Chapter 30
Pouring Hearts Out

I would probably get an earful from my parents once they find out that I've skipped my classes just to be with my boyfriend.

Wow, it feels good to call him my boyfriend again.

Though I don't even know if we're boyfriends again, or if we get back together.

But one thing is I'm sure of – he missed me just as much as I missed him, craved me just as much as I craved him, and loved me just as much as I loved him. Though it's still not clear why he broke up with me (or my head just doesn't want to process it), I'm fine with the way things are happening.

Earlier, from the looks of him, Dale looked like he was going to cry. Just remembering the face he was wearing – sad, hurt, panicky, my heart clenches. He was panicking and rambling fast. He called me baby; he was asking for my forgiveness; he said he'd do anything for me. I smile, remembering those moments even though they just happened two hours ago.

Dale has brought me to his home, and now we're in bed together, being all cuddly with each other. He nuzzles his nose in the crook of my neck, which tickles me; I let out a giggle, blushing when I feel him smirking. His skin is burning against mine, and just by having him around, arms wrapped tightly around me, I feel complete and it feels like the breakup never happened. He sighs, his breath fanning the back of my neck. I tip my head back, looking at him and he smiles at me sadly. I turn around, cupping his face and rest my forehead against his, wanting to feel those sinful, tempting, beautiful, reddish, and plump lips against mine. My eyes flicker between his eyes down to his lips, then I lean forward and planting a soft, the softest kiss I can give, kiss on his lips. He moans.

"I miss you," I whimper, pulling away immediately and resting my chin on his shoulder. He hugs me tight, burying his face in the crook of my neck, and I'm forced to sit up on his lap, so basically I'm now straddling him. "I miss you so much it hurts."

Running circles around my back, he pulls his head away and gives me a sad but full of love smile. "I know I'm a jerk, and I know you've been through a lot, and I wasn't there." He says croakily, tears welling up in his eyes. My heart clenches at the sight. The last thing I want to happen is see him cry in front of me, because I know my heart won't be able to handle it. I won't be able to handle it when I see him cry. I brush the tears away that are forming in his eyes. "I broke your heart. You cried, and that's because of me. I don't deserve you. I don't deserve you at all. But I want to be selfish. I want to be selfish and claim you and love you." He whimpers, tears now pouring out of his eyes and I sob, too, unable to resist the urge to cry.

Cupping his face, pushing myself into him more, closing the gap between us, I shake my head vigorously. Tears are still pilling out of my eyes and his eyes. If someone catches us like this, they'd think we're probably we're crazy. "You are as selfish as I am," I whisper; the tip of our nose is now touching. "You can break my heart all you want all the time, and I'd still want you."

Dale looks at me through his lashes, and bores into mine. I feel my breath hitch just from the mere sight of his breathtaking and soul-captivating eyes. A lot of emotions are swimming in his eyes, and I can't look away but to stare more until my heart can't take it anymore. I crash my lips on his, hard and needy. I'm hungry for him, missed the feeling of his lips burning against mine. His arms tighten again, pushing me closer if possible, and the way his lips move with mine, as if they are dancing, it's incredible. It lifts my soul up. The beat of our hearts is in sync, being the music as our lips dance. I can practically feel his lips pounding hard against his chest, matching mine.

Biting, tugging at my bottom lip, I let out a most seductive moan that I never knew I was capable to let out, which urges Dale to keep doing it. While he does that, his eyes never leave mine. Looking at his perspective, I look like a mess now, panting, breathing hard, moaning from pleasure.

"I love you," he begins to smother my face with kisses, saying "I love you," as he presses his lips on every part of my face, until it slides across my jaw, then it goes down until his lips meet the curve of my neck that has me panting. "I was scared, Beau. I was so fucking scared – I still am. My whole life I've been straight and been interested with girls, but ever since you came, and you started flirting with me, I knew something had changed. I've changed." He nips at the most sensitive skin of my neck, and I throw my arms around his neck, burying his face deeper into my neck more, if possible.

Thinking about it now, it all makes sense. Everything that has been happening between us, it's too much for him. He has been straight his whole life, been interested with women who have big breasts, big butts, long hair. It's hard for him to realize that he likes me and he was probably going through a lot of shit when he realized that he wanted – wants ­– me. Thinking about it, I feel guilty. I should have been there for him to support him, to guide him, but instead I had become blind, so blind that I didn't see he needed any help. Now I'm thinking whether I took advantage of him or not. As if sensing my distress, he begins kissing, sucking my Adam's apple, the tip of his tongue teasing my skin; he moves his lips upwards slowly, torturing me. When our lips meet, everything inside me bursts like fireworks, exploding in different colors.

"Let's just forget everything today," he murmurs as he pulls away, but as soon as the words escape his lips, he puts his lips back on mine again.

Dale kisses me with passion, longing, yearning, and love. It's like he's pouring everything out, making himself seem vulnerable. And I see how vulnerable he is. His lips become rough against mine, pressing harder and harder. He pushes me back, pulling away from the kiss which kind of disappoints me, only to make room for himself to take off his shirt; he throws it somewhere around the room, then begins kissing me back again. He kisses me as if there's no tomorrow, and he presses himself harder into me, as if he wants to feel every inch of me, and he puts his arms around me tight and hard, as if he's afraid I'd vanish into thin air. I assure him that I'll only here by his side by kissing him, moaning and panting.

Tugging on my shirt, I pull away from him and he guides me to ttaake off my shirt, then he takes the privilege to throw it somewhere, then his eyes rake my body hungrily. If he were a dog, a cute puppy, his tongue would be lolling out upon seeing a meat being laid in front of him.

His eyes are now filled with lust, but it's still mixed with love and yearning. Then his eyes meet mine, and the intensity of his eyes makes my heart stop – just seeing those beautiful eyes makes me want to believe that this is all a dream. He cups my face, his thumbs running circles around my cheeks and he stares deeply into my eyes. It feels like he's looking into my souls through my eyes, and I'm letting him. Perhaps I want to make him see how naked – my soul is – I am for him, how vulnerable I am, how fragile I am, how I want him so much.

"You're beautiful," he whispers, admiring me. I blush, trying to hide my face. A chuckle escapes his lips and rests his forehead against mine. "You're everything I need. I don't care if they judge me for this, but I'm not going to hurt you again. I'm not going to let you go again. Never. I promise that. I fucking promise that."

And I believe him. "No matter what happens, I will always be here for you." I say with sincerity, making him tear up. "There were a lot of times I wished I had not met you, but looking at you right now, it makes me think how I've been so stupid, how stupid I am for thinking that."

"You have the right to," he sniffs. "I hurt you. It's normal."

Shaking my head, I smile sadly. "I have, yes, but who cares? I'm stupid. I'm stupidly in love with you."

"God, what did I ever do to deserve you?" He says between a chuckle and a groan, and crashes his lips on mine again. The way he kisses me, the way his hand slide up to the back of my neck, the way his other hand caress my skin, it's all too heavenly, too much. It feels like he's born to do those things at me. His hands feel good, skin feels soft, and I wouldn't trade anything for this.

We make out until we lose our breaths, until our lungs have no air anymore, until we have to pull away to inhale some oxygen. He turns me around and my naked back rests on his bare chest; this is the best feeling in the world – love and being loved by the person you love most, the person you can't live without, the person you admire most, and the person you share everything with. Call me a fool, but even if he hurts me – he can hurt me any time, I would still wish to back in his arms.

He has already promised that he wouldn't hurt me.

And I believe him. He might have hurt me already, but he will never do it again. I have a lot of trust in him, and I believe him. I trust my heart in him.

"You know, I remember the first time I met you," he says, having a dreamy look on his face as he racks his brain for the specific memory. I turn to look at him over my shoulders and wait for him to continue the story. "You were obviously and openly ogling me, and I was really awkward at that time. I didn't know you, and I got the sense that you were gay. I have no problems with gays because my brother is one.

"You were ogling me, and I wanted to tell you to stop it, but it would be rude. Plus I didn't want Gloss thinking that I was a piece of shit, a homophobic prick, but you were really getting in on my nerves. But when I met you, started getting to know you, I knew right then and there that you're a good person. When I realized that I have, um, a feelings for you, I tried to conceal it, but failed to do so. It was too much for me, so I decided to quit things out between us. And then you were gone suddenly. Every single day I was wishing I'd meet you, I'd run into you in the hallway, or in the cafeteria, but you never were. I just heard that you were gone, and then I heard from someone that you're never going back. I cried and cried and cried, and then I talked to my brother. He called me names, saying I was stupid for letting you go. Then I heard that your grandmother died, so I tried to get information and then I heard from someone that you went to Paris.

"And I was really devastated because I knew you needed someone to talk to, and I wasn't there. I failed to be there when you needed me the most, and I'm sorry for it." Tears are welling up in his eyes again, but I quickly brush it away.

"It's okay. I'm okay." I say, assuring him, kissing him on the lips.

"I love you so much you have no idea," he says breathlessly.

"You have no idea, too, how much I love you."

****** END OF CHAPTER 30

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