The sound of an engine could be heard as it pulled into the area of an abandoned summer camp. Music was blaring from the speakers of a van and the doors slid open. A group of teens hopped out with cases of beer and bags of weed. They were laughing their asses off quite loudly and began making their way to make a campfire.

Outside the area the wind howled as it began swinging a sign.

The teens got a fire going and turned up their music even louder. Cans and bottles of beer were opened and they began to party. These teens were blissfully unaware of what lurked within the camp. A strange, tall, figure that watched them from the shadows spun a rusted and bloodied machete in their hand. They watched as a pair of teens walked together into a cabin with one sliding his hands in the back pocket of the girl next to him.

The figure began to move towards the cabin they were heading to.

With (Y/n)

(Y/n) was heading home when his phone rang. He answered it and put it on speaker.

(Y/n):"Hello?"

Diane:"Hey (Y/n)~ You off work yet?"

(Y/n):"Yeah. Just headed home."

Diane:"Why don't you stop by my place? I'm bored out of my mind."

(Y/n):"Sure. I'll be right over."

It's been several weeks after he helped Diane with her mission. And as she requested, he was the only one to ever deliver pizzas to her house. Other pizza boys tried, but she ran them off with her variety of weapons. And when (Y/n) delivered to her, she would have a huge smile on her face and tip him well. He drove around before pulling in to her shop. He knocked on her door and she quickly opened it.

Diane:"Hey there handsome."

She winked and made him blush before yanking him inside her shop. She closed the door with her foot and dragged him over to the couch.

Diane:"You a fan of horror movies?"

(Y/n):"Haven't really seen many so I couldn't call myself a fan."

Diane:"Good enough for me. There's this new movie that came out and I wanted to watch it."

(Y/n):"Oh okay. I'm down."

Diane:"Good. Even if you weren't gonna stay and watch I was gonna make you."

(Y/n):"Wait what?"

Diane:"Hee hee. I'm kidding. ...For the most part."

He wasn't sure on what to say and she giggled.

Diane:"I'm gonna make some popcorn so just wait."

He nodded and she walked past his view with a sway in her hips and he looked away to not seem like a pervert. He then started to look around her shop a bit more. There was a jukebox in the corner of the room, and a fridge right next to it. She even had an arcade cabinet set up against one of the walls. And it happened to be a Street Fighter one.

There was her sword hanging above her chair at her desk. And her guns were set on the desk. Out of curiosity, he went over and picked up one of the pistols.

(Y/n):"Man, a gun feels heavier than I thought it would."

He turned it over and looked at it before setting it back down. Also on her desk was a picture of a woman that looked beautiful.

He decided to leave it be and sat back down on the couch as she came back with a bowl of popcorn and a bag of spicy chips.

Diane:"Alright, I got some snacks time to watch the movie!"

She plopped down in the spot next to him and flicked on her TV.

Back at camp

Girl:"Please! No! Stay away from me!"

A girl had tripped over a tree root and was crawling away from the machete weilding killer. He raised the blade up and swung it straight down to her face as her scream echoed throughout the camp with only one person hearing it. They had tears in their eyes and kept running away from the campsite.

Boy:"This isn't real! This isn't real! This isn't real!!!"

Back with (Y/n)

Diane began howling as a scene in the movie they were watching used horrible CGI to try and show off a scary scene. (Y/n) shook his head and let out a disappointed sigh.

(Y/n):"Wow... I mean... By definition, that was a scene. In a movie. That exists."

Diane:"And that's the best way to describe it."

The movie came to a close as the main character felt relieved that everything was over, but she saw the horrifying ghost and screamed as the doctor watching over her turned out to be a ghost too! And the credits began to roll.

Diane:"God that was so fucking awful. I got a kick out of that scene where the ghost girl peeled that dude's skin off with horrible special effects."

(Y/n):"And that ending was kinda garbage. Like yeah, I get it. You wanted to subvert expectations, but if your movie is trash then you can't really pull it off."

A/n: For anyone curious, the movie I'm poking fun at is called The Resort. I definitely recommend watching it with friends because it is so terrible and the VFX just make it even better. If you do watch it or have seen it be sure to let me know what you thought of it.

Diane yawned and stretched her arms out before wrapping one arm around him and pulling him closer to her. He was caught by surprise and didn't do anything as she leaned against him.

Diane:"(Y/n)."

(Y/n):"Yeah?"

Diane:"You're very warm."

(Y/n):"Am I?"

Diane:"Yep. Which is perfect since it's the fall season."

(Y/n):"Oh yeah. Haven't even thought about that."

They sat in silence as she continued to lean up against him as they looked at the TV showing previews for recommended movies. She started close her eyes, but suddenly her phone started to ring.

Diane:"Fucking hell..."

She got up furiously and answered the phone.

Diane:"What?"

(Y/n) ate some more chips as Diane did a double take and scratched her head.

Diane:"Wait. Say that again. Holy shit... Alright. I'll check it out."

She hung up the phone and brushed her hair aside.

(Y/n):"Demons?"

Diane:"Maybe. I got a call from my buddy Morrison who says some dumbass teenagers stepped foot on an abandoned summer camp and a lot of them got killed. One made it out alive though."

(Y/n):"That sounds strangely out of a horror film."

Diane:"Yeah, but out of a good one."

(Y/n):"Do you need me to help?"

Diane paused for a minute and smirked. She grabbed her weapons and walked over to him and lifted his chin with one of her fingers.

Diane:"Aww~ You're such a sweet boy. I'd love to have you help."

He blushed madly and caused her to laugh.

Diane:"You have your weapon?"

(Y/n):"N-no. It's at my apartment."

Diane:"Then let's go get it."

He nodded and got in her car with her as he told her where to go to reach his apartment. They reached his door and Diane took a mental note of where he lived. For whatever purpose she had in mind. He got his machete and left with her to their destination.

At the camp

The masked killer was setting down their machete when a strange voice entered his mind.

Woman: Jason, dear, two more intruders have shown up. Be a doll and kill them, would you?

The killer, now known as Jason, nodded and grabbed his machete once more and left the lonesome shack he currently lived in. Outside his shack were horrifying demons that wielded large and serrated blades. They didn't attack him, but hissed lightly and followed him to the campsite.

With Diane and (Y/n)

The two finally pulled in and saw there was a van with the doors ripped off and it was dented in several places. They stepped out and inspected it. Diane went in and saw a few dead bodies in the back and she shook her head. (Y/n) saw that the other side of the van had huge gashes running across it.

Diane:"(Y/n), I say we split up."

(Y/n):"Wait what? Don't you know anything about horror movies? Splitting up is a bad idea."

Diane:"Well this isn't a horror movie plus we split up last time on your first mission."

(Y/n):"Oh yeah. But something strong had to have cut through this van."

Diane:"You'll be fine. Your blessed machete can handle it. But if you need any assistance, you can just scream my name."

(Y/n):"Alright. Thanks."

Diane:"Sure thing."

Diane began walking off in a different direction as (Y/n) stayed near the main area where the cabins were. Diane whistled as she reached the lake and stood on the pier. The lake looked stunning in the moonlight and she glanced at the reflection in the water. She smiled and began walking away and walking in the forest.

(Y/n) created a campfire to at least be able to see in the dark somewhat. He sat down and yawned.

(Y/n):"Man, that stupid movie put me to sleep. But this demon call should wake me up."

Ch-ch-ch... Ah-ah-ah...

(Y/n) heard something strange in the wind and used his pinkies to clean his ears.

(Y/n):"What the hell was that?"

He looked around and held a confused look on his face. The sound continued again as someone stepped out from the space between a pair of cabins.

(Y/n) flinched and held his machete tightly.

(Y/n):"Dude, you look huge."

Diane herself was being surrounded by some demons.

They were staring her down and waited for her to do something. She cracked her knuckles and began stretching then let out a yawn.

Diane:"You assholes ruined my little movie date with (Y/n). Do you know how close I was to cuddling with him?"

They didn't respond and Diane got her sword ready.

Diane:"Well, I'm gonna make you regret it."

Jason inched closer to (Y/n) who held a curious look on his face.

(Y/n):"You're not a demon... At least, I don't think so..."

Jason said nothing and twirled his machete.

(Y/n):"Either way you have to go!"

(Y/n) ran up to him and aimed for his neck, but Jason blocked with his machete. (Y/n) tried to push through, but Jason used a bit of strength to push him away. His strength was enough to knock (Y/n) over onto the ground. This was what Jason needed as he aimed for (Y/n)'s head.

Then (Y/n) did something Jason's previous victims never thought of...standing up. (Y/n) rolled out the way and quickly got back on his feet. Jason yanked the tip of his weapon out the ground and looked in his direction.

(Y/n):"You got a hell of an arm, I'll give ya that."

(Y/n) tried to attack Jason again who blocked again. Instead of trying to brute force it, he pulled back and aimed for Jason's shin. Jason foolishly let (Y/n) attack and the machete pierced through and actually began to inflict pain on the killer.

Both looked on in shock as the blessed machete began to burn the area where he pierced. (Y/n) quickly yanked out his machete and Jason began to wobble a bit, but he regained his balance.

(Y/n):"Most demons don't really react like that... Just what the hell are you?"

Jason said nothing and marched forward with his machete raised. (Y/n) quickly began to back up and try to look for an opening he could use to swing at the killer's neck. Jason suddenly swung and (Y/n) had to swing back and their weapons clashed as the sound of metal clanging echoed throughout the camp. Jason was pushing the boy back with relative ease.

(Y/n): Holy crap! This dude is stupid strong!

He wasn't paying attention and Jason used a free hand to punch him in the ribs and send him tumbling along the ground. He groaned in pain and managed to get up.

(Y/n):"Damn, that hurt!"

He grit his teeth and shook his head. Jason looked on at the boy who rubbed the area where he got punched. (Y/n) acted like he was going to run at Jason by stomping on the ground and leaning forward. He then started to do this but acted like he was going left or right. Jason watched his actions carefully before (Y/n) kicked up dirt in his face and swung at his other shin.

The sudden attack brought Jason to his knees and (Y/n) aimed for the head, but Jason blocked his attack and slapped him away with more effort then last time. (Y/n) was sent into the air and crashed back down and groaned. Both machete users got over their pain and stood back up.

Diane finished off the last few demons and blew smoke away from her pistols.

Diane:"That takes care of that. Better find (Y/n)."

(Y/n) and Jason swung wildly at each other and (Y/n) was sweating. Jason was slightly annoyed at (Y/n)'s will to live and fight back. (Y/n) thought he had an opening and went in for the kill, but Jason shifted his body and got struck in his shoulder. The attack stung, but he pushed past the pain and grabbed (Y/n)'s shirt. He spun around once and threw him at the van the teens came in.

(Y/n).was slammed against the grille of the van and groaned in pain. His breathing became ragged and he struggled to stand back up. Jason picked him up by his collar and slammed him on the hood of the van harshly. (Y/n) gasped for air before being picked up by Jason again.

This time it was by his throat and (Y/n) began to thrash about. Jason's grip was too strong as he slowly began to crush the boy's windpipe. It seemed to be the end but Jason suddenly dropped him as a bang echoed out. (Y/n) started to cough and gasped for air as he saw Diane several yards away.

Diane:"Get your filthy hands off of him."

Jason left (Y/n) alone and marched towards Diane who wasn't fazed in the slightest by his demeanor. The boy himself was catching his breath and looked around for his machete. Jason swung at Diane's neck, but she simply raised her arms in defense and the machete bounced off her body. She smirked and hit Jason in the chest with a palm strike that sent him flying back into the campfire.

(Y/n): I don't know what that was but that seemed kinda broken.

Jason got up angrily and he threw off his coat which caught fire. Diane smirked and spun her guns around. With Jason distracted, (Y/n) got up to find his machete. She began firing and Jason tanked the hits and kept walking forward.

Diane:"Better switch it up."

She put away her guns and some gauntlets and some strange boots appeared on her hands and feet.

She then started kicking Jason's head repeatedly with her swift and fierce movements.

He was staggering and surprised by the damage this woman was outputting. (Y/n) scurried around and found his machete underneath the van. He quickly grabbed it and watched Diane beat the snot out of Jason. With one last kick, Jason flew into the air and crashed back down to the ground. (Y/n) took the chance to get a kill assist and jabbed his machete straight into his head.

His head began glowing and beams of light shot from his eyes as his body began to thrash about wildly. A muffled scream was heard before Jason's body burst into flames.

(Y/n):"Holy..."

Diane's weapons dispersed in embers and she flipped her hair.

Diane:"That was interesting."

(Y/n):"I was not expecting that to happen."

Diane:"I guess splitting up wasn't a good idea."

(Y/n):"Told you."

Diane:"But you held your own for a while. Good job, (Y/n)."

She smiled and winked at him. He smiled back at her.

(Y/n):"Mission complete?"

Diane:"Mission complete."

She helped him up and took him to the car. They drove back to her shop and (Y/n) collapsed on her couch exhausted. Diane saw his sleeping body and giggled.

Diane:"Thanks for the help. Let's do it again sometime."

She bent down and kissed his cheek before heading for her room.