Like always, Jimin sat there on the swing at exactly the same time as the whole week. And just like all the past days Jungkook was not later than one minute.arriving at exactly 21:16, 9:16 pm. 

Like they agreed.

they decided to set a daily time where they would meet. and knowing jimin was always here either at sunset and in weekends he would be there at 9pm they decided to go with nine fifteen and seven fifteen. 

"Hey, you're here"

"of course i am"  Jimin said and held back a scoff. He shouldnt act like that, he told himself. But lately he had been feeling more agitated with people. He had gotten annoyed whenever someone texted him or asked him something. while at the same time he was desperate for a friendship and human interaction. But it felt so stressfuly and it always made him feel so annoyed. And thats something he also hated about himself. He just cant communicate with people. 

Whenever he get something gifted, he would now know how to express his thankfulness expect for a simple. 'thank you'.  he would smile and be unsure what to do. He doesnt like receiving gifts for that reason. he doesnt want to disappoint people with his lack of expressions. Because that is all he does. 

He cant even have a normal conversation. His mind just blocks. He needs time to think of words. time other people dont give him and give him attitude. So he just gave up.. again. he doesnt want to talk anymore. he doesnt need friends, thats what he told himself. yet he was deeply unhappy.

He doesnt feel like putting effort into anything anymore, he is just... living. thats all, pushing back all the things that he should do, ignoring the pushes he get from family to persue his talent and get his career. But Jimin just says 'yes' an does 'no'. 

He hates himself

He hated how dissapointing he is. how lazy he was, how ignorant. How he had failed in life. already-

"how are you feeling today, anything on your mind?"  Jungkook asked swinging his swing slightly with his foot that was on the sand below the swing. the moonlight reflecting in the water and against the sides of their faces. No matter how cold the colors were, together it wasnt as cold as jimin normally felt. It was warmer with Jungkook, he made him feel more at ease. He didnt feel so alone.

"nothing much.."  Jimin shrugged. Only to jungkook he would say such things and be honest. while to others he always pretended to be the most happy and friendly person ever. But he was slowly growing tired of everything. No matter how sweet and happy he acted. people never stayed to be his friend. people never bothered to include him to things. And no matter how good of a person he tried to be, there were too many people who ruin everything. and Jimin being how he is only sees the negative news and actions around him. Making him even more yearning to die.

"i see, thats fine too. we can enjoy just having nothing to think about"  jungkook nodded and smiled at the other warmly. Jimin returned a small smile before looking back down at the sand. Jimin cant maintain eye contact with anyone. It just made him more nervous and gave him more stress. his whole brain would simply get an error and he wouldnt be able to think properly anymore. so he always looked a something else. he had been like that since school, staring at the teacher would make him space out. but while he was drawing in his journal or playing cards on his computer he would always take in all the information. He just prefers to listen to someone while doing something else. He just had a hard time focussing without a second distraction.

most teachers didnt understand.

they always told him he was too dreamy and should talk more.

It made Jimin sad. at first he didnt bother about it because he was too young. but the more he grew up, from middle school to even highschool. always the same stupid feedback..

"i guess so"  jimin replied and glanced at Jungkook again. he was really trying to make eye contact like a normal person, but whenever jungkook looked back at him he looked away immediately

he just cant do it.

"whats on your hand? did you hurt your hand today?"  jungkook asked looking at the red line on jimin's hand. it looked fresh. and as far he knew jimin did not have a cat.

"Oh i just... its nothing"  jimin put his hand under his leg to hide it. He will never tell that he had given it a try to cut. But that was the only cut e had made. He found n where a way to relieve his stress, and hearing about people cutting themselves made them feel relieved in the moment he wanted to give it a try.... but he cant do it. He had been siting on his bed with the blade for a long time before he had pressed the blade on his skin and made a cut.

It did not relieve him, it hurted. he didnt like it. He doesnt like pain.

he wants he wants the pain to be taken away, not adding more. Even if the cut was small, it only made him angry. frustrated he threw the knife away and dapped the blood off his hand. 

No matter what he did nothing made him feel better. hitting the wall dint relieve anything. as soon he saw blood from his knuckles he would stop and tell himself how stupid he was.=. pulling his hair didnt work, he knows he will only be ugly, and then he will be ignored like trash on the street.

Jimin felt so lost, he doesnt want to life. but at the same time he is afraid to end it.

He isnt afraid of death, he is afraid of the moment before death.

He doesnt know what to do anymore. wel he knows, he was aware that talking was said to help. but he cant, he cant tell anyone. whenever he tried to talk to someone, asking them to meet up he would chicken out. 

"did you do it yourself?"  jungkook asked. he knows people tend to resort to cutting as a way to escape. Nad he hoped jimin wasnt doing so as well.

"i tried... but i cant do it" jimin admitted and avoided eye contact even more than before.

"im glad you didnt continue, it will only make things worse. please dont try it again."

"i wont"  jimin said staring at the small shimmering reflections o the moon on the lake. an invitingly calm lake. "it hurt.... i didn't like it"

Jungkook felt bad, he wants to help so bad. but he is afraid that one day jimin wont listen to him anymore. "Would you like to go eat ice cream tomorrow?"

"ice cream?"

"yes, we can go to the one nearby, they sell amazing fruity flavours. all home made"  jungkook smiled when he finally saw Jimin having eye contact with him for at least six seconds.

"....sure" 

"great!"

Jimin wasnt sure what to feel, he knows he should be happy that he finally can do something with a...friend. yet here he was, feeling like an empty shell. already many things went through his head, but no word left his mouth to fix whatever he thought he did wrong. 

It felt like all those other times. He always proffered to not be around people, it would only make it difficult for him to be liked. there would be too many different people to please...He just wants everyone to like him. He just want to be liked by people. He didnt have any friend so he felt desperate for any type of positive reaction from someone.

he cant handle negativity anymore. anytime something went wrong or he accidentally said the wrong thing he would feel like he was freaking out, he would always feel like bawling his eyes out and just slice his throat right there and then. But all he could do was smile and laugh it off, no one can know what goes on in his head. people would only look at him differently, they would only dislike him more, they would think he was weird. they would rhinkhe was stupid and an attention seeker.

And just like that he keeps eveything hidden and does what is expected of him. Every time someone would ask him to do something he would say yes. No matter how busy he was. He just wants to help, he might get positive response from it and encouraging words. He might improve his friendly status. Maybe they would like him more that way?

As long he did what was asked of him and smiled at all times it would be okay.

That what he always thought. That was lis last attempt. But in this world it seems there was no place for such people.

Everything was going so downhill, people he met were all rude and had such an attitude. He didnt feel like he could ever fit in. He didn't like to get drunk every night. He didn't like to break rules. He was just too well raised. Always following rules and listening to others, he never did anything bad. He just wants to help and be liked my people.

But it seemed impossible. People apparently didnt like 'nice guys'.

And so, since he cant make any friends he always thought he was just unlikable in general. And because of that everytime someone had a bad mood he thought they just didnt like him in specific. Jimin was trying so hard to have everyone like him. He was always nice, always smiling. Never said 'no'. What else do they want from him? Why wasnt it working. Why did no one want to be friends...what did others havw that he had not.....

Why couldn't he just be normal.

Why couldn't he just be able to talk normally. Why was he like this....

This annoying piece of disappointment.

Jimin had stopped trying by now.... He just accepted the fact that he just didnt belong here. His whole life was already ruined. He never had to experience teenage years with friends, so stupid things and make funny pictures. He didnt have any pictures in his phone. He didnt have those friends. Everyone just left, they just stopped involving him. He used social media, mostly to look at other people. But on his own page were pictures and a fake profile photo. A photo he took from internet of random friend group to make it seem he wasnt so pathetic. To make it seem he went to parties and hung out with them...

But in fact all those hand, shoes and face covered pictures were just random internet photos.

He had lost in life.

yet.... ending it all would only hurt his family who have no idea. he doesnt want to cause them pain. he doesnt want his parents to think they failed in parenting. they were great, they are the best he could ask for. Jimin was he problem, Jimin just was a dissapointment....

"Jimin, you okay?" Jungkooks voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

Right.... i have Jungkook now.... Im not alone anymore....

He smiled a little. "yes, sorry. I was just... Thinking"

"thats fine. anything you want to share with me? You're secrets are safe with me, i will always listen to you and be there for you"

"promise?"

"as long you promise you wont do it i will" Jungkook said looking at Jimin who looked back up at him. He looked hesitant.

"I..... i promise"

"then i promise you too"  jungkook smiled. "you wont have to worry anymore, i will always be here for you"

Jimin smiled back.

"its getting late. we both should get home. its dangerous to be out too late at night" jungkook said after he felt his phone buzz. his alarm telling him it was midnight.

"okay"

"so, ice cream tomorrow?"

Jimin nodded. he likes to go have ice cream. for once he kind of looked forward to something.

"then we will see eachother at uhmmm. seven? its monday tomorrow"

"seven is okay"  jimin nodded again.

"goodnight then, see you tomorrow"  Jungkook smiled. had as they both went separate ways jungkook like every other day turned around halfway to look at Jimin, making sure he left the park safely.

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