenly pulled away from me. "I need to go," his tone showed that he was getting angry.
I decided that the best thing I could do was to let him go and be alone for a while. As he stormed off I felt bad that there was nothing else I could do, nothing I could say, to change the empty hole of being without at least one loving parent by his side.
Welcome to the club Oats, it only goes downhill from here.