(WC: 2184
Category: Angst
Warnings: Hallucinations, death, still might hit close to home for some people

Okay this is one of the saddest things I've written recently

Also added the lyrics here to be consistent with Feelings Are Fatal, even though some of them don't really match. Tried my best to make sure that it matched up, though.

You might have also seen I removed the "Ship type" category, and that's mainly because I'm cutting back on the shippy content for now.

This oneshot is dedicated to a very special One_Pan_Band because I know how much you loVE this song

Enjoy :D)

NPG was back where he started. Which is to say, alone.

Grian had left in a hurry, and it was all his fault--he'd scared Grian off, and he wasn't going to be coming back anytime soon. He wasn't able to comfort him or make him feel better. In other words, he had failed.

Truthfully, NPG wasn't quite sure what he had done to drive Grian away. He had simply been trying to make sure he was okay, but for some reason, Grian seemed...scared. Repulsed. An emotion he'd never seen directed towards him. It made him feel...well.

He didn't really feel anything anymore.

NPG hoped, though, that his friends could make him feel better--Taurtis, and another person...Sam. Yes, that was it. Grian told him stories about those two often.

Often I am upset
That I cannot fall in love but I guess
This avoids the stress of falling out of it

His vision cut out again, staying like that for a good minute. He'd have to tell Grian to fix it next time he visited, he'd know what to do. Then he remembered that Grian might not ever be coming back.

Maybe he'd never be fixed.

But maybe it was for the better. Maybe he deserved to be left alone. After all, he was unrepairable. Maybe it was better to just be left abandoned.

He pushed himself against the corner of the closet. The wood was cracked and splintered. The hangers and clothing were all covered in a thick layer of dust. No light was let in, so it was always dark. Everything in this closet was old, abandoned, and broken.

Including him.

Are you tired of me yet?
I'm a little sick right now but I swear
When I'm ready I will fly us out of here

NPG thought he heard footsteps down the closet. No, it couldn't be. He was imagining things.

"Hello?" he called out, trying not to let his hopes up. "Grian, is that you?"

Grian poked his head out from behind a hanging coat. When he saw his robot clone, a huge smile grew on his face. "NPG! There you are. C'mon, let's go outside for a bit."

I'll cut my hair
To make you stare

NPG followed him dutifully out of the closet. The floorboards barely made a sound as he walked across them. The sun was peeking out from behind the clouds today, letting in a steady stream of light that gave the room a cheery, warm feel.

The buildings Grian and he had spent months building looked no worse for wear, like they had been built recently. Just looking at them gave NPG a small pang of sadness. He missed doing simple things like that.

Grian brushed off a thin layer of dust from the closet, then took a seat on the floor.

"Oh, man, have I got a lot to tell you." he shifted from side to side in excitement. "I've been so busy lately, you don't even know--we started up this new world called Evo, with a bunch of other people, and we're basically traveling through all the old updates until we hit the recent ones. It's going to be insane, I'm so excited for it..."

Something inside NPG knew that this wasn't real. It just seemed too perfect. Grian coming back, seemingly having forgiven him? Things going back the way they were before, during better times?

No. That wasn't going to happen.

No matter how much NPG missed the old times, there was no going back. Back then, he was a fully functioning robot, able to follow orders and act like an actual human easily. He'd fallen far from that now.

I'll hide my chest and I'll
Figure out a way to get us out of here

NPG blinked, and suddenly he was back inside his closet. It was dark and musty. What he had just seen was a hallucination. It wasn't real, no matter how much he wanted it to be.

NPG suddenly hated himself. Here he was, delving into the past to escape the present. He was reduced to a broken, dumb robot. The robot he used to be seemed like an entirely different person--someone who he could never be.

This wasn't a new discovery for him. He'd known for ages. He just never had the courage to bring it up to anyone. Better to just hide all your doubts behind a smile. That way people wouldn't know anything was wrong.

NPG shifted to the side, squinting his eyes to try and make out the closet doors from the darkness. Even though it was unbelievably dark in here, it was strangely comforting. Not just because it was all plain with no bright or loud hues. Also because he was used to the darkness by now. It was so commonplace to be here at this point. By now, the outside world was more alien to him.

Turn off your porcelain face
I can't really think right now and this place
Has too many colours
Enough to drive all of us insane

Another knock came from the front of the closet. NPG thought he heard the sound of rain slashing against the walls of the small house, which is a sound he hadn't heard in a long time. Thunder cracked, enough to rattle the closet.

The knocking at the closet door became more urgent. NPG got up reluctantly, only slightly surprised his joints didn't squeak and creak like they normally did. He was stuck in another hallucination. But, strangely, he welcomed it.

Are you dead?
Sometimes I think I'm dead
'Cause I can feel ghosts and ghouls wrapping my head

He opened the door to see Grian standing outside, dripping wet and looking irritated at the storm outside. A pair of elytra were strapped on his back, but they were wet and limp.

The window behind him showed the dark sky, only lit up by the occasional flash of lightning. The torrential rain tore at the buildings outside.

"Stupid storm caught me by surprise," he muttered. "I was flying with my Elytra and it just came out of nowhere. Almost crashed to the ground."

"Are you okay?" NPG helped him shrug off his elytra.

"Yeah, just annoyed that I got caught by the storm." Grian wrinkled his nose as he studied his wet sweater. "Do you have anything in the old closet I can use?"

"Maybe. Hold on." NPG climbed back into the closet, sweeping past coats and worn shirts. There was one in the very back, but NPG was hesitant to bring it out. He didn't want Grian wearing a soggy sweater, though, so he pulled out the old tunic.

"Oh, man." Grian visibly winced seeing the tunic. "Is that...?"

"Yeah. Sorry, it's the only thing in there." NPG reluctantly handed the tunic over. It was a forest shade of green, contrasting with the red sweater Grian normally wore. It used to go with his dark gray jeans and a green cap. This was the outfit Grian had worn in Evo.

Grian seemed torn between wearing his old outfit and just staying in his wet sweater. With an audible sigh, he took the tunic.

"I'm sorry," NPG muttered. He knew it wasn't enough.

"Don't be." It was Grian's standard response for whenever this came up in conversation. "It wasn't your fault."

NPG reached out a hand to pat Grian on the shoulder, but the hallucination faded away before he could do anything.

But I don't wanna fall asleep just yet

Grian's last words stuck in his head. Don't be. It's not your fault. He'd said that many times before, but NPG was starting to realize there was more to it than that.

Just like NPG hid the fact that he was starting to slowly break with a smile, Grian hid the fact that he was still bothered by what happened with Evo by repeating the same phrase over and over again.

They were more alike than either of them thought.

Maybe, with time, they could have bonded over that fact.

But he had run out of time.

My eyes went dark

NPG was at the point where he was wishing for another hallucination. Anything to distract him from the thoughts that had been crowding in his head. But every hallucination broke him further. Then again, every hallucination provided a better scene than his current one.

So maybe he should just let them keep coming.

I don't know where

As if the universe had heard his thoughts, he faded into another hallucination. For a second, he was thankful for it. But the universe was never kind to him.

The dust in the closet was gone. The wood looked new. The place smelled somewhat earthly, like the wood had been freshly cut from its tree. New clothes hung from the hangars.

NPG got up from his sitting position, feeling better than ever. Something told him he was newly built, too, just like everything else in the closet. His joints didn't squeak at all. He felt energized, like he was running on a full battery.

My pupils are but I'll
Figure out a way to get us out of here

"Grian?" he called out, walking over to the closet door and swinging it open. "You out there?"

"NPG, hey!" the response came back immediately. "I was just about to come in and get you. You ready for the testing today?"

So this is during the testing sessions. The times NPG missed the most. He pushed open the door and ran straight into Grian.

"Crap--sorry."

The first thing NPG noticed was that the sun was shining through the window, not a cloud in the sky. The entire room was washed in bright light, giving it an almost peaceful air. The buildings that towered over the smaller hut were nowhere to be seen. NPG started to get excited again--he'd enjoyed building those.

Get a load of this monster
He doesn't know how to communicate

"Are we done yet?" he grumbled a bit, but he didn't mind at all. He was delighted to be back in this time period. "I'm starting to get tired of testing."

Grian laughed a bit. "We're just getting started. Why are you smiling? Is there something on my face?"

NPG tried to hide the grin on his face, but it was hard. Testing had taken months originally. And if they were just getting started...NPG hoped the hallucination wouldn't cut out early. He wanted to savor every moment.

His mind is in a different place
Will everybody please give him a little bit of space?

NPG changed the subject. "Anyway...what are we doing today?"

"Well...I was thinking." Grian had a small smile on his face now. "Instead of running tests today...why don't we do what you want to do?"

NPG stared at him for a bit, not believing it. This wasn't what the actual testing session was like. Grian had run him through a series of tests that were required. It was hours and hours of building, trying to make sure NPG was as efficient as possible. There were no breaks, or doing what NPG wanted to do.

Grian never asked him what he wanted to do.

NPG couldn't contain his excitement. "I--sure! Yes! Absolutely!"

Get a load of this trainwreck
His hair's a mess and he doesn't know who he is yet

"Plus, you deserve a break after all the work you've been doing," Grian added.

Another red flag. Grian never gave him breaks. Why would he? To him, he was just a robot. But NPG didn't care. He was too happy.

"Let's go, let's go!" He grabbed Grian by the arm and pulled him outside, both of them laughing a bit. It was his turn to choose what to do. He could do anything.

He finally got what he always wanted.

But little do we know the stars
Welcome him with open arms

Inside the closet, NPG sat with his eyes closed, a small smile on his face. The vision he was seeing wasn't real, of course, but he was happy. And that was better than his current situation.

In his hallucination, he was flying around with Grian, an elytra strapped onto his back. He had flown high in his vision, when in reality he was stuck at rock bottom.

Time is
Slowly

There was one more problem even NPG didn't know about. The source of his hallucinations were because of his battery. Grian had designed it so that it would last almost a year without having to recharge, but NPG had been in that closet for a long time. His battery was almost dead--in fact, it would die any minute now.

But at least he got what he wanted before he completely shut down.

Tracing his face

NPG froze, the smile still on his face. He slumped over, his joints loosening. His battery finally gave out, and his final vision was of the sun above, his hand stretched out almost as if he could reach it.

But he never would.

But strangely he feels at home in this place