Tango and Sapnap: Arson? Oh, you mean "crime brûlée"

Xisuma: Someone care to explain why we have so many dogs in the Tower?

Tango: They're golden retrievers, dude. They retrieve goldifation. I did this for us.

Ren: ... *knows fully well that's not what golden retrievers do but doesn't say anything* I am with my people :D *tail wags*

Tony: Rules were made to be broken.

Xisuma: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.

Clint: Uh, piñatas.

Alex: Glow sticks.

Bdubs: Karate boards.

Tango: Spaghetti when you have a small pot.

Doc: Bones.

Tony: Rules.

Xisuma:

Xisuma: How am I more responsible than a 50-year-old man? 

Tony: HEY! 

Alex: So we're ignoring the fact that Doc responded with "bones"?

Tango: Who hurt you?

Doc: *snorting* What, you want a list?

Tango: ...Yes, actually.

Etho: I would too.

Tango: *gets set on fire and screams in agony*

Tango: *voice cracks and starts laughing his head off* Nah, I'm just kidding. Fire does nothing to me.

Etho: A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.

Grian: An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.

Ren: A realist sees a freight train.

Joe: The train driver sees three suicidal imbeciles standing on the tracks.

Scar: What time is it?

Etho: I don't know, pass me that saxophone and we'll find out

Etho: *blows into the saxophone*

Alex: WHO THE HONK IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT TWO IN THE (quack)ING MORNING

Etho: It's 2 am

Scar: Well, if you're not at least a little bit gay for your friends, then what kind of friend are you?

Doc: My only talent is being stress.

Bdubs: ... Don't you mean stressed?

Doc: No.

Iskall: ... you mean like the feeling, not the person, right? 

Doc: *sarcastically* No, I've been Stress the person the whole time- Yes, I mean the feeling!!

Phil: They look like a real handful. How do you deal with them?

Xisuma and Alex, watching Impulse, Tony, and Keralis screaming, Zed trying to set a sleeping Tango on fire, Hels and Grian trying to kill Wels and Thor, and Clint choking on air: We don't know either.

Cub: Bottling up negative emotions is bad for your health, so you shouldn't do it.

Doc: I know, that's why I bottle up all my emotions, both positive and negative, so it cancels out.

Cub: Th-that's not how that works-

Iskall, a NB intellectual: Am I a boy? Am I a girl? It doesn't matter. I'm going to burn your house down.

Tango: Sometimes, I don't realize an event was traumatic until I tell it as a funny story to someone outside my friend group and notice everyone is staring at me weird.

Loki: I'm back.

Mumbo: ... I literally saw you die. You died. You were dead

Loki: Death is a social construct.

Tony: Did you guys buy eggs like I asked?

Grian: Even better!

Tony: What did you-

Clint: *holding up a chicken* Her name is Fluffy.

Scar: We will protect her with our lives

Bdubs: We can bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute.

Xisuma: No, I'm pretty sure that's not how you make cookies.

Tango: FLOOR IT!!

Bdubs: How about 4,000,000 degrees for 1 second?!?

Alex: yOU'RE GONNA BURN THE HOUSE DOWN-

Bdubs: I'M GONNA HARNESS THE POWER OF THE HONKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES!

Tango: DO IT!!!

Alex and Xisuma: NO-

Doc: *holding a salt packet* It's just a little sodium chloride.

Tony: Actually kid, it's salt.

Doc: That's what I said, sodium chloride.

Tony: Uh Doc, that would be salt.

Tony: *takes salt packer from Doc* This is iodized table salt, which in addition to sodium chloride contains anti-caking agents and potassium iodate, which is added to prevent iodine deficiency. So not only are you being overly pretentious by insisting on using scientific terminology for everyday items, you are factually wrong. Your arrogance is your downfall, you annoying little-