• C H A P T E R T W E N T Y - S I X •

the one where
they play pretend

Veronica was trudging around the house in an attempt to find a space away from her family. Not only were her uncles at the peak of their annoyance, her aunts were too. Her mother was proudly telling the entire house that Veronica got a job and all she needed was a speaker - but she knew she'd prefer telling each individual, or how else would she receive direct praise? It was the last straw when Veronica heard her mother and aunt talking behind her back while she watched with amusement Kayla and Ethan fight over who won, Kayla claiming Ethan took money out of his own pocket.

"It's pretty big."

"Yes, it is. But she'll cover it up soon when the doctor says so."

Veronica had twisted around at the feeling they were talking about her scar. "What?"

"A tattoo, huh?" They had kept talking like Veronica didn't have a say in it. "You'll have to find something long enough."

"A tree probably."

Veronica had felt her blood boil. Her tolerance meter had reached a peak, the dark needle twisting a 180-degree angle in under a second.

"But I don't want to cover it up."

"Oh honey, that's what you say now but you'll change your mind. I did the same with my scar." Her mother had ushered at the flower on her collarbone.

"Yeah. But I don't want to cover it," she had repeated, slower now as the meter started to ring, the glass crackling under the tension.

Her mother had frowned. "What's that supposed mean."

She could always count on her to take everything personally.

"It means I don't want to hide it. I like it."

"Don't be silly. Do you not see how long it is?"

"I'm sure I can find a good cream from the pharmacy she can use," her aunt had suggested, putting her glasses on and taking out her phone to check.

Steam had prickled Veronica's skin and the pressure had been too high the glasses were seconds away from exploding.

"I like it anyway." Her tone had been clipped, her heart had been squeezing as she had struggled to control her anger.

Ethan had slid next to her, then. "I think it's good Ronnie likes it," he had said, turning to face his sister. "You don't have to cover it up." Veronica had felt the pressure lift off her shoulders, and she had peeled her fingers from her palms. She noticed with a wince she'd been unconsciously digging her nails and bruising her skin.

Her mother's eyes had turned cold. "You don't have to make an allegiance against me about it." She had snapped and Veronica's eyes had hardened is disbelief.

"Mom," Ethan had calmly started. "No one's making allegiances."

She had left, and they both knew the silent treatment had begun. If Veronica had said something like that, she'd never hear the end of how she was treating her own mother as a child. But she was thankful for Ethan and was glad he was starting to see what she meant every time she told him it bothered her and he had ignored.

It was almost two-thirty and they were waiting for the cab to arrive. Veronica veered from the backyard where the rest of her family was, Ethan and Danielle pushing each other in the pool to sober up and trying pulling Chloe down too. Their attempts were failing as she kept running away whenever Danielle tried to splatter her with water and Ethan ordered Wayne to attack (1).

Pushing the front door open, she felt her body pulse at the sight of Allen resting on the patio sofa, head back and eyes closed. "You weren't kidding about that front porch," she commented.

She almost thought he was sleeping until he angled his head to look at her with droopy eyes. He offered a lopsided smile that made her muscles relax. He hummed and turned to stare back at the starry night sky. "Yup... peaceful."

"You should be inside chugging gallons of water." Veronica chuckled.

"I'm not really drunk."

She unsurely hovered by the doorway, and after a moment of debating with herself, she moved to stand right before him. Allen stared up at her, skimming her length and smoothly going back to meet her big brown eyes.

"You okay?" Her voice came out a rushed breath and it made her body tense at how vulnerable she sounded. Allen smiled.

"I am. Are you?"

Veronica frowned, her gaze fixated on his lips, red and inviting. "Why wouldn't I be?"

He chuckled. "That doesn't really answer my question."

She forced a smile. "I'm fine."

"You sure? You sort of disappeared."

A quiet laugh escaped her lips, tingling his ears. "What are you talking about? I was here the whole time."

He shook his head, corner of his lips curling up. "It's not what I mean."

Her smile vanished. Her eyes locked with his calm ones, a contrast to the usual layer of intensity that coated it. They were a little dazed but tentative enough to draw her in.

His features relaxed as he studied her, his hand reached for hers, his skin warm as he pulled at her fingers. Without hesitation, she followed, quietly sitting down next to him.

"We have to leave in an hour," she softly reminded, and Allen nodded, eyes not leaving hers and she fidgeted in unease.

"Were you sleeping?" She asked, voice a mere whisper and he shook his head, afraid that if he spoke, she might disappear again. Seconds stretched to hours stretched to years and it felt like they'd been sitting here for an eternity. Veronica knew what was coming, she felt it - she needed it.

"Allen?" Her breathing became heavier the closer he got.

He paused. "Yeah?"

She swallowed. Her chest was aching and yet the overwhelming urge to close the gap was even greater than her fear. She dipped her head and felt his exhales become her inhales. His parted lips grazed hers, and her chest heaved at the feel of it. She squirmed, eyes hooded, and unable to stray open. But, she needed to look at him, to seek confirmation.

She forced her eyelids wide open, catching his vibrant blue ones staring back at her. His head cocked to the right as his lips touched her chin, then he went up to meet her, nose brushing against hers. Her nerves were running haywire. Her breath was caught in her lungs, wanting, craving. She gulped, flicking her wrists.

Her mouth dried and she swept her tongue out to wet her lips, completely dazed from his scent. Her teeth sunk in her bottom lip in anticipation, the harsh intake of Allen's breath making her grow more impatient. Allen had no clue what he was doing. The thought of this - her - was blurring away all of his rational thoughts, clouding his judgment and doing nothing but urge him to give in to the overwhelming feeling clawing at his insides, needing her closer.

He shifted against her, the warmth exerting from her body was inviting. His thumb grazed her chin, releasing her bottom lip from her teeth and dipping down to enclose his mouth around it, gently sucking. Veronica's heart was thundering, a surprised moan escaped her lips, and fuck he wanted to hear it again. Her body started to relax against him, melting into his arms. She took the bold move; her hands cradled his face, tipping his chin up to capture his lips in a searing kiss. They felt familiar; soft and gentle and warm.

His fingers instinctively plunged inside her curls, sliding down to hold the back of her neck. She felt each and every one of her veins ignite, her body close to erupting into millions of colorful tiny pieces scattered across the velvet sky. She gave in for the few seconds of full bliss before panic started to swell inside her chest.

Not again.

She harshly inhaled, pulling her face away and snapping her eyes wide open.

"You need to sober up," she breathed, her chest heaving, heart palpitating throughout her entire body. His eyes met hers, brows pulling together, and awareness started to creep in.

All he could do was nod.

It was awfully quiet at the back of the uber SUV. Veronica and Allen were the ones who had their eyes open the whole time, while the rest of the group was only half-conscious. They ended up sitting side by side in the back as it became increasingly hard squeezing two sluggish adults between the chair and back door.

Their silence was suffocating. The only sound resonating was the low hum of the car on the quiet road and the soft sound of the radio at the front.

"I don't want to pretend it didn't happen," Allen mumbled, and she swallowed, shutting her eyes and willing her brain to memorize the words, his voice, tucking them in the darkest corners where they'd be safe.

They were close, but he didn't make an effort to reach for her. Both were looking ahead, shoulders only inches apart.

"I don't want you to push me away, Veronica. I know what happened the last new year I was here-"

"What?" Veronica's eyes snapped wide open, her heart stopped beating as fear crawled up her spine, paralyzing her.

"Ethan told me..." He trailed carefully, holding her gaze with a soft cautious one. "And I'm sorry about the kiss... actually, if we're being honest, I'm really not."

"What kiss?" Her brain rewired, she felt disoriented and dizzy. Allen frowned and his confusion made her snap back to reality. "Oh," she was quick to add, sharply turning to face ahead, her cheeks heating. She gulped in unease as silence settled, daunting and loud. He fixated his eyes on her, suddenly running out of words as a thought started to dawn on him. His eyes grew wider, features relaxing.

"Veronica." His voice was a mere breath, faint and unsure.

"What?" She tried to keep her voice even, desperate to make it sound dismissive.

"What did you mean by that?"

She turned back to look at him, eyebrows itched together.

"By what?"

"What kiss."

She grew quiet. Her pulse slowed for a mere fraction before it started to gradually escalate, and then it skyrocketed. Her lungs tightened as panic swelled in her gut. She shook her head, dropping her gaze away.

"Nothing. I'm...not thinking straight."

Allen's hand quickly caught her chin right as she was about to turn again, angling her head to face him. His eyes were heavy, making her squirm. They pierced hers and skipped down to her lips, then back to her.

"Why do you keep lying?"

She swallowed, throat turning dry. She remained quiet, at a loss of words, the only thing she was able to recall was him. The scent of his cologne. His lips, warm and tentative. His hands threading her hair. His soft, quiet breathing. Her jaw tightened. She wanted to wipe her memory clean.

His eyes grew darker, and Veronica worried for a beat he was becoming impatient. She didn't blame him for being mad, she was at herself too.

"Tell me." His voice was stiff, dangerously low, his fingers unmoving on her chin. She narrowed her eyes, gut wrenching.

"There's nothing to tell-"

"Don't lie."

Her teeth clenched and she gulped, heavily washing away the anger as it bubbled inside her, burning her nerves. There was no point in hiding anymore. He remembered. He remembered and he wanted to hear it from her.

"You were drunk." She kept her voice cold, leveling on mild irritation. Anything to hide the way her hands were shaking by her side despite clenching them into tight fists. "Wayne and I were hiding from the fireworks and you were sitting outside. I joined you and we talked. A lot." She swallowed, and Allen noticed the way she was struggling with her composure, noticed her knuckles growing paler.

Her eyes narrowed and her tongue sharpened. "I know you don't remember what my uncles did. You didn't even notice." She shrugged, eyes darting away from his. His gut pulled and he tilted his face to catch her gaze again, forcing her to look at him. She shook her head and tried to wiggle herself away. Both his hands cradled her cheeks, staring right at her, holding a warning, then softening. She was so close he could feel her breath against his lips.

"And?" He urged.

"You just-" She shrugged, discomfort clawing in the pit of her stomach, distracted by him - all of him. She needed to stall. "You just said I looked beautiful." Her voice almost disappeared. She scowled at herself. It was an intricate detail she didn't have to tell, but it just slipped.

He swallowed thickly. "I meant it."

She glowered. "You don't remember saying it."

His eyes blazed. "I remember thinking it."

She stilled.

"Then what?" He gently prompted and her nose flared.

"Nothing." She couldn't help the curtness of her tongue. "We just-we just kissed."

And it hurt. It hurt because that night meant everything to me and you weren't aware of it

while

it

wrecked

me.

His eyebrows rose slowly, not from what she said, but the way she said it. He knew it wasn't how she felt, or else why push him away for years.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"It didn't matter."

"It did. I thought it wasn't real."

Her pulse slowed and she felt her throat clog. "You were with Elena."

"I wasn't."

Her eyes grew wide and she felt her chest ache. Her muscles tensed and he swallowed, recalling Christmas Eve. 'Even if you were drunk. Unaware'. After a brief pause, she shook her head.

He had been with Elena on Christmas Eve that year at his family's farewell party. The fact he told her he wasn't meant the time between his split with Elena and their kiss was way too small. She felt dark claws tearing at her insides at the idea that it meant nothing more to him than a rebound. Forgetting it, was one thing - use her was another.

"It doesn't change anything. It still doesn't matter." She held his wrists and pulled them away from her face. "It's not a big deal, okay? Just forget it."

His eyes widened slightly, lips parting at the way she dismissed the topic like it was nothing. She clasped her palms before her and leaned back into the seat, desperately needing to block him.

She didn't have time to think when she felt his fingers on her chin.

She didn't have time to register his body engulfing hers, hand sliding from her chin to the back of her neck, threading his fingers through her curls.

And she definitely didn't have time to register when his lips were on hers, soft and warm at first, before they grew hungry and earnest, sucking all the air out of her lungs. She couldn't stop the moan that escaped her throat, her hands as they greedily reached for his hair, feeling their softness and fisting them. Allen groaned, tongue sliding between her lips and the urgency had her entire body shaking with need, heat exploding inside her and the aching between her thighs growing. If it was even possible, she pulled him closer, wanting absolutely nothing between them.

It was only when she arched her back against him, when she released a strangled sigh that he pulled away, jaw tight and eyes the darkest shade she'd ever seen. Her eyes were glazed, chest heaving, and he took in her appearance, flushed and disheveled, wanting that image tattooed on his brain.

"You're right," he said, breathless, the same moment the car came to a halt, "it really doesn't matter."

Try to forget that - was what the daring glint in his eyes screamed.

______________________

(1) A command it didn't even know.