Warnings - none really important
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I was beyond frustrated and I didn't necessarily want to kill Theo for the reasons they thought. I wanted to kill him because I was in the verge of release and he stopped giving me what I needed. I groaned in frustration as me, pansy and Daphne sat down with some other Slytherins. The great hall wasn't ever fully filled during breakfast unless it was an important event that they had to have everyone here. Like the triwixard tournament which is coming in a few weeks actually. Although the realization hit me that my mum and dad's funeral was well tomorrow actually. I hated the idea, I hated having to bury my family the only parents I have before they got to see my graduation.

It brought my mind away from my sexual frustration and over to a gloomy mood about my parents. I knew what killed them well deep down I did, but I couldn't say it out loud. I'd be seen as crazy or people might say the grief got to me and I was going mad about it. I didn't want to be locked away for a reason that wasn't true and far from the truth. At the end of this coming term I was going to be forced back to Washington for summer. Where I'd be forced to spend my time in a small town, no friends that I know well enough. And alone in a room where I didn't want to be in a place surrounded by people I didn't care to know. Don't get me wrong Emily seems sweet, Sam pissed me off same with Paul. Jared has a few good jokes up his sleeve and Embry is way too flirty for my liking.

Always trying to flirt with me, Sam and Emily insisted I learn how to use a what muggles call a cellphone. Which meant I would need to go to a muggle store and buy a phone that I will rarely use and could most likely be a waste of money. Which also with that in mind I have to trade some wizard money for muggle money in order to purchase said phone. I didn't pay attention to the conversations going on around me as I silently ate and when I finished I got up and left. I needed to smoke a cigarette and so I headed with what little time I had before class. I went to the Blake lake which wasn't all that far and if anything if I happened to be a few minutes late to charms class then it won't matter to me. Not much mattered after my parents died or I found out they died I guess.

It's just hard to focus on what mattered before because whatever I thought mattered no longer does. It's hard to say or depict what did or didn't matter and what does or doesn't matter now. One major thing I couldn't get off my mind was him the one person who both hurt me yet drove me so madly in love. I knew I was in love with him, but he did however push me away when I needed him most. I still need him yet Draco was there but I don't feel for Draco what I feel for Theo. I want Theo more than I can handle, his touch, his voice, his fragrance. Fuck all of it was overwhelming to me and the need to have it was so hard to grasp. I was drowning in a deep ocean of emotion where the main feeling was love beyond words.

I was in a pool of my own emotions and as much as I wanted the love to too everything else. It couldn't and definitely wouldn't any time soon, which sucked to think about. I had so much to do, so many responsibilities and so little time to do what I need in order to stay alive and succeed in my life. I needed to announce who I was marrying next year, I needed to go to my parents funeral and watch them be buried separately. I had to stay in Washington every break that came without friends to talk to the ones I care deeply for that is. Stay out of trouble at all costs yet the idea of trouble drags me down a line of needing to do what I was told not to. I have to throw parties, engagement parties and the wedding.

I also needed to find a dress for the wedding, the engagement party, plan everything and find things for the idea I have for said wedding. Graduate from Hogwarts, turn sixteen and get the stupid dark mark. Hope to never see my dead parents who will eventually turn up and haunt me. Make sure I don't fuck up the things I'm responsible for, have kids and more. The world was filled of things that needed to be done and it overwhelmed anyone who had a chance to get overwhelmed. I sighed to myself, put my cigarette out and walked back towards the castle and towards the charms classroom. Merlin knows I'm going to need to be there soon and bloody hell maybe it's best not to go.

I mean I fell suddenly agitated and usually the cigarette helps but this is something else, maybe it's not me. Then it hit me and I ran through the castle looking for the source of my rage. It wasn't entirely or literally at all, my own rage no it was someone else's and I knew just who's it was. The problem was the closer I got to wherever he was the stronger and more painful the emotion became. I didn't know why I could occasionally feel someone's emotions only those closest to me of course. As if time slowed down when I rounded the corner to the scene unfolding before me. Theo was punching someone and they were hurt enough so I rushed to pull him back.