I woke up wanting to kiss you, dreaming that you wanted the same.

"Am... Hey?"

Darcy marched right pass me and I blinked a few times as my mind tried to understand what was going on.

"Carol told me you were home alone and that I should keep you company... So, here I am." She smiled as she sat down in the spot I just vacated and placed her snacks with mine.

Shaking my head, I joined her and pressed play and we both sat back, ate and watched on in silence. My phone vibrated and I looked down to see Ryder's name blinking up at me. I rolled my eyes and placed the phone on silent. I was in no mood to deal with him.

I wasn't mad anymore, I just couldn't face him at the moment.

"Are you still mad at him?" Darcy asked and I rolled my eyes.

"You are quite the inquisitor aren't you?"

"What? I'm sitting very close to you and your phone is the only thing in my direct view."

"Well maybe you should train your eyes or something."

"You are so weird."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are!"

"No I'm not."

"Oh my gosh, you're childish."

"No I'm not."

I watched as Darcy rolled her eyes and I bit in my laugh.

"How did this guy put up with you for so long?"

"Apparently my vagina was worth the wait."

Darcy rolled her eyes before giggling and I couldn't help but smile.

"So, how's things at home?"

"Oh right, you don't know. I moved out from my parents about a month ago so I'm less depressed than usual and my job keeps me occupied."

"Oh, good for you. No one should ever have to deal with people like them and I'm glad you finally left."

"Yea."

She braced her head against the couch and I knew her mood had changed. I never really understood what happened between her and her family but Carrie told me enough to know that her parents were worse than aunt Rosa.

"What's it like having to deal with people who don't appreciate your lifestyle?"

"It pains. The people who've loved you your entire life has now turned their backs on you and you feel like you've been kicked out into a cold, dark, gloomy night."

I watched as her expression turned so dark and I could see the hurt and disappointment on her face even though she was trying to make it into a joke.

"Maybe they'll change?"

"People like them never change. They stick to traditions and they have this weird state of mind."

"Meaning?"

"They think everything wrong in this world is white people's fault, that black people shouldn't continue to let them run their lives and how we're supposed to be the stronger race and blah, blah, blah."

"That's a load of bull."

"Yeah but it did sting when my mom and dad both walked in on me and my white friend."

"Oh my."

"I was banned from having any friends and sent to Markstown to have these 'evil' ways removed from me."

"And how did they do that exactly?"

Darcy looked over at me and shook her head before leaning close and whispering. "You don't want to know."

"So how come it didn't work?"

"It did, for a while... But then I met Carol and well, the feelings came back. When my parents sent for me I pretended that I was 'cured' but a friend of mine from college took me to this really high class party and well, after that amazing night I couldn't hide it any longer. Being a lesbian is the best thing about me and I couldn't be with people who made me feel less about myself for being that person."

I watched as she smiled at nothing, obviously thinking about all her gay interactions and I was suddenly intrigued.

"What's it like?" I asked softly and she turned her head to face me.

"What's what like?"

"Being a lesbian?"

"It's like being straight... But with a girl."

I giggled at her summary and tried to imagine it but I came up empty. I just couldn't understand how a girl could make a girl feel all the ways a guy could. By just kissing me, Ryder was able to make my downstairs wet and I just didn't think a girl could do that.

"Whatcha thinking about?"

"I'm wondering what it feels like to be you or Carrie. You guys make being in love seem so right and beautiful when I'm around you yet I just don't understand how."

"Everyone falls in love, feels love and expresses it in their own way but that doesn't mean that we all don't feel the same love."

"I know it's just-"

My mind went blank and my heart raced as Darcy's face was suddenly too close to mine and I felt our lips connect. I blinked back in surprise and before I even had a chance to pull away the door flew open and the lights were switched on.

I pushed away from Darcy as confused as ever and looked up to find an equally confused mother.

"Tell me you're not gay too." Were the first words out her mouth and I just sat there as I tried to wrap my head around the fact that Darcy just kissed me.

I fleetingly saw Darcy walk past me and out the door but I couldn't hear a thing nor did I want too.

"Jane!" My mother said sternly and my wide eyes snapped up to hers.

"Tell me you're not into girls!"

"I-I..." My mind went blank and I felt extremely weird and I had no idea why, after all, it was just a kiss.

"You what?"

I looked up at my mom and shook my head as I tried to mentally and physically clear it.

"Jane!"

I looked up to her and yet my mouth refused to spring forth words. I watched as she sat near me and I wanted to tell her the couch was tainted but even that didn't jug my voice.

"Look dear." She began as she snuggled in better. "I know you feel confused living in a house full of lesbians and I love Carol."

She placed her hand to her heart and smiled as she tried to convince me of that.

"After all, she is my brother's only child... But... This lifestyle isn't right and it's not for you."

I looked up at my mother as her words slowly started to register.

"You might think what you're feeling now is amazing but it's only because it's foreign and you've never experienced it before."

She took both my hands in hers and rubbed them gently.

"We both know how you love a good challenge. You're smart, talented and you think you have a point to prove to your father but-"

"That man has nothing to do with this." I snapped, surprised that my voice finally came back. Before I could explain to her what happened, she continued.

"Look, it doesn't matter what or why this side of you were triggered but... Maybe if you moved back home, you wouldn't feel it anymore." She said softly and smiled.

I snatched my hands from her and stood up.

"I'm not gay mom! And even if I was, it's none of your damn business. How dare you walk in here being all judgmental when I caught you having some weird, twisted sex with your boss! Especially after what happened with that ass who calls himself my father. Does pain turn you on?"

"Jane!"

"Get out!" I sneered and watched as my mom's shocked eyes turned hard.

"I am your mother-"

"And you are a disrespectful, horrible human being. Now please leave."

"I'm only trying to save you from going down the worst path you could ever choose."

"Leave." I said between gritted teeth.

My mom watched me before shaking her head and stormed out. I walked behind her and slammed the door. Ensuring it was locked I slid to the floor as my emotions were overwhelming.

What is my life?