|=====|=====|

Scar: I feel like I have died and gone to heaven.

Tango: I have that dream, too, but you go in the other direction.

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Ren: How long does your ideal hug last?

Tango: 38-45 minutes.

Ren: That seems... impractical.

Tango: You said ideal, not realistic.

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Grian: You have beautiful eyes.

Tango: *panicking* T-t-thanks I need them to see.

|=====|=====|

Tango: *to Zed* You're not the dumbest person in the world, but you better pray they don't die.

|=====|=====|

Mumbo: Why did you stay up so late?

Tango, looking out the window, baggy eyed: There is no rest for the wicked

Mumbo:

Iskall: Cat videos. He stayed up watching cat videos

|=====|=====|

xB: Where did Tango go yesterday?

X: Impulse decided he should go to see a therapist.

xB: Really? How did it go?

X: The therapist is now seeing a therapist so...

|=====|=====|

Tango: since I'm gonna be gone for a while, I've left a complimentary bowl of advice.

Tango, picks a paper out of bowl: for example, "Zed, stop doing that" applies to everything.

|=====|=====|

*Going through a drive thru*

Tango: *Paying for the person behind him* Tell him I think he's hot.

Fast food worker: ... Okay?

Zed: *Drives up to window*

Fast food worker: Your food was paid for by the guy ahead of you. He says you're hot.

Zed: *Rolls his eyes* That's my husband.

|=====|=====|

Impulse: So wait, Zed kissed you and you said 'thank you?'

Tango: Yes

Impulse: Well, that was very polite

|=====|=====|

Cub: BadTimes is an angel that fell from heaven.

Tango: *whispers* So was Satan.

|=====|=====|

Tango: sometimes i like to place my hands on someone's cheeks, look into their eyes....

BadTimes: oh wow this is actually really sweet.

Tango: .....and violently jerk their head until it snaps.

BadTimes: that took an unexpected turn.

Hels: so did their neck.

|=====|=====|

Bdubs: Is anyone else gay and angry this fine Monday morning?

Tango: I'm bi and annoyed, does that count?

|=====|=====|

Keralis: Etho, how do I ask someone out?

Etho: Well, first, you-

Tango: No, don't ask him. He asked me out in a McDonald's bathroom.

Keralis:...

Keralis: And you said yes?

|=====|=====|

Wels: toast is amazing. who ever was eating bread one day and was like, "cook it again." wow. i feel that.

Beef: bro-

Wels: i know-

Tango: guys stfu i have to kill the dragon in the morning.

|=====|=====|

Tango: I'm telling you, there's nothing wrong with me!

Doc: I watched you apply black pencil eyeliner in the bathroom mirror while crying.

Tango: Why were you watching me in the bathroom?

|=====|=====|

Ex: What is your weakness?

Tango: I can be uncooperative

Ex: Can you give me an example?

Tango: No.

|=====|=====|

Tango: I'm worried

False: About what?

Tango: No clue.

|=====|=====|

Biffa: How did you manage to resist our trap?

Tango: We're pretty dumb.

Cleo: We are dense.

Joe: Dumb as a box of rocks.

|=====|=====|

Stress: What's the fear of getting murdered called?

Jevin: Common sense.

Tango: Actually it's called Foniasophobia.

Stress: Thanks Tango...

Hypno: Why do you know that?!

Tango: Late night Internet searches.

|=====|=====|

Tfc: One bonus of being the oldest Hermit is grossly misusing modern slang on purpose and watching Tango cry inside.

Tfc: A fine example: the other day I pointed at a death ray and, while looking Tango right in the eye, went "Man, is that bae or what, huh?" and the look on his face was something I will treasure for years.

|=====|=====|

Tango: I hate people

Grian: Even me?

Tango: Especially you

Impulse: Even me?

Tango: Absolutely not, I love you and we are blessed to have you here

|=====|=====|

Hels: C'mon, Tango! Nobody thinks BadTimes is our son!

Tango: *Turns to the Hermits* Put your hand up if you thought BadTimes was Hels' and Ex's son.

[Everyone puts their hand up]

Ex: BT, put your hand down!

|=====|=====|

*in the middle of X reprimanding Zed for something*

Tango [holding a rulebook]: holy shit!

X: what?!

Tango: it says right here that you're a lil bitch.

|=====|=====|

Today's Questions:

Pick a Hermit and turn their name into an acronym.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Until the next one, bye! ~Mors