Warnings - underage drug and alcohol use/mention, death, arguments, panic attacks, anxiety, depression, negative thoughts and possibly self harm topic
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The train came to a stop and I knew I'd arrived at the platform before the carriage would take me to the castle. I stepped onto the platform and was greeted by pansy and Draco as they waited with emotionless faces.

"Trinity" Pansy said with a smirk and rushed to hug me

I hugged back but not as fully as I'm sure she would have hoped for. Then I hugged Draco and they walked me towards a carriage that would take us all back to the castle. They informed me that Dumbledore let them leave the castle to gather me and my things so I wasn't alone upon my return. I didn't really listen to the rest of their conversation between them, just a nod and short answer here and there. When we arrived I got out and dug in my robe pocket for a lighter and cigarette. Upon finding it, lighting it and taking a puff pansy looked shocked while Draco simply shook his head is disapproval. Not that I cared about whatever went on inside his head because I didn't not really.

I didn't care about anyone's opinion or feelings as of lately and if I dug too deep personally I doubt I'd care about that either. It was the grief right, it had to be, is this why Theo changed, did I change because of their death. Or was it the reality setting in that they didn't ever show affection to me. They didn't act as though they cared, they are forcing me to become something I'd rather not be. Marry someone that probably rather marry anyone else. Is it the fact they never said goodbye before leaving or never lettered me while I was away for the term. Never did they appear to send me off to Hogwarts or greet me when I arrived home for some reason. Did they love me, or was it all just about power and money.

Thats all it seemed to be about and maybe that's what I was finally realizing. That they might have said they loved me in that final letter but did they really mean it. Was I simply an heiress to their shitty responsibilities and whatever came with it. Was I just a mere child that they had because they had to continue the bloodline for a strong pureblood wizard. Yep that's it right, this has nothing to do with Theo not wanting me or talking even looking at me. It was not grief I felt it was angry and regret for not realizing it all sooner. Because if I payed attention to detail and the words that they spoke towards me. I'd have realized so much sooner that they in fact could care less about me and my feelings or wellbeing.

Before we entered the common room I put the cigarette out considering it was nearly gone now. And went to light another when Draco's hand stopped me and his eyes held a worried look.

"Trinity don't you think you should break and chat with friends first?" He said

"Right, the people who care for me right, the ones who are supposed to be at your side when things like this happen yet not all of them are, why speak to anyone if they'd rather see me fall than see me rise" I snapped

"You can't truly think that he feels that way" Pansy said oddly

"Hah, if you think anything other than what I said they your delusional Pansy, and Draco it doesn't matter when or who I speak to because there isn't a point anymore I have to follow a list of rules and go through life without blinking and simply accept that my entire life has always been planned out for me by people that couldn't possibly care or love me" I said

With that I lit the cigarette, told the entrance the password and walked into the common room. Where everyone was of course, everyone in our friend group I should say. They looked in my direction with wide eyes as I blew our smoke, handed the cigarette to Draco and walked towards my dorm.

"Trinity" Draco hissed but I didn't care to reply or even look at him
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Common room

"Is she alright?" Blaze asked

"What happened to her?" Daphne asked

"Same thing that happened to me when my mum died, she's changing in ways she won't be able to come back from" Theo said

"Oh really and you know who's at fault for that" Draco snapped

"Draco don't" Pansy said pleadingly

"Who huh?, me, oh that's really sweet to say I bet you've been waiting to blame me for something haven't you" Theo snapped

"She said it, she said she's changed because you don't care, you didn't reply to her letter and you abandoned her when she needed everyone you especially the most, she needed you like you needed her when your mother died but your too stubborn and she things pansy lied about your feelings, like it was some joke and she blames herself for their death so deeply she" Draco huffed before he said another word

He wasn't going to finish his sentence not to Theo because he was the only one who knew. So he stormed off to trinitys form to check and make sure she wasn't doing it all over after she promised. But when he tried to enter not only was the door locked but he heard nothing but silence. Meaning one of two things, either she was sleeping or doing what he fears she's doing to herself. All while on the other side of the door, that was not only spelled shut. It was locked with her very own spell as well as jammed closed so it would be even harder to open. She cast a silencing spell as she screamed in anger shattering pictures and throwing books. Storming into the bathroom where she stood and stared at the person staring back at her.