DISCLAIMER- I do not have Depersonalization-derealization disorder, and this is based entirely on research and the experiences of close friends. If any of this is not accurate, I apologize for that, and with some direction, I would be more than happy to fix it. Thank you!

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Oneshot- Slight angst, Comfort, Fluff

Characters- Grian, Scar

Ships- Scarian

AU- Modern Day

TW: Depersonalization-derealization disorder, Disturbing thoughts, Slight SH

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Grian couldn't sleep. Laying down, facing away from his partner Scar, he couldn't help but let his mind wander. The room was completely dark, and the subtle sounds of Scar's breathing helped to anchor Scar to the moment, but Grian still couldn't get a good grasp on reality. Grian suffered from Depersonalization-derealization disorder, which was a horrible mental disorder which caused you to lose touch with reality in many ways.

One of the symptoms was that Grian often felt like he was in a dream. He felt like he wasn't the one making the choices, and like he was floating, almost. Something else that would often happen was that memories would be distorted, and he felt like they either didn't happen, or it was a dream. Another common occurrence was that Grian just didn't feel like... him. He would often spend hours sitting in front of mirror, just trying to figure out who he was, or why he felt this way. Of course, there are many more, but those were the most common for Grian specifically.

After an alarming number of episodes, Grian finally decided to look into this and got officially diagnosed. Of course, it was extremely difficult sometimes to deal with it, but Scar was as supportive as he could be with Grian, and the pair eventually figured out how to function. Scar especially tried his hardest to learn comforting techniques and ways to anchor Grian to the moment. When Grian had originally learned about his condition, he was half expecting Scar to leave him for it, but he was pleasantly surprised to find that his boyfriend loved him more than he thought.

In this exact moment, Grian couldn't shake the feeling that he wasn't real, that this was a dream. As he lay in his bed, facing the wall, he tried to wiggle his fingers. They moved, but he couldn't actually feel it. His memories felt fake as he shuffled through them, and he could feel this person's- no, his breath increasing. Suddenly the pressure in Grian's head was too much, the distortion of the world around him closing in. As much as he hated bothering Scar about these things, he felt the need to have him with him.

Turning over and lightly shaking his boyfriend's arm, Grian quietly whispered, "Scar? Scar, are you awake?" Grian slowly rubbed his eyes and let out a strangled gasp as his hands felt too large in size to be his own. It felt wrong, it felt like somebody else was touching him, somebody else was in his body- was it his body? Was any of this real- or maybe he would wake up and the world would be different and all of the amazing things in his life would be gone and-

"Gri? Are you okay?" Scar whispered as he turned around to face Grian, the shorter boy's frantic eyes glanced up at him. Scar quickly identified Grian's panic and sat up, immediately wrapping his arms around the shorter, cradling him slightly. "Hey, hey, it's okay... it's okay." Grian clenched his teeth and shut his eyes, no control as he used one hand to scratch his other hard. He needed a reminder that he was real, that this was his body. Maybe pain would do that?

Grian suddenly felt his hands separated, and Scar began to apply pressure to them, taking away the pain, but leaving a firm reminder of Grian's very existence. "Gri, look at me. C'mon, look at me birdie." Grian opened his eyes slightly and found Scar's face, feeling a little bit of the panic drown out. He still couldn't tell if Scar was actually as close as thought or if it was in this person's he- no, his head, but either way, Scar was there. He looked right- his green eyes, his tussled brown hair, it wasn't distorted. Scar felt real, he was real. Scar began to run his hands through Grian's hair, and the slight pull on individual strings left a better since of reality, and also helped with his sense of how close Scar really was physically to him.

After about three minutes of Scar firmly hugging Grian, just hard enough to pull him back into reality, Grian shakily let out a breath. "Can- can you tell me things about myself?" Grian whispered, meeting eyes with his boyfriend. Scar smiled slightly, and Grian felt his heart jump, despite the horrific episode.

Scar took in a deep breath, and then proceeded to lightly trace Grian's face with his fingers. "Let's see Gri... well, your favorite color is red, just like your favorite sweater, and you absolutely love parrots, although you probably love your cats Pearl and Maui more." Scar paused for a moment and planted a kiss onto Grian's forehead. "Your eyes are a beautiful deep blue, and your hair is sandy light brown color. You are my beautiful boyfriend, who I love more than anything." Grian looked up and let out a weak smile, causing Scar to lightly laugh.

Grian looked away for a moment, tugging the covers up onto him just slightly more, and then looked back to Scar. "Can I... can I feel your face?" Grian asked, just slightly embarrassed. This wasn't the first episode that Scar helped him though, far from it, but he couldn't help but feel pathetic. Either way, Scar accepted him for who he was and loved him even more for it.

Scar tilted his head a little bit, and without any words, just brought Grian's hand to his face. Grian could feel his face heat up- OH, that was good! He could actually feel like himself, Scar's rooting hug was working, creating that connection to reality.

Grian slowly brought his hands around Scar's face, examining every little bit of perfection. He dragged his hands through Scar's hair, feeling every individual stand sift through his fingers. He then brought his fingers down to Scar's face, feeling the rough texture of long healed burn marks and broken skin. Letting out a deep breath, Grian let one hand just cup Scar's face, while the other lightly felt Scar's lips.

Scar smiled, and Grian giggled a little bit, his connection to reality almost completely back. Scar blinked his emerald, green eyes and leaned forward, planting a small kiss onto Grian's lips. It wasn't rough and it didn't feel too forced, it was just soft- perfect. When Scar pulled away, he just left his forehead on Grian's, noses touching. The pair just breathed for a moment, taking in the darkness and silence, relishing in the peace.

Finally, Scar pulled away, whispering "Hey, are you okay now?" Grian sighed and nodded, smiling. He shifted over, allowing his head to rest on Scar's chest. Things may be difficult sometimes, but Grian would always have Scar by his side. And with that, the pair drifted to sleep, positive that their love for each other really was real.

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Word count: 1200

How was this one guys, am I living up to the expectations?! This one was SO fun to write, I really enjoyed writing some fluffy stuff <3

Please drop a comment (I love reading them) and leave a vote if you feel so inclined to do so!

Have a wonderful day/night, and take care of yourself!

-Emmy <3