Here We Go Again

Chapter 25: Past and Present Involvements

POV: Albus

It was the first time in a long time that I was seeing something beautiful in the night sky. The stars, those points so far away, were finally twinkling bright; reminding me of why there was people who dedicated their lives to study them. The moon, oh the moon, was even more glorious across the midnight-blue sky than it has been for a while now.

"I'm happy," I murmured, releasing it to the atmosphere.

Eyes like the color of the clear, morning sky, found my green ones. "Why's that?"

I was captivated by the sight and by the soft words the ringed in my ears and caused warmth in my chest. Strange, that feeling; I had forgotten what it was like to feel my heart pound at the pace of the song it created for those blue eyes.

"Because I have you," I said, letting my heart speak rather than what had been taking me over the past couple of weeks. "I missed you."

There was silence from her lips, but her gaze said it all. Those bewitching orbs glazed over with tears and reflected off a hurt that I'd not seen in them before. Nia was not the kind to let her pain show, she was a fighter, but somehow now she was at the most vulnerable that I'd ever seen her. It tugged at my heart strings.

"I'm sorry I've been an arse and I haven't been paying attention to you. I've been a rubbish boyfriend and I don't know how you've been putting up with me. If I was you, I would have ditched me so long ago. But here you are."

We were laying together on pillows we stole from the Divination classroom in order to be comfortable when we came up to the Astronomy Tower to gaze at the night sky.

It was unexpected, our little date. I had woken up and somehow felt small. I couldn't really explain it if I tried, but I just knew that something was missing. I went throughout the day as I regularly did and I couldn't put my finger on it. I went to breakfast, talked to Malfoy and Zabini, went to my first three lessons, took a cigarette break, went to another lesson, had lunch, and went to Charms class. It was in that lesson that I realized, after hours, what it was that I was blindly searching for—Nia.

In a classroom divided by Gryffindors and Slytherins—all except for Rose and Scorpius, who sat together—Nia was faithfully beside Liam as I sat next to Zabini. I was watching her, smiling bright and looking absolutely beautiful. Her long, blonde hair was up in a messy ponytail, stray strands framing her face and exposing all her heavenly facial features. She was absolutely gorgeous, and I remembered why it was that blokes in the castle were in awe of her. That thought itself, including the way Liam was staring at her, like she was the realest thing in front of him, made me feel jealous and possessive.

She was my girlfriend.

I had started to sit at the Slytherin table during meal times, but on this night I decided to sit with the Gryffindors again. It surprised people, I saw it clearly when they stopped their conversations when I took a seat beside my girlfriend. She, alike those around her, froze for a moment to analyze me. There was a frown on her face and a guarded look in her eyes, but all I could do was smile at her. We didn't say a word to each other during dinner, only my ears listening to her voice as she spoke with Rose on how wonderful it was that Emily had awoken from her comatose state. Scorpius, who was sitting across with Rose, stared at me; suspicion in his gaze that was never spoken.

Nia was about to leave the table when I reached for her hand. She had looked at me, surprised and somewhat electrocuted by my touch. She tried to play it off, but I used that moment to ask her to stay with me. I smiled and looked at her like I'd been looking at her all day. It didn't take too long for her to return the smile and agree to escape the sea of students for a while.

"Here you are," she responded back in a low voice, her right hand moving to touch the side of my face. The front of her fingers lightly caressed my skin, igniting tingles in the process. "I'm surprised you've stayed, Al."

I rose an eyebrow. "Had I ever given indication that I was going to leave you?"

She was silent, but those unshed tears were answer enough.

"Well, that's stupid of you. I love you, Nia."

She parted her lips to speak, but it took her a few long seconds before words formed and were heard. "It's been a long time since I've heard you say that."

"Then I'm stupid, too. I should tell you more often—in fact, I will tell you every day starting now." With another smile, I threw my left arm over her waist and pulled her tightly against me. Our noses touched, alike the rest of our bodies. "I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you."

She laughed, and it was music to my ears. "Don't be a prat, Potter."

"I love you. I love you. I love you," I continued as I breathed in her scent. "I love you. I love you. I love you."

"Merlin, shut up," she said through her round of musical laughter. Her eyes were bright with light and happiness.

"I love—"

"I love you, too, Al."

I closed my mouth. I didn't have to look deep into her soul to know that that was the simplest and honest truth that could ever be said. Just the tone of her voice confirmed it; echoing off and fading away in the wind to only be a part of history one day.

And it was in that moment, in that second when I heard her, when I saw her, with the night clear and untainted, that I realized that I was holding a knife to her back and another to her heart.

I gasped for air and pulled away.

"Al?"

My breathing was heavy; pain was seeping into my brain, my chest, my skin and it was terrifying me. I curled into a sitting position, gasping for air, my heart going into overdrive. I could see the knives in my hands and I couldn't release them. My grip on them was so strong.

"Al?"

"Get away!" I yelled at my girlfriend as she attempted to get closer to me.

Nia looked instantly worried. "Albus, what the hell is the matter? Are you okay?"

I shook my head at the same time as I tried to throw the knives away. They were golden daggers with a shiny, sharp, silver blade.

"Al?" She approached, kneeling before me. "You're scaring me. What's wrong?"

My head was shaking again, eyes wide as they stared at the daggers that I was forcefully clutching. "Get away—NO!"

Her hands wrapped around mine and I gaped in shock at the action. I was expecting to hear her scream, to see blood gush out when the blades penetrated the sensitive skin of her palms, but it never came. Those knives disappeared and all I was holding were the hands of my girlfriend.

A huge sigh of relief past my lips.

"Those devil sticks are getting to you," she said in her scolding tone as she too looked relieved that I wasn't going into panic mode. "They're really bad for your lungs, you know? Rose told me all about them. She's worried you'll develop a breathing problem."

I cleared my throat. "Yeah...I'll quit."

"I hope so," murmured Nia as she released my hands in order to throw her arms around my neck. She pulled me into a hug and a buried my face into the crook of her neck.

What the hell was that all about?

                                                                                    XXXX

When one was having class with Professor Alan, one showed up to the classroom fifteen to twenty minutes before the lesson even commenced because of the professor's strict tardy rules. Being on time was considered late for the git. As much as I hated Alan, I always made sure I was included amongst those people that showed up to class twenty minutes before it started just in case he decided to lock the doors from the outside. (Which he is famous for doing). Especially since the git hates me back, I always had to be careful I didn't piss him off before I was safely inside those doors, or else it was a missed lesson and detention for two nights.

Today's Defense Against the Dark Art's class was a double lesson, that meant strict punctuality and all tools prepared. All Sixth Year Ravenclaw and Slytherin students were lined up beside the door, chatting away with their respective friends about the expectations for today's lessons. Usually, I'd be one to snort and knock down Alan's planned schedule, but somehow I faded away with the background. All that chitter chatter became mute to my ears as I found an interest on the marble flooring of the corridor.

With a loud bang, the doors to the classroom had opened, signaling that Alan was ready for his Sixth Years to enter. In an orderly fashion, like they were all muggle soldiers in training, my classmates begun to file in. I was a pair of Ravenclaws away from entering, but somehow I halted my movements and ended up being shoved backwards by some fellow Slytherins who were not about to be late on my account. There was plenty of time to march right in and take my normal seat beside my best mate, but I ended up frozen and watching the doors shut as loudly as they had opened.

I thought it'd been minutes when I actually turned on my heels, backed away from the door, and started walking. I didn't know where my feet were taking me, but I let them. I knew I should be in class, and that if I was caught by a professor or Filch I'd be sent directly to the Headmistress and trouble would ensue from there. That didn't matter, though. My feet kept moving and I didn't think twice about stopping them. Eventually, I arrived to a destination.

Standing outside a different classroom, I could hear Professor Binns droning on and on about those ruddy Goblin Wars he was fascinated with. History of Magic was an excruciating subject for me every year, considering that Binns would only go on about the Goblin Wars or the Potter/Weasley parts of history, waiting for me or my relatives to chime in with anecdotes of the war we heard in person. Despite that, my feet had brought me to the outside of his classroom and I knew exactly why. Nia was in there.

It has been two nights since I had that panic attack and I imagined those daggers in my hands, those daggers about to penetrate into Nia's back and chest. We spent the rest of the time before curfew cuddled up next to each other, but after that I'd gone back to avoiding her.

I didn't know what was wrong with me now. That previous rebellious side I had developed in the past few months had suddenly faded and it left me with an ugly reality to face. I had been neglecting my girlfriend for weeks, doing unmentionable things behind her back, and I never once thought about it twice. I'm not exactly sure why it was that specific day that I suddenly found an interest in Nia again. It wasn't like I had lost an interest in her before, mind you, but somehow it came fervently back to me. Just a look into those blue eyes of her and I remembered how much I loved her.

I had felt small before, I recall. That's why I had searched for her. I had searched for her because she completed me, because she made me feel things that I had never felt before. Nia Harper was the only true thing that I had. I realized it that night; it was everything about her that pushed me and that made me want to grow and live.

But I hurt her.

There was this sense of jealousy, of fear that I got every single time I looked at her. It never overpowered the love I felt for her, but it certainly blinded me numerous times. Lorcan Scamander was a primary reason of jealousy I had, specifically their friendship was what bothered me because I knew that he fancied my girlfriend. I knew Scamander and I knew Nia, though. I knew that Scamander was a bloke of honor, even as clearly enthralled as he was over Nia. He would have never crossed a line with her. Nia wouldn't have either. Nia would have never even thought about it...

None of that matters now, though. Scamander was not an issue—he'd never been an issue. So what was it? What was it that allowed me to go and hurt the girl that I loved?

It was either stupidity or the call of the flesh. Or maybe it was both, wasn't it? I let myself indulge my reckless side and sample other girls. Yeah, it was all smooth and filled me with adrenaline, but the aftermath of it was not appealing. It was absolutely rubbish, this feeling; this reality.

And the reality was that I hurt her before she could ever hurt me. I went for it and cut down the wings are relationship had. The mixture of jealousy and fear I had was not towards other blokes eyeing my girlfriend, it was jealousy and fear I had towards my girlfriend. I always felt that Nia would be the one to end it, because she could, because there were so many other blokes that could have her, that could be at her level.

I wanted to prove that I could have someone else, too...

"Well, well, well. Look who we have here."

Turning away from Binns' classroom doors, my eyes found two girls whom I had a past and present involvement with. It dropped my heart down from its place and metaphorical nails held it captive in a hard hold.

"Hola, Albus."

"You better have a bloody good excuse of why you're not in Alan's class."

I turned from dark-eyed Ophelia De la Cruz to bright-eyed Evanna Nott. "What'd you mean?"

"It's double D.A.D.A, for one," Evanna replied with a very unfriendly tone. "You're over an hour late, which is going to cost you a chunk of your mark for the day. Lastly, we had a surprise quiz. Consider yourself failed for the rest of the term, Potter."

I nodded, clearly having had heard her, but I could feel Ophelia's eyes on me. I haven't known the Spanish girl for so long, but I knew her well enough to know that she was frowning at me. I could feel her disapproving eyes burning holes on me.

It has been two days since I began to avoid her, and Ophelia does not like to be avoided or ignored. The headboard of my four-poster knew that well enough now that it was shards of wood. Last night she tried to sneak into my bed, but I told her that she needed to leave. She thought I was joking, that I was playing one of her games, but when Malfoy had intervened and told her to leave, the Spanish witch lit up with fury and threw a hex. I was sure it had been meant for me, but my headboard took the hit.

"Why aren't you in class, then?" I asked my ex-girlfriend.

Evanna crossed her arms over her chest. "Professor Alan is attempting an extracurricular activity, something about putting on a very skilled performance for the heads of a few universities. It's complicated stuff, and only three people signed up in our class. He wants to know if he can get more volunteers from the other Sixth Years. He considers History of Magic, well Binns' class, that is, a waste of time so he asked De la Cruz and I to recruit."

"Binns is not going to like the interruption."

"That's exactly why I was sent. The old ghost absolutely loves me."

"Because of that charming personality, I assume?"

Evanna flipped me the finger at my comment, finding no amusement at all in it. She turned to the Slytherin witch next to her. "Come on, De la Cruz."

"Actually," spoke the foreign witch, "I think it's best if you go in by yourself. Professor Binns is not particularly warm to me. I had a heated debate about Spain's involvement in the Goblin Wars that he completely disagrees with. You'll have better luck convincing him without me."

The Ravenclaw scoffed and walked towards the door, not looking back. I regretted Evanna's retreating presence the very moment she closed the classroom doors behind her and left me alone with my worst nightmare.

Right away, Ophelia took her chance to corner me. She approached me with her hands on her hips, her dark eyes glaring into mine as if I'd done her the greatest offense. "Estoy enojada contigo, Albus." I knew enough Spanish to know that she was telling me she was upset with me.

I kept my mouth shut. I took one step back from her, but she approached once more, like a hunter after its prey.

"Why have you been dodging me?"

I shrugged. "I've been busy."

"You have not," she responded instantly, as if she knew every hour of my life and what I did with that time. "What is it, Albus? Are you upset with me because I went to Hogsmeade with that Seventh Year Slytherin last weekend?"

"No," I replied just as fast. "I don't mind that you went out with him. By all means, go entertain yourself."

Her frowned deepened. "You don't care that I was with someone else?"

"I'm not your boyfriend, so no."

Her eyes were already black as night, but somehow they became a shade darker than that. Again, I knew her well enough to know that Ophelia De la Cruz had to always be the priority. Obviously, she was offended by comment. She tried to pull it off, however. A smirk came upon her mouth, tugging her lips as she turned her head to the side and looked at me past her thick lashes. She removed her hands from her own hips and instead wrapped them around mine, pulling herself close to my body.

"That's a good thing, actually," she said, "because we both know that being a boyfriend is not really your forte. You being an adventurous fling, however, is your best talent, I think."

"Ophelia," I grabbed her wrists, "I'm not in the mood for this."

The Spanish witch snorted. "That's a first," she laughed, too, "but I can change that. I can always change that."

She began to raise herself up with her toes so she could reach my mouth, but I turned my head to the side. "Not in the mood, Ophelia. Really."

Her eyes were telling me that I had committed another mistake in regards with her, but her mouth was still smirking at me. "And I told you, I can change that."

The witch's hands left my hips and went to my face. She held on tightly, turning my chin so that my eyes could look down into hers. She pushed herself onto her toes once more, this time successful in reaching my lips and taking them prisoner with hers. I was keeping my lips in a tight line, but I knew that Ophelia was not going to give up unless she thought she had won. Without another choice, I parted my lips and let her take over.

Her tongue entered my mouth and attempted to dance with mine. I let it. She pressed herself closer to me, her hands finally releasing the sides of my face so that she could throw her arms around my neck. With a defeated sigh, I removed my arms from my side to wrap them around her waist and press into her the way she liked.

When I felt her smile through our heated kiss I assumed that she finally thought she'd won and she was going to release me. I was mistaken, though. She hadn't smiled because I caved into her persistent flirting, but instead that smile was due to the doors of the classroom that opened and expelled two girls who were staring at us with wide gaze. One of them, the one with brown hair, looked surprised. The other...

Ophelia pulled her arms from around my neck, sinking back down onto her feet, and took several steps back from me. She looked at me, at the girls, then back at me. She smiled that smile that she first gave me when the game had begun. It was in that very moment that I realized that I was a pawn in her game and she was the only player.

"Me voy," her voice entered my eardrums, resounding around the corridor, as she wiggled the fingers of her left hand at us. "Oh, and Albus, you can tell Malfoy he doesn't have to sleep in the Common Room anymore. Our secret's out, and I'll be seeing you tonight." She winked and turned on her heels, walking down the corridor like it was a catwalk and the attention was all on her.

Time had frozen, but movement aside from those involved continued to happen.

Evanna cleared her throat, scratching her head, looking thoroughly confused. She looked at the blonde girl beside her for a moment, something like pity glowing in her eyes. She'd opened her mouth to say something, I could see that, but before words could actually leave her lips, she closed them instead. She glanced at me, disgust bright in her orbs.

Inhaling deeply, Evanna once again left me alone with my worst nightmare as she headed to the opposite end of the corridor from where she had entered from.

Click. Click. Click.

We turned to each other as Evanna's fading footsteps became all we could hear. Everything seemed to have vanished: all sound, all of time, and all of life.

I knew the moment that my green eyes found her blue ones that life was never going to be the same. I knew in that very moment, with that blue drowning with an unshed ocean of tears, that everything was dying.

Those blue eyes of her, like the clear, morning sky, were broken. All that life and glitter in them was gone. Her gaze was painful, brutal, and suffocating. That pretty pink on her cheeks was gone, any undertone of color was gone, too, actually. She was pale as a ghost. All I could get from her was pain, all in excruciating waves.

"...How long?" When she finally spoke, it was not even loud enough to create an echo against the walls of the corridor.

I looked down for a moment, shaking my head. Her voice caused damage to my ears as it traveled in and shocked my brain, my heart, my soul. I didn't want to hear her talk. If I did hear one more word from her I was going to rip my hair out, or bash my head against the corridor wall so I could drown out the sound.

It was not the thing to do, but I turned away from her. My hands balled into fists as I took a deep breath. There was a lump in my throat, holding in all the remorse I had inside. I put my right foot forward and took the first step to leave her behind. My left foot went, then my right, then my left, but that's how far I got.

"How long?!" She yelled behind me, halting me. "How long, you bastard?! How long?!"

I didn't turn.

I heard footsteps, heavy with misery, coming and I knew what was going to happen before it did. Her hands, nails included, grabbed the back of my arm and she turned me. She was so close, I could smell her heavenly scent, and I knew that I was about to die. Everything that I was, everything that I could be, was about to vanish.

Plenty times I've heard blokes say girls look pretty when they cry, but, fuck, were they wrong. A girl is not pretty when she cries, she's fucking heartbreaking. Especially if you love her. When you love her and she's crying, when her cheeks are wet with tears, her eyes red from holding and releasing them, it rips your skin and sets you on fire.

"How could you do this to me?" she hissed past her tears.

I held my breath.

"I trusted you." She raised her left hand and smacked me across the face.

Tears formed in my eyes, not because of the hit she gave me, but because she was losing all that essence right in front of me. Just as I was about to die, her light was going out, too. I was watching her last seconds of life and all I wanted to do was to embrace her, hold her tight, and give her hope that she'd see the sun rise tomorrow. But I couldn't, and she wasn't. We were both going to fall into darkness.

"Nia, I—" Another smack across the face silenced me.

"Why?!" She sobbed. "Why?!"

The more she started crying, the more I wanted to reach for her. So, foolishly, I did. My hands grabbed her wrists, causing panic and fury to take over her. She pulled harshly to get away from my hold. Her chest was heaving, her mouth gasping for air, and her sobs shaking the rest of her.

"Nia, let me—"

"Let go! Let go!" She continued to cry, breaking my heart.

"Nia—"

"You said you loved me," she screeched as she used her right leg to kick my knee in attempts to free herself.

"I do, Nia. I—"

"I hate you!"

My hands let her go.

She fell to the floor in a bundle of tears and shaking sobs. Her blonde hair fell like curtains, covering her face and those devastating blue eyes from my view. Her palms were pressed against the marble floors, failing in holding her up.

That was it, her death.

I knew I was responsible for it, but my own ending was a few seconds from taking all of me. I couldn't watch her, nor could I touch her.

With the banging of an aching heart, I turned from her. Robotically, about to give up because of the lack of energy, because of the lack of will, my feet took me away. I didn't know where they were taking me, but I let them. I let them take me far from her.