Tango: Change is inedible.

Zed: Don't you mean inevitable?

Tango, spitting out a bunch of pennies: No, I really didn't.

Impulse: ... Why am I your best friend?

Clint: Onion rings are vegetable donuts.

Doc, used to Clint being Clint: Sure.

Clint: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.

Doc: Okay?

Clint: *sharpening an arrow absentmindedly* Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake.

Doc: ....??

Clint: Lobsters are mermaid scorpio-

Doc: Dear God- that one is a little-

Scar and Cub, interested: No, no, Hawkeye, keep going.

Doc: Are you drinking enough water?

Bdubs: Sometimes my tears get in my mouth.

Doc: ... You've been crying? Why-? wHO HURT YOU-

Xisuma: If I died, would you guys miss me?

All the other Hermits: *in unison* Bold of you to assume death will get you out of this family

Zed: Hello Stark and people I don't think I know

Tony and several SHIELD agents: ...

Zed: You might be wondering why I'm duct-taped to the ceiling

Zed: The problem is, I don't know either

Scar: My mattress is strapped to eight roombas and I leave all the doors open at night so the roombas can go where they want to. I wake up where they want me to be. I trust their decisions.

Mumbo: ... So that's why your bed is in my lab?

Scar: Yes

Xisuma: Emphasis is everything. Observe.

Alex: I didn't say we should kill him.

Wels: I didn't say we should kill him.

Doc: I didn't say we should kill him.

Bdubs: I didn't say we should kill him.

Scar: I didn't say we should kill him.

Cub: I didn't say we should kill him.

Xisuma: I didn't say we should kill him.

Xisuma: What do you think my last words will be? 

Alex: "Oh (quack) not again"

Hels: Wels, Wels, Wels, Wels, Wels- 

Wels: wHAT

Hels: *screeches in Auto-Tune* 

Wels: *mutes him* WHY AM I RELATED TO YOU

Hypno: baBY SLIME DO DO DO DO DO DO DO- 

Jevin: *screams bloody murder*

Etho: LET IT GO *freezes living room* 

Tango: why must I suffer

ZIT Trio: *T-poses villains to assert dominance* 

Villains: ??? 

Zed: *hits them with a large chunk of concrete while still T-posing* 

Villains: *confused screaming*

Tony: NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCES ARE TRAUMATIC 

Tony: *points at Zed* NOT "VIBE CHECKS FROM THE GODS"

Tony: *points at Impulse* NOT "TO END MY SUFFERING ONLY TO FAIL" 

Tony: *points at Tango* AND DEFINITELY NOT "MOOD"

Ren: Uh oh. 

Grian: Is that a good "uh oh" or a bad "uh oh"?? 

Mumbo, running away from a feral murder-bot: IS THERE EVER A GOOD "UH OH"????

Etho, who's fairly new to heroing: YOU'RE CRAZY!!

Tango, who's used to crazy plans that have a 50/50 chance of failing spectacularly: Thanks gods I am, otherwise this would probably never work!

Bdubs: *saves Doc and nearly dies in the process* 

Doc: Great, like I need to be any more attracted to you 

Bdubs: *blushes* W-Wha-what?

Doc: A-ANNOYED. I SAID ANNOYED, ANNOYED BY YOU. 

Etho: JUST ADMIT THAT YOU LOVE HIM YOU DUMMY

Hels to Wels: *jokingly* Stop doing that or I will murder you and your family

Wels: pfft- 

Hels, Wels' brother: ... WAIT-

Bucky: *knocking on Doc's door* HEY!!

Doc: YOU HAVE A PHONE FOR A REASON

*loud thunk against the door* 

Doc: ... DID YOU (quack)ING THROW YOUR PHONE AGAINST THE DOOR-

Bdubs: I'm not that aggressive! 

Doc: You took my crocs, hit me with them, and stole my shawarma. 

Bdubs: First off, I TOLD YOU TO GET RID OF THEM-

Wels: "Ladies and gentlemen" is unnecessarily gendered, overly formal, lengthy, and honestly, I'm already falling asleep.

Hels: "Wassup cowards", however, is inclusive, fun, to the point, overdramatic, and can be shortened to simply "Cowards" when required! 

Wels: Not what I was going for, but you're not wrong. 

Ayo, this is your Captain speaking! I fully invite roleplays in the comments, just saying. Question: do you guys want a chapter where I describe the Hermits' powers/abilities? Because I feel like that's something I should've done a long time ago.

Anyway, have an amazing day, evening, and night! GoOOooOOOd-bYyYyEEE- *chokes on air* i'M fiNe- *cough* 

- CaptainMarra (hopes you've been sleeping and eating enough, or I'll hug you >:D)