Posted October 5th, 2018

✤ Rihaan: 1.17 dance for me ✤

I drop Kriana on the bed and breathe out in exhaustion. She'd created quite a ruckus in getting back. First, she got pissed at Trisha for something that must have happened during the game they were playing. Then she'd stormed into the kitchen and gulped down almost three cups of the spiked drink just after I had managed to give Sanya that bracelet.

I didn't even have the chance to tell Sanya why I'd picked this bracelet and neither did she have a chance to say anything in return.

I had no idea what she thought of it. I hoped she liked it. I just wanted her to have something harmless to hold on to and perhaps find that sense of belief that even if I wasn't physically present by her side, I was always in her corner. That she was always in my thoughts.

Back to Kriana, after those drinks, she went crazy on the dance floor that I had to drag her back before she'd get into a cat fight with Trisha. I really don't understand what their deal is, but I plan on asking her tomorrow.

Ofcourse, the drinking didn't end at the three cups. It continued the rest of the night till we managed to drag her out so we could return.

"She's going to regret this tomorrow," I speak as Sanya works on removing her shoes before pushing her legs under the covers and puling the blanket over her.

Sanya offers "I think she'll be more embarrassed."

There is that. More than the hangover, Kriana is going to be embarrassed over behaving like that with Girish there to witness it.

Turning off the lights, we leave the room. "Obviously, your first party experience sucked." I murmur because even if we had one small moment, the rest of it with Kriana was a havoc. She is not usually like this so I imagine something big must have happened in that game of dares they were playing.

Sanya shrugs her shoulders as she opens the door to her room and steps in. "I've heard enough tales, so it could've been worse."

"I know a way to make it a bit better." I follow her inside and the first thing she does is sit on the bed and start to take off her wedges.

Though she survived the night without a scratch, I want her night to end on a good note. She had taken a step to put herself in a social situation. Least I could do was let it be a somewhat memorable experience that would put her off from trying something as such again.

I pull out my cell phone and lowering the volume so it doesn't disturb everyone sleeping, I play a song. She looks up hearing it and walking up to her, I hold out my hand.

She tries to deny, "It's fine, Rihaan, really. You don't have to. You already stayed by me the whole time."

I don't retrieve my hand. Getting the message that I was not going to back down, she sighs. Slipping her hand in my palm, she stands up. With the wedges gone, my height is just a bit taller than hers. I lightly throw my phone on the bed before leading her hand to my shoulder and getting in the basic stance while tugging her a step closer.

"I don't understand how females keep up with heels."

"Shh," I scold her swaying from left to right.

She may be trying to not behave awkwardly and so tries to start a conversation to make this seem normal. But I just want to feel the music and her close to me - two things that mean the world to me: music and her.

After the long night, I just want some peaceful moments. She seems to understand that as she lets out another sigh, probably tired but still putting through with a dance for me.

I don't know where we are heading. There had been so many things I had made up my mind to tell her when I returned. With everything that's been going on the last few weeks, it just doesn't seem right to bring it up.

All the verbal bullying at school, the emotional exhaustion from her grandfather's death, the mental stress from exams – I don't think even she realizes the toll it is taking on her. She smiles lesser these days. She says the bullying doesn't bother her, but the days following my return, she had been open. Carefree. If she would just compare that behavior to her behavior now, she'd understand that instead of progress, she was returning to her cage. She was doubting herself again. She was letting unimportant things get to her.

Just this evening was an example. Nidhi's words which triggered her worries. I think I did do my best to put them to rest but that brings a concern for me... till how long will she believe it? I have a feeling that something mundane could happen and her thoughts of self-doubt would get heavy on her once again.

It's like she knows. She recognizes that it is self-destructive, but she doesn't know how to stop it. I don't know either, except to just be there. Be strong. Convince her otherwise each time.

But that question I asked her earlier about honest communication. How can I get her to do that?

She exhales again and I blink down at her, out of my thoughts, when she rests her head on my chest. I know she is tired and so perhaps, she doesn't think of her actions too much.

I stop myself not wanting to overexert her energy. As if thankful, she stops swaying from one foot to next as well. "Thank you." She answers. Maybe for understanding that she is tired. Maybe for giving her this dance - a soft moment to counteract the hectic part of the party and the toll it must have taken on her from spending the entire night in a social setting. Maybe for both. I won't know.

As the song comes to an end, she starts to pull back. I don't stop her. The tiredness reflects on her face. My fingers trail her hair from her forehead to behind her ear. Gazing into her eyes, I finally give her the answer I know she's been wanting for a while now. "Our last dance, San, nothing happened."

"Why?"

She's asking why I lead her to believe we did kiss, but instead, I admit other things as I drop my hand to my side. "That night was very emotional for you and it wouldn't have been right taking advantage of that."

Her tone is confused, "That wasn't what I was asking."

"I know," I nod towards the bed to ask if we can sit and talk. She abides, and I continue after we're seated. "San, I'm really very sorry for hurting you. I never wanted to be the reason you get hurt. We... we've grown up together. I could always tell what you wanted without you having to say it. I don't know how I didn't see this wasn't what you'd want."

"Rihaan, it's okay." She cuts my apology short, "It's in the past and forgotten. Stop apologizing. You've said it plenty times."

She'd said some time ago that she wouldn't lie to me and so I believe that. I don't have to look at her this time to know she means it. She's not one to hold grudges. It doesn't lessen my guilt, however.

I drop back with a sigh staring up at the ceiling. I find myself surprising on finding the glowing planets I had got for her glued to the ceiling. It brings a smile on my face. "You kept them."

While rubbing her right eye as if feeling an itch, she turns to me to see what I am talking about. Her eyes follow mines to the ceiling. "Oh, that. Yeah."

A sense of satisfaction fills my heart. Even during the time when she was mad at me, she kept that.

She adds in a dazed tone as if she doesn't mean to but her thoughts express themselves on their own. "At night, they shine for me."

Damn. The simplest things she says which yet steal my heart away. She has to know... I only have two known weaknesses. Stars, and her. And when she says things like this... well, it's just proof of how by the day, I continue falling deeper and deeper in love.

I lift my hand to her wrist and stop her from rubbing her eyes, "Stop, you're smudging your eyeliner."

But the instant I say it, I feel like hitting myself. After what she just said, this is what my brain chooses to comment on? I couldn't come back with a sweet response or something?

She gasps and turns away from me to look at herself in the mirror. Her face cringes in result, "Oh, I look horrible."

I chuckle and correct her, "No, you look adorable."

She rolls her eyes in disbelief, "Don't lie. I know how I look."

Shaking my head, I sit up. "Not lying. And as far as I am concerned, my thoughts are only ones that matter."

She raises a brow in offense, not truly capturing the intent of my words. "Excuse me?"

Oh, so innocent she could be sometimes. Overreading in scenarios that are not important but the words that matter, she doesn't grasp.

I move my head closer and she leans back with a strain, resting her weight on one wrist behind her. Her brows knit together, the gap between them decreasing as she holds in a breath as I invade her personal space just a little.

She opens her mouth, no doubt to say my name and ask me what I am up to, but I beat her to it by breaking down my words for her to catch my true meaning. "Look at yourself through my eyes, San. And you'll know I am not lying. Then, no other opinion will matter."

Her lips part and if I have been paying attention, I think she unconsciously does that every time I say or do something unexpected. It's her small reaction to being surprised. I wait for her response. This time, I really want to know her reaction.

My gaze travels to her throat as she swallows before dragging up to her eyes again. But, she is no longer looking at me. She shuffles back to put some distance between us. Her weight leaves the bed afterwards as she stands up. "I... um, change. Yeah."

Before I can even blink, she rushes off to her attached washroom and closes the door.

Shaking my head, I smile to myself. I wanted her to say something... acknowledge my words, but even this is interesting. This doesn't seem to be her anxiety or nervousness. No. Well, it could be nervousness in the sense that she didn't know what to do - but it was more so because no one would have said something to her directly in this manner.

And that rattled her enough to run away.

My back drops to the mattress again with an exhale. Folding an arm under my head as a pillow, I gaze at the ceiling again.

I should leave for my room, but I get lost in my thoughts of how to tell her just what she means to me.

I don't think I have the words to describe it myself.

Minutes after, she returns with her make-up all washed out and changed in her overused night tee and PJs. She crosses her arms over her chest and clears her throat as an indication. Now, much more composed.

"Yeah, yeah." I mutter as I push myself up on my feet. "'Night," I say on reaching her and placing a chaste kiss on her temple.

I can feel her freeze for a second, just like earlier in the night when without a second thought, I had let my head drop on her shoulder.

I couldn't believe I did that too but too late to take it back now.

I look into her eyes to see if she would say anything. Maybe, scold me for doing this. Think it was inappropriate, perhaps. That I crossed a line in our friendship I shouldn't have. But, she just stands there. 

She blinks in confusion and maybe a bit startled as well. But she doesn't scold me. Not a single feature gives me a hint of her anger or anything as such. 

Maybe, she is still processing what just happened. And, I take that as a good sign. A sign that though surprised, it wasn't an unwelcomed gesture.

*✧✤--------------------------✤✧*

Kriana lazily walks down the stairs close to lunchtime, hushing people on the way. She nudges Sanya and sits in between the two of us. Taking my hand, she puts it on her head after resting it just over my knees.

When did I become the person she comes to for a massage whenever she wakes up hung over?

Since everyone is around, I don't ask her what made her drink so much last night but I'm sure even she knows the question was inevitable. Minutes later, Khushi yells, "Lunch is ready!"

I know it's on purpose as she didn't need to yell. The house was already quiet – rare, but it happens. Kriana groans in pain and sits up, "Mami, please."

Khushi nags, "Should have thought of that before getting drunk. Do you realize you lot are too young to be damaging your liver already?"

"This is the first time I've been hungover this year," she mentions in her own defense.

Khushi still shakes her head in disapproval. "Now come and eat."

I remind mom as I approach the table, "Mom, you have to sign my field trip form."

"Didn't I tell you to leave the form on my study table last night?"

"I did. I'm pretty sure you were too busy making up lost time with Dad to remember." I tease her filling up my plate.

Though, I should know better than to tease her. She is my mother. She has years of experience. She doesn't get teased easily. She simply answers, "Oh, well. I'll do it today. Where are they taking you this year?"

"It's some villages in Kullu."

I hadn't paid attention to the names. Just that we were going up North and I loved visiting places with snow. Given both mom and dad were from Shimla, I'd spent a good chunk of winters there visiting my grandparents and each visit held a beautiful memory.

"Are you both going too?" Aarav asks looking at the girls.

Kriana answers grumpily, "Yeah, I have to go. Coach is making it out to be this lame team-building exercise. Can't even enjoy a fieldtrip without him making it into something."

We have sympathy for her, but it's still funny. She scowls when we all don't even hold the decency to hide our laughs.

When eyes turn to Sanya, she nods in agreement as well. Though surprised, I feel proud of her for once not running away from a situation and looking for escape right away. Surely, it wasn't compulsory to go so she could have said no.

The fact that she says the opposite makes me happy.

I know already... I am going to be looking forward to this trip.

Anjali makes a note, "Well then, we'll have to shop for some warm clothes for you three."

"Leave me out of it." I express at once snapping out of my thoughts, "Mom, get whatever you want to get for me."

There is no way I will allow myself to be dragged on a shopping trip. I hate going from one shop to another and then also having to try on the clothes. Mom knows my size. It's much hassle free to just let her do the shopping for me.

Thank fully, she is not one of those mothers who doesn't buy their kids fashionable clothes or even gets certain clothes just to embarrass their children. In fact, given there are three fashion designers in this house, we never have to worry about wearing clothes that aren't up to the latest trends.

*✧✤--------------------------✤✧*

Reaching the parking lot after school, I look around for the driver since the car is not parked in the usual spot where he'll wait for me. I notice a familiar car, dad's. I have to look closer to realize it is dad leaning back against the car donning one of his disguise to hide from the public.

Amused, I walk over and announce, "You look ridiculous."

He frowns leaning off the car to open the door for himself, "Just get in."

Laughing, I open my own door and sit inside. As we're putting on seatbelts, I ask. "How come you are picking me up today?"

"Riddhima decided to take the driver for shopping as she didn't want to deal with having to find parking." He informs as he turns the key to run the engine.

I assume the rest. Ofcourse, when shopping, there is no set time limit. She is not back yet. Still, I pick out another underlying reason and to push him to admit it, I point out. "Could have just texted me to catch a ride with Sanya or Kriana."

He comments, diverting. "Hey, I am not so useless that I can't even pick up my only son from school."

Well. I realize, this is dad. He masters the art of deflecting topics when he does not want to admit something. Chucking the sly tactic, I put it bluntly for him - even if his comment of wanting to pick me up from school may hold some truth, I know it's not the real reason. "Dad, you know what your problem is? You are bored with your life right now."

He scoffs, "Psh. I'm not bored. I chose to take this break."

I pay no attention to him as I continue, "You feel as if you have already achieved all you could. You are already at the top in the industry and you are looking for what else can be above that. And you think trying to be a better father will make that feeling go away, but let me tell you. It's not going to work because you're already an awesome dad."

He grumbles under his breath, "What's your expert opinion on my life, then?"

"What you need is a new challenge."

He laughs, for that much even he has deduced himself. "No kidding. Any real solutions you have for me, or are you going to reiterate what I already know?"

I roll my eyes, scolding him. "Patience, Mr. Gupta. Atleast let me finish before jumping to conclusions." He raises a curious brow in my direction. "And eyes on the road, mister."

"Rihaan!" He says my name in irritation knowing I am purposely delaying. I laugh before taking pity on him and giving him an idea of exactly what he needs to do. Sometimes, it happens that when you are too close to the problem, you can't take a step back to look for a solution outside the box. But those close to you can clearly see the answer and spell it out for you.

At the end, he muses. "You're a genius!"

I bob my head to the side accepting the compliment, "I know."

"I can't believe you're my son."

"Well... if you have doubts, you'd have to talk to mom about that." He throws me a dirty glare for my insinuations. I apologize though unable to wipe the smile off my face knowing something amazing is going to happen in his life soon. "Sorry, the opportunity was too good to pass up."

"You're lucky Basket wasn't around to hear it." He comments, "else she'd have definitely grounded you this time and you could have had to say goodbye to your little school trip."

*✧✤--------------------------✤✧*

Next weekend rolls by again, and Sanya is locked up in her room since morning. We all understand she's in a mood to paint again. Lavanya tells Kriana, "Kri, go call Sanya for lunch."

Kriana denies at once, "Oh no. I tried to call her for breakfast. She kicked me out of the room." She knows better than to disturb Sanya again. When she is in this mood, she really doesn't like disturbance.

"Give me her plate," I say and Lavanya flashes me a grateful smile. They're all scared to bother her but I guess she's always kept a safe passage for me to slip inside and reach her when in those moods to lose herself to her colors. Besides, bringing food to her. It's something I keep doing for her normally too, isn't it?

I take it up to her room and without knocking, quietly enter. I already knew she'd have her headphones in. One of these days, I am going to find out what kind of music she keeps listening to. She doesn't let anyone touch her electronics.

For a second, I just watch her serenely painting. Her hair is twirled and pinned up with a brush sticking out. It's like she is anti-clips. Whenever they are up, it's either a brush or a pencil. There are dried paint spots on her shoulder and elbow. Luckily, the rest of her is spot-free due to her apron that covers both her top and shorts.

It would be futile to call her. She wouldn't be able to hear me. So, I tap her shoulder. Startled, she jumps around. I gape as the paint splatters over my face and shirt from the small bottle in her hand. She frowns in a whine, "My paint!"

"Exactly, your paint all over my face and shirt!"

She glances up at that to notice my state. Instead of apologizing, she scolds. "You should know better than to sneak up on me like that when I'm painting."

"Sanya, this shirt of mine is ruined."

"It's just a shirt." She mutters and turns around to place the empty bottle with the other half-filled ones. "Now I can't finish this until I go buy more of this color."

I see a piece of cloth hanging over her desk. Reaching it, I grab it. "So, this is just a scarf, right?" I mock her earlier words.

Hearing it, she turns on her heels, eyes wide. "Rihaan, don't," She warns even as I bring it closer to my face. She starts walking closer, index finger pointed at me with a scared glare in her eyes. "I'm warning you, Rihaan."

She gasps as without a care, I bring it to almost touch my cheek. She takes an end and tries to snatch it out and continues to scold, "What is wrong with you? This is a vintage, Gucci, scarf! You do not ruin a vintage!"

I tug at it and it pulls her towards me as well, "Your scarf means something but my shirt doesn't?"

It's when her eyes finally travel to the particular shirt I am wearing. It's not because of the brand that I am making a fuss, and her widening eyes is an indication that her brain has caught up to reality, She says in a regretful voice, "This was your birthday gift from your nani."

I am possessive over all of my gifts from people I care about, and I think everyone who knows me knows that.

Her eyes lock with mines in a sincere apology, "I'm so sorry."

I let her scarf go because I've already made my point. I nod towards the tray I'd placed on her desk, "Your lunch." I turn to leave when her soft fingers circle my wrist.

Oh, the feeling that shoots straight to my heart.

She walks around to stand in front of me. "I have to go change," I say trying to pull my hand out of her hold so I can leave. I'm upset and I'd rather not say anything hurtful to her.

She remains adamant and surprises me when she moves her scarf up to my cheek. My head leans back to stop it from touching the splashes on my cheek, brows narrowing. "What are you doing?"

She leaves my hand and lifts it to the back of my head, pulling it back. Her gaze shifts from my eyes to my cheek as she cleans it up for me.

Why is she doing this? Just seconds ago, she was warning me not to ruin her scarf and now she was doing it herself.

Her gaze doesn't falter from the task at hand - cleaning my skin off her colors. But mines keep searching her face for something. But, all I see is the tranquility. Her sweetness. Her fingers come to my chin to tilt my head so she can reach my neck. Her innocent touch and the dabs at my skin sends me away in a world of my own where I keep admiring her.

Those high cheekbones. A loose strand of curl falling at the side of her face, tucked behind her ear but the end of it brushing over her shoulder as if playing a game with her skin. The smooth, creamy complexion of her clear skin. Her off-shoulder loose top which has old paint marks on it as if she has worn this a few times before while painting as well.

When she'd gotten off as much as she could, she takes a step back and holds out her palm. "Your shirt."

"What?" I ask as her words are yet to fit together in my brain. I am still reeling from the fact that she was the one to approach me and did not care about her scarf anymore to ruin it.

"Your shirt," She points towards it with her eyes and her hands mimic 'give it here' motion. "I can try to get the paint out."

I don't want her to feel this bad. At the end, it was an accident. "It's okay. I'll give it to mom."

She objects, "She must be having lunch. Don't bother her, it's better to get it out right away." She unties her apron from around her neck and back before hanging it in its place on the wall. "Ab do bhi." (Translation: Now give it already)

I pull it over my head and hand it over. Taking it, she walks into her washroom. "Thanks," I say following her.

"Are you going to stand over my head?" She questions since I stand by the doorway as she scrapes off the wet paint before wetting a towel to dampen the drier spots.

I walk further inside. Her eyes shift towards my feet as her head is still lowered before she goes back to focus on the job at hand. Placing my hand on her hip, I nudge her to the side so I can stand in front of the sink and wash off my face properly.

She inhales sharply when her shoulder brushes my bare chest in the process.

I raise a brow at her in question.

She immediately shakes her head and looks back to the shirt thinking I didn't catch her reaction.

But, oh, I did.

She was trying so hard to not react since I took off my shirt but I see it. Seeing me half naked does have an effect on her.

*✧✤--------------------------✤✧*

| Author Note |

QOTC: Favorite scene of the book so far? Speculations on what might happen on this trip? ;) 

PS: For those who haven't already, chec out Jar of Hearts! It's a dialogue book on Arshiya & updates are daily! I think you won't regret reding it <3