Aight yallllllllllllll here's what's up with this little section-

As I update this book, I'll also be adding the new chapters to this part here. This is so that anyone who wants the option can read the current entire thing in one blow. I know there are some people who like doing that, so this is for them :D

Prologue

-When we were before-

Graham POV

"What do you remember, Gray?"

The world was suddenly soft and wonderful in my eyes, every sound and sight a new wonder to behold. The grass, tickling my fingers. The wind that brushed my skin and made me feel. The crowded city walks and stores, full of people that were living and breathing and human. The sun- oh the sun. I would never again take it's bright glory for granted. But above all...

Carmen.

"What do you know, now?" she said once again, her voice small and comforting and warm and real and there.

I had no words to describe it.

It was like suddenly being able to breath again. My head was clear. I could think. "I remember everything," I told her, turning from the ocean that out feet dangled over to meet her gaze. "I know everything, Carmen." I felt the tears in my eyes as her expression slowly shifted from fear to wonderment as she seemed to realize I meant no harm, even with my memories restored. They spilled down my face, and I did nothing to stop them- only smiled, tasting salt in the corners of my mouth. Smiled so wide that it felt as if my soul could split with joy.

"And how do you feel?" Her stormy eyes were wide, though the unease had vanished from them.

"Amazing," I breathed, flopping onto my back and running my hands through the grass again. Tears continued to sting my eyes. "I feel amazing!" I shouted to the sky, my voice full and happy.

Carmen's laugh was soft and full of awe, and I quickly sat up, angling myself to her. My mouth tilted into a smile, eyebrows quirking up. Her face softened, and she reached up to run her thumb under one of my eyes, catching a tear. I leaned into her palm and sighed contently.

"Carmen. Thank you."

Her own eyes brightened with emotion, and she gave a tiny sob, only able to nod.

"Thank you," I repeated, choking on the words in my throat. "Thank you."

Carmen's whole face seemed to crumble, and with our minds seemingly attuned, my hands went to cradle her face as she kissed me.

Chapter One

Gray POV

The morning was cold.

I felt heavy as I sat down in the coffee shop, a gust of chilly air winding its way through my legs and causing me to shiver. The lights twinkled tauntingly from the ceiling, hurting my eyes. I did my best to not look at them. A few minutes of me just mindlessly staring out the window passed, and I finally managed to stand and make my way to the counter. There was only one worker right now, a boy with short black curls who looked to be around 17. He smiled warmly at me, but I didn't have the strength for anything but a nod.

"I'm just gonna get a medium hot chocolate and a box of raspberry pastries." Zack and Ivy would be hungry.

"No problem, sir," the worker said, his green eyes looking down to tap the order out on a screen. "Anything else for you today?"

I shook my head slightly.

"Great, that's $7.50 for your total."

I pulled a crumpled ten from my pocket, making an effort to hand it to him instead of just tossing it over the counter. "Keep the change," I muttered, moving to lean against the waiting side of the counter. I tried for a smile once they brought out my drink and the box of goodies, but it felt more like a grimace and the action burned my face all the way home, even in the frigid early morning sunrise.

"Zack, Ivy, I'm back. Got you guys something to eat."

There was a muffled "in here" from down the hallway of the apartment we were all staying in. I slipped off my shoes and shuffled down to the last door, pushing it open slowly. Zack was laying on the bed, the single piece of furniture that occupied the room, his arms wrapped around his stomach as he sat curled in a fetal position, facing the wall. He craned his neck up to look behind him, and his blue eyes lit up a bit upon seeing me.

"Where's Ivy?" I asked, scanning the bare walls, as if she might magically appear through them.

"Right here." Zack lifted a blanket at his feet to show that the lump I had originally taken as a pile of pillows was his sister. Her back rose and fell softly as I watched. "She just fell asleep before you got here. Don't think she'll be up anytime soon."

"Well, I guess- save her some pastries." I grabbed three from the box and offered the rest to Zack. He sat up hesitantly, holding a hand to his stomach and sucking in a deep breath before taking it, opening it to look at the little tarts. "Thanks, dude. I haven't eaten in a while."

"I know. I'll see if I can make something tonight." I stepped back to the door, then paused, my eyes still trained on him as he took a bite. "Did you cut your hair?"

He nodded, mouth full, then shifted to move the blanket covering Ivy a bit more to reveal her head. They both had undercuts, Ivy's hair now shorn at the sides and the back, leaving a tangle of red curls on the top to match Zack's own style. "Last night. Ivy had a fit and got out the razor and the scissors. I thought she was gonna try something, but she just wanted to cut her hair. I let her cut mine, too. It was calming her down." His voice was quiet, and he blinked at me after the explanation, shoving the rest of the pastry into his mouth.

I simply nodded and stepped back into the hallway, closing the door quietly behind me. I heard Zack whimper around his food as I walked to the kitchen, and I did my best to convince myself he would be alright without me getting in the way as I found the razor and the scissors on the table. I packed them both up into a cupboard, then swept up the fallen hair on the floor, tossing it into the trash. I sat on the floor under the microwave and sipped at my drink as the pastries warmed.

The floor was cold.

I shivered, cupping the hot chocolate and holding it to my face to press against my cheek. The microwave going off startled me, and I was quick to scarf down the treats, barely caring that the jelly burned my mouth. I was downing the hot chocolate when my eye caught on something- a flash of red.

Carmen's coat hung covered in dust inside a closet, the door slightly open and pushed aside further by the draft going through the building. The rips had been stitched up, the blood had been washed out. And I knew that maybe, maybe, it still smelled like her.

I felt the blood drain from my face, and barely made it to the bathroom toilet before retching up my breakfast as I shook, chest throbbing with tears in my eyes.

Chapter Two

Gray POV

Why was it so hard to eat?

I stared glumly at the food I had made that sat before me. Zack was downing it quickly, at least. That was good. I knew he was hungry- aside from the pastries this morning, he hadn't had much in the last week or so. Ivy had managed to swallow a couple bites before moving to sit on the living room couch and glower at the blank TV. I was worried about her. I was worried about them both, of course, but Ivy never seemed present anymore. Her mind was always somewhere else. And the moments she ever snapped back to reality were filled with tears and in some cases- a nervous fit. Hence the Bostonians' new matching haircuts, a remnant of her episode yesterday.

"This is really good, Graham," Zack remarked quietly, his eyes lighting up a little as he finished what was on his plate. The corner of his mouth tugged up into a hint of a smile, something I hadn't seen in- who knows how long, really. "Thanks, man."

I nodded, grateful that he wouldn't go hungry today, at least.

"Ivy?" I said, half convinced she wouldn't even hear me. "You want any more food? Have you had water recently?"

She stayed silent and unmoving for a couple seconds, then shook her head, to my surprise. Tears streaked down her face, and I frowned sadly. "I, uh-" Her voice was hoarse, but I was shocked to hear it at all. "I could use some water. Or maybe something... hot. To drink."

I stood immediately to make a cup of tea, not wanting to keep her waiting. Zack followed to help, obviously just as anxious to assist his sister. She didn't move until I was standing in front of her with a hot cup. Ivy jumped, seemingly startled to see me.

"What's this?"

"Tea. For you. You asked for it."

"Oh... Thank you."

To mine and Zack's relief alike, she drank the tea rather quickly. I cleaned the dishes while Zack helped himself to my plate, after I had reassured him I wasn't hungry. Ivy was staring into her empty cup when I finished, and I watched silently as a tear dropped into it, and she promptly stood, leaving to go to the building's roof.

I found her there the next morning before I went on my walk, her sleeping form smothered by the blankets Zack had brought up.

Today was surprisingly hot. I ended up taking a moment to switch my jacket out of a short sleeved polo shirt at my work, the result of the sun blazing down at the world in all its glorious rage. It was an uncomfortable heat. Stuffy and thick and suffocating, the kind that bathed your tongue in burning spikes of air every time you breathed. It was a bit of a shock. Sudden heat waves weren't too uncommon in this part of the country, but it was unusual for this time of year. Just yesterday had been awfully cool.

I'll need to call Zack later to make sure the apartment's AC unit is working...

Working retail had never been what I wanted. I missed the Sydney Opera House. I really did. I missed the stage and the people and the chatter before the shows, how my fingers felt on the lighting boards, the feeling of excitement as the music swelled in my headpiece. That was what I had worked towards. The feeling of belonging. The sense of purpose and accomplishment.

But VILE had ruined everything.

"How was your trip?"

Player muttered a grumbled answer under his breath as he dumped himself into my car, his hair hanging over his eyes.

"That good, huh?"

He sighed, pulling the door closed, and leaned back against the seat. I pulled us out of the airport pickup lane, jumping into the freeway. He didn't speak for another couple minutes.

"It was good." His voice was quiet and low. "Like, it actually was. I'm just tired."

I felt myself frown with sympathy. Poor kid had it just as bad as the rest of us. Everything had seemed to spiral down in life after what happened, even for Player. I knew he missed his parents. I knew he missed Canada. But I couldn't help him yet. "Did you sleep on the plane?"

"Maybe a little." He twisted in his seat belt to curl up in the chair, facing me. The harsh strap cut into his shirt and small frame, and I realized with worry that he looked thinner than when I had last seen him a week ago.

"What about food? Been eating enough?"

His only response was to shrug and hold out his hand in a pleading gesture. I took my right hand off the wheel and put it in his own, and he moved it to cushion his head. I tried not to cry as he snuggled into my palm, his heavy eyelids fluttered close.

"You sleep, kid," I whispered to him, determined not to move my hand from where it cradled his cheek. "Everything will be ok." I drove with one hand back to the apartment, managing to stay safe.

I hope.

Chapter Three

-Blood Warning-

Graham POV

My chin rested in the palm of my hand as I leaned heavily against my desk. A deep sigh lead to me drooping further onto the wooden surface, my knuckles brushing against the windowpane in front of me. Condensation from the storm outside beaded against my fingers, dampening my skin and cooling the burning flesh of my palm.

The small cut in my hand fit nestled right in the cupped part between my thumb and my fingers, its raw, red edges howling as I continued to ignore it. I hadn't meant to get hurt- the knife in the kitchen sink had slipped as I rinsed the dishes, and I had numbly stared as blood welled up and dripped down the drain. Eventually I had heard Player coming down the hall and quickly ran the cold water over my hand, despite the stinging pain, and wrapped a towel around it.

The sight of blood would've set him off. It would set any of them off.

And now here I sat, alone at my desk, just letting it keep on throbbing with pain as the rain battered the windows, the deep ugly red color stained into my mind like the remnants of a murdered memory I didn't want.

"What happened to your hand?"

I didn't glance up from the paper in front of me as I sat at the kitchen table with Zack. "Little slip-up at work," I lied, my fingers aching as I twirled a pencil between them. A doodle sat before me.

"Are you ok?"

I looked up to him, my face softening at the concern in his eyes. "I'm alright. It's just a little sore."

He was silent for a second, then nodded, the curls on top of his head waving sadly. His voice was frail. "Ok."

I sucked in a deep breath and turned back to look at my paper, then froze. My eyes widened. I hadn't meant to draw that.

The remains of a battle. Broken technology scattered among the bodies. Blood, charred bones, death.

A woman in a coat among it all, wasting away.

I crumpled up the paper and quickly stood to toss it in the trash, hoping Zack hadn't seen it. What was going on in my head? What was happening to me?

"I'm gonna run to get some food. You wanna come?" I asked, throat tight as I leaned heavily over the sink, feeling dizzy.

Silence for a moment, then- "Sure. And drink some water, dude."

I obliged.

"My clock kinda stopped working, Graham." I turned to find Player holding a digital clock in his hand, the black screen blank. "I already tried attaching it to a cable and plugging it in and I switched out the batteries a few times- nothing."

I frowned slightly, taking it in my hand and turning it over a bit. "Well, I mean, we could just get a new one for y-"

"Please don't," he whispered.

I stopped, mouth closing. His face was crumpled up, tears forming in the corners of his brown eyes as his lip trembled. He sniffed, running a hand through his hair. "Player?" I said softly.

"It's- i-it's my clock from m-my room back h-h-h-home." He sucked in a deep breath, lungs catching, and I quickly rushed forward to scoop his small frame into my arms as his legs failed him. Sobbing came from him as he buried his face into my shoulder, and I wrapped a tight embrace around him as my hand went to smooth the hair on the nape of his neck.

"It's ok, kid," I muttered to him. "It's ok. I've got you."

"Please can you just fix it for me I don't want a new one I just want this one please-" he rushed through his tears, a cough forcing from his throat as he struggled to breath. I loosened my hold on him as he started to shake, rubbing his back until he could force air down. "I miss them, I miss them, I miss her," he wailed, his hands forming fists as he clung to me.

I felt my eyes begin to sting, and I quickly blinked the tears away as fast as I could before hugging him back to me, cradling my little broken boy. "It's alright. I'll fix it, don't worry. I'll fix it for you," I whispered. "I'll fix it. It's gonna be ok. I'm here. I've got you."

The ghosts that haunted me insisted on haunting my friends -my family- too, and it was forcing sorrow into my soul.

I miss her, too.

Chapter Four

Graham POV

I hummed a quiet song under my breath as I tinkered with Player's digital clock, my finger smoothing out a glob of clear glue on the dark plastic. The clock was black with white specks and a black screen, though it was blank, the red numbers that normally lit it currently unable to turn on. I had attached a small solar panel into its back, right above the battery holder and a place I'd engineered to hold a plug for the wall. "Now, this baby has three power sources."

I clicked new rechargeable batteries into the clock and closed the latch, crossing my fingers and taking a deep breath before pressing the power button. The red numbers flickered back on, glowing even brighter than before, and I let out a sigh of relief. I thumped back in my chair. My eyes were stinging with unexpected tears, and I did my best to wipe them away.

"Player!" I called, standing from my desk. "I fixed your clock."

He banged through my door in an instant, his face wet and smiling. My heart shuddered. I hadn't seen him smile in so long. His lanky arms reached out towards me, and I went to hand him the clock, but instead they wrapped around my waist in a tight hug. I struggled for breath for a moment, then leaned down to hold him to me.

"Thank you. Thank you thank you thank you thank you." He was sobbing into my jacket again, his fingers digging into my back. I set the clock down on my desk and rubbed his shoulder as he shook.

"No problem, little man," I whispered to him, which just made him cry harder.

"Zack... are you- are you baking?"

The red head turned to me, his curls drooping as they waved about. His tired face was pale, the freckles on his cheeks stark against his skin, but his eyes were bright, showing a hint of what once had been. Zack didn't smile, but his eyebrows weren't so scrunched, and there was a swish of color on his ears and nose.

He looked almost... happy.

"Yeah," was his quiet answer. And, simple though it was, that single word held so much weight.

I swallowed my surprise, walking a bit further into the kitchen. It was slowly heating as the oven warmed, and various ingredients were scattered over the counters. Measuring cups and spoons sat dirtied by the sink, and as I watched, Zack turned back to the bowl in front of him and dumped in a small heap of a light brown seasoning.

The scent of cinnamon hit my nose, and I froze, my eyes widening.

She had smelled like cinnamon the day before... before everything had gone to hell. And I remembered it so strongly because she had said... what had she told me? What... what...?

I staggered back, my hand against my head, fingers tangled in my hair. Like hers had been. Her arm hooked around my neck, her lips against my ear, whispering sweet nothings to me, until her words had turned hurried and desperate, so very important to her, and yet...

I couldn't remember some of her last words to me.

I stared blankly at the picture frame in front of me.

I was sitting on Player's bed, his small apartment bedroom filled with nothing but the mattress, a small desk holding a simple laptop and speaker, and a set of drawers. I had grabbed one of the cardboard boxes that sat hidden in the empty closet, knowing that he had keepsakes from... before.

My eyes had immediately locked onto a photo, and without even thinking, my hands grabbed it from the box and held it to my chest as I sat down.

It was dusty.

I was afraid to clean it. I didn't know what it would reveal to me.

I wiped my sleeve across the glass.

My lungs suddenly shuddered, and I struggled to breathe as I doubled over my knees. The frame dropped softly to the carpet, staring up at me. Silent tears tracked down my face, and I felt my mouth gaping open without making sound. My mind was fuzzy. The room was spinning.

Carmen's steel gaze looked up at the ceiling.

Her name rang through my head, and I began to sob, ugly, shaking, terrible wails that tore through my chest like a burning knife. The taste of salt coated my lips and my tongue, and I gagged, reminded all too much of the sting of blood in my mouth.

She was smiling in the photo. Her lips pulled up at the corners, showcasing teeth as her brows rose. They were quirked up happily, and the corners of her eyes crinkled with laugh lines. She was wearing her favorite black t-shirt with her red coat slung over shoulder, a coat that now hung depressingly in the closet.

My shaking fingers reached down to the picture frame, and they slowly traced over her face through the glass. Hiccups built in my throat, and I began to cough, tears catching my breath away.

Just like Carmen had always done.

I didn't realize I'd started silently screaming and tugging at my hair until two pairs of hands were holding my own away from my head and another was pressing a bottle of water to my lips.

Zack and Player.

And Ivy.

My mind was flashing too fast to understand what was going on anymore.

I was so cold.

I was so tired.

And I felt so alone.

Interlude
-When we were in love-

Pt. 1

A rose.

Carmen hesitantly took it from my hand, her fingers light and stealthy as they held the stem, careful of thorns. She gazed at it for a moment before looking up to me, searching my face.

"For you."

She simply nodded in understanding.

"I love you."

Carmen nodded again, tears in her eyes.

I stepped forward, taking her face in my hands to kiss her cheek lightly. "I know the world is so strange for you right now," I whispered. "But maybe..."

Carmen swallowed, the rose between us.

"Asking you to be my girlfriend almost feels weird, just because of everything that's been happening recently."

There was silence from her, and she suddenly wrapped her arms around my waist, the rose fluttering safely down to the ground. I stiffened, but quickly relaxed into her, burying my face in the crook of her neck as she hugged me. "Is that a yes?" I muttered with a small laugh.

"Yes it's a yes, you dork," she huffed, her voice warbling as she answered into the hood of my jacket.

"Well then kiss me already!" I exclaimed jokingly, smiling brightly as she finally looked up.

She shook her head in exasperation and went back to hugging me.

I pressed my lips to her head instead, patient and willing to wait.

"And then if you put your thumb here, pointer finger here, and your pinky here, and now play up- yes, good!"

A smile split my face, and I angled my head to peer at Carmen. We sat together at the piano, situated so that our legs were pressed side-by-side, her hands resting over mine. I had only ever touched a piano once before, at VILE Academy. I had never been taught, and it was really just me running my hands over the smooth surface and plunking a few keys, so when Carmen had asked if she could teach me a song, I had been hesitant to comply.

But comply I did, and now, here we were.

"What's this song called again?" I asked, removing my hands from the piano. Carmen immediately brought them back up to keys, rearranging my fingers back onto them. I chuckled lightly at this, and she gave a coy smile.

"It's called Truce. It's by Twenty One Pilots- you've probably at least heard of them."

I perked up at this. "Tyler Joseph and Josh Dun? Those guys? Didn't they play Blurry Face?"

She nodded. "That's them."

I gave a sad smile. "My favorite is their song Cancer. It makes me think of my mum. In a happy way, somehow."

Carmen already knew the story of how my parents died, with my dad drowning in an Australian reef and my mother succumbing to cancer when I was just three. I only remembered my mum- her dimpled smile and bright, kind eyes. And I knew that I missed her. Carmen's face was sad, and she quietly reached up to cup my face, brushing her thumb over my cheek. "I love you," she whispered, pressing a light kiss to my lips.

"And I love you."

We stayed there for a moment, wrapped up in each other, before I leaned away and wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry."

She sniffed and smiled. "Don't be sorry. It's okay to cry."

I nodded. "You're right. It's completely okay."

Carmen nodded right back. "Now come on. I've got a piano song to teach you."

"Date tonight? Just you and me?"

I looked up from my phone to see Carmen smiling at me, her eyes glimmering with excitement. I set the device down and returned her grin, propping my chin up on my knuckles.

"Why sure, lovely lady. What did you have in mind?"

She mimicked my posture, her head tilting to the side. "You're sure you don't have work?"

I nodded. "I'm all yours."

Carmen winked and stuck her tongue out at me. "Well then, I figured a picnic down at the river gazebo wasn't too far fetched."

My face softened. We both loved that place. "I'm all for it, darling."

She winked again and stood from the table, walking around it to kiss me. "Great. Meet me down there at seven, just bring yourself and your charm, and we're all set. Dress a little nicer if you want to."

I waited for her to leave the room, then hurriedly checked my watch. It was about four right now... I had more than enough time. "Except traffic is pretty sucky right now..." I muttered to myself, pushing back in my chair to stand and grab my car keys. "And If I want to buy flowers, I gotta go now."

I stared at the flower stand, totally and utterly lost. I knew Carmen loved red. That much was obvious. But I also knew she had a favorite, and she had told me what it was before. But now... I couldn't remember what she had said at all.

The stand owner exited from a door nearby and came back to stand behind his flowers, dusting his hands off on his apron. He gave a deep hearty chuckle at my expression, his brown face splitting into a kind smile. His name tag read Curtis. "How can I help you, young man?"

I gave a lopsided smile, running a shy hand through my curls. "Well, I've got a date with my girlfriend tonight, and I've never really gotten her flowers before. I guess unless you count a single rose."

Curtis laughed again, folding his arms over his chest. "Little lover man here, I see. I remember when I first got flowers for my husband. He was allergic like nothin' else, it was a nightmare. But," he said, raising a thick eyebrow at my sheepishness, "that's probably not the kind of story you want to hear right now, is it, my boy?" He grabbed a damp tower from over a bouquet and threw it over his shoulder. "What colors does she like?"

"Red," I answered immediately, and Curtis's eyes lit up.

He whistled. "Lucky for you, I just got a whole import of fresh red flowers, all different kinds. Why don't you come on back, look at them with me."

I followed him behind his stand and through the door he had exited from earlier, then paused, concerned. "Don't you worry about your flowers out here when you leave for a little bit?"

He waved me off with a kind laugh. "I know these people, and I know these streets. They'll be fine."

"If you're sure..." I trailed off as I followed him into a small room, my eyes landing on a bundle of roses. "I got her a rose earlier, but these are absolutely gorgeous." My fingers traced gently over the thick petals.

"Hmmm... let's see then. She like roses?"

I frowned. "Now that I think about it, she probably loves roses. She smells like them all the time."

Curtis nodded, moving a few crates to reveal another stand that held water-filled vases. One was full of a rainbow bouquet of roses, and I couldn't help but gasp. He paused, noticed where I was looking, and then smiled. "You like those ones? The rainbow? Aren't they just beautiful? I just got a bunch of them in for Pride Month."

"Carmen's bi, I think," I found myself saying, remembering the pink, purple, and blue flag patch she had sewn into the inside of her coat.

Curtis smiled. "Well, then these would be perfect, don't you think?"

I nodded, still entrapped by the colorful pedals.

The florist gently grabbed the bouquet from the vase and used the towel on his shoulder to dry off the dripping wrapper, then turned to make his way back to the door. I jumped, realizing I was blocking the way to the door, and quickly scooted my way back out.

Curtis stopped me when I tried to pay him, then handed the flowers to me. "It's on me. For the bi darling." His smile was warm, and I returned it gratefully.

"I'll let her know, she might stop by to say thank you."

Curtis waggled an eyebrow. "Don't you mean she might stop bi?"

I blinked, then burst into laughter, though his pun physically pained me. "Ok," I said between gasps, "ok, yeah, I'm going now, thank you, Curtis."

He waved. "Good luck on your date, young man. Sweep her off her feet."

Carmen POV

I sucked in a deep breath, smoothing down the red fabric of my blouse. It was the kind that slipped off my shoulders a bit, and I had fit my black binder (it was something I'd been trying out recently) over my chest to match my regular color scheme. Paired with my typical black cuffed jeans and a pair of rose embroidered Dr. Martens, I felt rather nice. The shirt was fancier than I typically wore, but still a little casual, so I prayed that Gray wouldn't show in a tuxedo. Not that I minded him in a tux, of course. He was always rather dashing in a suit, and it was his tendency to roll up his sleeves that really got to me.

I ran a hand through my hair, grimacing a  little when my fingers tugged at a curl. I'd been wanting to cut it recently, right back to the length that I'd had at VILE. Having it down to my waist was a hassle sometimes. I laughed at that thought. It was ridiculous, really, how long it was. I had used hair extensions at first, when I first left the academy, but once it had actually reached that length, I'd ditched them.

"Maybe it's time for a change," I muttered to myself.

I took another deep breath and glanced around at my surroundings, feeling proud of my work. Zack had been helping me string lights around the inside roof of the gazebo, and soft music played from my speaker. A blanket occupied half of the wooden floor, with a meal I had compiled together set neatly by it, ready to be eaten.

I took a moment to just admire everything, bathed in the warm glow of the fairy lights. It was so... peaceful. A smile pulled at my mouth, and I sighed happily. Life had been calming down for a little bit in the past month or so. VILE seemed to be taking a small break, though that did cause worry. I tried to not think too hard about it. After all, I had Gray with me. How long had it been now? Six months? A year?

I couldn't remember, strangely enough. It felt like I had been with him my whole life.

Ivy would know. She kept track of stuff like this rather well.

A warm breeze blew through the gazebo, and I breathed it in with a smile. I loved the summer months here. So wonderful. Flowers and sunshine and green grass- oh, I absolutely adored it. "And walks in the evening, with the sunset..." I muttered to myself, stretching lightly and leaning against the railing.

"Walks are rather lovely, aren't they, my love?"

I hummed as Gray's arms wrapped around my waist from behind, twisting a bit to kiss his jaw. He hummed back, a smile on his lips, and I turned in his embrace to kiss those, too.

"I was just thinking we could go on one tonight, perhaps after whatever you have planned."

I lightly tapped his nose at this, giving a coy grin as I looked him up and down. Light blue dress pants, dark gray polo shirt, and white Dr. Martens that almost matched my own, with blue flowers sewn into them. "I suppose we'll see, handsome."

His expression seemed to falter, and Gray's face softened. "You're beautiful," he muttered, sighing softly. He hugged me to him, swaying a bit. "I love you."

I buried my face in his neck, hugging him back. "And I love you."

We stayed there for a moment, until Gray suddenly perked up, untangling his arms from around me to turn and grab something that he had placed on the railing behind him. I gasped as he held a bouquet of rainbow roses out to me, his brown eyes bright. My finger trailed over a thick petal hesitantly, awe in my gut. "They're gorgeous," I breathed, looking up to meet his gaze.

His smile was adorably shy. "The florist suggested these ones specifically, for Pride Month."

I blinked back sudden tears. "You- I never told you, did I?"

He chuckled softly. "You've got a flag sewn into your coat, babe."

I smiled, suddenly feeling shy. "And you don't mind?"

Gray laughed a bit louder. "We grew up with one of the gayest classes at VILE- it's not like I couldn't already tell, you know."

"That's true... El Topo and Le Chèvre were dating, weren't they?"

"Still are, as far as I'm concerned."

"Ah. I ship it. Too bad they're kinda the bad guys."

Gray shrugged, his eyes going back down to the flowers. His voice was soft. "But, yeah. I think I remember you saying you like roses?"

I returned his quiet smile. "I love them."

His sigh of relief brushed over my chin. I giggled.

Our meal complete, stomachs comfortably full, Gray and I sat against the gazebo railing, snuggled up together after dancing to the music for a bit. The fairy lights danced peacefully, and I found myself crying a little, just at the utter tranquility of the whole scene.

"Carmen?" Gray took notice of my tears and sat up slightly, his hand cupping my face. "Whats wrong?"

"Nothing," I whispered softly, my throat tight.

His brow furrowed, and I knew he was about to say something along the lines of "it's never nothing," so I spoke up again.

"Really, Gray. Nothing, really. Or- nothing bad. I'm just... really happy. Here. With you."

Gray's face shifted, his dimpled smile that I loved so dearly returning. "Aw," he cooed, his own eyes a little wet, "you're goin' soft on me, Carm." He snuggled a little closer, pressing a sweet kiss to my cheek.

I gave a wobbly laugh and leaned slightly away in mock offense. "Hey, no I'm not! I'm Carmen Sandiego, you wisecrack." We both laughed for a moment as he struggled to get me to cuddle with him again, and when I finally gave into my own urges and started tickling him, Gray shrieked joyously, surprising me at how shrill it was.

He slapped a hand over his mouth, face red, quite obviously completely embarrassed.

I, on the other hand, was roaring with laughter.

Gray took this as his cue and began to tickle me right back, and I gave my own childish shriek, scrambling to my feet. He did the same and followed after me as I darted to the dock, giggling like a madman.

Screw being well into my twenties, tonight I was young and in love. And I hoped to have eternity with this young man.

Gray fell for my ploy, his feet landing on the dock as he kept after me. I had slowed, my now bare heels at the edge. I fully planned on pulling him into the water, but I would need to get him to take off his shoes, too. We were having fun, sure, but Dr. Martens didn't do too well dunked in water.

"Shoes, babe," I said, and he didn't even pause to think about why I wanted him to take them off as he untied them and tossed them to land. I clicked my tongue and made finger guns at him. "I'm gonna tell Zack and Ivy how high of a note that was, and won't they be just absolutely delighted at the idea of finding ways to make you do it again, they love a good prank after all..."

"Oh, no, you don't!" he yelled comically, his footsteps loud on the wobbly wooden planks as he neared.

I smiled devilishly, bracing my stance and readying myself, eyes narrowed.

His own gaze widened as he reached the point of no return, realizing my plan all too late.

His hand snagged my wrist, and I was pulled into the river right along with him.

My heart sighed at our antics. What a boyfriend.

We both surfaced in the light current, gasping and sputtering at the sudden cold as we helped each other to the riverbank. Our surprise turned to absolutely joy in just moments, and we both sat on the rocks, laughing.

"Just for the record," I said, once I'd managed to calm down, "I went soft on you a long time ago. Also, I don't think we're going to get to that walk."

Interlude
Pt. 2

Blood warning

Gray POV

I sipped slowly at my hot chocolate, my fingers warming comfortably on the hot cup. It was well past two in the morning, but I was wide awake. Carmen had been out on a caper with Shadowsan for the past three days, and I was determined to wait for her to get back. Because she would get back. Tonight. I knew it.

I groaned and leaned back in my chair, digging my palms into my eyes. I didn't need to worry about her, she would be fine. She was Carmen Sandiego. She was my kick-butt girlfriend. She could do anything.

But I still worried, and a sick feeling sat wallowed in the bottom of my stomach.

I knew that they had planned to part ways after the mission, Carmen and Shadowsan. My old instructor wanted to spend some time in Japan, hoping to talk to his brother. And Carmen was to head to the airport and get home safely. I ran this plan over and over in my head, the mantra becoming the only thing holding my sanity together.

Carmen is fine.

The door suddenly slammed open, startling me so much that my hand bumped my cup, almost tipping it over. Carmen pushed her way into the front room, her coat and hat thumping to the floor as she discarded them. My chair screeched across the floor as I stood quickly, alarm pulsing through me as I hurried to her. I quickly hugged her to me. Carmen let out a low whimper and leaned heavily against me, her breathing quick and shallow.

I moved us to the couch, sitting down carefully and moving her to gently lay down. "Are you hurt?" I whispered, trying to keep the urgency out of my voice.

Carmen's face twisted into a grimace and she closed her eyes with a pained groan, her arm going to press against her shoulder. "Gun," she managed to hiss through her teeth, her muscles quivering.

My body went cold. "You were shot?" I hissed back, my voice low. The panic had seeped into the words, and Carmen shifted to sit up. I hurriedly assisted her, my eyebrows furrowed as she stood. "Carmen, is standing a good idea-" I started, but she just waved me off with her good hand and staggered to the hallway. I looped my arm around her waist and pulled her to a gentle stop. "Hey, carm, talk to me- what happened?"

"There was- a gun." Her breathing was starting to even out, though it hitched as she began to cry. "A man with a gun. And Shadowsan- he was going to shoot Shadowsan, and he was trapped, and I jumped in front and it was so loud and there so many lights and my ears hurt and I couldn't breathe and it was like fire was eating at me and my arm-" Carmen began to whimper, tears tracking down her cheeks, which I now realized were splattered lightly with blood.

I held her close to me, careful of her shoulder as she clung to my shirt. Now that I looked in the dim light, her sleeve was torn, revealing a blood stained bandage wrapped haphazardly around her arm and shoulder. Her words saddened me, and I pressed a kiss to her forehead. I could only imagine that the entire experience had been terrifying, and she'd been holding it in until she got home.

Anger suddenly boiled in me. "Why did Shadowsan not take you to a hospital? And let you come home in this condition? What-"

"He doesn't know I was hurt. I- it's complicated, there was so much happening and it was all so fast and I don't know what-"

"Hey, hey, darling, it's alright. Take a deep breath. I've got you."

Carmen shuddered and let out a low wail, slipping further into my chest. We stood for a long time -it could've been hours- and when she was eventually stable enough to walk with me to the bathroom, I got her situated on a stool in front of the mirror with a wet cloth in my hand.

"This is going to hurt, Carm," I said quietly, starting to slowly peel the soiled bandage off of her skin. It was her left shoulder, and she barely even flinched as my fingers brushed over her bare skin. The wound was just a bullet graze, she luckily hadn't been pierced through.

Carmen hissed lowly through her teeth as my hand neared the raw wound, and I muttered a quiet apology before steadying myself and placing the washcloth over it. Her whole body seemed to twitch with pain, and I was quick to gently hug her from behind.

"Just get it over with." Her voice was tired, hollow.

I sucked in a breath and disinfected the needle. "I don't have anything to numb you with."

"Ice."

I cursed myself and grabbed an ice pack from the fridge, letting Carmen numb the wound herself. Her eyes were filled with hooded pain, but her lids shuddered with exhaustion, pupils dilated. Once she deemed it unfeeling enough, she removed it and beckoned me to start.

I talked to her as I stitched up her shoulder. "What happened to Shadowsan?"

She didn't answer for a few minutes, and I did my best to patiently wait.

"His nerves were completely shot." She laughed darkly at her own words, then winced at the motion. "Senses overloaded, you know, the whole shabang. He hadn't seen that I'd been hit, so I hid it and left as soon as I could, telling him to just get to Japan already." Carmen's voice lowered to a whisper. "He didn't argue."

I sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly, my hands smoothly doing their job. "You're gonna need to rest for a while so this can fully heal, ok?" I patted her cheek lightly as she started to protest, and smoothed back a strand of hair to lay a butterfly kiss over her wound before grabbing the gauze and wrapping it comfortably.

I looked back up to find Carmen staring at me in the mirror. I gave her a sad smile, and a tear slipped down her cheek, stormy eyes dark. She mouthed three words to me, biting her lip.

"What was that, darling?" I asked softly.

"I love you," she choked out.

I began to cry with her, the fear I'd been holding back building up and boiling over. I gave a wobbly smile, the corners filled with salt. "And I love you."

"Gray, are you sure? Like, one hundred percent sure?"

I simply kissed Carmen's forehead and turned back to zipping up my stealth suit. Her shoulder still needed more time to heal, and we had all collectively agreed that I would go in her place on missions until she had recovered. I was a bit nervous, of course.

Scratch that, I was terrified. But I wasn't telling Carmen that.

Carmen stopped me before I could sit down to put on my boots, her hand moving to cup my cheek while the other stayed where it was, in a sling across her chest. "Babe, look at me." Her voice was quiet, and my expression softened. "Are you going to be okay?" My gaze fell to the floor, and I sucked in a deep breath. She stood there with me, waiting.

"I don't know if I can do this," I whispered.

I hadn't seen anyone from my old VILE days in so long... the last memory I even had of them was Dr. Bellum's weapon pointed at my head with Tigress's claws reaching for my throat.

And then Carmen had exploded her way into the room and kicked butt per usual.

She opened her mouth, then paused and seemed to change the word. "Gray..."

I looked back up at her, and she kissed me.

Neither of us spoke. We didn't know what to say.

We were at the drop point, and I didn't know if my adrenaline was from the fact that I was so anxious I could barely breathe or from the excitement of the heist I knew I should be feeling. I was to parachute from a helicopter down to my hiding place (much like my first caper for VILE) and wait for further instructions from both Player and Carmen through my com earpiece. All I knew so far was that El Topo and Le Chevre would be two of the operatives on the case. If all went well, they wouldn't even know I was here.

If.

I sucked in a deep breath and braced myself, stepping back slightly as the door of the copter opened. I counted slowly under my breath, then launched myself into the air, careful to keep quiet as I fell before pulling the cord to yank my parachute out.

There was a terrifying moment where it seemed to be jammed up, and I felt my eyes widen with dread, but it gave way and my poor heart sighed with relief.

This already isn't going well.

I was running, the keycard I had managed to retrieve tucked safely into a pocket on the inside of my suit. I could practically feel Le Chevre's hot breath on my neck, his shouts angry as he chased after me. This wasn't supposed to happen. Everything had been going so smoothly, with our electrical distraction doing its job in pulling both the Frenchman and the Spaniard away from where the data in the card had been processing itself. We had been counting on the fact that one would go after the other if they knew they were in trouble, and it had worked- but just a little too well.

I had landed quite the hit with my crackle rod on El Topo's chest, and while I regretted hurting my old classmate and friend so severely, I didn't have time to mule over it very much, seeing as his boyfriend was on my heels with murder in his eyes.

"You-" Le Chevere grunted, his fingers brushing the collar of my suit. "You are going to pay."

I sped up in panic, taking note of the tears I heard in his voice. I didn't have the time, energy, or breath to tell him I was sorry. And Carmen wouldn't have apologized, would she? She didn't like hurting them, I was sure, at least not these two. I knew it was a different story for Tigress, but-

WAM.

I cursed as the floor beneath me was suddenly dented from the bottom up, and I stumbled in a desperate attempt to regain my balance. Something or someone was under the metal grating I was running over, my heart seemed to beat even harder as the dents started again, always right between Le Chever and I, and just barely behind me. It was slowing him down a bit, at least. Maybe I'd be ok, if I could just keep this speed up.

My lungs had different ideas, and I cried out as they suddenly cramped up. Le Chevre was upon me in a second, and the dent-making force shoved themselves through the floor, scraping a jagged piece of scrap metal over my forehead in the process. I gritted my teeth and pushed Le Chevre off of me with my feet, bracing myself to flip back up, but before I could move, a gleaming pair of clawed hands were wrapped around my neck.

I froze, memories tearing into my head and threatening tears. I felt my breathing hitching up, but I forced it to stay shallow in order to keep my throat as still as possible. "Tigress," I hissed.

"Hello, Crackle," she spat back, her voice a mocking tone.

Le Chevre smirked at her over my shoulder, then returned his smoldering eyes to me. He growled and grabbed me by the collar, yanking me from Tigress's grip to slam me harshly against the wall. I winced at the stinging pain I felt in my neck from her claws, then the dull thud of my head on the metal.

"You're not going to be happy with where this goes, Crackle," he spat, his accent thickening with anger.

"Hold on for a bit longer, Graham." Player's voice piped into my ear. I felt a flicker of annoyance that he hadn't said anything until now, but bit back a retort.

Tigress's claws came forward again to lightly scratch over my cheek, and she gave a venomous smile. "It really wasn't too long ago when I last had you in my grip, was it, Gray?"

I gave her a smile of my own, already knowing it wasn't very impressive.The throbbing cut on my head had begun to bleed profusely, dripping blood into my eye. I could taste salt on my tounge as I dragged it between my teeth. "You know, Tigress, I seem to remember a certain pretty lady kicking your butt before you could do the same to me. Pity. It's been years and the cat-like-reflexes you promised still haven't shown."

She didn't take the bait, which came to a bit of a surprise. Instead, she merely growled, then nicked the tip of my nose with her pinky and stepped back. "Whatever, Graham. I'll let Le Chevre do what he wants with you."

Le Chevre pulled me back from the wall by my collar only to slam me into it again, and I let out a bark of pain as the cuts on my neck throbbed. It sent a dizzy spell through my head, and I slumped slightly in Le Chevre's hands, which quickly disappeared as a blur of red dashed through the scene.

Dread dumped itself into my already turning stomach.

Carmen?

Oh, no. No, no no no no no-

I could do nothing in my dazed state but slump to the floor as the VILE operatives and the love of my life tussled in front of me, the metallic smell of blood overloading my senses before long. How was she even here? Last I knew, she was supposed to be hundreds of miles away in California with Shadowsan and the gingers.

Carmen's hands are suddenly under my arms, and then we're running, our steps loud and awkward. I sucked in a breath and untangled our arms so we could move better, but she's grabbing me as soon as I begin to tip again. When my vision clears enough for me to stay upright by myself, I see the blood splattered across Carmen's torso and dripping from her arm. My good eye widens, and I have to force myself to not stop and look over her wounds.

We make it out of the compound, and it becomes my turn to hold Carmen up as she stumbles, the blood loss draining her energy. I tug her along with me to where the helicopter is waiting for us, horrified to see our pilot dead on the ground next to it.

There is a small moment of nothing but silence, panic rippling through the air. I glanced around, taking in our situation.

I had the keycard. Carmen and I were both still alive, but hurt. The helicopter still looked operational, but the pilot was dead. More operatives may be on our tail at any moment if we didn't hurry.

This definitely could've gone better.

"Ah, screw this, I can fly it," I muttered to myself, pulling Carmen into the aircraft behind me and setting her down gently on a seat. She didn't resist, her breathing labored. I settled myself in the cockpit, barely able to see through the blood in my vision.

I didn't let myself cry until we'd made it back to the warehouse.

Three days later I found myself staring at my ceiling, my body still shaking with the whispers of the nightmare I'd screamed awake from.

Carmen could've died on that caper. She had torn the stitches in her shoulder back open, and now had jagged claw marks running down her stomach from where Tigress had gotten a good hit. Sure, I wasn't any better, with a new scar already forming on my forehead, but I hadn't already been hurt.

What would I have done if Tigress and Le Chevre had managed to get the best of her? Just sit there all dizzy and bloodied up while they killed her?

What would I do if I lost her?

A short time later I found myself sitting on the edge of Carmen's bed in her own room, careful to shift my weight in a way that wouldn't disturb her. The early morning light was starting to make her walls glow as the world woke up, and I reached over to gently tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.

Her breathing was peaceful tonight. I was relieved she was even still asleep, honestly. Sure, I hadn't been lucky enough to avoid the nightmares, but as long as Carmen was doing better, I was happy.

I placed a butterfly kiss on her forehead, conscious of the scar on my own, then quietly stood and made my way to the kitchen. Might as well be useful and whip up something to eat.

Her fingers were tangled in the curls on the back of my head, her arm around my neck and her body pressed to mine. Tears glittered on her cheeks as she pressed soft kisses to my jaw, her free hand on my back.

Carmen and I sat on the couch, tangled in each other as her body shook. I didn't know what had upset her- the only words she could manage were sweet nothings that she whispered in my ear. I held her tightly, letting her talk and kiss me and hoping that my presence and the circles I massaged into her knotted muscles could provide some comfort.

She leaned back for a small moment and cupped my face, her eyes hooded and impossibly sad. "Graham?" Her voice was soft and hesitant, and the use of my real name sent concern through me. I brought my thumb up to brush over her cheek, smoothing a tear away into her skin.

"I'm here, darling."

"I love you."

"And I love you, Carmen."

She opened her mouth again, then paused, looking lost. I sat up a little and held her tighter and her breathing seemed to hitch, but she pressed me back down to the back rest to kiss my mouth, then my cheeks, then my nose, then my forehead.

And she spoke to me, her voice suddenly urgent. She told me something. I heard her, I listened.

But later, the words would be gone from me. Just as she was.

She smelled like cinnamon.