Bandanna Dee | バンダナーヂィ

"There was a King who had a Dee and Waddle was its name-oh: W-A-D-D-L-E, W-A-D-D-L-E, W-A-D-D-L-E and Waddle was its name-oh..." Clacking the pole of my spear against the ground in time to the song I hum in my head as I walk, I rack my brain for any songs I haven't already sung to myself. When that fails, I start hunting for any songs I haven't sang twice, and manage to think of one that fits that description right away.

"The eyes are connected to the face spot. The face spot's connected to the puffball. The puffball's connected to the paws and feet. Now there's the makings of a Dee..." The work tunes I've grown up on are strangely reassuring, even if I don't care for the context I learned them in at all. Spending your earliest years learning how to cook and clean and mind a castle for someone who doesn't even like you is hardly a fun pastime, after all. Luckily enough, at least I got out of the total servitude part fairly young. I was probably six, maybe seven when the King picked me to be his assistant. And a few years later, I got brave enough to just start ignoring him and living my life the way I want. Poor Sakura had to keep putting up with him until she was practically full-grown.

But like I said, even if the context for the memories isn't great, at least the songs themselves are handy for when you're really anxious but trying to keep yourself calm. After thinking of one I haven't sang yet due to the fact that it takes forever to finish, I finally give in and start in on that one. "99 bottles of milk on the wall, 99 bottles of milk. Take one down and ship it to town, 98 bottles of milk on the wall..."

By the time this one's finished, if I still haven't gotten anywhere closer to the patch of light I've been pointlessly chasing after for the past couple hours, I guess I'll know for sure that I'll never get out of this stupid cave. And before you start accusing me of exaggeration, let me assure you that most Waddle Dees have an inherent, surprisingly accurate sense of time. It's almost like I have a clock hidden somewhere in the back of my mind. I almost always can guess what time it is and be right within a quarter of an hour, and it's easy for me to estimate how much time has elapsed from any given point within a few minutes or so of accuracy. Sakura's one of the glaring exceptions to this rule, though. Even as a normal Dee (or as close to normal as she's ever been) she was always running late for things or spending way too much time on any given task. The others tended not to be too sharp with her about it, but I know they totally couldn't stand it.

Another dripping sound goes off for the umpteenth time, but even though I'm mostly used to it by now, it still takes everything in me not to jump and point my spear directly at it. I'm a brave Waddle Dee, sure, but even a brave Waddle Dee is still not a lion-heart or anything. Clenching my spear tighter, I sigh internally and continue plowing determinedly ahead. I wish I knew how the others were doing. Even better, I wish we were all at home. Me and Kirby could explore the castle and prank the King, Sakura could read to us, Meta Knight could be grumpy at everyone, we could all eat shortcake. It'd all be good. But no. We have to be off on some dumb quest, risking our lives to save everyone else's once again, only to go home and not even get a single 'thank you' from anybody.

If you can't tell, work without recognition has always seriously rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe it's because I grew up practically as a slave, I dunno. But in my opinion, if you do something for someone else, especially if you do it without pay, they owe you a 'thank you' at least. You'd think by now I'd be used to the fact that most heroes go without respect or thanks around here, but it still drives me nuts... At least Kirby and Meta Knight are known by everyone else as heroes. I'm always just kinda... there. I wonder which group Sakura will end up a part of when this is all over.

That is, if I ever manage to make it out of this stupid cave.

A few pebbles clatter off one of the walls and down onto the floor, making me jump straight up in the air and grab my spear in both hands, ready to defend myself. The second I realize it was just a few loose rocks, I mentally groan at myself and relax the tiniest bit again. I'm getting more jumpy all the time, it seems. It's been too long; something's gotta happen sometime to prove this tension right or wrong, right? I sure do hope that the others are out of here by now, though I hope they haven't been for too much longer than me by the time I make it out. If I'm way behind the others, Kirby'll think I'm such a wimp, and I'd hate that. Maybe I'm the older of us two, but he's definitely the coolest, and I'm definitely the sidekick. Honestly, I don't mind too badly, though, I guess. I just like having a friend.

Just then, I hear a quiet chuckle, filled with evil. The odd thing is, though, it's not the monstrous voice that roared at us earlier, but a girlish voice with a bit of a strange accent. It sounds almost like it's not much older than me, but the way it laughs assures me that it absolutely hates me.

Getting ready for battle, I point my spear in the direction of the sound and narrow my eyes, trying to look as tough as possible, but utterly failing since I can't stop shaking. The chuckle turns into a peal of real laughter, and then is followed by the same girlish voice saying,

"Y'know, I almost don't even want to bother taking the time to play with you. You're so funny already. You're just scared of everything, aren't you, little guy? Heck, I bet you're even scared of your own shadow."

Rather offended, I think to myself, "Who is she calling little?"

Much to my surprise, my thoughts are answered. "Why you, of course, tiny. You're such an itty-bitty thing. You're nowhere near my size, that's for sure. Because, of course, I'm a big huge monster. Definitely not a tiny little monster or anything, no, sir."

Narrowing my eyes, I think to myself bravely, "Then why don't you come out and fight me? Show yourself, whatever you are!"

This time, the laughter is almost a giggle. "Well, come on then. Follow me into the light, and we'll fight there, all right? But be warned... my attack is probably way too much for you to handle, and nothing like what you're expecting, scare-Dee-cat."

Grunting, I accept the challenge posed by the bodiless voice that has started to move away from me, and dash towards the light. Shockingly enough, the light finally starts to draw closer and closer, and before I know it, I'm running right into it. Everything gets so bright that I have to close my eyes, but then, all of a sudden, the light is totally gone. Screeching to a halt, I snap my eyes open and blink them a few times to get adjusted to the new darkness that's even darker than my rocky tunnel was, unable to see anything at first. This time, there's no light shining for me to walk towards, that's for sure.

Angry now, I clatter the pole of my spear against the ground several times and shout in my thoughts, "All right, stupid monster, come and get me! Keep your promises, you flaming piece of Shotzo!"

The only reply I receive is a rough shove from someone just in front of me. "Hey, kid, shut it. Do you want 'em to hear you?" a familiar, kinda-deep-kinda-not voice scolds me.

Blinking in surprise as my eyes finally adjust, I can see a pair of bright-blue eyes staring back into mine. These eyes aren't deep blue like Kirby's, but a lighter blue, similar to the ocean on a sunny day. As far as I know, only one castle inhabitant has eyes like that, an inhabitant whom I've hardly ever shared words with since he was Outcasted at a young age after he was recruited by Meta Knight to join his tiny 'army.'

"Sailor Dee!" I exclaim in excitement, throwing myself at the by-now-full-grown Dee who used to be like my older brother when I was really little. Again, though, he gives me a rough shove, his eyes showing a mixture of fear and annoyance.

"Seriously, kid, shut your trap, all right?"

A kinder, softer, and also-familiar voice interrupts him, this one speaking out loud in a hushed tone rather than through the Outcasts' equivalent of a One Mind. So far, that only includes myself and Sailor, and we don't use it often since we don't run into each other a whole lot. Apparently Sakura can hear it, though, judging by the fact that she's replying to what Sailor just said. "Don't be too rough on him, Sailor. He's just a kid."

Okay, if there's something I find as annoying as doing work without receiving any recognition, it's being labelled 'just a kid.' But before I can tell Sakura grumpily that I can fight my own battles, there's a sound of quick-step marching not far away.

"Shotzo. I told you they'd find us if you didn't shut up," Sailor tells me, his eyes widening and any annoyance in them being fully replaced by fear. Holding his blue-beribboned sailor's cap on with one paw, he draws his small, curved shipman's cutlass that he hardly ever carries with him (much to Meta Knight's consternation) and prepares to protect himself. Sakura draws her sword too, her eyes also filled with fear.

Just then is when I finally get my head on straight enough to finally start asking questions. "Who's 'they?' And Sakura, how are you here? How did you get out of the cave? Are Meta Knight and Kirby okay? And Sailor, what are you doing here?"

Before any of my questions can be answered, the room floods with light as a door opens up behind me. Spinning around, I can finally see that we're in one of the castle's dark, empty spare rooms. And at the door stands Waddle Doo with who-knows-how-many Waddle Dees crowded behind him, spears pointed straight up in the air, eyes filled with the same blank stare as ever.

Waddle Doo has his small sword drawn, which he points at all of us. "Ya really aren't very good at hiding, ya know that? All I had to do was tell the Waddles t'let ya all back into their range of telepathic hearing or whatever, and it took us only a couple of minutes t'figure out where ya all were at! Heh!"

With a furious growl, Sailor Dee lunges at me, cutlass out, only for Sakura to grab one of his paws and stop him. "You see, She-Dee, I told you he was just a punk kid! I told you this was gonna happen! But no, you had to try and protect him. Well, look at that— now we're all gonna die, and it's all this brat's fault!"

Sailor Dee isn't acting anything like himself, but then again, this whole situation isn't like anything else I've ever experienced, either. Totally confused, I turn between the two Outcasts next to me and all the Waddle Dees at the door, trying to figure out what the heck is going on.

Raising his sword, Waddle Doo orders, "Waddle Dees, disarm the prisoners and escort them to the dungeon!"

While Sakura and Sailor attempt to fight the others off as they come storming at us in what looks like an endless stream from the door into the small, cramped-to-begin-with room, I'm too shocked to do much more than fruitlessly jab with my spear a few times before it's grabbed from me and I'm tossed into the air by one Waddle Dee, only to be caught by another one and tossed up again. A moment later, the other two are also overwhelmed and disarmed, and we all find ourselves the odd objects of a halls-long Waddle Dee bucket brigade.

While Sailor continues to ream me out mentally, Sakura just closes her eyes and sighs heavily, fearfully. As for myself, I can't tell if I'm scared or confused. I guess a bit of both. Nothing that's going on makes any sense at all.

Soon after, we arrive in the castle dungeon. A smaller party of Waddle Dees take all of our possessions— my bandanna, Sailor's hat, and Sakura's ribbon, gloves, and cape— and then lock us up in a cell. Without our trademarks, it's harder to tell us apart, but still not impossible. Sailor has blue eyes, Sakura has more-pronounced eyelashes, and me? Well, I'm now the only normal-looking Waddle Dee who's locked up in a dungeon cell.

A moment later, the rest of the Waddle Dees disappear, leaving the three of us in the murky dark of the dungeon, with only a few torches on the walls to light the dirty, damp, dank-smelling room. Sailor Dee turns and glares fiercely at me. "You'd better hope they take me or you first, brat. Otherwise I'm gonna pound you the second She-Dee isn't here to protect you."

"Sailor," Sakura scolds firmly again, still aloud, from where she stands in a corner with her paws crossed and eyes closed. "We're all we've got. We can't turn on each other now."

Grunting mentally, Sailor shakes his head and then starts gently banging his head against the bars of the cell. Staring back and forth between the two of them, I ask in confusion, "Would someone please explain to me what the heck is going on?!"

Sailor makes no response, but Sakura sighs. "I'm sorry we had to drag you out of the spot where you were snoozing so suddenly, but it was a dire situation. Let me explain, even if it is too late now..."

"Way too late," Sailor mutters hatefully, though with less anger now. Now he sounds more bitter and hopeless than angry.

Ignoring him, Sakura opens her eyes and turns them to me. "Sailor was patrolling the halls when he heard the King and Escargoon speaking. Of course, that's not odd at all typically, but given the time of night he knew they had to be up to something not-good. So he stopped and started to listen, and figured out they were talking about one of Escargoon's new inventions. Escargoon was saying something having tested it on several of the Waddle Dees, but not seeing a difference. So now he wanted Dedede to order Waddle Doo to round up the 'anomalies' so he could test it on them."

Sailor interrupts. "At first I had no idea what 'anomalies' meant, but I figured it out soon enough. It meant us three. The ram, ewe, and lamb who aren't anything like the rest of the flock of sheep."

Sakura keeps quiet for a moment in case he wants to continue, but when he stays silent, she picks back up again. "The invention is called the 'ID Extractor,' which stands for 'Individuality Extractor.' Apparently, it takes the conscious soul out of whatever it's used on. Obviously it can't actually remove a soul, but—"

"They're gonna try and test it on us," Sailor Dee tells me, starting to sound angry again. "They're going to take away everything that makes us, us, everything that makes us special, so they'll have three more empty-eyed, blank-slate, unquestioning Waddle Dees available to do the King's bidding. And if it works on us, you can bet they'll be going after other Dreamlanders next."

"Sailor," Sakura chides gently, only to have him turn his anger on her again.

"Don't 'Sailor' me! I'm not letting them take me out of myself! I'm not letting them turn me into a stumbling drone like the rest of them! I wanna stay free, do you hear me?! I'm not gonna let them make me another cog for their Shotzo-blasted machine. I'll die first! Do you understand?! I'll die before I let them erase me like that!"

Growing more and more frightened, I press myself farther and farther against the wall. This can't be happening. None of this makes any sense. I was just in the cave, and I know that wasn't just a dream or anything...

Before I can think about anything too hard, the door to the dungeon swings open and a few Waddle Dees appear. It's clearly a struggle, but they manage to hold Sailor tight between them and march away with him, spears in their free hands in case he tries to resist further, taking him off to who knows where.

At this point, I'm terrified. Trembling, I dash over to Sakura and hug her as tight as I can, hoping the Dee whom I've always thought of as a big sister can help me stop being so afraid. But when I can feel something warm and wet land from her eyes onto my head and I quickly realize she's crying, I also quickly realize that she's already given up. If what Sailor discovered is true, we really are both done for.

Several minutes later, the Waddle Dees come back, here to take Sakura with them this time. I hold onto her as tight as I can, but after one of them jabs me in the side with the blunt, wooden end of his spear, I tumble off and can only sob after her in my mind, just pleading her name over and over. She's crying too as they drag her off, but she doesn't say anything; just stares back at me. Right before they slam the door behind them, though, I hear what are probably the last words I'll ever hear from her—

"Bandanna. I'm so, so sorry. Please, forgive me."

And then, she's gone.

I keep crying for several minutes, tears pouring out of my eyes and into my paws as I sit in one corner of the cell, silent on the outside but as loud as anything on the inside. Finally, though, I realize that crying won't help anything, and that I'm too old and tough to cry, so I dry it up and just sit in my corner, shaking, waiting for it to be my turn to be taken away to who-knows-where.

About the same amount of time passes as did between Sailor and Sakura, and then the door opens and it's my turn to go. A few Waddle Dees grab ahold of my paws and carry me off out of the dungeon. Unlike the other two, though, I hardly put up any kind of a fight at all. For now, it seems like there's hardly even a point.

Much to my surprise, we arrive at our destination only a hall or so over from where we started. We don't go up any stairs or anything. The room we enter is dim, filled with bubbling test tubes in all sorts of icky colors, several kinds of machinery, and in the back, a giant, ominous-looking machine with a metal seat sitting next to it, connected to it by a long, many-jointed metal 'arm.' Next to it stands Dedede's right-hand snail Doctor Escargoon, a wicked smirk on his face and an evil glint in his eye.

Desperate to see my friends, I jerk my head around, searching for them somewhere in the room I've never seen before (although it looks exactly like how I've always imagined a mad scientist's lab would look, thanks to scary shows on Channel Dedede), but the snail evidently understands what I'm hoping to see, because he quickly sends all of my hopes straight to their graves with just a few words.

"They're gone, Squirt. They both refused to be test subjects, so I'll use them for dissection practice later. Figure out what went wrong with your puny brains to make you all so different in the first place." He snickers to himself as he checks an evil-looking computer monitor (seriously, how can everything in this room manage to look so evil when a bunch of it is just, like, normal stuff?!) and then adds, "Since they both refused, you don't get a choice. I need at least one decent test subject out of this mess, and you'll do as well as either of them would have. If this test isn't a success, I'll have to start testing non-Dees next. Maybe I'll start with the Meta-Knights, or perhaps their pompous leader himself. Or maybe I'll go after your twerpy little friend next. That'll teach you both for always being such nasty little brats."

Shuddering in fear, I try not to panic. So the other two Outcasts are dead, leaving only me, and now I'm either gonna end up dead, or I'll lose myself, or maybe something even worse will happen. I don't even want to think about it...

Stopping suddenly with a bit of a jolt, the blank-eyed Waddle Dees push me into the seat of the machine, which then picks itself up before I can jump out and seals itself in some kind of giant metal box.

Through a tiny, circular window on the front, Escargoon peeks in and then snickers again. "Just warnin' ya, Pipsqueak, this is probably gonna hurt— a lot. I mean, I haven't experienced it myself, but the normal Dees I used it on first all certainly looked like they weren't having a very nice time." He vanishes, and the machine begins to hum to life.

Me? I start panicking worse than I ever have before.

The box is too small to move out of the chair, but I throw myself against all four of the walls as hard as I can, hoping to dent the walls or break out of the box or damage the machine's inner workings or something. I wanted to be able to live to learn how machines work, not die at the non-existent hands of one. Outside, I can hear Escargoon angrily telling me to stop moving. Heh. Nothing doing there, jerk. I'm not gonna just quietly sit still and stare at this thing while it tries to hurt me like I bet all the other Waddles you tested this on did.

But I quickly realize that this thing is too strong, and that nothing I'm doing is making any difference. The humming keeps getting louder, and other creepy sounds are added to it as the machine warms up. Exhausted from thrashing around, I fall limp in the chair and stare around myself in defeat before closing my eyes, expecting the worst.

This is worse than any nightmare I've ever had before, that's for sure.

Just as I get ready to fully give up and Escargoon starts giving a classic Dr. Frankenstein laugh outside, that last thought starts niggling around my mind again. 'Nightmare.' What if this is just a nightmare? Maybe that stupid monster knocked me out as soon as I got into the light or something, and that's why it got so dark all of a sudden. I mean, it's a possibility...

No. Wait. What was it that she said?...

'My attack is way too much for you too handle, and nothing like what you're expecting.' The way she said that made it sound like she only has one form of attack, and that it's not what you'd normally think of when you're thinking of an attack in battle. That'd make sense, then. She doesn't fight with weapons or moves or anything. She doesn't attack your body; she attacks your heart and your mind, the places where really, it hurts the most to be attacked; the places where it's easiest to be attacked if you don't have a strong-enough wall built up to protect yourself.

This is her attack. Her attack is a nightmare.

Well, I've got that part figured out. Now just to figure out how to get out of this.

The machine keeps growing louder and louder and has started vibrating intensely, shaking me around inside like some kind of Waddle Dee milkshake-in-progress. Jamming my paws over my ears and squeezing my eyes shut so I can think, I try to decide how to 'wake up.'

Well, on the rare occasions I have normal nightmares, the way I wake up is by just telling myself to wake up and reminding myself that it's not real, so that's what I need to do now. Thinking to myself as loud as I can, I tell myself that it's all just a dream, and start listing all the reasons why it can't be real.

"You were in a cave, and that definitely wasn't a dream. Sailor wasn't anywhere around, and Sakura probably wasn't anywhere near close enough to get out and help you, anyway. Sakura shouldn't be able to hear your thoughts without touching her forehead to yours, and Sailor never 'patrols' the castle; that's Sword and Blade's job. You're nowhere near the castle, and the other Waddle Dees aren't so empty of free will that they'd help the King and Escargoon do something totally awful like this. This is all just a dream, a horrible dream! This is just the monster messing with you; don't let her! Now! Bandanna! Wake! UP!"

Even though the shaking got stronger and stronger all the time I was thinking that, it suddenly just... stops. At first I'm scared that means that the machine has worked, but then I hear the girlish voice from earlier give a disappointed sigh.

"Aw. And we were just getting to the exciting part, too."

Feeling around on my head with one paw, I notice my bandanna's back where it belongs, and then realize that my spear is still held tight in my other paw. Opening my eyes, I blink around but can't see anything. Thankfully, though, I can hear the drippy, echoing sounds of the wide-open part of the cave that we all started in, and can feel the cold stone under my feet. It's all just been a bad dream, hasn't it? Ever since we started hearing the monster, I bet, since she's obviously nowhere near as big as she sounded at first.

"Of course I'm not that big. I can't fight with weapons or attacks, just like you guessed. No, scare-Dee-cat, my attacks are all just in your head."

Filled with relief, I close my eyes again until I can hear wind blowing around outside, and rush for the entrance of the cave as fast as I can, eager to tell the others what I've learned about the monster. It's been so long, they must all be out there by now, right?

"They won't be able to understand you. You're utterly useless. It's been no harm to tell you any of this," the monster giggles after me as I run away, but I just try and ignore it. I can just have Sakura touch her forehead to mine and translate my thoughts for the others to hear. Easy as anything, right?

On the other, hand, though, how am I going to find the others?

Skidding to a stop at the mouth of the cave, I change my grip on my spear so I'm holding it in both hands like a baseball bat and start swinging the metal tip against the opening of the cave wall as hard as I can over and over, making a sharp, noisy crack! crack! crack! sound.

Much to my relief, a light goes on in a tree not too far away, and Meta Knight calls out to me, "Quick, get out of there, Bandanna! We're over here!"

Filled with relief, I dash out of the cave and then air-hop up into the tree to meet Meta Knight. A half-awake Kirby on a branch nearby gives me a sleepy smile and then dozes off again. I can barely see him or Meta Knight in the light Galaxia offers, but it's definitely better than nothing.

Then, though, I notice that Sakura's nowhere to be seen.

I turn to Meta Knight in fear, wanting to explain everything, so frustrated that I can't. 'The monster's not big or mean like it sounds. As long as we resist the nightmares, we could all four defeat it easily, whatever it is. It even says it can't attack physically, and that it's not even all that big. And by the way, WHERE THE SHOTZOING HECK IS SAKURA?!' That's what I'd say if I could talk, but I can't. I have no voice, and without Sakura, I don't even have a translator.

Meta Knight's thoughts have already begun to turn away from me. "And then there was one," he mutters anxiously, staring off in the direction of the cave through the pitch-black air that surrounds us. "Sakura's the only victim it has left to toy with. I'm certain it won't be happy to let her go... her waking nightmare might well be the worst of all of ours..."

Well, at least I know where she is now. Grabbing my spear bravely, I air-hop one step into the air to go back in and save her, only for Meta Knight to grab my foot and firmly-but-carefully pull me back down onto the branch. "Didn't you see what that thing can do? You don't stand a chance against it, Bandanna, none of us do," he tells me worriedly. "Much as I hate to admit it, Sakura's on her own."

'No, Meta Knight, she's not! If we could just find and kill the monster, we could get her out of there before she has an awful nightmare like mine, like yours, like Kirby's, whatever you two's were. I know you had them too, but she doesn't have to. We could save her!' But of course, I can't tell him any of this, and it's clear that he's not gonna let me back inside to try and help her myself. Resigned, I sigh to myself in my head and give a single, defeated nod.

"Try and get some rest," Meta Knight tells me gently, temporarily turning his attention back to me. Giving my head a single pat with his glove, he tells me in his quiet, distant, but still kind way, "You did well. To have escaped a monster like that was no easy task, I know, but you did, all on your own. You should be proud of yourself, Bandanna Dee."

I guess. Mostly I'm just upset that I can't help my friend. At least Kirby made it out safe, and Meta Knight too. Sighing heavily, I sit down on this branch close to the trunk and lean against it, the exhaustion of the day and evening finally beginning to catch up with me. And even if what I experienced was just a nightmare, I still feel just as tired and sore as I would have if I'd actually gone through it. Whatever that was, it definitely wasn't a normal nightmare, but at least it's all over now.

Just before I conk out, I hear Meta Knight worriedly murmur toward the cave, "Come on, Lady Dee. Don't fail us now. You can get out of there; the strength is within you. You have only to find it and set it free... just like the rest of us did."

I know that's the truth, but she shouldn't have to fight this battle. We should just go and get her out of it, I think to myself, but those are the last thoughts I can manage to piece together before reality slips away and I find myself in a sound, deep, peaceful sleep.