Posted August 16th, 2018

✤ Sanya: 1.8 two can play ✤

Rihaan holds my right hand while his comes to my back. I lift my left hand to his broad shoulder. I don't look up at him as standing right in front of him feels a bit awkward. Minutes ago, I was screaming at him. I was mad at him. Then, I was crying. I said I'd have never imagined. And now, I was the one suggesting a dance?

What was wrong with me? Where did my shy nature disappear off to?

And... did I really tell him I missed him?

With all that talking, I did come to that realization. I was mad, but I was more hurt and I was more hurt because I missed him.

The soft tune of the song fills the room and I let it calm my head, letting all thoughts to disappear and just feel in the moment. And these feelings... they are new and strange and yet welcoming.

I don't know what you can call us. Friends? More? What did he mean when he said what he felt for me was entirely different? Different than what?

It's never been said. It's always been unspoken. Does he even know what I feel for him? I'd convinced myself in these three months that we had nothing and he had no feelings for me but I think that was my anger talking. Now that he is in front of me again... I have no idea.

His hand on my back gently nudges me to sway to the music. Standing so close to him, it's impossible to not inhale the scent of his cologne every time I inhale. It's simply mixed in the air. Rich and entirely addictive.

This is good. A bit intimidating but good. Nervous but in a good way, I think.

Because my eyes keep darting past his shoulder, not knowing how to hold his gaze after my earlier words, I start to feel a bit dizzy. My hand slides down from his shoulder to his upper arm and he takes his cue to stop with the light movements of our feet.

He asks in a soft yet deep whisper, "What's wrong?"

I glance up at him to answer but that slightest movement of my head causes me to wince. My grip on his arm tightens as I use it to support myself and continue standing straight.

"San?" He says my name in confusion and moves back a little to put some space between our bodies so he can properly look at me.

I close my eyes, removing my hand from his arm to press my fingers lightly over my forehead. "I don't think alcohol agrees with my anti-anxiety meds." I answer as the dizziness continues into a blur and a sharp ringing in my ear.

I'd heard it isn't wise to mix alcohol with some drugs but I did not think I would ever need to pay attention since I did not drink. Now, I imagine I am about to pay for its consequences.

I can feel him stiffening as he is still holding my right hand. Concern and worry overtakes his entire being and he starts saying one after another thought, "Shit, I didn't think of that. Should I... I don't know. What should I do? How do you feel?"

First idea in my head: sit. I repeat that to him and he leads me backwards to a chair. It's a bit difficult to think straight. It's only recently that I agreed to take anxiety medication and even I have no idea what to do.

The side effects can't be that instantaneous, right?

He kneels in front of me, hands on my knees to get my attention when I don't answer. "San?"

I open my eyes and raise my brows trying to adjust to the brightness. "Just... drowsy." I manage to answer feeling shortness of breath. It must have affected my blood pressure, causing my heart rate to spike.

With there being no support behind me to rest the back of my head, I lean forward till it rests over his shoulder. His rather large hand rubs my back in a soothing manner. His voice speaks by my ear, "Should I call someone?"

I shake my forehead, "No, I'm fine. I just need..." I inhale sharply and finish the statement with an exhale, "a moment."

He lets me be for a minute or so, still rubbing his hands on my back and arms. I almost do loose myself in the comfort of it all till I can breathe freely and the jitters in my stomach quieten. Then, he breaks the silence to ask, "Want to get some fresh air?"

Reopening my eyes, I lift my head off his shoulder and nod. "Yeah, good idea." We needed to leave the school premises as it was before we would get in trouble.

He helps me get on my own two feet but keeps one arm around me in support just in case my knees feel weak, ready to catch me. I don't know about physically, but I think if my knees were to feel weak, it would probably be because of him and his innocent touches.

As we exit the room and walk down the corridor, I notice how it is quiet. What time is it? How long had we been in the music room? Slowing my pace, I turn to him, "Rihaan?"

He seems to guess what I am thinking somehow and presses a button on his wrist watch for the light to turn on. He reads the time back to me, "11:38."

I am about to react when he turns to his left towards the stairs. "Um, where are you going?"

He extends his hand out, up a few steps already. "Just, come on."

A part of me is concerned that we would be leaving instead of going up but his awaiting hand and hopeful eyes compel me to give in. Lifting my hand, I place I in his. His fingers circle in a firm but gentle grip. As I stand on the same step as his, he picks me up in a swift move.

My hands instantly grip on to his shirt with a gasp, "Rihaan!"

He smiles back at me in assurance, "Relax, I won't drop you."

I look away from his captivating blue eyes, trusting him. "I know," I quietly mumble. That was not why I had gasped. I wasn't worried he would drop me. I was worried what was going through his head.

While being carried up the stairs was making me dizzy again, I closed my eyes. As I felt him walk up another flight of stairs, I opened my eyes to protest, "Rihaan..."

He knew my concern. "Oh, hush. Everyone is already gone. We are not going to get in trouble."

I kept my mouth shut then but I still frowned. I did not much like to break rules. I may have been rebellious earlier in the night, but as Rihaan said. I was acting out of angry impulse. That person is not me.

Walking past the doors of the terrace, he put me down on my feet. "Why are we here?"

"Fresh air, ofcourse." He conveniently answers but my distrust must have been visible on my face. "Just wait."

With that, he sat down on the floor before laying back and folding his hand back to rest his head on. I request at once, "Rihaan, no. Get up. It's dirty."

"It's fine, San." He replies calmly, "Come on, sit."

I shake my head. How can he be careless? "Mom will kill me if I ruined this dress."

He gives me a look of disapproval before leaning up to grab my hand and pull me down. I gasp as my knee buckles and I tower over him with wide eyes. What is the matter with him? I'm wearing a dress. I could have scrapped my knees or something.

He replies as if our current position makes me difference to him. "If she says anything to you, which I know she won't, you can put the blame on me."

I pull back to sit next to him, left with no choice, and swat his shoulder for pulling this move.

With a chuckle, probably since I couldn't have hurt even a fly with that lame force, he advises. "Let loose, San. Look at the view you're sitting under instead of the unclean floor."

I glace up at the clear sky and then follow my gaze back to him. I comment with a slight shake of my head. "Ofcourse. I should have known."

Him and his stars.

For the next few minutes, we stayed silent. I look at him from time to time, but his gaze is fixed far away in the sky. I did not feel right with saying something and disturbing him, not knowing if he was lost in thoughts or trying to locate another one of the constellations.

After a while, he shifted his head sideways to look at me. "Ready?"

"Yeah, let's go." I say thinking he is talking about leaving.

But, as I try to stand up, his fingers envelop around my wrist and shaking his head, he nudges me to rest back instead. Uh... what is he doing? Why can't I say no to him? He begins a countdown, "3... 2... 1."

I wait for something to happen. But, nothing.

"Okay, uh... 3, 2, 1." He does a countdown again with the same result.

I find myself laughing in amusement. "Rihaan, what are you doing?"

He grumbles in a frown, "These people need to hurry up. They are embarrassing me."

"Hurry up with what?" I ask and hear a sound in the sky.

His frown turns into a smile and nods towards it, "That."

I look back to the lights. All different colors. One after another. Fireworks. My eyes remain fixated on them. The view is spectacular. The colors merging into a shade of rainbows. "It's beautiful." I said, breathless. The entire sky seemed to be rejoicing.

That lingering smile on my face falters in nervousness when I feel his breath close to my ear before it is followed by his voice, "Happy birthday, San."

My head snapped towards him at the words. With how much of a roller coaster tonight had been, I'd forgotten. How could I have forgotten my own birthday? That should be... impossible.

I freeze further given his face is right in front of me. His eyes lock directly with mine. My breath hitches and I hold back on exhaling. Feeling conscious at once, I blink away and lean away. With the space, a thought enters my head. "Did... you do this?"

"No. No, I could have paid people to stand in front of the building and light fireworks at midnight, but no."

I look at him with doubt. I can't tell if he is kidding or being sarcastic or failing at being modest.

Chuckling at my confusion, he answers with honesty, "No, San. I didn't do this. You're lucky your birthday fell on Diwali this year."

I exhale in relief that he did not go to extents for me. Most girls would have welcomed a guy pulling such grand gestures - especially if that guy happened to look like Rihaan - but yes, I felt relief. I wouldn't have known how to react if he had done this.

He pulls up on his elbow to look down at me. "Would you have wanted me to do this?"

The question stumps me speechless. "Wh-what?" He did not just ask what he did, did he?

But, instead of repeating, he smiles as if my speechless reaction was answer in itself for him. As he leans in closer, I shut my eyes to push back the anticipation.

*✧✤--------------------------✤✧*

I wake up the next morning with a sore neck and a very dry throat. I am sitting on the floor and my eyes flutter open to find a blazer around my front keeping me warm. Rihaan's head has slipped off to my shoulder. His fingers are intertwined in my right hand fingers and our joined hands rest over my thighs.

Last night comes back to me.

His unexpected arrival. My anger towards him. Drinking alcohol. Getting a detention. Coming to this music room. Those words I could never even form in my own brain as a thought. Things I didn't realize I felt until the words had poured out. The things he said to comfort me. Dancing. Laughing. His face in close proximity to mine that I forgot to breathe...

With my brain and judgement functioning properly now with no side effects of alcohol and anxiety pills, my eyes widen as everything settles in.

The last thing I can recall is we were on the terrace. I'd looked up at him to catch his face so close and... that was it.

Did we kiss?

My eyes widen. Wait. Detention?!

I stand up at once pulling my hand out of his loose hold. His head loses the support and his eyes blink open at the rude wakening. He rubs his eyes and then they glance up at me. "Morning,"

I ignore the husky greeting, the slightly messed up hair and the dazed blue eyes as he is still rubbing sleep away. No, I can't get distracted with his looks right now no matter how attractive he looks first thing in the morning.

I accuse clearing my throat, "You got me a detention!"

"What?" He asks, one leg bending up as he stands up. "Oh. That. Uh, no. I didn't do that. You got that yourself."

I scoff running my fingers through my disheveled hair. "No. It happened because I was mad at you." I take a step to him and push his blazer to his chest. "You're going to be the one explaining this to my dad and why I didn't return home last night."

His hand comes atop mines to hold the blazer, holding my hand there to his chest. I try to ignore how good it feels to have his hand on mines and for mines to rest just off the center of his chest... almost atop his heart where I could feel the faint beats of his heart.

Oh, that rhythm. If I pressed my fingers to his chest just a bit more, I'd be able to feel it properly.

No, no. Stop that! I scold myself and blink away from my hand.

My jaw opens and closes in confusion before opening my mouth again to question, "Wait, why didn't I return home last night?"

I momentarily push aside the fact that while sober, this may be the first time I've spoken in complete sentences without any fumbles or stutters. I don't feel my normal anxiety.

"Um...we fell asleep talking?" He answers but doesn't sound very confident. The last I remember is his face close to mine. That brings me to another mystery – if we kissed. And we were on the terrace. How did we end up in the music room again?

What happened in between? Why do I get the feeling he is lying?

I make the brave announcement I never would have yesterday. "I don't believe you."

He smirks...? Since when does he smirk?

I add a question when I try but can't remember this talking he mentions, "Why can't I remember?"

"Memory lapse," he answers instantly and that makes me think he is more confident of this answer and must be right. "In future, please don't drink if you've taken pills, okay? It scared the hell out of me. You have no idea."

Okay... that may be true. I'll have to look it up if it can impact memory and judgement... because if we were that close and if we ended up kissing the way my mind is forcing me to assume, then that has to be entirely the mixing of alcohol and pills.

I cannot be blamed for my actions.

Almost in a dazed state, I nod in response. It is impossible to sideline the words he says with the way he looks intimately into my eyes. At the same time, I try to command the missing memories of last night to come back to me. "What happened?"

He continues after looking around for a quick second and diverting the topic, "The more important thing is that we get out of here before anyone finds out we were in school the whole night and end up getting another detention." He slips his hands through the sleeves of the blazer and I am left with no choice but to follow as he's right.

I refuse to get another detention. I have a speck clean school record.

Well... at least I did until last night.

*✧✤--------------------------✤✧*

I ring the doorbell while Rihaan pays the cab driver. My mom opens the door and immediately crosses her arms over her chest with a hard expression. "Young lady, do you have any idea what phone call I received last night? And then you don't come home either! We were all waiting up to wish you."

I point at Rihaan who was walking up the driveway, "It's all his fault."

She looks past me to have a look at the person I am talking about. Rihaan looks from my pointed finger to my mother and his carefree attitude fades. "I'm in trouble, aren't I?"

My mom answers sarcastically, "Oh ofcourse not. Can the great Rihaan ever get in trouble? No, we're going to welcome you back with open arms." Then her face turns into a deathly glare as she drops her sarcasm, "Rihaan! You know better than to keep my girl out of the house the entire night."

"Can you atleast pretend to be happy for a second to see me after three whole months and welcome me back before you start scolding me? Because frankly, I already had a lot of that from your daughter last night."

I narrow my eyes at his attempt to charm her while dissing me. "Hey, I did not even begin to scold you last night!"

"What would you know?" He challenges turning to face me. "You were drunk."

"I wasn't drunk!" I defend his exaggeration before desperately explaining to my mom, "Mom, I swear. I wasn't drunk. I just had one drink. Well, two. The first one was by accident. And the second was because I was mad at him. I wasn't..."

My mother chuckles, surprising me enough with her reaction that I stop rambling. "Oh, San. Ofcourse I believe you. If you were drunk, you wouldn't be standing straight right now. I have been drunk enough times myself, you know?"

"You have?" I question in surprise again. I have seen her having a drink at social and business events but I did not know of a time she could have been downright wasted.

"Ofcourse. Just ask your dad." She casually informs and waves us in. "Now, come here. Happy birthday, my baby!"

Smiling, I walk into her welcoming arms for a tight hug. "Thanks, mom."

Parting, she adds, "Go, freshen up. Have breakfast. Then we will discuss this detention."

Damn. I was hoping that with wishing me, she'd forget about that.

"And Rihaan, call your parents! Do you have any idea how worried your dad was on not finding you in that hotel room? You don't just leave a note and decide to fly back overseas by yourself!"

That is news to me. I raise my brows at him but he doesn't look back at me. He simply scratches the back of his head. "Um... yeah. I'll... I'll call them. My phone is dead right now."

"Then charge it and use the landline to call meanwhile." She instructs going to the dining table.

"You...?" I begin to ask him about this but Aarav comes up from behind and pulls his ear.

"Bhai!" He exclaims, fighting the grip.

Aarav leaves him but begins his scolding, "Kid, I know we've said we trust you but you can't be giving us these scares! It takes one second to send a text."

I decide to make my great escape, which isn't great because either I am not stealthy enough or he is sharper. More likely the second option.

"Not so fast, Sanya." With a busted look, I turn back around to face him. "We don't mind you staying out and staying safe but least you can do is inform us. Or is that too much to ask for? I thought you knew better than that."

I feel guilty but somewhere it also makes me smile because this is the first time I am receiving a scolding.

He narrows his eyes, "You're smiling? Mom, she's smiling!"

Mom laughs too from where she is by the dining table, "Aarav, leave your sister alone. Or, do I need to remind you of everything you've done in your teenage days to give us all migraines? Not coming home is nowhere close to the things you've troubled us with."

He frowns at that, but knowingly backs off. Mom nods at me to leave and I can't help but realize how right Rihaan was last night. They aren't stopping me from being myself. I was putting all these restrictions on myself, pressuring myself to be perfect, worrying I will be a disappointment against all their expectations when in reality... I just need to be myself and let everything else fall in place.

For the first time that I can remember, I feel free of all reservations as I run up the stairs to my room. I run into Jhanvi on the way and I pause momentarily to kiss her cheek and greet "Good morning di!"

Her response is lost for words. "Uh... um, good morning?"

I chuckle and kiss the tiny little and cute baby's forehead, "Morning, Princess. I'll talk to you after, okay? Bye."

I faintly hear Jhanvi ask others in the living room, "Did someone hijack her body or something?"

Aarav asks, "Rihaan, you didn't drug her last night, did you?"

I can imagine him rolling his eyes though I do not catch his response as I close the door to my room and open my wardrobe.

It's a new day, people. And, it's my birthday!

*✧✤--------------------------✤✧*

Two days later, it is Monday and I am sitting in detention room, bored to death. I tried sketching for a while, but that only lasts so long. Each teacher had given us assignments to do so our learning would not be hindered but I was least interested in completing them just yet. I still had the rest of the school day to complete them.

The conversation with both my parents about my little show of rebellion was nothing as I had expected. They were the last thing from mad. If anything, they were only trying to understand the reason behind it. So, I did the brave thing and told them what I had come to realize the other night.

This had been my mom's response, "Sweetheart, we'd never want you to be just like us. We don't expect that. You are your own person. As long as you are happy doing what you want, being who you want to be... that's all we ever want."

And my dad had added, "No one is perfect, Sanya. Make as many mistakes as you want - as long as you can come to live with them. Try to be better in the sense that you don't hurt another human being, not that you have to accomplish more than the bar we've set. We were born into this legacy our parents passed down to us but we made our own decision to stick with it. We've never asked you to do that, and it's okay if you want to follow a different path. We've never stopped you from taking painting seriously, have we?"

When I had shaken my head, he'd brought his hand to my cheek, "Then spread your wings and fly, baby girl. Wherever the wind takes you. You'll always find us there proud whenever you look back. And don't let anyone tell you that you can't do something you've set your mind to. You are Sanya Irani. You can achieve anything you wish for."

My mother had concluded, "We made the impossible happen, got the happiness we deserved by finding it in each other. Go get yours, wherever, whatever, whoever," agreeing with my father that had me in tears.

Why did I ever misunderstand they wouldn't understand? Or that they would expect different from me? That they wanted me to be this perfect daughter who couldn't make any mistakes in her life?

But now. They'd explained how making mistakes is how we learn our own lessons and gain experience. Just hearing about their mistakes sometimes isn't enough. Sometimes, you have to repeat the mistakes or make new ones.

Sometimes, you need to do what you really want, not what you think is expected of you, not what you think is the ideal, right thing to do.

And always, you must follow your heart because if it's the heart's desire, how can it ever be wrong?

Always doing the thing that society deems it right as can get so tiring, after all.

"Psht." I look to my right when Rihaan beckons.

He forwards his fist, keeping an eye on the teacher. Doing the same, I forward my palm and he deposits the piece in my hand. A Hershey kisses chocolate in silver wrapping. Any chocolates, I love. Except dark chocolates. I can't handle their bitterness.

Without thinking much of it, I tear open the wrapping and sneakily plop it in my mouth. I pause my chewing when the teacher looks up and lower my head to my book, pretending to do the work assigned. From the corner of my eyes, Rihaan does the same. I have to stifle a smile.

A few seconds later, I lift my gaze and the teacher is back to reading his novel. I lean back in the chair, relaxing, and continue chewing. Later, I mouth a thank you to him and he winks back.

I have to work hard to ensure the flutter in my heart doesn't appear on my face and give it away.

As I fidget about with the crumpled wrapping, I start to question myself. Hershey Kiss. The unknown answer bugs me.

I have to ask him. He remembers. He was in his full senses. But... do I dare?

At the ring of the bell, I am ready to get out of this room for lunch. Only, the teacher is in the mood to be the villain. "You two get to stay here for lunch. No mischief else you can spend tomorrow in here as well." He then gets up and leaves on his own merry break.

I grit my teeth for this is just evil. It's lunch! We should be allowed to leave the classroom.

I slouch in my chair with a frown and Rihaan chuckles. I throw him a glare and that chuckle turns more amused. "Oh San, you couldn't scare a fly."

The glare turns into a frown again and I mutter words under my breath, crossing my arms over my chest. After a few seconds of silence, I announce. "This is torture. Can he keep us in here?"

"Given that he locked the door from outside, I'm gonna say yes." He replies jumping up to sit on the desk behind him and putting his feet on the chair he was just sitting in.

I point out, turning sideway and crossing my legs. "You realize you're going to have to sit in that chair after?"

He smacks his lips, "Nah, there's about 20 more desks in this room."

"Still. It's school property." I grumble, uncrossing my arms and letting them fall on my lap. Some morals don't leave easily.

He jumps down the table and comes to sit in the desk behind me. "Better?"

Smiling, I ask. "So, do you have any other food items or is one chocolate bar the only thing you keep?"

His lips turn up in a smile, "Oh, there's a lot more Kisses where they come from." He forwards his long arm and pulls at his bag from the floor before putting it on top of the desk and taking the whole bag out.

My eyes widen, "You carry around that much sugar?! All your teeth are going to fall off."

He scoffs, putting his hand inside the bag. "Well thank you Ms. Smarty Pants for the science lesson. I'll be sure to only eat one per day. Not like my mother isn't a doctor already."

I swat his hand, "No need to be sassy." I reach for the bag but he moves it out of my reach. "I'm hungry, Rihaan!"

He starts to bargain, "I give you a kiss, what do I get in return?"

His words bug me again. Is he hinting at something here? I try to not pay attention to it, deciding to focus on my grumbling stomach. "What do you want?"

"Hmm," He pretends to think before leaning in, his elbows on the desk. "Oo. There's this place I have been meaning to go to, but I need someone to come with me."

"All that trouble for one kiss? No, thank you." I retreat.

He didn't even say anything specific about the place. I am sure he has plenty friends he can take for company. They'll be all much better company than me anyway.

His shoulders shrug up casually, "Your loss. It's got this amazing view that I figured you'd love to paint... but oh well." He tantalizingly slowly unwraps the cover, "I'm not going to push you if you don't want to."

He had me at amazing view. I snatch the piece off, "Oh, alright. You win."

He comments, "Huh. That was easy."

I speak through mid-chewing, "Only because I am starving."

He shakes his head in playful scolding, "Sanya Irani. You should know better than to talk with food in your mouth. Do you not know how unladylike that is?"

I ball up the wrapping and aim it at his forehead. It bounces back on the desk and he lets out a laugh at my silly retort. After he sobers up and I have gulped down multiple pieces, I express. "Thank you."

"For the kiss? Anytime."

I arch a brow and he mimics my actions in a challenge. That's it. I can't just not ask anymore. "Rihaan, did something happen the other night?"

I can see his fighting a smile, "Do you think something happened?"

"I'm asking you that."

"Should something have happened?"

I groan in frustration. "Stop answering my questions with another question!"

He chuckles, shaking his head and completely changing the topic. "I'll pick you up around 6:30. Now... if you're done gobbling down my kisses..." He reaches for the bag and folds it up before depositing it in his book bag and pulling out his cell.

What the heck?

That is no answer!

"Rihaan!"

So very innocently, he looks up from his cell. "Yes, Sanya?"

Well. Two can play this game. If he isn't going to be willing to fess up, I am not going to show I am desperate for an answer.

I reach for my book and show him the sketch I'd made earlier. "What do you think of this?"

He dubiously raises a brow but when I continue to blink at him innocently, he breathes out and lowers his gaze to the book. I'd drawn turtledoves. Symbol of purity. Love. Friendship. And probably more things that I'm not aware of. Bottom point, I loved drawing them. They were my latest obsession.

He glances back at me in confusion for only a second. It's just a bunch of doodling I had done around the turtledoves. Then he smirks at me, leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest as if to express: Game on.

But, I'm afraid I've already lost the game with his one simple gesture. The sparkle in his eyes only make him look hotter, turning my insides into jelly.

Everything about him, the things he says and doesn't say, turns me crazy.

*✧✤--------------------------✤✧*

| Author Note |

Alrighty, peeps. A super long (~5400) chapter! Trying to make up for how slow the updates have been since past few months due to my travels. I had imagined we would we well into their lives as adults by end of this month when I had originally shared this, but...!

QOTC: What do you think, did they kiss? :P Thoughts on La & Sam's advice? And would you like to see more of those two as parents?

Update schedule from next week (till I need to change it in future): Tuesdays & Fridays.