I feel as though I'm being followed by an unrelenting thundercloud. My mood is foul, my work is shit and I find myself spiralling in search of anything that'll make me feel alive.

I slide my phone between my shoulder and my ear, knowing I'm sounding like a whiny little shit but I don't care. Ever since my run-in with Everett, nothing makes any sense in my world.

"Come on, Amyas. It's at the Co-ed, so you know it's going to be fun." I say, my fingers buttoning my black shirt with practised fluidity.

The Co-ed is the on-campus housing for students studying miscellaneous subjects which basically means, a free for all.

"No, I'm in the middle of my project and it's finally making sense." He says and I huff, knowing exactly what he means but really not in the mood to hear it.

"Great! So you know what you're doing now, you can take a break. Sit up straight, you know you need a break." I say persuasively and I grin when the line goes silent. When you're in the zone, all those aches and pains, hunger and thirst, whither away. Until someone points them out, that is.

Amyas groans down the line and I bite my lip to stop myself grinning.

"Fuck...fine you jammy sod. What are you wearing?" He asks and I shrug nonchalantly, glancing at my reflection.

"Just something casual." I say and he scoffs.

"That's a lie. Is it your silver jacket?" He asks and I shake my head, sliding in my hoop earring.

"No, I'm wearing a black shirt and waistcoat." I say.

Amyas is silent for a moment before laughing.

"How many times do I have to tell you? That's not a waistcoat, it's a harness. So, you're basically just looking for sex tonight?" He says and I roll my eyes.

"Absolutely not. I'm looking for inspiration." I say and he hums.

"Yeah, yeah, alright. Fine, I'll meet you there." He says, hanging up and I grin.

I roll up my sleeves, fasten my belt and slip on my boots. I rake my hair back behind my ears, noting that its basically brushing my neck now. I should probably get it cut soon. Strands fall into my eyes as I slip my rings on and grab my wallet.

Amyas lives closer to the Co-ed than I do, and I'm not surprised when I spot him waiting for me.

He's wearing a blue and white shirt that looks like ocean waves, but he's not bothered to do it up, only bothering to tuck it into his high waisted trousers. And he has the audacity to say that I'm looking for sex?

"You're a bad influence." He says, his silver necklace gleaming in the moonlight and I wink.

"I know." I say, making my way into the house.

The lights are off, the only lighting being the string lights winding up the stairs and the candles littered in empty corners. The music is R&B and new rock and mingles with the heavy scent of teen spirit.

I grin when I spot the others from our art class, my arm shrugging over James' shoulder as he passes Amyas and I a beer.

We chat for a while, art, girls, even politics but after a while I grow bored and I inevitably lose all self-control. I wander off with the 'wrong crowd', something that I swore I'd never do again a hundred times before.

Thirty minutes later and the buzz of drugs elicits lightning in my veins, enlightening my imprisoned mind for the first time in a week. I nurse my beer, my eyes constantly wandering away from the girl in front of me.

I know she's told me her name, but it floated away about three Chase Atlantic songs ago.

She pulls me closer, her mouth pressing kisses to my neck but I don't feel them, my body humming to a different rhythm.

My free hand roams her body in a hazy manner, feeling the curves of her supple body as her perfume bombards my senses. I roll my neck, humming happily as the song changes.

"Says she wanna fuck me later, girl I'm into it." I murmur, singing along as my eyes meet mismatched glory.

They pull me in like a rip tide and I'm helpless to resist.

He raises his eyebrows tauntingly as he scans my body and I feel as though I'm on fire. As though I'll die if his eyes leave me for even a second.

His eyes flicker back to the girl, a strange expression on his face and I smile.

I glance to my right, meeting the eyes of a boy who was straight until he set eyes on me. I roam his face, sighing a little when of course, he doesn't compare. I pull him closer, swaying us to the music as his arms wrap around me.

I tug on his shirt, my eyes connecting with Everett's over his shoulder as I pull on the guys lip with my teeth. Strange hands roam my body, squeezing my ass through my tight black jeans and I laugh, pulling away.

I take another swig of my beer, unable to tear my eyes away from the man with one blue eye.

"I'm into it." I mouth, winking and watching with a grin as Everett glances away, a hint of a blush on his cheeks.

Someone tugs on my sleeve and I look away reluctantly, abandoning the stranger I'm with as I'm demanded elsewhere by a golden head of hair. I dance with Amyas, smiling as he lets go for once, throwing his head back and laughing.

Amyas is beautiful in his own way, but it's never been like that with us. Never anything more than understanding and appreciation. A port in a storm.

He meets my eyes and squints. I sigh, knowing what's coming next.

"You're high!" He accuses and I shrug.

"You said you wouldn't." He says meaningfully, although he's definitely wobbly on his feet.

"I always say that it's the last time." I say and he shoots me a hard stare.

"But this time I mean it." I say, grinding my teeth together. Amyas smiles and I sigh, rolling my head back as I sway to the music.

Suppose I better enjoy it.

A hand glides against my back, and typically I'd ignore the feeling, but this time I can feel the heat, the electricity and as I open my eyes I find Everett staring back. He tilts his head meaningfully and I nod.

I swallow in anticipation as I watch him duck out the room. I wait for a few moments before slipping away from Amyas, following the dark corridor that I know I shouldn't venture.

I smile coyly when I spot him, coming to a stop opposite as I lean against the wall.

"Fancy seeing you here." I say, my voice thick and husky.

He stares at me with that hard, expressionless look that drives me crazy before looking away. I take the time to observe him. Navy slacks that wrap around his legs just right, and a white shirt, buttoned and crisply ironed. He looks just as uptight as always and I find myself desperate to be the one to unravel him. To claw my hands through that perfectly styled hair, to knock down that carefully constructed facade.

I step closer, knowing I'm torturing myself, but unable to stop as I lean my hand against the wall just beside his head. I smile as his eyes come back to meet mine, seemingly unbothered by my proximity.

"What did you need?" I ask, curious as to what has prompted this little meeting.

His brown eye twinkles under the dim fairy lights, my heart racing as he takes his time responding, his eyes roaming my appearance.

"I want you to ask me to sit for you." He says calmly and I frown, leaning back.

His expression is relaxed and open, as though he's thought this through carefully. Panic flows through me all at once, stifling any pleasure I might have felt at those words.

"No." I murmur, letting my hand drop as I step back.

He frowns, pursing his lips.

"Why not?" He asks and I look away, raking a hand through my hair.

"You don't know what you're asking." I say, my voice hushed.

And for a moment, I'm not certain either. This process is like second nature to me now, it's always the same. I flirt, they pose, I get to know them, in every intimate aspect, and then I move on. They know the drill when they agree to spend time with me and it never falters. But this time, it's different, so much more at stake. My loyalty to Amyas, my own sanity...and I don't even want to touch the subject of my racing heart.

Everett's silent for a moment, our eyes battling as neither of us back down.

His hand reaches up like lightning, his fingers wrapping round my harness as he tugs me closer, our lips just a breath apart.

"Fine. If you won't ask, then I'll demand." He says, his breath fanning over my face.

I brace my hand against the wall again, my knee edging his legs apart as I press our bodies together. His breathing hitches for a moment but his eyes never leave mine.

"Observe me. Touch me. Move me." He says painfully slowly.

I inhale deeply, swallowing the moan that nearly escapes me. My limited self-control lays in shreds at this mans feet as I feel my will surrender unto him. I tilt my head, licking my lips slowly, watching as his eyes follow the motion.

"If I sculpt you, I'll fuck you." I say, my voice low, acting as a warning.

His lips pull up unexpectedly, transforming his face. He looks nervous, but exhilarated by the idea.

"Thought that went without saying." He murmurs.

I watch his eyes for a moment more, feeling a bitter resentment rise in me. How can I say no? How can I say no when he's offering me all that has kept me awake at night, the only thing that my head, heart and hands can agree upon. Feeling an awful revulsion from my own weakness I nod, pulling away.

"Ok. I'll text you." I say.

He clouds my head, my judgement tainted so much more than any drug could ever dream of doing. Already my brain is soaring, leaping like lightning as I picture the motions, the firmness of his biceps, the curve of his neck as it meets his shoulder.

I'm breathless with anticipation and I leave immediately, unsure what I'll do if I don't.

I dash through the house, my fingers tugging through my hair as I groan audibly.

He will be my ruin, I'm sure of it.

_

A/N Another update coming to you from a delicious rainy sunday evening. Is there anything better? I don't think so.

Leave me a comment! I don't always respond to them (I'm lazy) but I do read them, so let me know what you think so far :) 

Francesca