Okay, so not a demon dimension after all. But somewhere almost as bad: the abyssal plain. The dark abyss in between realms where crap got trapped forever in incorporeal form. I swore I even saw the specter of my old second-grade teacher screaming at me not to eat paste resided in this place. Suddenly some sort of maelstrom started to pull my shade onward into a bright light hole. I spun down the tunnel of light like a turd in a toilet bowl, before finally getting flushed back out into what I can only hope is the real world.

My stomach roiled from the stench as the noxious fumes evaporated into the corporal. After I fully incorporate I immediately checked to make sure that my secret identity was still intact.

"What the hell?" I spat out the last taste of the nothingness.  

My eyes took a few moments to focus on my surroundings, and all I see is wall to wall TV screens. Where ever I ended up, this place had more TV's than that Bomb Shelter sports bar down the street back home. Over a hundred screens lined the walls with feeds from all over the city, as well as local, national, international news channels. Regardless, this was a sweet set up with all the cutting-edge high tech gear. And sitting in the middle of it all at the evil overlord command center was the boss lady herself—the Dragon Lady—all decked out in a shiny black armored skin suit.  

Her pale visage adorned with psychic spikes all around her sable night eyes, that took me in with a slow stare. "Hello, Kidd."

"Lady." I crawled slowly to standing and saluted her with clenched fists over my heart.

"How are you doing after the testing crucible?"

"Good to go." My shoulders stretched. "Although, I could've lived without the ride through the dark abyss to get here."

"Absolutely understandable." She leaned all the way back in her leather command chair and crossed her arms. "Truth be told, no one likes a sudden trip through the abyssal plain, without a by your leave. But times being what they are..."

"Say no more, boss. I get it. You have to keep the location of your secret lair a secret." There really was no upside to complaining about how I got here. "You summoned me, so here I am. I'm loyal. So, tell me what you need and consider it done."

"Straight to the point, Kidd. One of the things that I've always appreciated about you the most." She flashed me a small smile, or what I assumed was a smile. "The reason you've been called in is three-fold. Would you like to take a guess at the first reason?"

She watched me caustically to see if I would flinch. Instead, I stayed as cool as ice before proceeding.

"The latest round of bullshit with the Boys in Black?" I steeled myself to explain the latest screwup. "You made it pretty clear to the rank and file to handle the business in the dark. Sorry to say, but old Commander Z liked the spotlight a little too much so..." I left the obvious conclusion to that problem unspoken.

"So, you and your comrades decided to stage a coup. And then you sent me his head on an actual silver platter?" She flicked a perfectly manicured finger at a picture of Zarkon head hanging on her trophy wall.

We had even gift wrapped Zarkon's head with a nice blood red bow on top. The bow as all my idea; a way to show the right amount of respect when presenting a severed head to the boss.

"Well, technically it was a silver plated platter ...but we figured it was the thought that counted?" I raked a hand through my jet black hair and added a rakish wink. Better to play up my nervousness at the situation off as a joke.

"Any other thoughts you'd like to share on the subject before I weigh in on your sudden and unauthorized change in management styles?" Damn, that word "unauthorized" had the stench of death sentence written all over it. As a general rule In Our Dark Thing, it was always best to ask permission, not forgiveness. Because being villains, and therefore all evil, we didn't exactly do the forgiveness thing. Once you rolled the dice with the devil, all you could hope for is that they came up aces.

"Look, Lady, I'm not going to apologize. It had to be done." My eyes didn't leave her pale visage. "It was no secret Zark had issues serving under a lady. Even one as obviously awesomely evil as you are. 

"And even with all his misguided misogynistic bullshit aside, Zark was also into a lot of stupid shit. When he started talking all big and bad, it was pretty clear to everyone that he was going to get a lot of us dusted out. So the boys and I had a powwow over some beers down at Bomb Shelter, and everyone decided he had to go. But no one was really willing to volunteer to commit to the kill since most of us had some history with him. So we drew for it, and I got the Ace of Spades.

"So, he went." I paused, letting the explanation sink in. "And we sent you his head, cause like you said, 'anyone who breaks Détente is dust and will get served up with their head on a platter'. Hence, head... platter... served up?"

"With a bow on top?" The spikes on her eyebrows rose. And while I didn't exactly know what precisely what those psychic spikes were capable of, I also didn't feel the need to find out the hard way. Although I might have been on the slightly stupid side of the spectrum, even I wasn't that dumb.

"Okay, I admit that maybe we went a little too literal with the presentation." I held my hands up in defense. "But we wanted you to know we're loyal, and we take orders from the top seriously. Very freaking seriously."  Normally I would have dropped the big F-bomb in here, but the boss being kind of a lady was sort of particular about what the boys were allowed to say.

"I see." The Lady propped her steepled fingers against her blackened lips, while her dark eyes gave me a scathing once over. "Anything else you'd like to add before we move on to the next thing?"

"Yeah, Zarkon was a dick who should've never been in charge of anything, including himself. The only reason he was even acting asshole in charge of our crew was that he had de facto seniority after the Dust Up. Without that power vacuum to fill, he'd still be the sergeant-at-arms of our crew, at best."

"Under that insightful analysis, one could say the same thing about you," she countered evenly. "or even myself?"

"Yeah, and then that one person should end up with his face lasered off, and what's left of his charred spine skewered up on the freeway just before the last exit to the Tragic Kingdom—Vlad Tepes style." I stared straight at her. "I'm loyal. Just give me the name of that one asshole who said that about you, and consider it a done deal. And I can be on my way back down to the streets." Where it was a hell of a lot safer for me than this upper echelon power-tripping political crap.

"Yes, well, for the moment let us consider the matter of former Commander Zarkon's untimely retirement from the Syndicate old business then." The Lady glanced at the papers on her desk. "Now onto the next matter at hand. The second reason you're here is to formally receive the notice of termination of your chapter charter," she summarily pronounced sentence with some small degree of sorrow. "I'm sorry to be the one have to tell you this, Kidd, but your little crew of screwups is done as of the end of this month. I thought it'd be better coming from the top so that there were no misunderstandings going forward."

A superior smile settled on her face while waiting for me to explode like any big bad guy would. I rocked back on my boot heels and tried to suppress my rage, which so badly wanted to kick someone's ass right now. Was it so wrong to be pissed about the sudden turn of events? Only the Lady was a thinker, not a doer and that rage would do me no good at the moment.

"Done as in dead? Or done as in name change?" I asked cautiously, attempting to ascertain a way around the cold hand of death that just attached itself to my spine.

"Done as in it's being downgraded from a chapter to a crew. One that will be folded into the Center Firm for now and placed under new management as yet to be appointed." She pronounced her judgment.

There was no denying that our numbers were way down since the Dust Up aftermath, but then again so were a lot of the other Syndicate chapters.

"Okay, I understand. You won't have any problems from me or most of the Boys in Black." This situation was clearly unavoidable, best just cut my losses and try to recoup what little I could. "And I'm guessing that being called upstairs means that I'm part of the new management team sent into to reorganize?" If she was agreeable to the suggestion, why not go for the gusto? 

"Sorry Kidd, but the current consensus is that you don't have what it takes to make it in the big leagues. That you need some time in the ranks to mature and learn your trade. By all reports, you were a class A minion, and a pretty decent lower level henchmen. But decidedly not ready for the responsibilities that come with a middle management role." She intoned with an air of finality. "You may, however, keep the timepiece as a memento mori. But as of now, it will no longer hold the rank and title it came with."

Blaze me! This was exactly what I was afraid of—being benched all the way back to a minion. Two battlefield promotions and a coup all up in flames thanks to the last man left standing bullshit. In the Syndicate, if you weren't a rising star, then you were a falling one. And no one wanted to be a fallen star in this town.  

"Then why bother with all the tests then?" I rocked my head to the side, anticipating an attack. "Just getting here to see you was quite the challenge, to say the least."

"And what does that tell you, Kidd?" She was testing me again. But why?

"I don't know?" I offered cautiously.

"That you are not strong enough to lead, yet. You're not smart enough, yet. And you're not tough enough to play in the big leagues, yet. You need to sit on the sidelines for a minute and keep practicing your moves. At least not until puberty is done messing with your mind, body, and soul." She finished off her critique with a sharp smile. "Then when it's time, we will call you up for the big show to take your shot at one of the top slots."

"Okay, but I don't want to be someone's minion again, or worse, regulated back to being a bitch boy." My jaw clenched tight with disdain at that thought. "Truth be told, I liked my new status and the freedom that came with. So, if it's all the same to you after the transition to the Center Firm, I think I'd rather take my chances and go it alone on my own for a while, no offense."

"None taken, Kidd. It's one of the things I actually like about you. That lone villain mystic you got going on. Even when you were a part of the crew you always seem to be standing outside of it. Not a leader, but not a follower either. But definitely handy as hell to have around in an unfair fight." She smiled sinisterly, baring sharp fangs at me. "And honestly, we are villains. So, by our very nature, we shouldn't be playing well with others. Otherwise, we'd be on the other side." She smirked. "Hell, forgive me for saying so."

"What are my options, then?" I pushed my luck just a little.

"Well, I would have you minion directly for me here at HQ, but Mrs. Doctor Dragon Lady is not a huge fan of the fellas if you get my drift."

"Yeah," I chuckled to more to myself. "I kind of picked that up when she shot me in the secret identity with a thermal gun that time at Center Club."

"Upside, that was how we found out the hard way that you were almost impervious to fire. So, yay you." Her smile morphed into a full-on satisfied smirk.

It was anything but awesome, in my opinion. "Yeah, save for the second-degree sunburn that she gave me. I couldn't do secret identity stuff for almost month. Do you have any idea how long a month is?"

"Actually, I do know how long a month is, thank you." She sighed, expressing her feigned annoyance. "And, hello? Lifetime lesbian? Do you really think I want to hear about your big boy play time troubles?"

"Yeah, it's big, but that's not what I meant," I replied before I could stop myself. Taking in her dark expression that spoke volumes to the fact that I was about to cross a line with her. "Oh, this is one of those times where it's better to just shut up and stop talking, huh?"

"And they all said you were too stupid to keep your mouth shut. Will wonders never cease?" The Lady snorts. "Oh, my goddess, I do so enjoy spending time with you, Kidd. Makes me realize all the more why I love the ladies."  

"Anyways, for the foreseeable future, you are stuck in between." She held her judgmental hands out in balance. "Too good for cannon fodder, not bad enough to be cool, and not big enough to enforce my rule. Which under the current reorganization leaves you out of the running for any of the available top slots." I had so many comebacks for this particular piece of wisdom it wasn't even funny. "However, I am a big believer that if you take something away from someone you should give something back of equal or lesser value." 

"On that note, I do have one particular project in mind, but I don't think you'll like it. It's a very dangerous short-term project." She knifed up her brow at me to see if I would blink. "Upside is that you will be working directly for me albeit independently, more like a be-your-own-boss subcontractor. It pays the premium, plus food, board, and expense money. So it will buy you some time to grow into the badass bastard you will undoubtedly become before you take a shot at taking over one of my territories."

"Like an assassin?" I frowned. "Sorry, boss lady, no can do. I signed the no women—no kids compact when I joined up with the Syndicate."

"Yes, if it's required of you. But I doubt it'll ever come to that." The Lady pressed her palms flat to the ornate desk surface. "You'll be a subcontractor in the sense that I'll give you a list of priorities for the job at hand. When you hit the job sight in the field, it's up to you how you best to complete those priorities. Within certain limitations, of course."

I cocked an eyebrow up. "What kind of limitations?"

"Nothing major." She waved off the question. "You will file daily updates, along with your weekly progress reports. Then after I review those, I will send you back any changes I want based on that information. Anyways, that's the general job description if you're interested?"

"Truthfully, it sounds sort of suck ass to me." I sigh. "But with the old gang gone, and the firm folding into the Center, I don't really have anything else going on. So, I guess I'm in—at least until it kills me."

"That's my boy..." The Lady added a playful smirk. Based on the WTF look on my unhappy face, she must have seen that "boy" comment did not go over well. 

"My apologies, Kidd. I meant it affectionately." Her hand formed a clenched fist over her black heart. "Nothing more, nothing less."

"You're a strange lady, boss, but I like you. You're weird but cool." I shook my head, but my added smile must have sealed the deal to her satisfaction.

"Just what I've always aspired to be." She slid over a slim file affixed with a single picture of a strange looking chick. "And speaking of strange but cool, that's your new assignment."

I grabbed the file and glanced over the photo of a freaky looking emo girl, with black and purple hair and a couple of lame nose piercings. As a general rule, I don't trust chicks with more than one nose ring. 

 "Okay, so she looks like some angsty Hero's daughter looking for a reason to break bad and piss off dad.  So what do you want me to do? Seduce her over to the dark side, and get her banged up for the bad publicity?"  

"Not a chance in hell." Her eyes narrowed into dark slits of death, and a cold look that could make the sun shiver. "That's my niece, Desdemona."

"Oh shit, my bad." I flickered my eyes to the side. "Honestly, if it makes a difference, I didn't want to bang her anyway?"

"Barely." She let go an exaggerated a sigh. 

"What's the deal with this nice niece chick, then?" 

"I need you to be on site, watching over her and guarding her at all times, until further notice."

"Where's this site at, again?" I frown down at the file. Where the hell is OR? 

"Omar Bradley High School in Portland, Oregon," The Lady intoned with an air of finality. "You're going back to high school, Kidd, to finish what's left of your formal institutionalized education."

"Oh, just burn me now..." My jaw clenched. "I hated high school, only slightly less than being in foster care. One of many reasons I went rogue in the first place, or isn't that in my personnel file?"

"I know. I know." Her voice went smooth as ice. "But that was when you were a weakling and had to fight just to survive. But now look at you, Kidd? You're practically a monster. Tough as nails, with the strength of at least ten men when you start raging. So, just think of how much fun you could have now with your old schoolmates? Didn't you ever fantasize about returning to your old stomping grounds and settling all those old scores? The beatings you could dole out, the stompings you could inflict? You could even become the king of the school ...worshiped by all those cool girls who never noticed you the first time around? Getting your parts played with by head cheerleaders at your leisure."

She winced almost painfully and her spikey forehead wrinkled up in consternation. That ew face alone obviously meant the thought of cheerleaders grossed her out on some level. It was pretty clear that she only said all this rough stuff in order to convince me this was an awesome idea. When we both knew it was anything but awesome. I did, however, appreciate the effort on her part though. 

"Ah... no, not really." I shook my head. "Everyone I ever wanted to get even with, already got dealt with after I powered up. All the rest of that noise, I just looked at as part of growing up in the federal foster system."

"Which brings up a possible issue. You will have to go in undercover as a transfer student, from let us say ...less than advantageous circumstances."

"A foreign foster kid?" My eyebrows furrowed.

"Mmmm... no, more like a ward of a friend of ours. One who is willing to take you in and help you train." By the amusement in her voice, it was more than apparent this was some sort of set up.

"Who's the friend?" I waited for the other shoe to drop.

"Pluton."  A definite pause as the Lady sat slightly straighter in her chair.  "He is semi-retired to Portland, and has agreed to help out with this assignment." 

"Peg Leg Pluton?" I instantly start shaking this thought off.  "No way, I hate that guy."

"Kidd, let's be honest here, shall we?" Again with the knifed up eyebrow. "You barely know Pluton well enough to mildly dislike him. Manta and those clowns you used to run with hated him. So, you heard a bunch of trash talked. Half of which wasn't true and the other half was actually much worse than anything you heard down at your level. But I trust that he can provide oversight for this mission, therefore, he is part of the mission management. End of story, so deal with it or don't."

"Fine, I'll deal." I begrudgingly accepted my fate. "But if he starts power tripping me and trying to take over the world, I am the hell out of dodge ...with his head on a platter."

Hell, I always wanted to kill an ex-underboss anyways. And if I brought back Peg Leg's head on a spike, there would be more than a few rounds of drinks at The Ol' Bomb Shelter Bar with my name on them. Peg Leg Pluton was pretty much universally disliked by the rank and file as one of Old Boss's pet sycophants. 

"Absolutely understandable." She rolled her eyes and ended with a tight smile. "But I don't think that will be an issue. Peggie is quite firm in his desire to remain retired from the Syndicate. This is a personal favor between he and I, and that is that."

"So, you say." I attempted to put off the hate in my heart.

"Something else we should talk about for this assignment." She steepled her claws thoughtfully again. "Can I assume you've read some of those so-called superhero comic books during your short stay in the state educational system?"

"Yeah, sure. Who hadn't." I shrugged.

"Do you know what Superman did in high school, Kidd?" She didn't bother to wait for my answer before making her point. "Well, if you recall Superman when he was Clark Kant of Smallville, did nothing super at all while he was in high school. In fact, everyone in Smallville thought he was a super tool. Get it?"

"Okay, yeah. He super sucked, got it."

"No, I don't think you do." She started driving the point home hard, "While in high school, he was undercover developing his superpowers, not showing off. To the outside world, he was a nothing. He did nothing, and he drew no attention to himself at all. He merely drifted unnoticed by the rest of the humane population, until the day he was needed. But on that day he became super and smashed shit up."

"But he was still super, no?" I hedged, not liking where this was heading at all.

"Yes, but on the side. While he was training, doing some super stuff that no one knew about it. You will emulate this for your modus operandi for this assignment." She leaned close to whisper, "Be a ninja."

"Oh okay, that I can do. Ninjas are cool and shit." I nodded along. "So super shinobi up in this shit, until there's a problem. Then I'll stomp everything I don't like into blood and bones. Got it."

"Yes, I suppose that will have to do for now." She blinks slowly. "Now do you think you can ride a hovercycle all the way to the Tahoe border, without getting pulled over or starting another turf war with anyone?"

"I can try?" At least that was an honest answer. We both knew it was 50/50 at best that I would probably screw this up. For some strange reason, people just didn't seem to like me on sight and wanted to beat the crap out of me. Although, only slightly less so when they got to know me worse.

The Lady pulled some keys from her pocket and threw them at my face. "Here are the keys to a hoverbike, registered to your new Uncle Peg."

I snatched them from the air easily, just before they impacted my awesomeness.

"It was purchased online less than an hour ago, and now you're driving it up to him in Portland. I know, I don't have to tell you to drive directly to the Tahoe border crossing, and not up the Vine thru Frisco. Correct?" Her arched brow told me that'd I'd be seriously stupid if I decided to argue this with her.

"Yeah," I grumbled. I knew the main reason she was making me go through Tahoe was to force me to circumvent the shit show that remained of Frisco.

"After you hit Tahoe, buy a prepaid sat-phone and contact this number." She scratched a paper from the file and flicked it across at me. "The address isn't on the registration, just in case you screw this up. So do us both a favor and don't bother to look it up until you hit Tahoe, by then all the operation information will be updated."

"Got it." Without glancing at the paper, I folded it in half and placed it in my pocket.

She walked around her desk, splaying her palms flat on the desk and leveled me with her deathly glare. "And, Kidd?"

"Yeah, boss?"

"You know I like you, but if you screw this up and get my niece hurt in any way?" That cold smile stabbed right into my soul. "Do I have to spell out what will happen to you?"

"Nope." I shook off the thought. "I'll die alone in the dark abyss of the phantom zone until I'm dead as dead can be. Then you'll bring me back in the Lazarus machine and kill me some more, whenever you are bored. For like years and years, until I'm nothing left but a silent scream in the cold abyss that used to be my soul. Floating around Brimstone dead, dickless, and unloved, save for the daily demon rape in the bottom of Brimstone for all time."

"My word, Kidd, that was almost poetic." Her sinister smile slight widened. 

"Cool." I tried to not sound too pleased with her praise. "I just repeated what you told Blaster before you burned his brain out of his head. I always thought it was a very chill rift, so sometimes I practice it in the mirror or the shower or whatever."

"Did I really say all that to Masterblaster? I don't recall us speaking at any length before I fried his face to ash?" She scowled out. 

"Mmmm...yeah and no. You said the 'silent soul screaming' part to him the first time, some of the rest to other people you offed here and there. So I kind of strung it together like an evil ass riff. If you want I can write it down for you on a postcard and send to you when I get to Tahoe border zone?"

"That might be nice to have around as a keepsake for the new office actually." She mused pleasantly, I think more for my benefit than anything.

"Well, that's all the time I have to show you the world today, Kidd." She resumed her station at the executive command chair and dragged the file back across her desk. "When you get to Portland and check in with Peg, he will have your new identity ready and all the specifics that you'll need to complete this mission." The Lady tucked the papers into the file with finality.

"Okay, boss. Catch you on the dark side." I stood and offered a small salute.

"Oh and, Kidd?" And here comes the infamous "one last thing" that will probably end up getting me killed.

"Yeah, Lady?"

"Don't let my niece get in your head. She isn't always the entitled bitch she pretends to be." The Lady somewhat smiled to herself. "Somewhere down deep inside her is an actual person."

"Ah... alrighty then. I'll try and remember that." I scowl sagely, as if this actually means something to me. Or why she felt the sudden need to impart this particular piece of information on the way out the door.

"Good." Her ministrations mirrored mine. "Now for your new secret identity, make sure you pick a solid name, something appropriately inconspicuous. Captain Kidd Badassery will not be an acceptable choice." That smirk on her face told me that she actually has been watching me this entire time.

"Oh hey, that reminds me." I stalled at the portal exit. "That chick with the half burnt face and the seriously nice ass back in the warehouse, what's her name again?"

"I am afraid that you will have to be a bit more specific." She scowls. "And perhaps a little less insulting."

"Um... she was one of the younger ones that hangs with Venom and all those snakey shinobi chicks? She had a half-scarified face, looked like some sort of necrosis scaling? Oh, and she has a seriously sweet ...rearview?"

"That sounds like Nightshade," she replied evenly.  "And your reason for asking?"

"Com'on Lady, you know I can't resist a badass chick in battle blacks." I flashed her a sinister smile.

"Indeed." Her one-word response did nothing for me. She merely knifed her spiked eyebrow up, swiveling back around to face her wall of vid screens and waved me away once more back into the abyss for my trip to where ever. I instantly evaporated into incorporeal ethereal motes, swallowed up once more into the darkness. 

Leaving me with one huge problem to think thru. How the hell was I supposed to be a lame undercover ninja and a cool badass monster at the same time? And I can't seem to shake off that old unsettling feeling that I just got dealt a very "bad thing".