It was a calm evening as a beautiful white haired woman was sitting in a chair reading a magazine. Her feet were propped up on a desk next to a nearly empty box of pizza. This was Diana, a woman known for her combat skills and incredible strength.

The door opened and she lowered her magazine to stare at a young man with (h/l) (h/c) hair. His (e/c) darted around her office before landing on her.

Diana:"Devil May Cry. What brings you here?"

?:"Well, I heard about this place that takes odd jobs and had a request."

She dropped her magazine on the desk and crossed her arms while pushing up her breasts which caused the man to look away.

Diana:"What kind of request?"

?:"Well, my cousin's husband has been seeing strange apparitions lately in Stive City. He's been calling them demons and other stuff like that."

Diana:"Sounds interesting. I'll go."

?:"Thanks a lot ma'am."

Diana:"Just call me Diana."

(Y/n):"I'm (Y/n)."

Diana smirked and winked at him.

Diana:"That's a cute little name."

He blushed and laughed nervously as she grabbed two guns and strapped a sword to her back.

She dug in her pockets before grabbing a set of keys.

Diana:"I'm driving."

He nodded and followed her outside. She walked to the back of the building and as he followed her, he blushed as she was swaying her hips seductively. He looked up at the sky which caused her to giggle. He then stopped looking up when he saw her vehicle.

(Y/n):"Holy..."

Diana:"Yep. This was a gift by a man named Morrison. Said I had to get around somehow."

(Y/n):"Makes sense."

They hopped in the car and she started it up. The hum of the engine made (Y/n) smile. She left the area and began driving on the road as he told her the way to go. The drive was only about 43 minutes long.

Diana pulled into the driveway of a two story house in the suburbs.

(Y/n):"They're inside. Follow me."

She followed him indoors and through the halls to the living room.

(Y/n):"Hey, Ralph, I brought the lady I was told about."

Sitting on a couch was a man who had bags under his eyes and his hair was quite a bird's nest. He looked up and smiled.

Ralph:"Thank God you're here. People have been calling me crazy, but I know what I saw! It was a demon damnit!"

Diana:"Slow down there, bud. Just tell me your story."

Ralph:"R-right. So a few nights ago, I was leaving from work when I saw something move out the corner of my eye. At first I thought it was just some dog that got out of their owner's yard. As I got in my car, I saw something move several yards away from me. It freaked me out so I quickly started the car. And suddenly a bunch of weird creatures jumped from out the building and cackled evilly!"

Diana:"I see."

Ralph:"I haven't been able to go to work lately. And the guys that covered my shift have went missing. I'm scared the police will pin this all on me!"

(Y/n):"Chill Ralph, we're gonna get this under control. Just trust the expert here."

Diana smiled smugly as Ralph calmed down.

(Y/n):"Excuse me."

He walked out the living room and down a hall to open a door. Diana eyed him carefully as he walked off. She bit her lip and giggled to herself.

Your POV

I walked into their garage and reached under a table to grab something. I pulled out a very special machete.

Diana:"Nuh-uh. I ain't letting you go out to fight some demons. Especially with something like that."

"Listen Diana, I know I hired you for this gig, but it's my fight as well. These things are messing with my family. Besides, this is no ordinary machete."

Diana:"How so?"

"Well, it was blessed by a priest. Several actually. Their holy words have made this a unique holy weapon to say the least."

Diana:"Do they know about this?"

"Nah. Best to keep it that way as well. As far as everyone knows, I'm a pizza delivery boy."

Diana:"Well Pizza Boy, let's go kill some demons!"

"Yeah!"

We exited the garage and hopped in her car. She pulled out and whipped the car around. The tires screeched loudly as we drove out from the suburbs and into the city.

Diana put some shades on and put on some rock music as we drove to Ralph's workplace.

Once we reached it, Diana took off her sunglasses and looked around.

Diana:"Oh I can feel those little fuckers around."

"I'll go ahead and run inside."

Diana:"If you get in over your heard you better scream your cute ass off so I can hear you."

I felt my face heat up as she walked around me and to the back of the large building. I shook my head before spinning my machete in my hand.

"Let's go!"

I ran inside and walked up the stairs carefully.

"No signs of them anywhere."

I heard gunshots several floors up and smiled.

"Man, she works fast."

I ran up the stairs when I heard a low growl behind me. I turned my head to see a frail looking figure carrying a scythe.

It roared as it raised the scythe over its head. It brought it down, but I blocked the attack with my machete. It caused the demon to stumble backwards. I used the opening to quickly stab it in the chest.

It howled in pain as I brought the blade upward, splitting its body in two. The halves fell on different sides and turned to ash. The blood on my blade glowed and disappeared.

"Well that's handy."

I continued making my way upstairs fighting off the lesser demons when I felt the building rumble. Something caused the upper floors to crack and break. I dodged the debris to the best of my ability when something crashed on top of me. I groaned in pain as I opened my eyes to see Diana sitting on my chest. I felt my face heat up, but she didn't seem to notice she was sitting on me.

"Hello there."

She turned her head and smirked.

Diana:"General (Y/n), you are a bold one."

She got up and helped me up.

"What caused the building to get trashed?"

Diana:"Some punk in a dark coat finished a demon summoning ritual. He got killed immediately by the demon and now it's on a rampage."

"What?! Seriously?!"

Diana:"Yep."

I sighed before looking past her to see a large demon.

"Is that it over there?"

I pointed past her and she whistled before nodding.

Demon:"Finally. I'm free! Haha! Wait, that scent... SPARDA!"

He looked in our direction and gave a displeased look. The demon had the top half of a human while his lower body was a large body reminiscent of a scorpion. He even had a stinger. He looked to be about 12 feet tall.

Diana:"You can smell me? Fucking pervert."

She drew her sword and I quickly got into position to fight alongside her.

Demon:"And a little human boy! I could use a snack."

"Ah hell nah!"

I ran at him which caused him to laugh. He shot his stinger at me, but I rolled out the way and cut the tip off in one clean cut.

He roared in pain as blood gushed out.

Diana:"Thanks for the opening!"

She ran quickly at him and threw her sword like a boomerang. It cut off the pincers he had for hands and she caught it back in her hand. She sheathed her sword and grabbed two pistols from her backside. They started glowing with red energy and she smiled.

Diana:"Jackpot!"

She released a stream of powerful bullets into the demon's head and killed it. She spun her guns in her hands and blew the smoke away.

Diana:"Mission complete."

"Heh, I would say so."

We stared out the shattered glass windows to see the moon shining beautifully. The light from it glistened perfectly on her white hair. She brushed it behind her ear and looked at me. I blushed as she walked towards me with a sway in her hips.

Diana:"So about that payment..."

"Oh right! I have the cash back at the house. We have to go back anyway."

Diana:"I want to negotiate. I was asked to take care of some lesser demons. No one said anything about that scorpion freak."

"Ah, that's...fair I suppose. What else do you want?"

Diana:"You said you were a delivery boy right?"

"Yeah?"

Diana:"Good. Because whenever I order, I want them to specifically send you and only you to my office. Got it?"

"I can work that out with my boss."

Diana:"Good. Now, let's go."

She threw me over her shoulder and jumped out the shattered windows and landed on the concrete with no issue. She walked with me still over her shoulder before throwing me in her car. She hopped over the door and started it up before driving out the parking lot.

I sat up straight as we rode back to Ralph's house. Once we were there, she told him that she finished the job. He paid her and he was finally able to get some sleep.

Diana:"Well that's that. Hopefully I'll see you around."

"Of course. Take it easy Diana."

Diana:"You too, (Y/n). When you're free, feel free to stop by. I wouldn't mind the company."

"Sure thing."

She walked to the door and opened it, but before she left she gave me a smile which caused me to blush. She giggled and left.

Mission Complete!

A/n: So this is gonna be in an AU since there is no way I could fit this in the canon timeline of DMC. Either way, I hope you guys enjoy this little story.