Songfic based on Monophobia by Ace of Hearts.

Tw: suicide, guns, depression, mental health. Proceed with caution.

———

If you had to choose between being unhappy or alone would you know which to choose?

Tango ran his finger over the side of his gun, the smooth metal cool against his skin. He felt like road kill, hit by a car and left for dead by the side of the highway. If he was lucky, a kid might come along and scramble up his remains with a stick.

Anything was better than what he was feeling now.

He felt alone, empty, like nothing really mattered.

And truly, did it?

His entire life he had worked towards one thing: settling down with someone, leading a nice peaceful life with a person he could truly say he loved.

He thought he had found that person, a charming Englishman with eyes deep enough to drown in.

Zedaph

It took months to work up the courage, but Tango asked him out. They seemed to really hit it off, and were going on three years strong.

Tango truly loved him, the velvet box in his pocket was proof of that, but apparently Zedaph didn't love him back 

Tango found Zed just a few hours ago, tongue shoved down the throat of Tango's best friend.

If you woke up the next morning and you didn't have a past
Did that mean that your wish came true?

Tango looked up at the ceiling, slowly intertwining his hand around the handle of his gun. It felt so right, the rough groves holding his palm in place despite how hard his hands were shaking.

Zed was perfect.

A great sense of humor, cheery personality, the looks to match..

Apparently he wasn't the only one who thought that.

Why?

He couldn't even cry, he couldn't bring himself to.

Someone like him could never date someone like Zedaph.

Zedaph was perfect, Tango.. was well.. not.

He should have seen this coming, he should have known-

In one swift movement, he brought the gun to his head, holding it steady for a few seconds.

Come on, come on.. all he had to do was pull the trigger.

Pull it.

It would all be over.

"GOD DAMN IT I SAID PULL THE FUCKING TRIGGER-" Tango yelled, words barreling out of his mouth in a fit of rage. "GET THIS OVER WITH JUST PULL THE FUCKING TRIGGER I SAID PULL IT PULL IT PULL- pull.. pu.."

A sob floated out of Tangos throat, and his arm went limp, the gun still secure in his palm.

Who was he kidding? He couldn't pull the trigger.

He was pathetic.

He didn't deserve someone like Zed.

How could he ever think he did?

Since I had to ask you if your words are still true
Don't you think I should just know?

Tango sucked in a breath, letting out a small laugh upon release.

He truly was pathetic.

He couldn't commit to anything, he thought he had found something in Zedaph, something worth committing to, but apparently that wasn't enough.

Lapses in your breathing while my head is ringing
Heard this voice, and it asked me
Have you ever wanted to feel anything at all?

Tango closed his eyes, lips creasing into a hard line.

Whatever.

He'd just have to find someone else.

Find someone else to share his life with.

The ring he bought with.

Who was he kidding?

There was no one else.

Tango's hand tightened around the gun, as if he was afraid it would disappear if he didn't hold it tightly enough.

I guess we ran out of time, and then next is love
Counting on the clock, it's true
Feels like purgatory, ending of our story
I can still say I love you

Tango lifted the gun up, turning it to the side, just wanting to study it for a bit.

It was a simple handgun, heavy as any gun was.

"At least you're still here for me.." Tango murmured, voice chalked full of grief.

"Oh who am I kidding, Zedaph was never there for me."

I want to be happy, and I'm sure you agree
Tell me, why is it so hard?
Lapses in your breathing while my head is ringing
Heard this voice, and it asked me

Tango's hands shook, but he had to do this.

He slipped his finger over the trigger, bringing the gun to his head. Steady now.

Have you ever wanted to feel anything at all?

Breathe now, Tango. On one.

Have you ever wanted to feel anything at all?

Three..

Have you ever wanted to feel anything at all?

Two..

Have you ever wanted to feel anything?

One.

Bang.
———

Zedaph never took much interest in the eulogy section of the newspaper, but today he saw a face he recognized.

"Oh my god.. Impy.. look!" Zedaph pointed at a picture, a man of no real remark.

"What is it babe? Oh.. Tango Tekia? Wait wasn't that-" Impulse out the pieces together, squinting at the picture.

"My stalker. It says he.. he killed himself.. do you think he..?" Zedaph sucked in a breath, remembering the lengthy court case it took for him to get a restraining order.

"I.. I don't know.. I'm sorry, Zed, but it I'm sure wasn't your fault.." Impulse reassured, kissing the top of his boyfriends head.
———

:)

I UPDATED MOM MOM ARE YOU PROUD OF ME??? No?? Figures.

Sorry it's been a far sec, but I wrote this all in like <1h so excuse the jank

-yours, spider