• C H A P T E R T W E N T Y •

the one with
the joyeux noel: christmas flashback pt.2

December 18, 2015

Veronica could easily feel her heart pulsating from her skull to the very tip of her toes.

She had spent her entire day wishing the party would coincide on Christmas Eve so she wouldn't have to spend it with her family, but right this moment, she couldn't believe she'd much rather keep up with her parents getting on each one of her nerves, than face Allen. She was dreading it.

His mothers organized a farewell Christmas party since they were all leaving for France in the upcoming days. She felt oddly heartbroken over the fact he was leaving for good. She knew he'd stay in touch with Ethan, but for her, it was an additional note on her list as to why she couldn't be with Allen Ford. She knew he couldn't ever be hers, but she felt like the opportunity now had vanished for good.

They were going to see him again on New Year's, but this Christmas party felt like a goodbye.

She wasn't looking forward to tonight at all. She'd left having fought with her mom over her outfit; something so silly and irrelevant but her mother being a drama queen had felt the urge to bash at her with insults. Usually, Veronica would nod and move on. But today, she had already been in a low mood, and she argued back.

Her mother had started calling her names one wouldn't have heard before. But Veronica had. In fact, she grouped them into categories: synonyms for stupid, synonyms for ugly, synonyms for ungrateful, synonyms for selfish, synonyms for useless-she felt like she was missing something...

'-makes you look like a spaghetti stick-'

Right. Synonyms for sticks. A very recurrent category. Any chance to remind her just how flat-chested she was.

All because she refused to wear heels and her mom's fur coat.

The funniest part was - her mother claimed to forget saying any of it.

To get her to shut up, she did just as she was told. But right when her mother wasn't around, she hid her pair of flats under the passenger seat. The moment they were out of sight, she threw the fur coat in the back and switched her shoes. She was tempted to burn the items just for the Hell of it but knew it would bring infinitely more problems that she wasn't sure she could handle.

"You're gonna be cold," Ethan scowled. "It's freezing, Veronica. Just wear the damn thing."

"Kiss my ass."

They parked before Chloe and Danielle's house and were confused to find only Danielle got in.

"She's going with Aiden," the latter told them with an edge to her tone.

"Wow. Everyone seems to be in a very festive mood," Ethan remarked, and Veronica craned her neck to face her.

"What's up?"

"Mom and Dad are at it again." She rubbed her temple. "They're at it real good, actually."

Her parents' fighting was intensifying, and it was becoming worrying. Chloe had gotten into the habit of shutting her bedroom door and focus on her studies as a way of coping. She had to constantly remind Danielle to stay out of their way, but the latter worried too much. She was always putting herself in the middle - even when things grew physical.

"Wanna talk about it?" Veronica probed and Danielle shook her head.

They met Chloe and Aiden at the front of the building. Chloe took her sister away to talk while Aiden and Ethan got into mindless chatter. Veronica stood a little away. She didn't mind Aiden, he was a nice guy, but she wasn't in the correct mindset to socialize.

Allen's mom, Julia, opened the door and greeted them with a loud shrill and a warm hug. Lily was next and the front door burst with polite and eager conversations that revolved around the most random things such as the weather, their trip, and 'Veronica are you not cold!'.

"Oh! thank you-" Julia took the gifts from Ethan and Chloe and beamed- "You kids are lovely!" She engulfed them in another hug.

It was at that moment Allen appeared by the doorway. His eyelids dropped midway as he stared at the gifts.

"C'mon, you didn't have to."

He and Ethan started to exchange light banter, but Veronica could only focus on keeping her heartbeat at bay. His curls were a little longer now, curling around the slope of his neck and creating a distraction for her frenzied mind - albeit not a healthy one. She was taken off guard when he grinned down at her and pulled her in a hug. She reminded herself to breathe and made their embrace as brief as she could, moving aside and standing by Ethan's side as he greeted the rest.

She rubbed the side of her arms as goosebumps erupted her skin, rolling her eyes as Ethan shot her a glare. She had worn a sleeveless wool dress as a fuck you to her mother and she wasn't regretting it - not one fucking bit.

"Hi!"

She shot her head to meet the voice. Her gut slowly sunk at the sight of the woman before her and she forced a smile, hugging herself tighter.

Elena. The constant reminder of why Allen Ford was so far away from her reach.

When really, the only reminder of why she couldn't ever have him was her cowardice and her unconscious urge to list irrelevant reasons why Allen Ford must remain off-limits.

December 24, 2019

The wind was howling outside and shaking the windows, frosting the edges of the glass and snow coated every surface imaginable.

"Whew!" Chloe let dropped the carton box down on the ground and wiped the sweat off her forehead. "That's the last of them."

Danielle squealed and rushed to kneel by the box, tearing it open to fish out the rest of the decoration.

"We're almost done here!" Veronica stood after placing the gold star on top of the tree, placing her hands on her hips as she proudly inspected the result.

"Not bad," Chloe commented with a grin and Veronica rolled her eyes. "What?" Her eyes widened innocently when she caught her contempt.

Veronica arched an eyebrow, her eyes skipped from the medium tree Chloe had them decorate to the large one on the corner of the room that was halfway done and was, according to Chloe, off-limits.

"Oh c'mon, you didn't think I'll let you decorate it, did you?" She laughed. "At least I gave you a tree this year. I don't see Dan complaining."

"Dan is easy to please," Veronica scoffed.

As if on cue, Danielle rushed back to their poor excuse of a tree and added even more nutcrackers on top of the ornaments. Chloe gestured at her as if she just proved her point.

"Can we open the presents!" Danielle shrilled and Veronica clapped her hands together. She forgot just how excited her cousin got on Christmas, doe-eyes, and with the energy of a thousand dogs combined. All she needed was a tail to wag.

"That's a great idea!" Veronica yelped and widened her eyes at Chloe.

"Shouldn't we wait until tomorrow?" She frowned, a little hesitant.

"C'mon! Pretty please?" Danielle pouted. "You might not be in a good mood tomorrow."

Chloe laughed, shaking her head. "Okay, sure."

It only took a second for the girls to get the presents from their secret place and run to sit under the Christmas tree. Chloe smiled and knelt between them. A thunder tore through the sky and erupted their bubble of excitement for a brief second as they exchanged confused glances before focusing back on the gifts.

To say the presents were inappropriate would be an understatement. They got Danielle a candle called 'This smell like my vagina' along with a bottle of lube, while they got Veronica a glow in the dark vibrator.

Veronica was laughing so hard tears were running down her cheeks. "You'd think I'd say it's in such poor taste, but man this is funny," she said once she sobered up.

"Okay, just do us a favor and don't use it when we're home." Chloe held out her hand in front of her.

"Your turn." Danielle slid Chloe's gift and both girls waited impatiently for her to unpack. Her eyes grew the size of sausages as she gaped down at the package, holding up the garter belt in shock.

"You bought it?"

"I told you we should've stolen it," hissed Veronica and Chloe laughed.

"Oh, God. When am I even going to wear it?" She held it out before her, a wide grin dancing on her lips at the sight of the fiery red color.

"Not for me," Danielle warned with her hand up in mock seriousness.

"I love it!" Both girls howled with laughter as Chloe jumped to pull them in a tight embrace. They would never have thought a piece of lingerie was enough to brighten her mood.

"Ho-ho-ho!" Ethan pushed the door open with a beam. "How are my happy little elves-" His smile faltered at the sight of the toys on the floor- "the fuck?"

"See why you should knock," Chloe snapped as she stood. Ethan's eyes shot open at the underwear she held, and he backed away like it was an open flame and he was ready to run. Nothing creeped him out more than other people's sex clothes - and it was his cousin's.

"What is that?" It was more a rhetoric remark than a question.

"What? You've never seen lingerie before?"

"Dear God." He slapped both hands on his eyes and Chloe laughed. "It's Christmas! It's a holy holiday, I don't want to see your underwear-" He sputtered and Chloe held it out in front of him like it was the crucifix warding off the helpless vampire. He scrambled out of the apartment and Chloe followed.

"Serves you right - I'm hanging it outside to keep you the hell away!" She wickedly grinned.

"For fuck's sake-"

A clear of throat resounded and both swiveled their heads to find Bilal standing between them, his eyes moving back and forth before they settled on the red lace in Chloe's hand.

Her smile vanished and her cheeks flamed as she stood straighter, slowly dropping her hand to her side. She refused to stutter or shy away from the intensity of his gaze as they met hers. Danielle and Veronica, who stood by the doorway, watched closely, and the latter almost pinched the former, hissing a 'told you!'.

Bilal's eyebrow slowly arched to clear the sudden tense silence that even Ethan noticed and was confused by its weirdness.

"I'm assuming that's Ethan's gift?" He dryly noted

Her pulse wildly exploded against her throat when she swallowed, and Ethan sarcastically laughed. Bilal kept his eyes fixated on her for a second longer, making her insides stiff and tight until he looked away, and she was able to breathe.

"You here to celebrate Christmas?" Ethan noted cheekily and Bilal offered a tight smile.

"I'm working. Forgot my charger at your place." He ushered at Ethan's door.

Chloe's gut sank in slight disappointment and she scowled at herself, turning to get inside her house and ignoring the girls' suggestive glances.

A day would come, and she'd start embracing her feelings for what they truly were instead of labeling them as treacherous.

December 18, 2015

Bilal made it despite mentioning he wouldn't be able to since he needed to catch up on the sleep he had been barely getting due to the overload of his final exams. One would think he would turn into a night owl only during the period before the winter break - which was wrong. He had always been a night owl.

He would study his ass off every single day in fear of being cold-called, especially after the one time he remained mute, unable to come up with a single answer to save his life. That day, he had a case to study for but had only gotten one hour of sleep in the past twenty-four hours. He barely made it to the middle of the case before he had been out cold and had woken up alarmed after seven hours of uncalled sleep. He had skimmed the rest on his way running to class and, to his absolute horror, had been cold-called the minute he got in. He had been aware of his professor's love to bring students down, and since Bilal was a stellar one, he naturally made it to the top ten of her list. She had cold-called him in the past and Bilal had always answered every question without a beat of hesitation, which made her resolve to get him to slip even bigger. To say the professor had been thrilled to see Bilal fall silent at one of her rapid-fire questions would be an understatement, and it made the latter scarred for life.

Ethan howled with laughter at the sight of his best friend's dark-rimmed eyes and pale face, holding what he was sure to be his hundredth cup of coffee.

"You didn't have to come." Allen sympathized, patting him on the back and Bilal shrugged.

"Ts'alright. Do me a favor and keep Ethan away from me if I drop dead," he muttered and both men winced at the sight of his hands shaking.

"Dude. As much as I hate passing an opportunity to make fun of you, but you have to get some sleep." Ethan's brows furrowed and Bilal waved a hand dismissively, turning around.

It was in that moment Aiden dipped his head down so his lips caught Chloe's, the latter smiling through a blush and shaking her head, timidly pushing him away and hissing a 'not now'. Bilal's breath caught in his throat and he had to blink a few times to make sure his mind wasn't playing tricks on him.

"Who's that guy?"

He loved and loathed coffee. In a way, it made him feel things he actively worked to avoid. He didn't like what he was feeling right now.

In fact, he might feel a little too strongly about it.

Ethan quirked an eyebrow at his sharp tone. Allen followed his gaze and shrugged. "Aiden something."

"He's Chloe's new boyfriend." Bilal shot his eyebrows up for him to further elaborate, not even trying to conceal his annoyance. Ethan blamed it on the caffeine. "They've been dating a while, I don't know, go ask her yourself."

Bilal's eyes narrowed and he looked down at his cup, throwing it in the trash because of the disastrous effect it was creating.

"I need a drink."

"Are you serious-" "C'mon man-" Allen and Ethan started to object but stopped midway with a heavy groan and a surrendering shake of their heads when he ignored them to get to the kitchen.

Danielle was watching her alcohol consumption as she knew she was terribly low when drunk and she didn't want to kill the joyous mood. She'd been surveying the room to pass the time, counting the tiles - she was at 251 - and her drinks - number seven on the way -, but it was doing nothing but elevate the boredom and hollowness she felt.

Veronica had been standing beside her up until she left to get a breather out in the balcony as it was growing too hot for her inside, especially after she witnessed Elena and Allen smiling at one another from across the room. Chloe had been hung up on Aiden. Ethan tried to get a reaction out of her but gave up, and Bilal didn't seem to be in the best of moods.

Merry Christmas, indeed.

Elena was sitting by Allen's sister's side, Blake, being probably the only happy people in this entire room and it made Danielle's gut sink with envy. It was a little unexpected to see Blake let loose. Danielle had just met her and already she became one of the most intimidating people she ever met in her life - the black lipstick she wore sure proved her point.

"Cheer up." Danielle turned to face Chloe, who bumped her shoulder and had a smile on her lips. If she was in the proper mood, she'd tease about how disgustingly lovesick her sister looked.

She lifted her drink up. "I'm trying."

Chloe heaved a sigh. "Dan..." Danielle knew what lecture was coming, yet she never felt ready for it. "You're putting too much pressure on yourself. It's not your job." She gently reminded and Danielle winced, taking a large gulp. "Your life doesn't revolve around them."

"But it does, doesn't it? They took care of us - we have to take care of them too."

Chloe shook her head. "No. They did the bare minimum as required of them by law. It's selfish of them to include us in their irrelevant problems that they get over the moment it's done and we're the ones left picking up the pieces. If they're not willing, then why should we be?" She frowned and Danielle shrugged. Chloe placed a hand on her shoulder and tilted her head to catch her eye. Danielle tried her best not to break, but it was growing increasingly hard to remain composed when Chloe was being affectionate.

"You're not obligated to come between them. Old or not we're still their children and it's their role as mature adults (1) to leave us out of it instead of using us for leverage. It isn't fair."

Veronica was grateful for the frosty air as it bit her skin. She needed the feeling of numbness, and alcohol wasn't doing a proper job.

Her ears shook at the sound of the balcony door slid open and she twisted around.

Her body froze.

Fucking Hell.

"You do know it's zero degrees out here, right?" Allen arched an eyebrow, and to Veronica's horror he held his coat out for her.

"What..." She hissed in a breath and didn't have time to react when he wrapped it around her frame, pulling her closer to him as he captured it around the collar tightly for her to hold. A shaky breath escaped her lips as his cologne flooded her senses and she forced herself to snap out of her daze. Looking up at him, her heart ballooned in her chest at the sight of his small smile.

"What are you doing out here?"

Veronica blinked when his words registered. She swallowed. "Recharging." She held his coat and her nerves cooled at how warm and heavenly it felt to be sheltered with something belonging to him. "Thanks," she murmured, and he waved his hand dismissively.

Recharging usually wasn't the case. Her energy would spike up in social gatherings; she lived for them. But tonight, everywhere she looked was associated with Allen. His presence alone exhausted her; it made her feel inexplicable things and she grew tired either tampering them or invalidating them.

"Excited for France?" She asked in a desperate attempt to escape her own thoughts and he shrugged.

"It'll pretty much be the same. Except I've been learning how to speak French, which is pretty funny."

The idea did seem entertaining. But Allen now learning French? Veronica couldn't catch a break.

"Elena's French. She could help you out."

"Oh, she is." He laughed and it struck a dark chord inside of her. "Today, I learned Joyeux Noël after thirty tries."

Tip of the goddamn iceberg.

"I'm sure she's swearing off French by now. Even Bilal's too busy to teach me a few words," he added, "Duolingo is proving to be a much better teacher."

She chuckled. "Don't they harass you when you miss your sessions or something?"

He frowned. "That hasn't happened yet."

She blinked as this revelation came to light. "Huh."

Her eyes skipped past him to meet Elena's frame. She was sitting beside Blake, both women laughing wholeheartedly at something Allen's aunt said.

"So, Ethan told me you got into computer engineering." Allen pulled her attention back to him. "You're liking it so far?"

Veronica shrugged. "Wasn't my first choice, but it's going okay."

"Your first choice was Architecture?" He probed, and she questioned ever mentioning it in front of him.

"Yeah, I didn't get in." She shrugged the subject off.

Truth be told, she wasn't dying to get into architecture. She wanted something creative, related to art, but she also liked science. Both extremities made it hard for her to choose between the two majors, but she had been leaning more for architecture out of prejudice. She wouldn't know if it was the best choice for her. She lacked the passion when it came to her career and it was truly terrifying.

"But it's not bad," she added, "So many irritating people claiming they're geniuses, though."

Allen snorted, opening his mouth to reply but was cut off when Julia popped her head outside. "It's freezing out there," she hissed. "Get inside before you two catch a cold!"

"Okay, we're coming." Veronica chuckled when his mom muttered further to herself how they both had a death wish and if any of them ever ended up having pneumonia, she was going to be pissed.

Allen shook his head and turned to give her a sheepish look. He tilted his head and ushered for her to walk before him.

Veronica looked down and started to slide his coat off her shoulders. "Thanks-"

He laughed. "We're still outside, Ronnie." He swung an arm around her and pulled her close as he led her inside, a beam brightening his face and it made her entire

Body

Melt.

But it only further proved her point - she was more of a sister to him than anything more.

Aiden was talking to the two men when Chloe approached him, hooking her arm around his and looking up at him with a wide smile. "Wanna get out?"

Bilal's entire skin crawled, and he took a large gulp, the burn in his throat was not doing enough to scorch that image and wipe it from his brain. Chloe blinked the moment she noticed him standing there and she frowned, examining his state carefully with eyes narrowed to slits.

"Do you have something against sleep?"

He shot his head up, holding her eyes for a brief second before he looked away. "I'll sleep on my death bed," he replied under his breath and she rolled her eyes.

"Make sure to write that on your tombstone," she noted dryly, and he snorted.

"You'd love that."

"It'll be right next to mine where it'll read, 'I warned stupid'." She gave him a tight smile and he failed to fight his but added nothing. He would usually enjoy starting an argument, as it satisfied him to get her riled up. But not tonight.

She sighed at his silence and turned to face Aiden.

"Let me get my purse."

"This can only mean I'm getting lucky tonight." He said as soon as she left, lifting his chin proudly as he watched her hug Allen goodbye, wishing him a safe flight, and kiss Veronica and Danielle. "I thought she was the type of girl to put out on the first date - man, the wait better be worth it."

"Hey, fuck off." Ethan scoffed and it took Bilal a few seconds to see his true colors. Aiden laughed it off, meeting Chloe halfway.

"What a dick," Bilal hissed.

"I told her, but she almost scratched my eyes out." He rolled his eyes.

Bilal's top lip curled in disgust and he watched them both leave tangled in each other's arms, the sight becoming a heavy burden.

Even heavier than the orchid pendant he got for her tonight and discarded in his pocket.

_______________________

(1) Note the sarcasm.