December 13th

Dear Diary;

Today was... weird.

I'm not concerned, though. Not really. I mean, Sejin-sunbae is probably just playing with me. Hazing the new girl. They do that in Korea like they do in the US, right?

Still. Today was weird.

I went and visited Sejin-sunbae at his apartment to pick up his day-planner and get the low-down on my responsibilities, as well as drop off some mandu I whipped up for him (using Halmeoni's recipe, I might add. I'm very proud of this batch.) Where I come from, when someone is sick or injured, you bring them food. So achievement unlocked: I brought him food.

I digress. As usual.

I got there and Sejin-sunbae was on his couch with his leg propped up on an ottoman. I signed his cast and he gave me the planner. Then he gave me a hard-back binder as tall as my face. He said everything I need to know about running BTS was in that binder. All I needed to do was follow those instructions.

I'm not concerned. It's going to be fine.

Just. Fine.

~Sunny~

***

Soonhee stared at the garishly lime green binder that sat on her tiny desk next to her journal.  She had gnawed her bottom lip red from constant nervous biting. Despite how much she tried to convince herself that she was going to be able to handle the job, her stomach had already launched into the full tap-dance scene from White Christmas, two-stepping its away around her abdomen like it was competing for a trophy.

She was worried.

No, not worried.

Terrified.

"Okay, Sunny. One thing at a time," she told herself firmly. She stood from her office chair and moved through her one-room studio-style apartment to the kitchen to make a quick mug of tea. Then she set her laptop to play some music - a conglomerate mix featuring everything from K-pop to indie rock to Disney soundtracks - and picked up the binder. She took it to her futon and plopped down on top of her quilt, being careful not to spill her hot drink all over herself or her bedding.

Opening the binder for the first time, she gazed down at a tidy table of contents. She was glad that it was in type and not hand-written but the relief was quickly replaced with confusion as she actually read the text.

The Manager's Complete Guide to the Care and Keeping of BTS

v2.0

Three-hundred and sixteen pages. Sejin-sunbae had given Soonhee a binder filled with three-hundred and sixteen pages of how to deal with the Bangtan Boys. She scanned the Table of Contents, baffled by the subheadings. What in the world did it mean by "Each Other" under the chapter on the Rules and Regulations of Dating? There was a two-fucking-hundred page FAQ, for Christ's sake; over half the book.  And why in the world would she ever need the number for Animal Control?

What the fuck had she gotten herself into?

Shaking her head, Soonhee flipped to first part of the actual content, the introduction.

Welcome to the most comprehensive, complete guide to managing BTS. In the following pages, you will find easy-to-follow instructions set up in check-lists that will help you navigate your way through the hectic lives of your groups' members.

If this is your first time managing an idol group, I would suggest reading through this book in its entirety. If you are familiar with the job, you can start at the FAQ for a quick-launch approach.

Godspeed and good luck!

Soonhee turned to the FAQ out of curiosity.  It was set up by member.  She flipped to a random page.

Q: What do I do if Yoongi won't get out of bed?
A: This is a common occurrence. Send Jungkook.

"What?"  She turned a few more pages.

Q: How do I get Taehyung to stop clinging to Jungkook?
A: Dangle a Gucci scarf in front of his face and slowly back away. He will get down to follow it.

She shook her head. "Okay, this thing can't be serious."

Q: Namjoon broke [thing]. How do I fix it?
A: Give it to Yoongi or check Chapter One, Section One, Part Two, Paragraphs 6 - 24 on the most common adhesive to use to put the [thing] back together.  If all else fails, buy a new one.

"Yeah, he's messing with me." Soonhee closed the binder with a roll of her eyes and tossed it back onto her desk. "Seems like a lot of effort to haze the new girl, but maybe that's a cultural thing."

Shrugging to herself, she took her mug into the kitchenette and left it in the sink before going back to her laptop. She had a couple hours before she needed to turn in for the night and was determined to waste them watching YouTube.

The binder kept invading her thoughts, though, and before she had even finished watching a single music video, Soonhee had the manual back on her lap.  She opened it to Chapter One.

Important Information Regarding Members

Section One was labeled "Kim Namjoon," and "Part One" consisted of twelve pages of first aid techniques.  It covered everything from applying bandages to setting broken bones.

Part Two, as the FAQ suggested, was all about adhesives. 

"Superglue, Epoxy, and Tape," Sunny read aloud, running her finger over the section title.  There was a footnote written in pen on the bottom of the page, probably added by Sejin at some point. 

Do not use staples, even in a pinch.  It will end badly.

She blinked.  "O...kay."

Part Three of the Namjoon file was labeled "148" and contained only a single sentence.

Don't believe it.

Soonhee didn't understand what that meant but she filed the information away for later.

The entire non-FAQ portion of the manual continued in a similar vein.  

Don't call Jin 'Eomma.'  He hates it.

Don't bother Yoongi.  Ever.  Even if the dorm is burning down, let him sleep.

Do not, under any circumstance, challenge Hoseok to a dance-off.  You will waste a whole day and you won't be able to get him to stop.

Don't ever give Jimin more than half a glass of an alcoholic beverage at a time.

Do not give Taehyung sugar after nine p.m. unless you want to sit up with him all night listening to his theories on how aliens reproduce.

Always have snacks on hand for Jungkook or he will eat the props.

By the time Soonhee had gotten through the first chapter, it was past midnight.  With a heavy sigh, she set the binder aside and crawled into her bed.  She wasn't sure what to believe but the terror that had gripped her before now had a new companion: bewilderment.