It feels like I’m floating in limbo.

The days still come. They offer me nothing, and then they go. The following day is a repeat of the last; they all stick to the same routine. I’ve almost begun predicting the future.

In each of those days, I head to class where Colt is with his group of friends. He’s stopped hijacking my space and looking for my time. Now he sits towards the front of the lecture hall, while I stay behind towards the back, trying to keep up with this brand new Accounting unit. It’s all growing to be so dreary.

And of course, Jenny, who makes it her mission to report every single detail about her dating life to me. She tells me about Option Number Two and his learned mistake. “Then he shoots me a message trying to apologize. I’m sure he saw me with Colt, that’s why he came running back. Can you believe him?”

Yes, I can. But what I can’t believe are the prices on these new Laptops. Why the hell do they cost almost the same amount as my rent?

“Dalia?”

I look up from my computer, only to find Jenny concerned. “You look very frail. Are you okay?”

Good question. Even I don’t know the answer to that. “It's just more course work.”

“Figures.” Says Jenny, leaning back against her seat. We seem to always pick out this same spot in the student lounge, tucked in the back. “But that means you need some fun in your life. You look like you haven’t slept in ages.”

Perhaps I do need some fun, but I don’t have that much energy left for anything. It feels like there’s a leech attached to me.

“Luckily for you, there’s a party this weekend,” Jenny says. There goes her giddy smile. “And you’re coming with me.”

I sigh. “I don’t know, Jenny, my bed is looking pretty lonely.”

She gives me an exaggerated eye roll. “Your bed will be just fine alone with your pillows. Plus, the party isn’t that big anyway. It’s just Colt and a couple of his friends.”

My fingers freeze where they are on my keyboard. “Colt will be there?”

“Yeah, it’s at some friend’s place. He invited me.”

I definitely shouldn’t be there then. I don’t have it in me to be around Colt. “I’m not too sure—”

“Just come, will you?” Jenny says, more pleadingly. “I need you there as my wingman. Please?”

I release a sharp exhale. She’s never once needed a wingman before. I guess Colt must be different. She really is trying to make this work.

Oh, what the hell. Let me play cupid. At least, it will give me grounds to keep an eye on Colt.

In the end, I agree with Jenny’s request. She’s happy, of course. And that’s good enough for me.

___

The party is on Saturday, on or around seven P.M. I don’t remember exactly when, but I figure it doesn’t matter. Jenny’s picking me up.

The ride lasts twenty minutes before we find ourselves in front of a three-story building, with fences around its perimeter and a backyard as big as they come. Is everyone here just strapped with wealth?

The backyard is where the ‘party’ is, which is really just a cooler toppled with alcohol and a stereo for background music. They’re all gathered around a bench, the kind you see by the park. How silly. What is this, the last supper?

Jenny spots Colt and goes to give him a greeting, bringing him into a hug. He completes the embrace, but his eyes aren’t on her. They’re on me. I should look away. I should avert my eyes. But I don’t.

Soon their hug ends, and Colt gives Jenny one of his killer smiles. What a poser. 

There are ten of us present, all gathered around the bench as though we were one big family. I see some familiar faces. I see Trace, the self-proclaimed king of football. I see Savannah, who isn’t the least bit happy seeing Colt with Jenny. And then I see Godzilla. What was his name again? Daniel?

He looks the same as back then, face in a permanent frown, like he’s looking for a reason to blow up. A ticking time bomb. I hope he explodes and disappears. He’d do us all a favor, including his parents.

The rest are people I don’t know. They must know me, however, because they won’t stop looking at me. Here we go.

“It’s that girl,” someone says, a girl with wavy black hair and a nose ring. I contemplate telling her that her attempt at lining her brows failed. They look like caterpillars.

But Trace changes the mood swiftly. He cranks the music up. “Alright, we’re all going to play naked poker. Or is it strip? Either way, we’re all going to get naked!”

“Sit your ass down, Trace. And stop drinking.” Another guy says.

This is great. I’m in the middle of a circus.

I look across the table where Jenny is with Colt by her side. She has her attention on him only, trying to conjure up some conversation or the other. Does she really need me here?

We all finally settle for a round of Uno, with no consequences at stake. Just a regular game, even after Trace pleaded to have the losers run across the street with their clothes off. I’m starting to think the alcohol isn’t the problem here.

All is well with the match. Everyone’s all laid back. In fact, there’s more chatter and drinking than there is actual game strategy.

Then suddenly, “Hey, did you see what happened to Shane?”

My heart plummets.

“Yeah, he’s in terrible shape,” Another one says. “And I heard he got booted off the basketball team.”

Trace shakes his head. “I can’t believe they did that to him, man. He was my hero.”

I wonder if he’s ever caught on to the fact that Shane played basketball and not football.

But that doesn’t matter, because I’m brought yet again into the spotlight. “Do you know what happened to him?” Savannah asks.

I glance over at Colt for a split second, who has been watching me for minutes already. I wonder if he ever grows worried about me slipping up and exposing his secrets. But I suppose if he really were worried, he would have erased the issue already. He would have gotten rid of me.

I look down at my deck of cards, then slowly, painfully, begin shaking my head. I just want to move past this discussion.

But Daniel doesn’t allow me that luxury. He snickers. “He must have hated her ass if he dumped her that way.”

“I was wondering the same thing,” another guy says. “Did you see the way he fell when she tried touching him?”

He gets a couple laughs from this, and my chest grows heavier. Then from besides me, “There was definitely something wrong with her.”

They speak of me as if I’m not present, as if I’m a TV show. My chest has grown too tight for me to breathe. I want to leave. I need to get away from these people. But when I look across the table at Jenny, all I see are her pleading eyes. She doesn’t want to leave. Not now when she has Colt all to herself.

What about me?

Then the accident happens. Colt’s drink slips from his grasp, landing on Jenny’s shirt and drenching her in the process. This steals everyone’s attention away from me, giving me enough time to wipe the tear on the corner of my eye.

“I’m so sorry,” Colt tells Jenny, offering her napkins and wipes. But her shirt has already been dyed red. There’s no use now.

Jenny doesn’t seem to mind it at all. She laughs the whole thing off. “It’s okay. I have another top in my car. I’ll be right back.” Then she heads off towards the house.

“Shit, man, we’re all out of henny.” says Trace, still pouring the empty bottle into his cup.

This is my chance to get out of here. “I’ll go get some more.” I leave immediately, not even sure where the damn liquor is.

The kitchen is far more quiet than it is outside. I use this time to calm myself, take a few breaths. But I’m not sure I want to go back out there. I’ll just order a ride back home.

The door leading to the backyard opens, and I see Colt walk in with his spilled cup of alcohol. His hair really has grown longer.

I sigh. “What do you want?”

“They told me to show you where the Hennessy is.”

“I know where it is.” I tell him, a bit irritated.

“Really? Then where is it?”

I don’t have time for this. “Fine, I don’t know. Why don’t you take it back for me since you do?” I begin searching my phone for that ride app. I really can’t stay here a moment longer.

Colt releases something along the lines of a groan, and I can tell that he’s irritated as well, as if he’s losing patience. I haven’t given him a single reason to be vexed.

He grabs my hand. “Come with me.”

Before I can protest, he pulls me up the stairs until we’re on the second floor, in a bedroom of some kind. My mind begins stuffing itself full of every thought there is. What does he want with me here?

There’s a table to the side of the room, where Colt walks over to. He pats the table. “Come.”

I begin shaking my head. “I don’t—”

“Dalia.”

That’s all he says. My name. Gently. It almost makes me forget what he truly is. And even while I still remember, I feel inclined to adhere to his order. I hesitate, looking at the open doorway. Then I look back at Colt. He’s waiting for me.

Before I know it, I’ve carried myself over to him, where he grabs my waist and helps me up the table.

I’ve never been this close to him, not this intimately. I can smell his cologne, which is surprisingly sweet. Vanilla. Sandalwood. All mixed in one, fixing me in place. His eyes are far worse. I can’t look away from them, and I suspect that he can’t look away from mine either.

It’s as if he has all the control. We’re close enough for our noses to touch, for his forehead to meet mine. I can feel the spot where his exhalation hits my skin, soft and warm. It’s really unfair that he’s this good looking. He doesn’t deserve it. Yet, when he smiles at me, there’s a spot in my heart that flips.

“Do you know how long I’ve dreamt of this moment?” Colt asks.

I shake my head, still so transfixed by his eyes. Clear and green and hypnotic they are. God, what is he doing to me?

“You’re very unfair, Dalia.” He tells me, his voice no more than a whisper. “You can’t do this to me and tell me to stay away from you.”

I should say something, but what do I tell him? I have no clue. I have nothing in me right now. It’s like he has me trapped.

Colt leans in, his lips grazing my cheek, my jawline, and finally my neck. I can feel his breath again, this time on a level far more intoxicating. “I need you. Understand that.”

This conjures goosebumps down my body, and even more so when he begins leaving kisses behind. Faintly enough for my own body to betray me, for my own mind to follow suit. I’m afraid that my heart will be next, that it will abandon all rationale, all from Colt Bradshaw’s lips alone.

When he decides that my neck isn’t enough, he comes back up for my own lips. He leans in once again, but I back away, almost as a reflex. As if it were a taboo. As if I’ve been captured by the devil himself, and he’s trying to chase away the good.

Colt doesn’t back down. He looks me in the eye, trying to get me to see that there’s nothing to worry about. That he may be the devil, but he brings nothing but good fortune.

It somehow works. I allow his eyes fool me. When he leans in again, I let him and his fortune in. I let him claim my lips.

At first, it feels strange. This is Colt Bradshaw, the man I’ve wanted absolutely nothing to do with. But here is, kissing me gently, as if he’s afraid this will all turn out to be a dream. Then he pulls away after a short second, and looks me in the eye for further permission.

And I give it to him.

Colt kisses me again, not at all soft. Not at all gentle. Like he’s been waiting, anticipating, yearning for this. He grabs my chin and moves in closer, so the space between us is to a minimum. Then he deepens the kiss, tasting my mouth with his tongue, savoring my lips. As if his time will soon run out.

I break away, unable to keep up with Colt. “The door,” I pant. “It’s open.”

He runs his thumb over my lips. “There's no one around. They're all out in the yard.”

“But—”

“It's okay. We're the only ones here.”

I don’t know if that makes it any better, but Colt’s patience has already worn thin.

He kisses me again.

And I let him.

He sends his hands up my skirt.

And I let him.

Soon, he's dragging my panties down my legs slowly, as if giving me a chance to stop him. Giving me a chance to think about what I'm letting him do. When my panties are off and on the floor, that's when I know I've made my decision.

Colt grabs my thighs and spreads my legs wide enough for him to fit between them. I grow a little tense, not only from his touch, but from being almost naked.

“Relax.” Colt tells me, biting my ear.

I try doing so, chasing away the tension, until Colt pries my mouth open and sends his fingers inside, coating them down with my saliva. Meanwhile, I’m trying not to choke, trying not to steer my eyes away from Colt’s. He looks proud, almost. Exhilarated.

When was the last time my body was this excited? The throbbing between my legs has become unbearable, so much that when Colt slips his fingers in, I can barely handle it. I can barely think straight. He drags his index finger in, then out. Agonizingly slow, painfully steady, until I can no longer swallow down the moan. But almost as soon as it slips through, I bite my lips down, for fear that someone somewhere will hear.

Colt doesn’t agree, however. “Don’t hold it in. Be as loud as you want.”

I’m forced to take his advice, because he doesn’t make it any easier for me. He finds my clit with his thumb and uses it against me, all while plunging into me with his fingers, dismantling me. Taking me apart. I shut my eyes close, unable to handle this bliss. It feels like I’m not myself, like I’m losing my senses. And all I want is more, more, more.

“Fuck. Oh, my God.” I grab on to Colt’s jacket, desperate, as his fingers continue driving me towards insanity. And he’s enjoying it all. He’s smiling. This devil.

Finally, I get the feeling at the pit of my stomach. To get me across, Colt circles my clit once more and whirls his middle finger at the same time. I crash heavily.

I can’t catch my breath fast enough to process anything. The look Colt gives me suggests that he isn’t yet satisfied, that he doesn’t want this to end just yet. I’m starting to wonder who amongst us is enjoying themselves most.

He sinks below with his grip around my thighs. There’s this look in his eyes. Like he’s starving.

Colt lays a kiss somewhere on my inner thigh. “Grab on to the table.”

It’s an advice I don’t take and soon regret. He spreads my legs farther apart to provide him room, and soon I’m on cloud nine once again. I’ve never known pleasure this consuming. Enough to jumble my thoughts, leave me wordless, until the only thing my brain knows, wants, needs is ecstasy.

When his tongue makes it between my folds, there’s a part of me that completely loses it. I really can’t hold on anymore. I grab the table, trying to cope as best as I can. But Colt grants me no rest. He’s at my clit again, his tongue pure, sweet torture, his hands firm around my thighs to keep me in place, to keep me from squirming away.

It feels good to be wanted. He’s doing this because he wants to. He's doing this because he has feelings for me. I’ve never been the object of desire. There once was a time back in my sophomore year, when I had a one night stand with some guy I don’t quite remember.

But he didn’t want me. He just wanted someone to make him feel good. And I guess the feeling was mutual. I wanted someone to take my virginity away.

But this is different. This is new. 

This is wrong.

Yet I can't tell him to stop. I don't want him to.

Soon, I’m hit with that same feeling again. Colt must be able to tell from how rapid my groans have become. He pulls me closer to his mouth, still going at that excruciating pace of his. Tasting me, savoring me for all I’m worth. Up until the very end when my own orgasm overtakes me once again.

I’m panting, trying and failing to catch my breath. After managing to gather myself, I look down to make sure Colt is okay. Then I see it, his face — covered in my own release from the nose down. I can’t help gasping. It’s everywhere.

Colt doesn’t seem to mind it at all. In fact, he looks pleased, smiling up at me with pure satisfaction.

That’s when it hits me, the clarity. I let the devil seduce me.