• C H A P T E R S E V E N T E E N •

the one with
the awkward moment

"So, how's your first Monday of freedom?" Chloe asked as she rested her chin on the palm of her hand, facing the girls while they stuffed their mouths with red pasta like two-year-olds.

"I'm going hunting all day," Danielle said with her mouth full and quickly caught a piece that slipped out of her tongue.

Chloe's top lip curled. "Classy."

"I don't even have much freedom. I have to complete an internship during the winter break. I applied at the vet clinic down the street."

"Don't you have a job at that coffee place?" Chloe frowned.

"I quit," she said with a mouthful again, gleaming in victory when her sister groaned in disgust.

Ethan was already pouring himself a second plate. "And Ronnie, you're applying for jobs now that you only have one semester left?"

Veronica's chewing slowed and she swallowed thickly. She hadn't mentioned the offer to Sanford, since she hadn't even mentioned applying or going through interviews - and Ethan would instantly catch that something was off.

She nonchalantly shrugged. "I applied to Sanford, actually, you think you could harass HR?"

Ethan frowned. "Didn't you tell me you didn't want software?"

"Well, there are other departments."

"Which position did you apply to?"

Veronica didn't bat an eyelash. "Assistant brand manager."

The moment Allen offered her the job; she'd googled everything she needed to know about the position. The information she got online was a little vague, so she went as far as telling Allen to email her what she would've studied for if she had an interview. She planned to review them in the winter break - the last thing she wanted was for people to know she got this position out of nepotism (1).

"Brand manager...? Marketing?" Ethan's brows pulled. "Didn't know you were into marketing."

"I only took a course, it was fun. But really, I just want to get started somewhere and then see how it goes."

Chloe's eyes rolled. "You can't wing it with everything, Veronica."

"Sure, I can. I went twenty-three years with that advice."

Chloe wanted to further argue but she shook her head, taking a sip of her drink instead. Ethan hummed as he put his mug down.

"Don't get discouraged if they didn't accept you, though. Took me more than a year to get a job there. Apply for other things, too."

She remembered the tedious process he went through: ten interviews until they offered him the job. The thought got her a little uneasy; not only was she taking the short cut, but she didn't know how to lie about getting an offer in under a month with little to no effort.

"Talk to Allen. He's the CMO. He can help you," he added. Her pulse tripped and she choked on a piece of food. She nodded vigorously, taking a large gulp. Chloe's eyes narrowed and Veronica hoped she would misinterpret her discomfort.

"Sure." She cleared her throat and shrugged. "Anyway..." She was desperate for a change in topic. "I'm going out with Caleb later today."

Silence settled and they all inspected her, expecting her to further elaborate on the sudden mention of her ex. She lifted her head and frowned. "What?"

"What yourself." Danielle's eyes widened.

"He's coming back from shooting in Alaska and I miss him." She shrugged.

Ethan blinked. "...Okay. That's not... weird."

Her eyes rolled. "We didn't even date."

"Oh, we know." Chloe snorted. "But we haven't heard of him since you 'broke up', it's a little weird to casually bring him up."

"Yeah, well." She nonchalantly shrugged, pulling a face that meant it is what it is.

Chloe mirrored the expression and leaned back in her seat. "Since Hell Week was successful, I'm staying home to pamper myself."

"Yeah, have fun with my lightsaber." Danielle shot her a look that made Veronica burst out a laugh. Chloe rolled her eyes.

"Did you talk to Aiden?" Veronica probed.

"I'm still mad at him so I blocked him everywhere."

"Ah. The heart of every healthy relationship," Ethan said, his sarcasm earning a glare from Chloe.

"You guys are getting divorced before even getting married." Danielle itched her eyebrows up briefly.

"What you up to, Ethan?" Chloe ignored her sister and changed the topic.

"Bilal and Allen are coming to my place later today. Interested in ruining it for us?"

Chloe shrugged, smoothly toning down the rush of adrenaline she felt in her veins.

"I just might."

Chloe got back from her shift at the pharmacy feeling exhausted.

Now that Rob knew she was leaving him soon, he had grown overly sentimental. It didn't help that she was constantly worrying Bilal would show up. They hadn't talked since yesterday, and she didn't expect something like that would happen. She was already tense around him and after last night she was losing control over her feelings.

Aiden had tried to call her home a few times, but she'd let it reach voicemail - she wasn't ready to deal with him too.

She wanted just one day to herself to relax and forget about the world. She knew she would have to deal with everything soon, as the more she left things for a later time, the worse she felt. She just needed to be in the right mindset to be able to cope.

After a long, hot bath, she lined up the new satin Cami sets she bought just last week, contemplating which one to wear after she poured herself some wine and turned on Haunting of Hill House. She held off the cerulean blue for another day and settled on the vintage rose.

The girls had always laughed about how even at home she was 'expensive', but she didn't take it as an insult at all. She took her lingerie a little more seriously than necessary, with no guilt as it gave her the boost of confidence even if she was dressing up only for herself. It was her own money, she worked for it, she could spend it on whatever the hell she wanted.

She was going to wait for her hair to dry before putting it on. She padded her way to the living room, getting a bag of popcorn and putting it the microwave to heat in two minutes. She turned to put on Netflix on the TV, bypassing the set of plants Danielle watered before she left to hunt insects.

Bilal stepped out of the elevator, about to strangle Ethan to death the moment he would open the door for him. Nothing annoyed him more than his incessant whining as he got him to spend a whole half an hour at the grocery store to pick the snacks. It wasn't long before Bilal hung up mid-list and picked the rest by himself, making sure to bring the receipt with him so Ethan would pay every goddamn penny.

Chloe felt a few drops of water under her bare feet, and she looked down with a frown, rolling her eyes and moving back to the kitchen to get a towel. However, she had managed to avoid a large puddle of water before she hadn't noticed- She stepped right into it.

She gasped in shock, her ankle twisting as she lost balance. She cried out in pain, hand reaching for anything to hold on to-

She accidentally caught a plant, the ceramic pot falling to collide on her hip.

Bilal stood by the door, thumb pressing on the buzzer for the longest time out of spite.

THUD!

He paused, twisting around to face the girls' apartment in bewilderment. His ears shook when he heard a cry on the other side, and he knocked abruptly. His frown deepened when he heard another whimper.

"You girls okay?"

"It's open!" She wasn't sure. She had bugged Danielle to lock it after her but for the first time, she hoped her sister forgot.

He dropped the bags and twisted the doorknob, pushing the door open. His eyes grew wide at the sight of Chloe on the floor. The door shut after him the same time Ethan opened his, staring at the bags in slight confusion. He shrugged and wordlessly took them inside.

"I swear to God if I'm covered with dead bugs, I'm going to kill myself!" She shrieked. Every inch of her muscles tensed as the urge to cry from mortification prickled her eyes.

"Are you alright?" Bilal rushed to lean down and pull the pot off her body. She briskly dusted her robe from dirt and his eyes inspected her for any injury.

"I just showered," she whined, holding her hands up to check for any hint of slick body parts. "Ew, ew, ew." She hurriedly stood, putting all the weight on her right ankle.

"Oh!" A gasp rushed out of her mouth when she lost balance, and Bilal hurriedly caught her, arms a little clumsy since she was wearing nothing but a robe that ended a good number of inches above the knees and he was avoiding her exposed skin.

"Okay..." He muttered patiently as he had no other choice but to hook his arm under her knees and the other around her back, carrying her to the couch while she tried to reach for her ankle to see if it was swollen.

"What happened?" He asked as he lay her down slowly and went to the kitchen sink, coming back with a damp towel.

"Stupid Dan and her stupid plants," She growled.

He chuckled lowly, pressing the cloth to wipe the mud off her wounds, small scrapes prominent on her palm from when she had turned and accidentally rubbed it against the rough wall.

"My ankle hurts..." She whimpered, trying to reach for it with her free hand, somehow further pressing her feet down against the furniture. She bit back a groan and Bilal pulled the coffee table so he could sit close to her ankle. He held the top of her foot with one hand and the heel in the other, testing as he moved it slowly. It was going okay until she hissed, catching his wrist.

"Okay, that hurt." Her voice strained and she huffed out the breath she was holding.

"It's starting to swell."

"There's ice in the freezer," she said, slightly relieved at the idea it wasn't fractured and was most probably a mild sprain.

"You have a first aid kit?" He asked over his shoulder.

"Bottom cupboard on the left," She said, looking over at him. She grew suddenly aware of her surrounding once her nerves relaxed, and she looked down the moment she realized she was still in her robe.

"Oh God..." She coughed under her breath and struggled with the hem of the clothing as she tried to pull it from under her, to add more coverage to her front. But the more she tried the faster blood rushed to her swollen ankle.

She froze the moment Bilal rounded the couch, unaware that she was watching him with wide eyes and pink cheeks. She had her weight supported on her elbows, and she unconsciously moved under his scrutinizing stare.

"Stay still," he murmured, a hand enclosing around her calf and the other pressing the pack of ice on her injury. She held her breath, feeling her pulse beating on every inch of her body and hoping he couldn't feel it under his touch. She swallowed, clearing her throat louder than intended.

"This is..." Her exhale was loud and slow. "Very inappropriate."

He chuckled quietly. "Relax, I'm not looking."

She tried so hard to contain her nerves as they frenzied inside her. "I have a hard time believing that." She wanted it to sound like a snap, but her words broke in the end. Damn it.

"You're going to have to trust me," he absentmindedly said as he let go of her. She felt the sudden loss of warmth when he got the kit. He slid closer, extending his arm to her.

She placed her hand on his and he used the old cloth again to remove debris. She slightly winced when he got a stuck one off. "Sorry," he was quick to apologize, lost in concentration.

She looked up at him, admiring how he gently applied disinfectant on the wound with brows pulled together and lips sealed in a thin line. She frowned at the sight of the dark shadows under his eyes, wanting to remark about his overworking tendencies but was unable to find the words. He knew she was staring, and he bit down his tongue to stop himself from looking up, wrapping gauze around her palm and neatly tucking it.

He angled his head back to rummage through the kit. "You got a bandage?" He asked when he didn't find it.

Chloe blinked, and it took her several seconds to realize he asked her a question. He looked up at her and her heart ballooned in her chest. "Oh, yeah we have the one we tried for Veronica's arm. It's in the same cabinet," She said in a rush, wanting to punch herself for not keeping it together.

Bilal nodded, and the moment she was sure he couldn't see her, she tried to adjust her position again. It was starting to get more uncomfortable as she could feel the cold air pressing against her chest and up her thighs. She grunted in frustration.

"Stop moving around."

"I can't, I-"

She flushed when she heard him walking back, desperately rearranging the hems. She pressed her palms on the cushions to sit straighter, hissing when both her palm and ankle pulsed.

"You deserve that one."

Chloe glared at his profile when he sat back down, unrolling the bandage. She took the time he wasn't looking to fumble more, feeling the sudden alarm when she was able to cover her chest but the cotton around her thighs split open.

Bilal looked up at her, eyes sharp and pinning her in place. She froze, holding his stare back with equal intensity.

"What is it?" His sharp words came out of confusion rather than frustration.

"Nothing," she bit back.

The electric sensation of panic rose to her throat when he caught her calf and leaned in.

"No wait!" She screeched.

Bilal froze, head snapping up to her, wide eyes waiting for an explanation. She flushed and struggled to form coherent words.

"What?" He pressed when he noticed her red cheeks.

"Could you just..." She was desperately in need to cover her exposed thighs with her hands but the last thing she wanted was catch his attention. "Uhm, I, uh..." His eyebrows itched up to urge her to speak. She swallowed thickly. "I just-my robe is just...uhm, y'know."

'Uhm, y'know'? Smooth.

Bilal's head jerked in understanding. "Oh."

She blinked in bewilderment when he laughed. She clucked her tongue, her infuriation increasing when she couldn't shove him in any way. "Don't laugh at me!"

He shook his head, standing and taking his long coat off. Chloe loved that coat on him, nothing suited him better than the dark color and the length.

But the last thing she expected was for him to take it off and cover her with it.

"There." A small smile pulled at the corners of his lips.

She was out of words.

His scent immersed her in large waves, the warmth it brought rendering her paralyzed under it while he went on with covering her wound. Oh God... She held her breath for a long moment, because inhaling him so suddenly made her feel a little dizzy. She felt like hot liquid under his touch, under the heavenly smell of his cologne. She never wanted to rid her body of the smell and secretly hoped it was strong enough to last on her robe for days.

A choked breath escaped her throat, Bilal mumbling a quick apology. If only he knew she was feeling everything but pain.

Once he was done, he helped her stand. She reluctantly took his coat off her, holding it up for him and holding both his wrists when he caught it.

"Wait." He stayed still upon request and she adjusted her robe in haste while shielded from sight. "Done."

"Can you walk on it?" He asked, looking down when she placed her foot on the ground. She tried to walk. It barely stung but it was fine.

"Yeah, it's alright." She looked up at him and he looked back. Silence settled between them, thick and palpable as the events of last night became a heavy presence between them.

"Thank you," she said, trying to smile.

He nodded. "No problem."

Silence.

"I should go put something on," she ushered behind her. God... can this be any more awkward?

He forced a smile. "Of course."

It took him barely a second to start moving again, heading for the door without much of a goodbye. Normally, she'd be immensely thankful. But now...

"Wait-"

He stopped and turned. Chloe's hand captured her earlobe as she rubbed her fingers against her skin in unease.

"I... actually need to talk to you."

He blinked. "Okay."

Chloe hated his poker face. He was so good at hiding his emotions under a thick layer of impassiveness and she was desperate to find a clue, anything to hint what he was thinking.

"I'm sorry. I can find you there once I'm done."

"No, it's okay. I can wait here."

"Okay." She nodded, already limping. "I'll be quick."

"You need any help?" Even when the words slipped off his tongue, he felt the unintentional underlying message.

Chloe's skin prickled as she tried to hurry to her bedroom. "I'm okay, thanks."

Veronica was Caleb's number one fan and he was hers.

She'd always supported him in his filmmaking career and his resolve when it came to fighting against the climate crisis. His parents were activists, and they played a major role in encouraging him to pursue a career in documentary filming.

She'd never been prouder of him when his work starting to get the recognition it deserved; using his talent and passion for photography into good use as he shed light into the crisis the world was facing.

To say she was thrilled to see him again was an understatement. She knew many people questioned their relationship, one that grew since she was ten years old and deepened through the years, but it wasn't weird to them - not even when they got together for a week. It was in this period that they realized they couldn't ever be more than friends.

Caleb was standing by the building when she stepped outside. It was starting to get dark, and the wind was getting colder as it nipped her cheeks. His tall figure stood under a post lamp that showered the deep brown of his skin with gold spotlight. The tight curls of his short black hair were stuffed in a grey beanie, and his hands were tucked in the pockets of his olive jacket that had a sticker of the Extinction Rebellion movement symbol, a circle surrounding an hourglass, on the sleeve.

Veronica couldn't stop the shrill that escaped her throat, and it made him spin around to face her, his face breaking into an instant grin so wide it reached his ears. She ran up to him and jumped, both laughing as she climbed him in a bear hug, hooking her legs around his waist and he instantly held her tight.

"How's my favorite koala bear?"

"I miss you. I miss you. I miss you." She felt like her heart was mere seconds away from imploding in her chest. She got back to her feet, looking right into the dark brown of his eyes and it brought back so many memories, so much fondness that captured her lungs and made her restless.

She was jumping around as they walked the streets of Manhattan, the sound of their chatter so loud it could easily block the cacophony of noise that surrounded them, booming horns, screeching animals, and blaring music from restaurants. They stepped out of the pizza place with their order in hand, as he knew Veronica's bustling energy couldn't be crammed in restaurants where she felt she had to restrain her loud voice while out on the street, no one would care.

"I mean, what is it with people's need to use hypocrisy as the only argument?" Veronica rolled her eyes, stuffing a large bite in her mouth.

"Exactly." Caleb enthusiastically gestured at her and looked back ahead.

The sight before them was breathtaking yet underappreciated, lights illuminating the city across Hudson River as they settled on a bench to eat peacefully.

"I understand so many things can be done individually to further lower the damage, and that's what I'm doing, and that's what many people fighting for the same cause are too. We're all complicit in this argument whether we like it or not. And it's not enough. There's something bigger than this; policy makers, government, CEOs of large corporations..." Caleb shook his head, taking a bite and chewing while Veronica nodded, absorbing every word.

She had always been fascinated by his resolve, and his eloquence when it came to debating his point. He was always calm, always assured, instinctively diplomatic, while she was the opposite - diplomatic, yes, but loud, argumentative, eager to question and prove a point. People had always confused her passion for arguing with fighting, and she had learned throughout the years to tone down her excitement and know her audience before getting into another dead-end debate.

Conversation flowed, each keen to know about the other's news they had missed in the last few months.

"And because I'm such a lucky person." Veronica used a hand sanitizer to wipe her hands clean, pushing some into Caleb's palm. "Sorry about that." She chuckled as she ushered at the plastic bottle.

He laughed a little. "As long as you recycle it. What's up?"

"Allen moved in the apartment next door." She wiped her mouth, shivering as a cold wind blew their way. Caleb's eyes grew wide for a brief second before he frowned.

"How come?"

He knew about her infatuation - she had told him everything. She couldn't stop the pang of guilt as it tightened around her lungs. If it was any other favor, she'd tell him about what Allen asked from her. But she got a job out of it... it felt wrong to throw away Allen's effort. Besides, she wasn't doing anything wrong... Regardless, she felt uneasy.

"He got promoted. So, he came back here. Chloe suggested he takes the apartment at the end of the hallway, so that's going super great so far."

Caleb offered a sympathetic smile. "Have you used your charm yet?"

"You mean the one where I'm suddenly mute and get all stutter-y and pathetic?"

He laughed. "That's the one."

She turned to face him, her nerves unwinding to release the tension in her body.

She grinned, bumping his shoulder lightly. "How's your romantic life going? Found a rebound yet?"

He snorted, shoving her cheek with his palm. Veronica visibly cringed at how cold his hand was, pinching his upper arm and hissing out a series of insults that made him laugh.

"I'm not sure it's classified as romantic yet..." He shrugged. "I met someone a few months ago. She's nice."

"Is that so?" She quirked an eyebrow, sensing his slight awkwardness.

Caleb grinned. "She happened to be where I was shooting the documentary in Tanana."

"Happened to be?" It seemed pretty far fetch for Veronica to meet someone in Alaska out of pure coincidence.

"I know. She's a painter."

"She was looking for a muse?"

"Something like that?"

"Don't tell me you're it now." Veronica laughed. "Ow!" She yelped when he pinched her arm.

"You actually know her." Caleb shrugged, and Veronica noticed the nervous shift when he looked away. Her eyes narrowed.

"Really?"

He gave her a brief side-eye. "You're not gonna like it."

"Spit it out, then."

"It's Elena Durant."

Veronica paused. She wasn't going to lie. She was going to hide. And it felt just as bad. She blinked. Her head jerked up. "Who-? Allen's ex-girlfriend Elena?"

He gave her a sheepish look. "Yeah. About that..."

"What?" She probed when he took a few seconds longer. Caleb leaned back in his seat and avoided looking at her. Veronica wasn't going to let this go. She bumped his shoulder lightly. "What?"

"They're still close, aren't they?"

She ignored the tightness in her lungs. "...Yeah?"

He shrugged. "Nothing. Just... a comment."

Her eyebrows shot up. She feared her prying seemed like she was getting defensive. She might be - she didn't like the idea of it. She turned to look ahead, silence settling between them. Her brain looked for a distraction.

"Her dad's Harrison Durant, isn't he?"

Caleb's jaw pulsed. "Yeah."

"Could be good for you." She grinned coyly. Caleb rolled his eyes.

"He's not a very nice man. He's annoying, actually."

Veronica blinked, brows pulling tight and her ears prickled. "You met him? Didn't think it was that serious between you two."

"It's not." Was all he said. She noticed his intense need to change the subject. Her lips rolled inside her mouth. She had the gut-punching feeling he was hiding something from her too. It made her feel better about her situation.

Time will tell, she thought, as she gave in to his urge and swerved the conversation to a lighter territory. She hoped both were guilty so she wouldn't come out of it looking so bad.

When Chloe emerged out of the bathroom, wearing a long silk robe above her nightwear, the first she noticed was the cleaned floor and the rearranged plants, not a speck in sight.

"You cleaned?" She gaped at Bilal, who sat on a stool, elbow resting on the kitchen island as he cradled his chin in his palm.

When did that happen?

She couldn't have been inside for that long... it couldn't have been longer than ten minutes.

He offered a small smile. "Feeling better?"

She nodded, making her way to sit on the stool facing him. "Yeah. Thanks a lot."

He shrugged and looked at her expectantly, wanting her to get to the point. She sat straighter. "I didn't get the chance to thank you... for yesterday."

Bilal shook his head. "You don't have to-"

"But I want to," she quickly cut in, leaving him with lips parted as he looked at her, a little thrown. He nodded, corners of his lips slightly curling up.

A beat of hesitation passed by he forced the question out anyway. "Are you okay?"

"Yes." She almost winced with how fast she answered. "Yeah, I'm okay."

He paused for a beat before he spoke, "Good."

They didn't clear a thing out. There was still the heavy topic of their embrace, weighing between them as none was ready to bring it up. She wanted to apologize for it, wanted to explain why she forced herself away. He wanted to apologize for rushing and assuming, feeling he crossed a line. The mere thought had them both incredibly tense.

Their encounters had never been easy, it was always driven by annoyance and mockery, and on rare occasions when they dropped the act - they were gentle. But this was new. This was trying to fix something that wasn't even yet built.

After the most awkward moment Chloe had ever sat through, he slipped off the stool. "I'll get going, then."

She didn't want him to leave, but she said: "Okay."

She smiled at him and he nodded, smiling back before turning. Her nail dug under the flesh behind her ear, watching him open the door and about to step out, thinking of anything she could say to ease the awkwardness. She could just let it go, but she didn't relish the thought.

Bilal halted when he accidentally stepped on something. He looked down, eyes narrowed to slits when he noticed a bouquet of flowers. He heaved a sigh, turning to Chloe.

"You got a delivery." He didn't try to conceal his sarcasm.

"What?" Chloe frowned, sliding off the stool as she carefully limped over to where he stood. He picked it up without even looking at it because it didn't concern him, handing it to her.

Chloe blinked down at the roses, carefully wrapped with a card dipped inside. Her top lip curled at the strong smell and Bilal's expression morphed into one of absurdity. Even he knew she despised roses. He even knew her favorites were Orchids - she had one in her bedroom she'd been taking care of since she was eighteen.

Just when she lifted her head up, the door closed after him as he left without a word.

She sighed, fishing out the card. She flipped it over when she couldn't find anything more than the name 'Golden Ivory' carved along with a number. She rolled her eyes. He couldn't even bother to remove the business card.

Or he wanted her to see it cost him a good amount.

She was almost sure it was his sister who got them. He would always ask for her advice to fix things whenever they got into a fight, and she'd be eager to help because she loved Chloe. Chloe loved her too - but she didn't like it when she meddled. She confronted her about it once and ever since then, she'd kept her nose out of their relationship, but she knew that didn't mean she was out completely.

"Eugh." She pushed them away from her face, walking over to open the bottom cabinet. She looked down at the trash can for a moment, pursed her lips, and then shrugged. "Oh, well..." She dropped them and pushed them back inside, going as far as spraying a good amount of air freshener once their stench made her temple throb.

She took out her forgotten popcorn from the microwave and took the bottle of wine, no glass needed. She rested on the couch, turned on Netflix, and pressed play.

It was enough dealing for today.

_______________

(1) AKA the truth.