(WC: 1027
Category: Oneshot based off of another story, angst
Ship type: None
Warnings: Hallucinations, panic attacks

Special thanks to Ariyaquila, who gave me permission to base a oneshot off the prologue of her new book, Heart and Mind! I'd recommend it to anyone who hasn't read it yet.

This is probably the angstiest thing I've written in a while. Anyway, enjoy!)

It was the thirteenth time he had to replace the mirror.

Xisuma gripped the counter's edge, glaring at his reflection through the fractured surface of the mirror in front of him. His hands were clenched so tightly that his knuckles were turning white. The remaining shards of the mirror were scattered around him, reflecting the sea lantern's soft glow.

He hated mirrors. They reminded him of everything he wanted to forget...who he was...and what had happened in the past.

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't escape it.

It was always there.

It might have been a trick of the light, but the sea lantern illuminating the room began to flicker slightly. One larger shard still hanging desperately on the mirror began to shimmer slightly, and X's reflection began to change.

Instead of the bright yellow tint that covered most of his plated armor, this particular shard had painted his clothing a deep red. The color spread through the mirror, slowly infecting every bit of it.

Even through the dark tint of his visor, X could see the red glow behind his reflection's own helmet. It revealed the taunting smirk his doppelganger had, and for a moment, the whole mirror seemed to glitch out, becoming fully repaired again, then back to its shattered form.

A well-known voice echoed in X's mind, a condescending tone similar to his, and one he was all too familiar with.

You can't escape me, Xisuma.

X leaned back, feeling as though all the air had been sucked out of his lungs. It was like he had taken his helmet off for too long. Every inhale felt like poison was worming its way inside him. He was suffocating, but he managed to choke a few words out.

"Get out of my head."

The voice laughed, almost sounding like it pitied him. I can't get out of your head. I'm part of you. Even if you tried, you can't get rid of me fully.

X inhaled deeply, and his breathing went from pure agony to just mild pain. He tried again, his voice ragged. "I said, get out of my head."

The voice chuckled quietly. You don't even have anything to say! You know what you could do...? Accept that I'm here. Anything you try to do isn't going to change the fact that I'm here. So why not get over it?

"Shut up." X repeated it again, louder this time. "Shut up! You're just something inside me that exists to torment me about my past. I'm still in charge here."

The voice was quiet for a moment. Is that all you think of me? Just...a thing? You don't think I'm real?

"Don't try and trick me like that. You've done that before."

You don't think I have power here? A sharp pain went through X's mind, and his vision went fuzzy for a moment. You don't think I can take charge? I'm more than that, Xisuma. You know it.

The agony returned, and X gripped the counter again to keep himself steady.

I can be powerful, too. I have been powerful. I represent your past. And since you still hold on to the past, you still hold on to me.

"Stop it! Get out!" X shook his head, wincing as the pains were amplified again. The voice inside his head made a tsk-ing sound, like it was disappointed in his actions.

This is all your fault. If you weren't so bothered by your past, I wouldn't have gotten this powerful. If you had just chosen to move on, you wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be here. You got us here, Xisuma. It's your job to get us out.

"I...I can't." X looked at the mirror and tried to steady his breaths. "I can't. Are you happy now? I admit it! I'm not as powerful as I think I am! You have a bigger influence on me than I think! Happy?"

The stabbing pain in his head seemed to subside, and X let go of the counter, almost collapsing. The voice inside his head went quiet, then spoke, sounding less smug and more concerned.

I wouldn't say I'm happy. But I am proud of you for admitting that. It may not be a way out, but it's a start. Thank you...brother.

And Ex went quiet.

The only sounds left were X's heavy breathing as he tried to reorient himself. The room seemed unnaturally quiet without the presence of his twin.

X hated to admit it, but sometimes, he liked the sounds of Ex...or in this case, the sounds of the past. Sometimes, it was the only thing that kept him going.

X inhaled deeply, then repeated the saying that he told himself whenever these events happened.

"It's just a hallucination. None of this is happening in real life. Ex is gone, and so are Mom and Dad. This is just a figment of your imagination, and it can't hurt you."

He swept a hand over the counter, hissing quietly when his fingers grazed the edge of a broken shard. He pulled his hand back, wincing at the red blood dripping to the ground.

Red, like Ex's suit.

Red, like Ex's eyes.

"Stop it, X. You're just going to torture yourself. They're gone."

He forced himself to look at the mirror and exhaled with relief when he saw his suit was the cheerful yellow it was supposed to be. No red eyes. No condescending smirks. Good.

X stepped back from the counter, shaking his head. He had to get out of there.

Stepping out of his base, X spread his Elytra and took off, spamming rockets unceremoniously. He didn't know where he was going. He just had to get away from that mirror.

After a while, he realized he was flying in a circle, in line with the clouds high above his base. Despite being hundreds of blocks up in the air, the lingering image of Ex's armor still in his mind. His brother's words rang in his ears.

If you had just chosen to move on, you wouldn't be here.

But that was the thing. He couldn't move on. No matter how hard he tried.