|=====|=====|

Impulse: You're making me claustrophobic.

Zed: What's that mean?

Tango: It means he's afraid of Santa Claus.

Impulse: No it doesn't

Zed: Ho ho ho!

Tango: Stop it, Zed! You're scaring him!

|=====|=====|

Ex: Merry Christmas, I got this for you.

Hels: Oh, thanks, Ex you shouldn't ha-

Hels: Um...

Hels: Ex, this is a framed picture of you.

Ex: That's right. Only the best for you, babe

|=====|=====|

Stress: Doc, what do you want for Christmas?

Doc: Revenge.

Stress: What practical thing do you want for Christmas?

Doc: Instruments of torture.

Stress: What harmless thing do you want for Christmas?

Doc: Redstone componants.

|=====|=====|

Wels: It's almost time to switch from my everyday anxiety to my fancy Christmas anxiety.

|=====|=====|

Biffa: He's making a list, he's checking it twice! He's gonna find out who's on thin fucking ice!

BadTimes: Santa Claus is calling you out!

|=====|=====|

Grian: Mumbo help, I'm trapped under the tree and the star's tangled in my hair.

Mumbo: Why were you under the tree?

Grian: ... Because I'm a gift to this world?

|=====|=====|

TFC: Who put silly string in everyone's stocking?

Scar: I wanna have a silly string fight.

Bdubs: I second that motion.

TFC: I don't think that's a good-

Bdubs: You're not letting Scar have his Christmas wish?

TFC: Well-

Scar: You won't let Bdubs have fun?

TFC: I give up.

|=====|=====|

False: What are you gonna bring to christmas dinner?

Cleo: My negative attitude and sparkling personality

|=====|=====|

Keralis: Why do you always look so mad?

Beef: I can't help it. I have a resting Grinch face.

|=====|=====|

X: Jevin?

Jevin: Yes?

X: Why are you laying under the Christmas tree?

Jevin: Because I am a GIFT.

Hypno, from the other room: You sure are, Jevin!!

|=====|=====|

xB: I hope I get run over.

Etho: Awww! Come on, it's Christmas! Get in the spirit!

xB: *sighs* Fine, I wanna get run over by a reindeer.

|=====|=====|

Iskall: It's weird you celebrate Christmas, didn't you say you don't believe in God?

Joe: It's weird you celebrate Valentine's Day, didn't you say nobody likes you?

|=====|=====|

Cub: [grumbles] I hate the holidays!

Scar: [Puts a Santa hat on Cub's head] Merry Christmas Cub!

Ren: [reaches for hat] You wouldn't care then if I-

Cub: Don't ruin Christmas for me!

|=====|=====|

Grian: Mentally I am ready for Christmas.

Grian: Financially I am not ready for Christmas.

|=====|=====|

Cleo: h-

False: no. Absolutely not. I don't think so. Do you have any idea what kind of careful thought and planning goes into something like this?? Huh? DO YOU? Do you have any sort of inkling about what how much effort it takes to have it functioning at full efficiency while also looking as discrete as possible? How impractical and dangerous your idea would be to implement?? No of course you don't because CLEARLY you think it's perfectly acceptable to just WALTZ in here and as for a goDDAMN SANTA CLAUS THEMED SUI-

Stress, 3 minutes later, via chat: mhm yeah and you want the beard to be how long?

|=====|=====|

X: Toss me my keys!

Ex: *throws Christmas tree in X's direction*

X: ... I said my keys.

Ex: I thought you said Christmas tree.

X: Why the fuck would I say Christmas tree???

|=====|=====|

Etho: -walks into room-

Beef: -softly singing "All I Want For Christmas Is You"-

Etho: Oh, are you going to sing that to Keralis?

Beef: No, I was gonna sing it to my llamas.

Etho:

Beef: Why? Should I sing it to Keralis?

|=====|=====|

Keralis: I seem to have the best luck! Every time I run into Bdubs, there just happens to be a sprig of Mistletoe above us.

Tango: [amused] How many times have you kissed?

Keralis: [proudly] 327 times so far!

Tango: When's the wedding?

[Meanwhile]

Cub, reading a book: Honestly, Bdubs. You could have just said you liked him. He would have probably kissed you without the greenery.

Bdubs, freaking out and trying to figure out how to reverse the 'Mistletoe Spell': This is NOT the time for your lectures, Cub! Christmas is nearly over and I can't figure out how to make it go away!

|=====|=====|

Ren: When you've lived on Hermitcraft this long, you develop thick skin.

Iskall: Red is not your color

Ren: RED BRINGS OUT MY EYES YOU PRICK

|=====|=====|

Biffa: Here's a fun Christmas idea— hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to fight whoever is under it.

BadTimes: Mistlefoe.

Hels: SOMEONE'S HALLS ARE GETTING DECKED.

|=====|=====|

Zed: Dear, Santa

Zed: I'm writing to let you know I've been naughty

Zed: And it was worth it, judgemental bastard

|=====|=====|

Hypno: how do you take your coffee?

Jevin: as dark as my soul

Hypno: one vanilla latte with extra sugar and cream coming right up

|=====|=====|

xB: Okay, why are you now on top of the tree?

Wels: Because I'm a star, xB, keep up.

|=====|=====|

- Christmas time, on Hermitcraft -

Mumbo: *into his fist* WELCOME HERMITS, TO OUR FIRST EVER UGLIEST CHRISTMAS SWEATER COMPETITION!!!

Hermits: *whoops and cheers of excitement and delight*

Mumbo: *grinning* first up, we have TFC! *pauses* *continues indignantly* ....who is INSTANTLY disqualified for taping a hand mirror onto his Christmas sweater. *mock gasps* THE AUDACITY!

TFC: *leaning back on the couch again, rolling his eyes* not my fault you can't accept the truth

Mumbo: *looks at him fondly* aww, you know you love us! Thanks for participating anyways!

Mumbo: Who's next?

Doc: *raises his hand, deadpan* I'd like to nominate myself

Mumbo: *takes one look at his sweater and bursts into laughter* DOC OH MY GOD- *wheezing*

Hermits: *craning around to look at his sweater as he stands up and spins for them* *snickering and breaking into applause and cackles of laughter when they see it*

Joe: *still confused* Doc, this is an ugly sweater competition

Doc: *stopping spinning and looking at him incredulously*

Doc: yes, and how does a sweater with Evil X's face on it not fit the criteria?

Mumbo: *still doubled over, tears in his eyes* THIS IS FUCKING GOLD OH MY GOD- DOC WINS, NO QUESTIONS ASKED! EVERYONE ELSE, JUST GIVE IT UP AND GO HOME! *still wheezing*

|=====|=====|

Impulse: The idea that the turf war could have ended on Christmas is just so funny to me because like

*on the battlefield*

Bdubs: I'm your secret Santa by the way

Ren: Oh really what'd you get me

Bdubs: *stabs him* Pain

|=====|=====|

Scar: Its christmas! Are you all in the Christmas mood?

Ex: Merry Crisis

BadTimes: Jingle bells, Jingle bells, single all the way

Grian: Hoe hoe hoe

Scar: Guys please

|=====|=====|

Hels: Where's your Christmas spirit?

Wels: Excuse you, I'm festive as fuck.

|=====|=====|

[Zed and Impulse in front of a camera, in a toy sleigh with fake snow falling on them from above and a green screen behind them]

Impulse, in a Christmas sweater: I can't do this. I'm not a holiday person...

Zed, in a Christmas sweater too: what would it take to get you in the Christmas spirit?

Impulse: are we getting paid to do this?

Zed: actually, yes

Impulse: well then...

Impulse, using his best Santa voice: HO HO HO, MERRY CHRISTMAS!

|=====|=====|

Hypno: It's Christmas time & you know what it means.

Jevin: The happiness that I haven't feel for 20 years?

xB: Everyone trying to kill each other on the dinner table?

Etho: The sweet release of death?

Beef: The fact that I will only get coal from Santa?

Hypno: I was gonna say "ugly sweaters competition" but you know what? We're going to therapy.

|=====|=====|

Today's Question:

How are you spending this Christmas? Or what are you doing this time of year, if you don't celebrate Christmas?

I hope you enjoyed this Christmas chapter. Until the next one, Bye! ~Mors