I'm lost, just seeking to be found.

There was soft music from the 60's playing in the background and I literally had to will myself to calm down as I looked into the face of my once, favorite aunt. Even though she looked like the same loving, adorable, motherly person that I've grown to love I couldn't stop my brain from going back to all the times I watched my cousin literally break down from the pain of losing a mother's love.

"Hi." I said shyly.

Aunt Rosa's face literally transformed into the biggest smile I've ever seen before I was engulfed into a hug. My nose was assaulted by the jasmine perfume she always wore and I wanted to wrap my hands around her and return her hug. She pulled away before I had an internal conflict and I forced a smile as she collected both presents and handed them to some random person who just happened to walk by.

"Come on in, come on in. Your mother just arrived. I'm so happy you're here."

I was being dragged into the crowd of people before I could protest and soon I was being passed around like a fat piece of cake as family members embraced me. People who I haven't seen in years and ones who I've never seen all hugged me and said how I've grown and I just smiled awkwardly as I tried not to say something rude.

When the excitement finally died down most of the crowd went to their seats and the others paired off to gossip about nonsense. I quickly made my way to the kitchen to grab something to drink before escaping back to my car and I hunted the fridge until I found a can beer.

"Drinking already?"

I spun around to see Uncle Austin and my face instantly morphed into a smile before I was in his warm embrace.

"Hi." I almost screamed and I heard his faint laugh as we pulled apart.

"Funny seeing you here. I thought you were antisocial."

"I am but Carrie made me bring her gift since she's up in the country being all naturely."

Uncle Austin laughed at my scrunched up face before grabbing a can of beer and swallowing it all in one go.

"How's she doing? I haven't heard from her in a while."

"She's fine, she's with Veronica so... Yea."

"Ah."

We were interrupted by the loud cheers coming from the open door as none other than my mother stepped in.

"There you are-" she began but stopped when she noticed that her brother wasn't alone. "Janey, what are you doing here?"

"I'm family remember." I deadpan before heading towards the exit. I think I've overstayed my welcome.

"Now wait a minute. I don't get why you're always so cold hearted with me but I'm your mother and this nonsense has got to stop." My mother says as she blocks my path.

"I'm leaving." I reply, not making eye contact.

"To go to that girlfriend of yours?"

My eyes snap up to my mother's and I could see the hatred that completely radiated from her body. Her voice was loud and her words precise and I watched as my uncle straightened up from the corner of my eyes.

"Justine." He warns and I feel my anger rising.

"Excuse me?" I grit out as I'm afraid what I truly want to say might slip.

"You heard me! Just because you see other people doing it doesn't make it right. I love my brother and I love my niece but what's wrong is wrong and I'm putting my foot down."

"Justine!" Uncle Austin shouts and finally my mother turns to look at him.

"What? You know as much as I how wrong this is! If you don't want them to burn-"

"That's enough!"

The gruff and loud tone of my uncle caused me to jump and so did my mother. She turned a shocked face to her twin brother and I watched as he stormed out before my mother was going after him.

My insides felt like they were tightening and I wanted to escape this dreadful place but as if on cue, my Aunt Rosa walked in and was ushering me to the main gathering as people got ready to give toasts, sing songs and do whatever other nonsense that people did at birthday parties.

Sometime during my two hours I had gotten drinks after drinks from my male cousins and by now I was completely drunk. The party had been moved to the back yard and I was now noticing how brightly lit the place was and how it had so many chairs and tables littered all around. I saw some of my family and friends of the family dancing and singing to some more upbeat songs than what was originally playing and I grabbed some more alcohol before going to sit at the furthest back.

My head was slowly starting to nod and the visions before me was starting to double as my phone vibrated. I quickly grabbed it and wasn't even aware that it was upside down as I started shouting.

"Hello! Hello!"

The phone continued to belt out the lyrics of one of my favorite songs and I shook my head as I tried to focus. I finally figured out how to answer just before the last ring and I heard the voice of my cousin on the other end.

"How was it?" Were the first words out her mouth and I smiled to myself for no reason at all.

"It's awful." I slurred as I finished my last cup of alcohol.

"Are you drunk?"

"Yup, and sad to say I'm still here!"

I threw my hands up in the air as I screamed the last part and my phone dropped in the process. I tried to grab it and I ended up flat on my face. I groaned out in pain and I rolled my eyes in hope of seeing clearly. I finally saw my phone and I yelped with joy as I picked it up.

"Hello? Hello?" I screamed and I heard a muffled response. "Hola!" I continued when I still couldn't understand what Carrie was saying.

A while later I finally realized the phone was the wrong way but by that time she had already hung up. The phone beeped in my hands and I tried to focus on the message but all I could make out was that it was from Carrie.

"Sweetheart? What ya doing down there?"

I looked up to see the double head of my mother's best friend and I giggled as I remembered the last time I saw her.

"Hi you." I slurred and when I blinked I was already being pulled to a standing position before being placed in my seat.

"I never pegged you as someone who didn't know how to hold her liquor." She said as she sat near me.

"I never pegged you as someone who wore bright orange. Damn that shit's blinding."

"Glad to know you have a drunk sense of humor."

"I'm not tryna be funny. It's hideous."

"Okay, enough about me."

"But why? You're interesting."

"Why don't we go find your mom okay? See if she can't take you home."

She was about to stand and I drunkenly grabbed her hand forcing her back down. Shaking my head vigorously she stared at me as she waited for my explanation.

"No, she hates me."

Laughing she responded. "No she doesn't. Mothers can never hate their kids."

"Yes they can." I slurred before taking a hand through my now messy hair. "Just look at Aunt Rosa, she hates her kid."

"And why's that?"

"Cause she likes cats and not dogs."

"What?"

"You know; vajaja? Carpet munching?" She still continued to stare at me confused and I rolled my eyes as I leaned forward. "Lesbian. we're all just a bunch of carpet munching lesbians."

I giggled when I saw her disgusted look and couldn't help but smile as she snatched her hand away from me. Before I could give a witty comment I heard someone speak.

"Jane. A word."

My head snapped towards my Aunt and I almost died when I saw the gross look on her face. Suddenly, I didn't feel so drunk.