Staring at my bare hands, I wondered where did I go wrong?

I did everything I thought to be the right thing. Yet, why had my life ended up this way? What should I have done instead—I wish someone would tell me—I wish there was a book—A sort of guidebook to help me understand where to go from here.

"How can you be so happy all the time? I always feel like I am stranded on a dessert and walking aimlessly on an empty barren road. Like there is sun scorching over my head and I am banging at a huge door which never opens—I wish someone would just make me a guidebook telling me what to do—!"

"But you do have it, Aasi—! Allah has sent Quran as a guidance for mankind. You have everything that you need to live in this world, right here—! That and the sunnah of our Prophet PBUH—!"

I had cried infront of that person one day. Long before Navi or Samar or any of the horrors that I had experienced happened. However, I couldn't think any further than this, because the door banged open to reveal Faiza, who informed me that the Molvi Sahab had arrived for the nikah.

Once again, after she left, I was all alone in my room. The horrors of coming days was making me numb and that's when I dropped to my knees on the carpet. Folding my hands infront of me, I closed my eyes and began to recite Surah Al- Fatiha.

'Help me Allah. Please. She said—everyone says that you answer the call of anyone who knocks on Your door. I have been knocking for so long, yet not once did You open Your doors of mercy for me—Just once—Please Allah, please—! I know I am a sinner—I know that I haven't followed Your commands—but please I'll do whatever You tell me—Just please—Please Allah help me—I need You, Allah—You promised that You will answer the prayers of whoever calls upon You for help—You don't forsake non-believers either—Atleast—atleast, I believe in Your oneness—in the finality of Prophet PBUH—Please just save me from myself—Please—I'll do whatever you say—if there was even one good deed that I committed—even one tiny—please give me it's reward right now—Please don't abandon me again—Please, Allah—if nothing else—help me because I share name with one of the most pious woman, You created—Just please—-help me.' I had dropped my head onto the floor in sajdah. My tears were getting soaked into the carpet and despite feeling heartbroken, a sense of calm began to spread through my body.

Even before, I could hear them coming up, I had straightened up. When the Molvi came in with my Dad, Mom and Faiza, my tears had already dried. When the Molvi asked me if I wanted to add any clause in the nikah, I kept silent. When he asked me qabool hai? I replied in affirmative all three times. When Mom, Dad and others hugged me, I remained still and let them.

Maybe, I was spent. Until the very last moment, I tried calling Allah. But maybe Allah didn't listen to me because as always, I was late. I always ask Him of the impossible. But, only because I thought, if Allah says KUN (be) then FAYA-KUN (and it is). Maybe, I was being naive. Why would Allah help me? Why now, after all this time? When I had never before turned to Him.

Feeling drained, I sat still in my place. Waiting to be called down after the nikah was completed. Just then my phone rang. It was a message and I didn't want to see it, assuming it was from someone congratulating me. Yet, my feet began to work towards the dressing table. There was a slow thumping against my chest and my hands shook as I picked up the phone. The message was from an unknown number. Yet, I clicked on the audio.

"Thankyou for meeting me Captain Hadi—I am sure you must've been busy." My breath hitched in my throat when I heard Navi's familiar voice on the phone.

"You are her fiancé. Naveed Suleiman." Hadi's clipped voice came in and I felt my knees getting weak.

"You seem to know everything already. So I'll skip the formalities and get right to the point. You need to stay away from her or I can't guarantee your or your family's safety."

" I think you don't know me, well enough though. I can very well manage myself and my family on my own. You only need to worry about yourself—"

"Maybe you haven't done enough research on me, Captain Hadi. I didn't come here all this way to hear no for an answer. Anyways, let's strike a deal. I'll leave you and your family alone in exchange for you to leave her alone. If not, I'll make her suffer by killing you and your family in front of her very eyes—You don't know how crazy she would go if she sees that. Enough to make her take her own life. But I won't let her—I'll make the rest of the days of her life a living torture—and you'll be the cause behind it—"

"Like you killed Muiz? Or the 3 guys last month, who assaulted her—" Hadi's words knocked the breath out of me and I slumped to the floor.

"Like you said, they assaulted her—"

"But they didn't—that's what YOU made appear on paper—all for what—? To punish them?"

"They touched what was mine. Nobody gets away with that—and neither will you—"

"You are mentally sick—And you say you love her? Maybe, this is why she hates you enough to run away. I can understand her better now thanks to you."

"Oh, I love her alright. So much that I can take away every single thing that gives her peace so that I am the only one she can turn to for help—But you see I am also a fair person. So I am giving you a fair chance. You need not meddle in my business—and I'll let you go your own way—If things can get sorted out peacefully with both parties satisfied then you should do that—this is my rule for doing business-"

"This—Aasiya is business for you—??"

"Aasiya is my property. She belongs to me—and the only person who can touch my belonging is me—Whatever I want to do with her is up to me—she exists for me, alone; my most prized possession—Even if that means I use her or dispose her—Uh—Ah! I wouldn't do that if I were you—What—do you love her or something?"

"And, what if I do?"

"So does this mean that you're willing to convert to her faith? What? Did you think you're the only one who could do a background check? Well? You must've taken all this into consideration, right? Even if only in name, we ARE Muslim while you're— an Ismaili—" My hand clamping my mouth shut trembled at Navi's words.

"You—You're a piece of shit—I don't think I need to hear about religion and it's aspects from dirt shits like you—"

"Right. What do I know? So? You think Aasiya will share your sentiments? Does she even know that you're a Non-Muslim—-"

"You—!"

"Easy now tiger. I don't want to get on the bad side of ISI, if I can help it. Now I'll tell you a simple solution. As you already know about my sinful past, so it shouldn't be hard for you to believe that I will actually kill Aasiya before you can have her. Since I love her so much, I'll kill myself too afterwards. There isn't much that I give a shit about anyways. So now it's up to you to decide. Are you willing to shoulder the burden of her death because you were too self absorbed in your love—or—"

"You monster—"

"Can't say I haven't heard that one before. Now, if you have even the slightest bit of love for her like you said, you'll do what's best for her which is letting her go—Now her fate rests on your able shoulders, Captain Hadi—"

"You know what? Even if I do that, she'll never be yours. All your money. All your love and your power couldn't stop her from running away once and it will definitely not stop her again. I will await the day eagerly when she leaves you again. And then when your arrogance shatters, we'll see who gets the last laugh. You think you're so great and you can get whatever you touch? Think again. There is Someone greater than every great person like you. Firaun didn't get a chance to repent—Let's see if you do—You'll get what's coming for you—It's only a matter of when—"

There was no other message. Neither the name of sender but there was no need for one. I knew who had sent it and why.

And before I knew it, I had pressed call to him.

"Hello? Princess? What—" I didn't let him finish.

"Come up, Navi. Now." After saying that much, I had ended the call. Going back to that message, I deleted it and blocked the number. Just then the door opened and he came in, cladded in beige sherwani. I had never seen Navi look happier before.

"—Princess, what—everyone is waiting for us downstairs. Why—" He rambled while coming to stand in front of me.

"I still can't believe that this is all true—I can't even tell you how happy I am. I'll make everything right. You'll see—I—" He continued with a small smile, while taking my hand in his. I watched him silently through tear filled eyes, before finally able to croak out.

"Why did you do it Navi? Why—? Why did you kill them?" I began through quivering lips and saw his smile faltering immediately. The warmth of his hands almost vanished. For a few moments, he could only gape at me at a loss of words before his head began to shake.

"I—I didn't Aasiya—It—They were criminals—they deserved it—There was a search warrant against them—so many rape charges—" His voice cracked as he stumbled over his own words, not daring to meet my eyes. I felt his hand in my grasp trembling and that's when I slowly pulled him to sit on the edge of the bed.

"I did it for you Aasiya—because they hurt you—" He murmured through quivering lips as he took my face in his hands that shook with tremors.

"You can't, Navi. Even for me, you can't—I am sorry—but, I can't be with you—" I let my tears drip on his hand, before gripping his hold on me. I watched him gawk me with quivering lips, his eyes becoming bloodshot with unshed tears.

"Aasiya—! I'll do everything—! I'll become however you want me to be—Just—I only want you by my side—I love you more than myself—More than anything and everything, Aasiya—!!I'll get you anything that you want—whatever it is—I'll buy it for you—!" He uttered in a voice breaking with sadness. The tears escaped the confines of his eyes and began to soak his face. Closing my eyes, I pressed my forehead to his.

"Not everything can be bought with money, Navi—" I gasped for air, while wiping away the tears streaking his cheeks.

"I can—! There's nothing that I can't do—" He remarked suddenly, pulling away from me but I stopped him from saying anymore by clamping his mouth with my hand.

"Shhhh—You can't Navi. Don't say things you don't mean. You're not Allah—" I murmured against my hand and that's when he dropped his head on my lap.

"Why Aasiya—? What have I not done to earn your love?! I am willing to do anything for it!! Yet—Yet—Why?! Why am I so abominable in your eyes?! Why?!!" His voice cracked with tears while he broke in my embrace. For a moment, I let him; as his tears continued to dampen my clothes. I knew I had hurt him. I thought I hated him, yet in a deep and dark corner of my heart, I felt love for him. I shouldn't be in love with a monster—but how do you hate someone who was never taught any better? He tried to love me in the best way he knew. Still, that love couldn't be enough to make me ruin both of our lives.

"Because we are the same—You and me. We can't be together, Navi. Fire can't put out fire—I can't be with you, Navi—I am sorry—"

AUTHOR's NOTE

Assalamualaikum wa rehmatullahi wa barakatuhu☺️
Okay. I have been anxiously dreading this one. I am sure it was a little too much to take in but I don't wish to harm the sentiments of any religion and the sole purpose of this book is a humble attempt to share the message of Islam. InshaAllah.
Feel free to drop any queries in the comments about anything. Or resentments, if any. Astaghfirullah 🙈😅.
Once again, the main theme of this book is spiritual; dealing with characters in search of guidance.
Lastly, JazakAllah khair for reading so far. I hope you continue to enjoy it in the future too, InshaAllah; to see how the story unfolds.

Please don't forget to vote & comment, if you enjoyed reading. Thankyou ❤️