CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN | SECOND CHANCE

Lauren

"YOU NEED TO AVOID things, events, even a person that causes you stress, Lauren. You're on your third month, and you have to be a little more careful, no, be extra careful. Some first-time moms experience anxiety and panic attacks, but I won't say it's normal. You must always remember to take care of yourself and the baby."

Napatingin ako kay Ritter na nakatayo malayo sa aking kama. He's the first person attended me when I bled out a while ago. And the reason why I bled. Dinala niya ako agad sa ospital para malapatan ng lunas. I'm lucky that he chose to stay behind close doors. If no one was there, I may be lost my baby.

"Whenever you feel panicking, do this relaxing breathing routine. It's called the 4-7-8 breathing technique; breathing in for four seconds, holding your breath for seven seconds, and exhaling for eight seconds." Nakita ko na binalingan niya si Ritter. "She's stubborn, and you always keep an eye on her." Dagdag na sabi pa ni Jaypee pero kay Ritter nakatingin.

"Is our baby okay?" Narinig ko na tanong ni Ritter kay Jaypee. Jaypee became my private doctor since he quitted working that health center where we met. Siya iyong na-involve sa isyu ng hiwalayan namin ni Ritter kaya narito ako sa Oak Island ngayon, mag-isa.

Our baby... Ang sarap pakinggan pero alam ko naman nagiging territorial lang siya ngayon dahil nasa tabi ko si Jaypee.

"Yes, the baby is okay, but she has to rest well, and again, remember the breathing technique that I taught you, Lauren; please do it when anxiety attacks."

Iyong breathing technique na tinuro din ng therapist ko kaso mali ang naalala ni Summer. I'm too clouded a while ago to remember either, blinded by anger and panic.

Marahang tinapik ni Jaypee ang balikat ko bago nag paalam na aalis na. Agad ko inayos ang aking sarili ngunit nahinto nang tumunog ang aking cellphone. Si Mommy ang natawag kaya sinagot ko agad.

"Hey Mom, I'm all right and the baby is fine," sabi ko agad bago niya ako sermonan. Bago nila ako iwan ni Daddy mahigpit nila ako binilinan na mag-ingat. Sa tuwing tatawag sila iyon din ang bilin sa akin.

"Hindi kami mapakali ng Dad mo kaya papunta na kami diyan. It's weekend, so we will bring Iona with us."

Sinabi pa ng Mommy na boarding na sila kaya tinapos na ang tawag namin. Mamaya na lang daw kami mag-usap pagdating nila. Saktong na-lowbat ang cellphone pagkatapos ng tawag namin. Dahan-dahan ako bumaba sa kama at madali akong nilapitan ni Ritter.

"I can manage, Ritter. Please, don't come near me," malumanay ko sabi sa kanya.

Ayoko ulit magalit kaya malalim akong huminga. Tiningnan ko ang damit ako nakita ang bakas ng dugo doon. I don't have my cardigan with me since I removed it when I enter the house. Napatingin ako kay Ritter ngunit agad din akong umiwas. I hugged myself and start walking outside the emergency room.

Kailangan ko pa magpunta sa billing area para bayaran ang na-consume ko na serbisyo nitong ospital. Napakalamig naman dito sa ospital. Ngunit unti-unti iyon napalis nang may pumatong na makapal na trench coat sa aking balikat.

"I'll pay the bill. Wait for me on the side." Aalma sana ako ngunit naunahan niya ako agad. "Please, let me do this. You don't need to talk to me regularly if that will give you relief. Just let me make it with you. It won't be easy, but I'll make things work for us. I'm sorry for complaining last night and today. I'm sorry."

Hindi na ako nakapagsalita at hinayaan na lamang si Ritter. Baka pagod lang ako kaya hinayaan ko na lang.

Baka.

IYONG NIRENTAHANG sasakyan agad nina Mommy at Daddy ang nakita ko sa labas ng beach house. Agad ako nag-alis ng seatbelt at marahang bumababa ng taxi na pinara ni Ritter kanina. He paid for the fare again. Hindi ko na siya kinontra dahil ang gusto ko na lang ay magpahinga.

"Lauren! Dad!" sigaw ni Iona na humahangos palabas ng bahay.

Natagalan kami sa billing dahil sa mahabang pila. Maliit na ospital lang kasi iyong bagong pinagta-trabaho-an ni Jaypee na makikita agad paglabas ng Susanah Village. Nakita ko na kinalong ni Ritter si Iona at pinugpog naman ng halik nito ang kanyang mukha.

"What does the doctor say to you?" tanong ni Mommy saka masuyo akong inakbayan.

"I need to rest and be extra careful from now on," tugon ko.

"Did I make a wrong decision of sending him here?" tanong naman ni Daddy sa akin.

"Chris..." May halong pagpapa-alala ang tinig ni Mommy nang tawagin niya ang pangalan ng Daddy. Dad back off easily after Mom warned him. Hindi under si Daddy pero marunong siya makinig saka overprotective lang talaga siya.

"I'm okay, Dad. We're okay," sabi ko saka hinaplos ko ang aking tiyan. "I'll go inside now."

"Lauren, I'll go with you!" Narinig ko na sabi ni Iona saka nagpababa kay Ritter. Sinubukan ni Ritter na pigilan ang anak kaya lang mapilit ito at lumapit pa rin sa akin.

"We'll get your things and head back to our lodging house, Iona," sabi ni Ritter sa anak.

"Can I stay here? I want to stay with Lauren. I am a good girl now."

"She needs to rest, baby."

"I'll take care of her." Tumingala sa akin si Iona at tumingin diretso sa mga mata ko na tila ba nahingi ng sakloko.

Hinawi ko ang buhok niya. I don't know what changed but she's back from being affectionate to me. "She can stay and play with Coleen later," sabi ko saka inaya na si Iona na pumasok sa loob.

Sinamahan kami ni Mommy sa loob habang naiwan sa labas si Daddy at Ritter. Hindi ko alam kung mag-uusap sila pero base sa itsura ni Daddy, disappointed na naman siya. But I know it will pass and all I need now is to rest. Kailangan ko rin huwag masyadong i-stress ang sarili para sa kapakanan ng baby ko.

Mas maging maingat daw dapat ako sabi ni Jaypee. Kailangan ko iyon ulit-ulitin sa sarili ko kung gusto ko talaga na mahawakan ang aking anak.

God gave me this, which I need to love and treasure well.

"YOU KNOW WHAT, LAUREN? When you left, Mama and Daddy had a huge fight. Daddy was shouting and didn't let me go with Mama. He left me with Mama Thali and Papa Chris. Summer drive and fetch me to school every day."

Mahabang kwento ni Iona habang nakain kami kasabay ang mga magulang ko. Napatingin ako kay Mommy agad sunod kay Daddy. Mukhang totoo itong sinasabi ni Iona sa akin dahil parang alam na rin ng mga magulang ko. Hindi lang nila sinasabi para siguro 'di makadulot ng stress sa akin.

"Iona, we should not let Lauren be stressed again. It will be dangerous to your sibling." Paalala ni Mommy kay Iona na mukhang naintindihan naman nito. "Tell us what happened to school earlier. Summer told us you got an A+ in arts."

"Yes, but I left my drawing at home." Lumungkot ang mukha ni Iona. Competitive siya gaya ni Ritter at lagi kailangan may pinakikita na katibayan na nag-excel siya sa school.

"It's okay. We can ask Summer to get it at home. She'll heading here later," sambit ko na nagpabalik ng sigla sa mukha ni Iona. Pinunasan ko ang gilid ng labi niya bago muling nagpatuloy sa pagkain. "Dad..."

"I bought a lot of custard apple. It's on the fridge." Ngumiti ako nang marinig ang sinabi ni Daddy. Tatayo dapat ako ngunit naunahan ako ni Mommy. Tinapik niya ang kamay ko bago tinungo ang refrigerator para kuhain ang atis na binili ni Daddy. "Sa dami naman ng paglilihian mo, yung mahirap hanapin pa."

"Brooklyn found a supplier online." Giit ko kay Daddy.

Hindi ko rin alam bakit atis ang hinahanap-hanap ng panlasa ko samantalang hindi ako marunong kumain noon. Mom placed two pieces of custard apple in front of me which I immediately divided into two. Hinanda din ako ni Mommy ng isang basong vanilla ice cream na may toyo. Binigyan niya rin si Iona na katatapos lang kumain pero ibang flavor naman.

"That supplier called and told us that he run out of stocks. It will take fifteen to thirty days before it arrive from Thailand." Balita ni Daddy pero hindi ako gaano nalungkot dahil tatlong box ang pinadala nila dito. Hindi ko naman siguro mauubos agad-agad o depende dahil matakaw kami ng aking baby.

"Ritter contacted a supplier before he left. Supplier na iyon ng RJM Corporation dahil gumawa na ang kumpanya ng fruit candies." Sabat ni Mommy pero wala pa naman akong na-encounter na atis flavor candy. Kahit nga ice cream wala rin. "Dear, do you want me to re-heat the chicken for your dinner later?"

Umiling ako. "Iba na ang gusto ko, Mommy," nakita ko na nagkatinginan sila ni Daddy bigla. "Don't stretch, you two. I'll text Ritter na lang." Kung kaya ko mag-text para utusan siya. Pagkatapos ng eksena kanina at iyong sa clinic, hindi ko alam paano siya ulit kakausapin na hindi nagagalit. Gusto ko malaman kung parte ba ito ng pagbubuntis ko kaso paano ko malalaman kung wala naman ako matanungan.

"I think he sensed that you need him," ani Daddy. Someone pressed the doorbell and Iona volunteered to get it for us. Sunod kong narinig ay ang sigaw niya na parang tuwang-tuwa na narito si Ritter. "Have you talked to him?"

"Not yet," I said, then scooped a spoonful of ice cream.

"Take your time Lauren. After what happened earlier, he promised not to rush you," Mom said.

Napatingin ako kay Ritter at Iona na pinagsasaluhan nila ang ice cream habang nag-ku-kwentuhan sa living room. They looked promising and somehow I imagined Ritter holding our child. He's sweet, caring and affectionate but one accusation teared us apart. Hindi ko alam paano ang gagawin ngayon na nabalik siya sa akin.

Did he deserve a second chance?

Maybe.

"One thing more, enough with redemption thing, Lauren. You already received the redemption you've been wanting." Lumapit si Mommy sa akin saka masuyo niyang hinaplos ang aking tiyan. "It's here. This baby is your sweet redemption. Hindi mo kailangan maging perpekto lagi, anak. You've been you since you got out of jail, and that's all you need to do - to be you."

Naramdaman ko na ginagap ni Daddy ang aking kamay saka masuyo iyong hinaplos.

"You're still my daughter, perfect or not. And it's fine with me to deal with your weird and hard-to-find cravings. I was not on your Mom's side when she got pregnant with you. You were already four years old when we met."

"So you mean you spoiled me for a reason, Dad?" Tumango si Daddy bilang tugon sa akin.

Solong anak niya ako natural na sundin lahat ng layaw ko pero may mas malalim pa pala na dahilan. Ito rin ang dahilan ni Mommy kaya sabi niya baka pwedeng gawan ng paraan na huwag lumaki na malayo ang anak ko kay Ritter. I'm still mad but I accepted Mom's suggestion before. Hindi ko naman kasi ginawa ito na mag-isa lang kaya kailangan namin mag-coorperate ni Ritter.

With or without a relationship. Will it be worth it to give Ritter a second chance?

"I earned the consequences of spoiling you before. It hurts both of us, but your decision to face your mistakes at some point made us admire you." Paliwanag pa ni Daddy sa akin.

"It hurts him more when you decided to live independently," sabat ni Mommy na dahilan ng paglukot ng mukha ni Daddy.

"Aren't you happy that I know how to live independently?"

"Masaya pero hindi naman natapos ang pagiging tatay ko sayo kahit pinili mo na umalis ng bahay at humanap ng career na 'di affiliated sa negosyo natin," Dad said.

I chuckled.

Masama pa rin loob ni Daddy pero alam ko na kunawariang sumbat lang iyon. Tanggap naman na niya ang desisyon lalo na itong pagbubuntis ko. Wala ako narinig na salita sa kanilang dalawa. Walang paninisi o anuman. Matapos ang confrontation noon sa RJM Corporation, umuwi ako kasama ni Daddy.

Pareho kaming tahimik sa biyahe at nang makarating na sa bahay, niyakap lang ako nang mahigpit ni Daddy. Paulit-ulit niya binulong sa akin na lahat magiging maayos at siya na ang bahala. Even though I didn't let him to make it easier for me and the baby, Dad still exert efforts just to give me a comfy life here at Susanah.

"Thank you, Dad, Mom." Tumayo sila at niyakap ako matapos halikan sa aking noo.