(WC: 1644
Category: Soft angst
Ship type: None
Warnings: Swearing

I've got 10% battery and no charger so if you never hear from me again assume the worst

This was originally a vent fic, so it might hit a little too close for home as it did for me. I also added the lyrics from the song in for extra angst™

Also no this doesn't pertain to Swap I think I tortured NPG enough in that already lmao

Enjoy!)

Grian leaned against the wooden door of his closet, the recently oiled hinges barely sounding. The sunlight streamed in from a nearby window, lighting up the entire area. Grian set down his lantern--the natural light from outside would be enough to see.

On the other side of the room, what looked like an exact replica of Grian sat on the floor. If you looked closely, though, you could spot a few differences. The replica's eyes were a dark shade of brown, almost black, while Grian's eyes were dark violet. The replica sat stiffly, and Grian was slouching slightly.

The replica was NPG, otherwise known as NPC Grian. He was a robot clone Grian had built, and the two were almost identical.

"So what do you want to do today?" Grian asked. "It's gorgeous out."

"I dunno." Even the robot's voice box sounded almost like a human's. "We could build again, if you want."

"Oh, come on. We've been building for the last few days. Why not mix it up a little? Why not just, I dunno, sit and talk?"

Grian sat down on the floor to demonstrate and made himself comfy. "You always stay here. I could catch you up on what's happening over on Hermitcraft! A lot has gone down, you know."

There was the slightest bit of hesitation from NPG, almost unnoticeable.

"Sure. Why not?"

Grian started to talk animatedly about the shenanigans that had been happening--civil wars, tag games, hot potatoes...he'd missed a lot.

I'm happy for you
I'm smilin' for you
I'd do anything
For you, for you

NPG just smiled and nodded like he was supposed to. He was used to hearing Grian's tales, though he suspected that they were always far-fetched. I mean, a war that had started over a "Fork of Friendship"? No way that was real.

Sometimes, NPG wished that Grian would give him a chance to talk, too. Or at least not always have the attention focused on him. It was always this way--Grian would suggest something and get right to it, not realizing NPG didn't have a say in the matter.

It's always for you
And never for me

These thoughts were always pushed to the side, though. Just keep smiling and nodding, smiling and nodding. It was the mantra NPG always repeated to himself whenever those thoughts came around.

And I need it to stop
So let me tell you, please

The truth was, NPG was hiding emotions that he didn't want Grian to see. To Grian, he was the perfect robot--no bumps or kinks to work out. He was just a robot who did what he was supposed to and didn't disobey.

But there was no way he was telling Grian that. Grian was happy as it was.

He didn't want Grian to feel the same way he did.

I'm always sad
And I'm always lonely
But I can't tell you
That I'm breaking slowly

NPG's vision stuttered for a moment, cutting out before returning to normal. It had been this way for a bit, but he was scared to bring it up to Grian for fear that he'd start stressing out over something that was probably just a minor glitch.

He wanted to please Grian. He wanted to make sure that he didn't feel the negative emotions NPG did.

And if he had to smile and nod through the pain, then that's what he'd do.

Closed doors
Locked in, no keys
Keepin' my feelings hidden
There is no ease

NPG realized he was tuning out Grian's conversation and mentally cursed himself. Don't you dare screw up. You can't afford to do that.

In the back of his mind, he knew that what he was doing wasn't healthy. You can't just tune out negative emotions just like that. But he wanted so badly for Grian to be happy.

He came first. NPG didn't matter as much.

I need it to stop
And I want to be able
To open up but
My feelings are fatal

My feelings are fatal

»»————-　★　————-««

NPG was the perfect robot. He could build, talk, and act like an actual human. He would have been a marvel in the technological side of the world, except for one thing.

When Grian had created him, he had made one crucial mistake. He had coded NPG so that he could feel emotions.

And a robot isn't supposed to be able to feel emotions.

It was a problem at first. NPG was like Grian's building buddy, though he always had this love for rustic houses Grian never understood. Nevertheless, there were no bumps that needed to be smoothed out. Or so it seemed.

Then it started.

Suddenly, NPG wasn't the smoothly running robot he used to be. At first, it was just a few glitches every now and then. Grian thought he had fixed it by rewiring NPG a bit.

But it didn't do anything. As time went on, the glitches got worse, and it had gotten to the point where Grian had to retire NPG to the back of his closet.

Grian tried to visit NPG often, but it had quickly begun to feel more like a chore than visiting a friend like it used to. So the visits came less and less. There could be months in between each visit.

Grian started to dread the visits to NPG. He had fallen far from the robot he used to be, reduced to a babbling, slightly insane robot. If Grian didn't know any better, he'd swear NPG was losing his mind.

But why? There shouldn't be any way that would happen.

Little did he know, NPG knew the source of the problem.

He just chose not to bring it up.

Grian opened the wooden door of his closet, wincing slightly as he heard the old hinges creak. It was deadly silent in this corner of his old house. Cobwebs crowded the corners, and a heavy layer of dust laid on every surface. A small spider ran across one wall.

"NPG?" His voice was louder than he intended. "Hello?"

In the back of his mind, he wished that NPG was gone, maybe out of commission. He hated talking to NPG now. He didn't want to admit it, but the look in NPG's eyes scared him sometimes.

Unfortunately, a voice came calling out from the darkness.

"Gri? Is that you?"

A chuckle sounded out, the broken voice box distorting it.

"I thought you'd never come!"

Grian swallowed hard and held out a lantern, its small flame inside lighting up the dark closet. NPG was curled up in one corner, and he didn't seem entirely there. He seemed to be laughing to himself. Grian took a deep breath, willing himself not to run out.

"Hey, NPG. How's it going? Long time no see, huh?"

How many times must I keep it inside
I need to let go and I swear that I've tried
But opening up means trusting others
And that's just too much, I don't want to bother

NPG didn't answer. Grian was so used to him just smiling and nodding at everything he said; it was weird seeing him like this. As he edged closer, he realized NPG was muttering something to himself.

"Smile and nod. Just keep smiling and nodding."

Grian almost left then. This was almost too much. He hated seeing NPG this way. He hated seeing the robot he'd made falling so far.

And there was nothing he could do about it.

So I'll keep it inside and bury it deep
I know it's not healthy, but you won't hear a peep
Though I'm always sad and I'm always lonely
I could never tell you that I'm breaking slowly

"N-NPG? Can you even hear me?" Grian couldn't keep a slight quiver out of his voice. "Hello?"

"Smile and nod." NPG's eyes met Grian's. "Hi there, Grian! Long time no see."

Grian backed away.

"What are we going to talk about today?" The voice box distorted the audio even more. They didn't sound anything alike anymore. "I'll be there to listen! I always am!"

"Let's talk about you. How about that? Instead of me?"

"No!" NPG shook his head vemehently. "It's always you! Not me."

"I-I know that, so why don't we talk about you? What you're feeling?"

"No, thanks. What can I say, anyway? I'm not special."

Closed doors
Locked in, no keys
Keepin' my feelings hidden
There is no ease

"Yes, you are!" Grian found himself saying out of desperation. "Please, NPG. Let's talk about you."

"I said no! Let's talk about what's been going on in Evo."

He's trapped in the past. In better times. He still thinks I'm in Evo. Grian shook his head. "No, no, please. I want to talk about you! How have you been feeling?"

"I wouldn't know. My feelings are fatal. Didn't you know?"

I need it to stop
And I want to be able
To open up but
My feelings are fatal, oh, oh, oh

Grian backed away, almost tripping over himself. He needed to get out of there. NPG wasn't sane anymore. Maybe he never was.

What was all this talk about feelings being fatal? Yes, he had coded NPG to feel emotions, but...

It struck him. And he immediately started silently chiding himself. You fucking idiot. Why did you do this? Robots are supposed to have emotions. It's all your fault. It's your fault he's this way.

NPG was looking at Grian with a concerned expression.

"Grian, are you okay? You seem sad. Was it my fault? I'm so sorry, I'll try and fix it--"

Grian turned his back and bolted out of the closet, slamming the door so hard he felt the wood splinter. He had to leave. Now. It was too late for NPG. He needed to get out of there.

He burst through the door, making sure to lock it as if NPG would break out of the house and come after him. He strapped on his Elytra and rocketed off into the sky, far, far away from the house, the closet, and the robot inside.

In the dark closet, NPG looked down, feeling a huge wave of guilt wash over him.

"Grian's sad. And now he's leaving. It's my fault, I didn't help him feel happy."

My feelings are fatal, oh, oh, oh
My feelings are fatal, oh, oh, oh