Alex: Stark won't wake up, what do I do?

Impulse: Did you try kicking him?

Alex: Yes.

Impulse: I'm out of ideas.

Cub: You were stabbed. Do you remember anything?

Mumbo: Only the ambulance ride to the hospital.

Tony: That wasn't an ambulance, I drove you.

Mumbo: But I heard a siren?

Impulse: That was Keralis.

Keralis: Sorry, I got nervous

Grian: *pulls back the curtain while Tango is showering*

Grian: Hey did we- oh, stop screaming, it's me- did we run out of Cheerios?

Tango: YES WE DID NOW GET OUT YOU CREEP-

Tony: I think it's time I get my life in order.

Iskall, narrating: But they did not get their life in order. In fact, they got drunk last night and fought a raccoon.

Rocket: I'M NOT A RACCOON!!

Scar: I have a problem.

Zed: If it's harder than 2+2 and doesn't involve hitting someone with rocks, I can't help.

Doc: I just want someone to take me out.

Bdubs: On a date?

Cub: With a sniper gun?

Grian: Both if you're not a coward.

Mumbo, who's dating Grian: *fears for his life*

Mumbo: I've made a spreadsheet of all the crime in Brooklyn.

Mumbo: There's so much crime in New York, no one should live here, but here we are.

Loki: I WOULD DESTROY THE WORLD FOR YOU!!

Alex: Okay, can you do the dishes?

Loki: No!

Joe: I can't imagine what Cub is planning. But I can tell you two things. We won't like it and it won't be legal.

Mumbo: I'm bored, any suggestions?

Bdubs: Sleeping is nice.

Mumbo: I acknowledge your suggestion, and I'm deciding to ignore it.

*The Hermits responding to being stabbed by a sword*

Grian: Rude.

Doc: That's fair.

Zed: oh honk

Mumbo: Not again.

Alex: Are you gonna want this back or can I keep it?

Bdubs: Welp, mine now *yoinks it out* Ow

Tango: Is it still visible, where Alex slapped me during training?

Grian: Your face looks like a 'don't walk' signal.

Keralis: Your face looks like a photo negative for the hamburger helper box.

Iskall: A palm reader could tell Alex's future by looking at your face.

Bdubs: The phrase 'talk to the hand cause the face ain't listening' doesn't work for you, because the hand is your face.

Tango: ...A simple 'yes' would've worked, you jerks.

Doc: You look mentally ill.

Iskall: I am. Let's go kill some demons.

Xisuma: What makes you all smile?

Ren: Friends and family.

Tony: Machinery.

Grian: Snacks.

Doc: Victory and success.

Tango: Face muscles

Iskall: The risk I took was calculated but, boy, am I bad at math.

Scar: What's the signal when something goes wrong?

Etho: We yell, 'OH DEAR GODS.'

Ren: ...That'll work.

Alex: Be careful about succumbing to these sorts of destructive... urges. Addiction can be a powerful thing. 

Hels: So am I. Bow down before your new supreme overlord, cowards.

Clint: Go to sleep or you'll hate yourself in the morning!

Impulse: Jokes on you, I'll hate myself in the morning regardless!!

Impulse: Wow, that was quick thinking on that phony sacrifice stuff.

Scar: Oh, that was all real.

Impulse: Wait, you were trying to help them kill us?!

Scar: If I'm gonna be sacrificed, I'm gonna do it right.

Impulse: Why would you think any of this was a good idea?

Doc: Probably because I'm a dangerous sociopath with a long history of violence.

Impulse:

Bdubs: I don't know how we keep forgetting this.

*out grocery shopping*

Alex: *takes a free sample twice*

Alex, who has used types of magic that's probably illegal before: Robbery and Fraud. I am a rebel.

Alex, who accepted a dumb dare: *sighs* Hey Siri? 

*Siri noise* 

Alex: call us Daddy *regretting life decisions™*

*Siri noise* 

Siri: I don't see a father in your contacts 

Alex: *shooketh* 

Xisuma and Keralis: *wheeeeeeze* aHAHAHAHAHA-

Alex: ... About that.... Also, X, WE SHARE THE SAME DAD YOU GIT-

Xisuma: Good morning!

Etho: Is it? Is it really???

Should I properly describe the Hermits' powers and backstories? Probably.

- CaptainMarra (makes herself sad when writing sometimes QwQ)