Requested by Jeina58
Tags: Angst.
Trigger Warning: Panic attacks, anxiety.
Word Count: 1,034 words.

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Someone's Pov:
It's been months, months since it happened. But I still haven't got over it. It shouldn't have even affected me that much. But yet all these days the only thing I could think of was you. You were my sunshine, my ray of life. Yet, the arguments grew and now....now you're gone, forever.

"I wanted to scream, I wanted to burst into tears. I wanted to get drunk and kill myself but everything I could think about in that moment was you."

Yet, now was too late. I should've apologised, I should've said sorry, I should've forgiven you for everything. But, I didn't. I didn't forgive you so now this happened.

My mistake will forever haunt me. I want to go to the other side, to get rid of this burden....this mistake....this heaviness in my heart.

This shouldn't have broken me this badly, yet it did. I regret this deeply now. When I was too late.

If I knew my mistakes, I would have never said anything. I should've never even been there. I should've stayed quiet....or tried to help you.

You wanted to help yet I never allowed you to. You tried so badly, but I always pushed you away. I always pushed you away, even if there was no reason. I should have never done that, that was a mistake. I should have let you help me, yet I never let you.

The Hermits hate me for this mistake. They despise me....thoroughly. And they have a reason too, I still hate myself for doing that to you.

I hurt you....constantly. Every time we argued, every time we fought. I saw the pain, the misery in your eyes. Yet, I didn't stop... I continued. And now because of my foolish mistakes, I'm regretting everything.

"I wanted to scream, I wanted to burst into tears. I wanted to get drunk and kill myself but everything I could think about in that moment was you."

Everything nowadays is about you....you are my only thought.

If I could go back in time, I would've never hurt you. I would have erased this mistake. To erase everything...
It's too late now though, you are already gone.

Perhaps if I had been wiser, you could still be in my arms. Smiling, making me laugh and just having good times.

Yet, I wasn't and now I take everything back.

Everything hurts....everything. I wish I could go back in time and prevent this from happening but I can't.

The memories, they haunt me....they still haunt me. They cause me pain and anguish. They hurt me....you would cry if you saw me.

The tears on my face are dry. The claws and scratch, the marks on my arms....on my body. They haunt me, it hurts. It's painful, but I deserve all of this pain and sorrow.

I hate myself, every mistake I have ever made hurts....it hurts. But all I can think of is you. You are my only thoughts.

"I wanted to scream, I wanted to burst into tears. I wanted to get drunk and kill myself but everything I could think about in that moment was you."

I would do anything to have another chance with you....anything.

Yet, it is too late. You are forever gone. I should have never done that to you.

A monster....a cruel, evil monster is what I am. If you were here you would tell me no. But you aren't.

But it's true. I hurt a person so innocent....you only wanted to help me. But I always pushed you away. And now, I regret everything. All of it.

There are days when I have hope that things will get better but they haven't. Well, not since that.... argument and fight happened. It damaged us both.

I hoped you would forgive me, but you had already gotten over it. You told me it was fine. When in reality, it was never fine....and it never will be.

Whimpers leave my mouth. Tears stream down my face. Yet, I don't attempt to do anything.

I won't and I never will. I deserve this pain and agony. I hurt you....and you hadn't done anything. You only tried to help yet I pushed you away.

"I wanted to scream, I wanted to burst into tears. I wanted to get drunk and kill myself but everything I could think about in that moment was you."

To think that I am thinking about you every second, every minute and every hour.

It tortures my heart and soul badly. I wish I never did that....to hurt you.

Despite the fact you tried to help me, I constantly pushed you away. So naturally, I regret everything now. Every word and action I did to you, I regret it now. I regret everything now but when it's too late.

And look at me. I'm ashamed to even realise who I became. A man once so shining and proud. Once so rich and mighty, who once capitalized on this world with his partner in crime. A partner no more, well not since everything went so wrong...

And look at me now, sitting here on my bed. Tear marks stain my face. With fresh ones appearing every second and streaming down my face.

Claws and scratches all over my body. Whimpers leave my mouth every second.

My heart and soul are broken by the pain of my very own actions.

As I think these thoughts, I burst once more into a panic attack.

I think I'm even hallucinating now. I'm starting to hear footsteps and whispers that are calling out to me. I hear the floorboards creaking as if someone is walking. What?

"Cubbie," a soft, sweet voice says behind me.

Wait a second, that can only belong to the one and only Goodtimeswithscar.

I immediately turned around and whipped my head around, at that moment I saw him....the man I hurt for nothing, standing at the doorway of the bedroom. Scar.

"We need to talk," Scar says, with a small smile. But I saw through that, I saw the pain, misery and sympathy in his eyes.

And with that, I broke down once more. Once more, I fell into my thoughts and panics.

-♡