Fucking hell. That's what this was. Hell. I'd been to Helheim, and while some of it was nice, other parts were your worst nightmare. Shannon closing the bond with me wasn't my worst nightmare, although it was close. The distance between us had me panicking. I was losing her. But she refused to talk about it. Yesterday, I'd tried when I found my pillow on the couch in our rooms after returning from filming.

Reluctantly, I'd slept on that damned couch, tossing and turning the entire time.

This morning, I'd again tried to talk to her, and when that failed, to kiss her. Shannon had stood there like a statue, not responding. That scared me down to the depths of my soul. Yggdrasil's roots, but I'd rather have her anger, have her yell at me, than have her be indifferent. If she truly didn't care, it was a death knell to our relationship. 

 For a soulmate to feel that way about their partner was... bloody hell, was it even possible?

With the bond closed, I had no way of knowing for sure.

Surely this wasn't just over the girls' weekend? Was she that upset about losing her career? Did she blame me? 

I wracked my brain as I paced back and forth in our rooms, eyes drawn to that damn pillow on the couch.

Of course I knew she was annoyed I'd made a bad assumption about her going to Vancouver on her own, but this had to be a deeper issue. It had to be. I tugged at my hair.

Shannon had been angry with me before, but not like this. Never like this... except, the only other time she'd been this upset—closing the bond—had been when I fumbled explaining her new reality after her transition.

I stopped in my tracks, heart pounding. That had been about her career, too.

With the change in her circumstances, I thought she'd adapted to new priorities. But maybe her career was still more important than I'd realized. Lots of women on Midgard were mothers with careers. Given how much she had to learn, she hadn't really embraced her royal family duties to Asgard yet.

Had I pushed her to take on those responsibilities?

I started pacing again, kicking at the floor.

No, I didn't think so. 

Instead, I'd focused on helping her develop her fighting skills—her battle, weapons, and monster knowledge. Those critical skills were the first priority right now to make sure she was safe. That they were both safe.

Staying in Asgard was the best way to ensure that. Norns, I just needed her to be safe.

Unbidden, the memory surfaced before I could halt it. Sigyn blue eyes blank with death, mouth still open in a soundless scream. Her blond hair sticky and streaked with darkest red in a halo around her ravaged, bloody body. The story of her suffering told in the bruises, bitemarks, and foul fluids polluting her nakedness. And the last final insult of her womb raggedly slashed open with our daughter's tiny dismembered form cast like dice upon the sacrificial stones.

"Fuck!" Clenching my fists, I shouted a few more times and desperately shoved the image away, but the trembling in my muscles, cold sweat on my back, naseau churning with a bitter aftertaste left me panting. 

Again, my eyes were drawn to the couch. With a shaking hand, I shoved my hair back. Damn it. I just needed Shannon to be safe. Were my expectations unreasonable?

That damning pillow and everything it represented taunted me from where it sat on the couch.

Teleporting to the bifrost, I asked Heimdall for Thor's location. 

"He's with his family, still at their beach house in Cairns. It's the middle of the night," Heimdall reminded me.

"Please drop me on the beach," I requested, and when the lights receded, I recognized my surroundings. 

Cloaking myself with invisibility, I quietly crept into my brother's bedroom. Thor woke, sensing my presence even without seeing me. With my hands showing and using the Valkyries' silent hand-code, I asked him to meet me outside, then teleported out.

"What is it? Am I needed in Asgard? Is Shannon okay?" he asked as soon as he joined me on the beach.

"Shannon kicked me from our bed, shut the bond down between us, and won't talk to me about it," I said bluntly. As much as we razzed each other, I trusted my brother. He'd help me figure this out.

Crossing his arms over his chest, he scowled. "What the fuck did you do, Loki?"

I shrugged, then yanked my hair. "Fuck if I know for sure? She went to Vancouver without me to quit her job as a professor. Even though I'd asked her to wait until I could accompany her. So, yes, I was angry with her when she didn't. I told her it scared me and was dangerous to go on her own. We don't know if Ao Guang and his brothers are still there."

I threw up my hands and paced back and forth. "How was I to know she'd had Mist and Kara accompany her? And she was angry that I assumed she'd gone on her own, but I apologized when she told me they'd gone with her. Although, she might... she might also be angry that I don't want her to go on this girls' weekend with Elise. Even though she's got Kara and Mist joining her now, I still don't think it's safe. So I told her I wanted to discuss it more with her. I thought we were fine, but then when I woke, she'd shut the bond. When I returned from filming yesterday, my pillow was on the couch."

No way could I tell him about the failed kiss this morning. The pain of her indifference was like a jagged knife, cutting me every time I remembered how she just stood there, unresponsive.

Thor frowned and put his hands in the pockets of the jeans he'd thrown on. "Well... you are mired in the bog, that's for sure. Has she reacted this way to anything before?"

"Only when I tried to explain she couldn't expose her new powers to the scientific community right after her transition. Remember? She shut the bond and took off in storm winds," I reminded him.

"Hmm... you told me then that she defined herself by her career. Has that changed?" he asked.

"Wouldn't it have to? She's part of the royal family, an immortal goddess, and soon to be a mother."

"Is that your assumption, or was it her idea to quit her career?" Thor asked, eyebrows raised.

While I paced, I replayed our conversations. Shannon never once said she wanted to quit. Damn. In fact, we'd argued over it the morning before she'd gone to Vancouver. She'd wanted alternatives.

The realization had me wincing. "My assumption. She didn't want to quit and wanted to discuss alternatives. But I guilted her about our son needing her, said we'd talk more later, and then left to go filming," I admitted, my heart sinking.

Thor stared at me, mouth open. He shook his head after a minute. "I can't believe you. Let me ask you this—how would you react if she told you that you needed to give up acting to be a father and bailed on you to go to her own chosen career when you wanted to discuss it?"

My shoulders slumped. Fuck. I'd really done that to her. Treated my intelligent, independent goddess like she was less than I was, that her career was less valuable than mine, and that she was less capable than me. Guilt was a dwarven iron weight in my stomach. 

Damn. I'm such a bloody git.

"Yeah, you're getting it now. What I don't understand is why you would do that? It's not like you, Loki. What's going on?" Thor asked, frowning.

How had I been so stupid? Was I so lost to reason that I couldn't see the chaos of making decisions based on fear? With seditious force, my fear churned like the deadly black sands of Jotunheim under my feet, ready to suck me down into paranoid depths that would have me chaining Shannon to me, regardless of her wishes. And like those razor-edged sands, it would tear us apart piece by piece if I let it.  

My vision blurred with tears, and I had to clear my throat several times to answer him past the lump of emotion rising to choke me. "I'm afraid, Thor. You know what happened to Sigyn. After those months of not knowing what had happened to Shannon, I'm afraid of losing her again. And with her pregnant, just like Sigyn was when she was taken, I was scared of history repeating itself. Shannon is part of my soul. I wouldn't survive her loss."

Thor slung his arm around my shoulder. "Fear isn't rational. We aren't at war with the Sidhe. The risk isn't the same, Loki, and you need to remember that."

"I know that in my head, but my heart doesn't agree."

"So, instead you've tried to cage her, and that's not exactly working out in your favour. It seems to me she's acting responsibly by taking Kara and Mist with her when you can't accompany her. Do you doubt their abilities?"

"No."

"Do you doubt their loyalty to her? To Asgard?"

"No, of course not."

"Well, you have the choice of taking the risk of something potentially happening to her, which could still happen regardless of you being there or not. Or losing her for sure through your own stupidity by pushing her away and not trusting her. If I were you, I know which one I'd choose. Shannon is smart and learns more every day. If you explain why you were being stupidly misogynistic and overprotective, perhaps she'll forgive you."

Rapidly blinking moisture from my eyes, I nodded.

"And if you can figure out how to help her keep her career, she'll be even more inclined to forgive you," Thor said, a small smile at the corner of his lips. "I'm betting you can come up with some reasonable ideas... and sufficient grovelling."

"Yeah, I could do that," I answered, as my voice cracked. A few ideas percolated. "Thank you, Brother."

"Hey, you've straightened me out a time or two," he retorted, thumping me on the back.

"I'll let you get back to Amelia before she wakes," I said, and he released me with one more heavy pat on my shoulder.

After returning to Asgard, I sent a duplicate of myself to deal with filming, while I focused on making financial arrangements to give Shannon choices with her career, and creating a gift that would help my beautiful goddess, give her some freedom back, and take away one of my worries. 

Thor was right. 

Showing her that I trusted she'd make smart decisions was important. 

Although it took an entire day of painstaking concentration to craft my gift, it was worth it. There was no way I was going to let my fears destroy our relationship. When it was done, I tucked it into my pocket and prayed to the Norns that I wasn't too late to make amends for my idiocy. I set out searching for Shannon.

"Where are you at, darling?" I asked, hoping she'd answer my mental call and scared that perhaps she'd restricted the bond so far that we couldn't even communicate.

"Just coming back from tea and training with your mum," she replied.

My knees weakened at hearing her mental voice, and I grabbed the nearby wall, closing my eyes for a few seconds. 

After blowing out a breath, I teleported to the upper hall and spotted Shannon walking toward me. Compared to her usual gracefulness, each step was a scuffling shuffle. Her hand supported her back, and she winced. Lines creased her forehead.

"You look tired. Did she wear you out?" I asked.

"Yeah, she had me hitting multiple targets with poison balls as fast as I could."

"Hmm... Okay, change of plans then," I said when I reached her. Although we were supposed to be going over creatures, creating life-size versions, that wasn't what she needed right now. In the next minute, I had us in a hovership and launching out of the palace.

"We're going to the forest?" she asked.

"Yes."

Although silent on the flight, when we arrived, Shannon scrambled out to head into the trees. Right there behind her, I had a hand on her back to help her over the uneven ground.

Stopping amongst the trees, ferns, and mosses, she closed her eyes and took several slow breaths. The colour gradually returned to her cheeks, and when she opened her eyes, the drawn look was gone. Shannon had opened the bond a little more to answer my mental call, and I felt the energy returning to her.

Guilt at her condition had my muscles tensing. "Darling, I'm so sorry. Given how much it helps you to be out here, I should have been bringing you here to the forest every day," I apologized. 

Yet another example of how I'd failed her. The weight of the balance against me was heavy indeed. There was so much I had to make up for.

"The exhaustion kind of creeps up on me. Thank you. I needed to be out here."

The unintentional blow struck home, and I winced. Hearing her thank me for something I should have made more of a priority left a sinking feeling in my gut. "Especially now, as our son uses more and more of your resources, I think you need to recharge your energy at least once a day, maybe twice a day, if you are training as well. Since I've spent so much time filming, I haven't been taking care of you the way I should be."

Shannon gave me a small smile. "I didn't ask. And I should have. I'll do better to pay attention to what I need."

Fuck. And I'd had the utter gall to imply she wasn't taking her role as a mother seriously enough. What a damn hypocrite I was.

"No, I'm the one who hasn't been paying attention." I yanked my hair. "All these changes you've had to make, and I've been thinking about what you said before. You're right. When I couldn't accompany you, you asked Mist and Kara to join you. You should be able to stay safe while visiting Midgard. If you want, you should be able to continue your career as a professor."

Air whistled in raspy breaths as I tried to keep my anxiety at bay, to keep the nightmare images at bay, to not remember Sigyn's broken body and fate of our child.

"Certain things would have to be hidden from mortals, as I do with my acting, but I'd like to help you find a way," I told her.

Eyes widening, Shannon blinked a few times, with her eyebrows rising. "Wait... what?" She seemed shocked, and the churning of my stomach increased. 

I hurried to explain the idea I'd come up with. "As you have seen, I work. It helps that the time difference between realms is to our advantage. Just do the parts of your job you really like. Or if it's only the research you want, we could always set up a consulting company as a front for whatever you want to do. It's not like you'd need to apply for grant funds, or report to a funding agency. I have more than you could possibly spend."

"Really? You'd do that for me?" Her voice trembled, squeaking on the last word.

It was an arrow to my heart and a pricking heat built behind my eyes. How had I been so blind as to miss the importance of this to her? No wonder she'd cut herself off from me. That she wasn't sure of my support now was entirely my fault.

"Darling, I love you. I want you happy. If research makes you happy, then of course I'll make sure you can continue it. The funds are already set aside to ensure it." With my pulse pounding a frantic tempo, I paused, knowing I needed to bare all if I had any chance of repairing the damage I'd done.

Shannon opened her mouth to reply, and I put my finger to her lips. 

"Please, let me finish. I'm sorry. So, so sorry that I've made you believe I didn't support you. My fears of losing you had me blinded. In my terror that something would happen to you, happen to our son, I pushed you to make the choices I wanted. Instead, I should have been thinking of your needs." My voice cracked as I blinked back tears. "It wasn't fair to you. It took you closing our bond and rejecting me to see what I was doing. Darling, I'm sorry."

Her expression softened, and I gathered her in my arms. 

When she relaxed against me and hugged me in return, I couldn't hold the tears at bay. Streaming down in hot trails, it soaked her hair, as I buried my face and inhaled her lemon vanilla scent. "Please Shannon, I'm so sorry I was such a bloody idiotic git," I murmured into her ear in a ragged exhalation of sound.

"Wow... I. Thank you, Loki. That you are supporting my right to choose... it, well, it means a lot. I wish you'd been a little more upfront about your fears," she said quietly. In a lighter tone, she added, "And here I thought you were just being a misogynistic asshole."

"An overprotective, misogynistic asshole," I confirmed. "Thor agrees with you."

A surprised laugh burst from her, and she pulled back to meet my gaze. "Loki, I promise that I'll take every reasonable precaution we can think of, starting with this girls' weekend."

"Thank you," I breathed out a long exhale, closing my eyes for a minute. The bond opened further and her amusement trickled through. When I opened my eyes, it was to see her smiling, a devious glint in her gaze.

"But I should probably tell you that Frigga already ensured I'd have access to whatever financial resources I need to continue my career. She made sure I wouldn't be trapped in Asgard. Before I went to Vancouver, she helped me come up with options so I knew what I wanted to ask for from my university. Although I didn't quit my job, I did get the duties modified somewhat."

I winced. 

Yes, my clever goddess had already worked out her solution without me, and damn, my mother was sure to have words with me over this. That I deserved them didn't make it easier to swallow. "I'm glad you found a way to get what you wanted. And I'm sorry I was an obstacle, instead of part of the solution. Frigga's probably not thrilled with me either, is she?"

Shannon chuckled. "Let's just say she was very understanding when I heaped insults on your head, including wishing you'd been eaten by bunyip, shat out, and then stomped on by a troll."

"Damn. Note to self: don't piss you off. Darling, you're inventive in your anger." I shook my head. That she was forgiving me was more than I deserved.

Shannon laughed again, and the sound was music to my unworthy ears. She was life-giving rain to my parched, desolate desert. Norns, I'd missed her. It reminded me that I still hadn't given her my gift.

After removing it from my pocket, I took her right hand in mine and slid the silver scrollwork ring onto her finger. "I'm really glad Kara and Mist are going with you on this weekend. But, since I won't be with you, and neither of them are skilled in illusion, I made this for you, to show I honestly mean it about not trying to make you stay in Asgard."

"What does it do?"

"Think about hiding your pregnancy."

As we looked down and her curved belly disappeared. Instead, her abdomen appeared flat. She touched it, her hands still forming over the curve of our son, but it looked as if her hands hovered in the air.

"Obviously, it's not as strong as the illusions I can give you when I'm with you. Although it won't stand up to touch, it will keep anyone from seeing your pregnant belly if you don't want them to. Just don't hug someone," I cautioned.

Shannon's real abdomen reappeared, and she cupped my cheeks, kissing me. "Thank you, Loki. This is perfect. I'll remember your warning."

Still, worry churned as I held her gaze. "Promise you will either take a walk outside in nature, or spend time in the pools each day, since I'm not allowed to come recharge you."

Shannon nodded her agreement. "Yes, I will. In the meantime... " She kissed my neck, biting on the lobe of my ear, and drawing a groan from me. "How about you make sure I'm completely topped up before I leave?"

"Norns, yes!" I growled. With her encouragement, I lowered her down onto a bed of soft moss to drive her wild. I'd missed her moans and screams, and primal satisfaction roared through me as she lay there afterwards, gasping for breath and recovering from our vigorous coupling.

Yet, I couldn't keep a chuckle from escaping as I reached up to pick moss out of her hair. "Darling, you might want to shower before you meet up with Mist and Kara." I grinned.

She huffed in annoyance, although her gaze remained soft, so I knew it was just for show. When I didn't stop grinning, she rolled her eyes.

"Come on, sexy wench, or I'll tumble you again and make you late," I said with a playful growl.

Shannon shoved me over, then stumbled as she tried to get to her feet, ending up on hands and knees, chest draped across my face. Of course, I wasn't slow to take advantage.

"Well, if you insist," I quipped, before tugging one nipple into my mouth.

"Loki! I need to—" Her words ended in a moan.

"Clearly, I didn't satisfy you, and must rectify the situation before you go," I teased, as my fingers got busy sliding in and out, with my thumb circling.

Shannon moaned again. Yggdrasil's roots, but I loved that sound. Drawing it from her again, and again, I played with her, bringing her to the trembling cusp, quivering around my fingers.

"Loki!" she moaned.

"Patience, darling," I murmured against her shivering, dewy skin. "I've missed you."

Lifting her, I turned her to brace her hands against a tree. After caressing her silky toned back with reverent palms, I slid into her, stroking long, smooth, and deep. She was Valhalla, taking me to the cosmos and back, with the taste of her pulse on my tongue, breasts filling my cupped hands, and hot, slippery quim wrapped so tightly around my plunging cock. 

Slowly and thoroughly, I built her arousal until she whimpered and pleaded.

"You sound so incredibly sexy like this," I growled, as I changed the angle of my hips slightly to ensure I rode that extra sensitive ridge, and lowered a hand from her breast to tease her little pearl. Within seconds, she shook within the cradle of my arms, and I joined her shortly after.

We stayed like that until our breath and pulse calmed, before I withdrew, turned her in my arms, and kissed her tenderly.

"I love you, Shannon," I murmured.

"I love you too, Loki."

The words had me light-headed, even as warmth grew in my centre. With the bond open between us, I basked in the heat of her light, chasing away the cold darkness in my soul. Reluctantly, I clothed us and led her out of the forest.

"I'd apologize for making you late, but I wouldn't mean it," I said with a half-smirk as I started the hovership.

"You can at least conjure my backpack and fill it with appropriate clothes and essentials for me."

The glow inside me grew at her request, fulfilling my need to help her with something. If I could slay all her dragons, I would. "What do you need?"

"Jeans, t-shirts, a sweater, a couple of bathing suits, sandals, undergarments, pjs, and toiletries, as well as the multi-realm watch you made me, my cell phone, and wallet. Oh, and the Valkyrie ear cuff." She changed her current outfit into shorts, a t-shirt, leather jacket, and hiking boots.

I loved that she got so much use out of the torc I'd designed with my father's help. Gladly conjuring what she'd requested, I handed her the packed backpack.

"Are you coming down to Midgard with us?" she asked.

"Yes." I wanted every opportunity to be with her on Midgard. After parking the hovership in the hanger, I took her hand and teleported us to the palace gates where she was meeting Mist and Kara.

Mist snickered when she looked at Shannon, and Kara rolled her eyes.

"You could at least fix her hair when you take her out to the forest to tumble her, Loki. Some prince you are!" Kara scolded.

I looked at her hair and snickered. "Oops. I actually meant to do that." A quick flick of my fingers, and it lay flat and smooth on her head.

"I will not be happy if there is still moss in my hair, Loki," she warned me, even as her eyes betrayed her amusement.

I grinned unrepentantly. "No moss, except on your knees and elbows." I winked, and she hit my shoulder.

Mist snorted a laugh.

With my elbow out for her to take, we walked over the rainbow bridge to the bifrost, and arrived in the rooftop garden of my London flat a short while later.