Hello dear readers before you start reading I would like to say that I am not a professional psychiatrist. So, if their is mistake, I am sorry beforehand. And this might be a weird and fast paced chapter but this is required so bear with it. In this chapter Cassandra will talk about her emotions. All of a sudden if you see change in Cassandra that will leave a huge plot hole so. So, beware of it..

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Day I

"What are you here for? To stare at me?" Ronald asked her.

"I am sorry" Cassandra looked down, closing her eyes.

"For what?" Ronald will not give her an easy escape now she needs to know what she did and how grave it was.

"That.. I.." She gulped down a lump formed in her throat.

"That I tried to kill myself" she said at last.

He stared at her, not answering or saying anything.

"I was so invested in my sorrow that I did not notice all the people who were or are there for me. I decided that way out thinking it will end with me" Cassandra opened her eyes. He can see her glossy eyes.

"Why?" He asked nothingless. Cassandra sighed.

"You know already," she said.

"I don't" the soft smile returned on his face as she threw him a glare.

"I met my mother" Cassandra sighed again.

"She came to me for what I am not sure till now. I can't differentiate what was true or lie"

"And I got to know that I killed my baby. I .. I .. I purposely jumped in front of Austin's car" She said a tear fell from her.

"I killed my own child not only because I don't have a name. I don't have any existence. It was overwhelming at that time. And I was too broken to handle that and I did it" Cassandra said it at last. After thinking how to say what to say this was easier and after what she went through it's not as painful as it was before.

"I am glad that you said that. I was testing if you really come here on your own and I am glad you did. Let's work together" Ronald smiled at her. She blinked her eyes, staring at him.

"Thank you Ernest" She said at last.

"Well our session ends here. Friday at the same time. And I will not prescribe any anti depressant nor will you take any sleeping pills" Ronald said. She nodded her head..there schedule was 2 days a week. Monday and Friday.

Coltrane was waiting for her in the reception.

"How did it go?" He asked.
She blinked her eyes still in trance. She doesn't know how it was. It finished in a blink of any eyes. She feels a bit lighter other than that nothing changes.

"I don't know," Cassandra answered him.

"Don't worry slowly everything will turn back" Coltrane words sound assuring for once.

Day II

Here she is again standing in front of Ronald Ernest this time he was smiling.

"You told me something first that caught my eyes," he said.

"She came to me for what I am not sure till now. I can't differentiate what was true or lie"

"Exactly what do these words mean?" She stared at him in shock.
Before gaining back her thoughts.

"I told you already," she said.

"Well if you will be a sweetheart and elaborate that will be fine?" Cassandra throws him a glare before her eyes soften.

"That day..." she took a deep breath.

"When she came to see me. There were tears in her eyes. Was it all a lie?" She asked.

"She told me that I am a burden" Cassandra chuckled painfully.

"What am I thinking?"

"She tried to kill you. So, that must be a lie" Ronald said.

"I know but the letter I ... I .. just.." she cannot complete that sentence anymore.

"If you want to belief that was not a lie than do it"

"Sometimes escaping reality can be a good medicine. What she did was in the past. And now that she is in the afterlife. So, believe what you want. Believe in what will give you happiness" Ronald said. She nodded her head.

"She.. she tried to kill me. I am expected to hate her"

"Do you?" Ronald asked. Cassandra was silent.

"Sometimes letting go is better than holding on to that" Ronald.

"I know I just.. I feel like it was my fault" Cassandra looked down as a tear rolled down her chin.

"Why do you feel like that?"

"Because everything happened because of me. If I was not born she would not have to suffer neither father nor my grandparents. Sometimes I feel like I am a culprit" Cassandra said.

"Was coming into this world your decision?" Ronald asked her.

"What are you saying? off course not" She gasped at his question.

"Then how could any of this be your fault?" Ronald asked her.

"Feeling guilt for that is your fault. Making yourself suffer for that is your fault. Hurting yourself for that is your fault. But something that was not in your control neither decided by you can never be your fault" Cassandra stared at Ronald as he said that even with that imprintation of a smile. His words pierced her.

"If you want to be sorry then be sorry to yourself. Apologize and tell yourself that you will be your first priority" Ronald said with a smile.

"Can I do that?" She asked.

"You can"

After that they talked about various things, most of the time it was basic and then a bit different.

Day III

It's been their third session. Cassandra was as relaxed as she could be. These days she tries to think about her before anything. It was difficult and only two days went by since then.

"So, are you doing what I asked you off?" Ronald asked with a smile.

"I tried to treat myself better but it is quite difficult and I am used to hating myself" she said as a tear rolled down her eyes.

"I did not notice how bad I was that I can't even make myself happy. I noticed that I stopped smiling genuinely. I tried to let you know I tried to smile at myself but it was horrible. I forced it like I always do. I.. I... I .." She sobbed. Ronald stared at her for a while.

"Why don't you treat yourself with something you love?"

"I forget what I love? You know I forget what dreams or expectations I ever had from this life. I can't seem to find anything and as the days went by I think I can never find anything anymore" she closed her eyes.

"You told me once that you wanted to be an interior designer," Ronald said.

"Did I now? I don't know what I was thinking at that time" she laughed softly.

"Why didn you try taking a few classes if it doesn't give a spark then quit it" She stared at him for quite a time.

"I don't have money" She smiled painfully.

"I am living off of Coltrane. I could not afford College fees" Ronald smiled.

"We can see through that if you are interested. He said smiling.

"I don't know," Cassandra shook her head. And again after some serious talk they went to discuss their daily life.

She noticed that Ronald never stuck to anything dark for more than necessary.

Day IV

"I heard that you took up some online classes," Ronald asked. Cassandra looked up, "Yes I did"

"How is it going?" He asked.

"Fine I guess" She said nonchalantly.

"It's a free course and they said if I like it then I can apply" She said. Ronald gave her a nod.

"So how did you treat yourself?"

"I don't know. Most of the time I stare at the mirror and my face remains blank. You know I stopped trying to force a smile. I decided that I will wait till I can just smile carefree," she said.

"That's a very good decision if I say so myself" Ronald gives her a thumbs up. Her face relaxed even though she did not smile she was letting her emotions to surface and that's enough for now.

It's been almost 2 weeks since she started seeing Ronald. Their words were always around her. How is she doing?

"So I was wondering something," Ronald said, his face passive.

"What?" she asked.

"Are you still hearing those voices?" He asked.

"Sometimes I do" she smiled painfully.

"But now it's settled as I stopped myself from over thinking and degrading myself" she looked down.

" You know from childhood I am so used to getting hurt that I started to feel it's normal. A part of my life. I still feel that way even when I tried to stop that. But those thought that I will get hurt or someone close to me hurt me again. I know I am being paranoid but those voices were reassuring because they never let me forget that I am supposed to get hurt every once in a while. For that I don't want that voice to fade away" Cassandra said.

"People will hurt you, that does not mean you deserve to. Love yourself love yourself enough so that when someone hurts you. You should be there to hold yourself and be your own support system" Ronald words were easy to understand but a bit difficult to apply.

"How?" She asked.

"That something you need to figure out yourself, Cassandra. Be selfish if you need to be but find your happiness" He smiled.

"My happiness??" Her thoughts wandered to a certain someone before she shook her head. Coming back to reality. They talked more about this before the session ended.

Day V

Cassandra walked into his chamber. This is weird the more she comes the more comfortable it becomes. She always thought Ronald was intolerable but now she was having good conversation without the urge to throw his words back at him.

"How was your day?" He asked.

"It's just started" Cassandra rolled her eyes at his stupid question.

"Hahaha right" Ronald laughed a bit then he noticed that she was being sarcastic whether she noticed or not that's another question. But this was the first time since they started their session and it's been over two week.

"So did you find something that gives you happiness?" He asked casually jumping from one topic to another.

"I like spending time with Cameron" she said that's the truth.

"Who is Cameron?" Ronald knows very well who Cameron is but she needs to answer to that. He wants to know her opinion.

"My.. my brother" Ronald relaxed and smiled at her answer. That's a positive sign. That means she doesn't mind anything related to her mother.

"How are your classes going?" He asked.

"It's good but I still don't remember Why I wanted to study interior designing. It seems those memories of me wanting to become an interior designer were all false" she sighed closing her eyes.

"Then why don't you try something else" Ronald suggested but she was not sure if she wanted to change her choice. Nothing seems to interest her and if she continues like this nothing good will come out of it. So, she decided to continue as it is.

"What makes you relax?" Ronald asked. Her brow folds in a frown.

"I like cooking, it makes me relax for a while," she said after giving it a decent amount of thought.

"Then why don't you try taking cooking classes" He asked.

"No, I don't feel like it. I just enjoy cooking leisurely" Ronald nodded his head.

"So, tell me Cassandra what are your thoughts for the future?" He asked.

"Future? Do I have one?" She asked herself but that's a stupid question now that she is alive, it's inevitable that she need to think about her future.

Ronald heard her question quite clearly.

"Is there anyone or anything you want in your future?" Ronald asked.

"I don't know," Cassandra shook her head. Thinking about the future was absurd in her life. Now he is asking her what she exactly wants in her life. She didn't know as pathetic as it makes her sound, that's how she is.

"Why don't you answer me in the next session?" He asked, smiling softly. To which she just nodded her head. Not that she could say anything even if he insisted on continuing with this topic.

They again talked casually about everything.

Day VI

"Good morning Cassandra," Ronald said, smiling brightly. She glared at him in disgust. If he is in a good mood then he will definitely destroy her mood.

"Why don't you greet me on a good morning?" He asked pouting.

"Seeing your face first thing in the morning can never be good, Ernest" Cassandra said rolling her eyes.

"So did you think about what you expect from the future?" He asked cheerfully, almost ignoring her words.

"I think about it but I am not coming up with anything" she sighed.

"Then why don't you write down a list?" She stared at him, her eyebrows raised up.

"It's not like I have lots of things to do. It's just that I don't have anything to do that's the problem, Ernest" she said.

"Okay then let's focus on the present right now" He said. She closed her eyes. That's not a bad idea.

Again they talked about various things but she still avoided a topic and he noticed it. But they don't have time to discuss it and he has a very good idea what she will do in the next session if he asks her.

The session was cut short due to an emergency situation.

"I am sorry but I will extend next session" Ronald said before hurrying out. She just stared at the door before going back.

Day VII

"You know there is something I am wandering about. It's been three weeks since we started our session but not once you talked about Coltrane. Why?" Cassandra stared at him, shocked at his sudden question. She never thought that he would be this straight forward about it.

"I don't feel like it," she shook her head.

"You do know that I am his Counselor too. Right?" He asked.

"So, what are you going to give up patient confidential information?" She asked.

"No, I just want to hear your opinion," he said. She closed her eyes before replying.

"What do you want to do in your future? What are you going to do about Coltrane and your marriage?" She stared at his question. Ronald was Coltrane's counselor too so he knew what was going on. And the fact that her happiness is related to this. Wasn't he the one who suggested that you be selfish?

"I don't know" she looked away.

"Why? Do you want to see someone else before deciding?" Cassandra's eyes widened; she never thought about it this way. Did she really want to see someone other than who? The moment this thought arrived she felt guilty even thinking about someone her heart hurt.

"Will you try dating me then?" Ronald asked, her eyes widened.

"What? I.. I can't" she shakes her head.

"Why can't you?" Ronald asked.

She looked down, " I can't"

"Why? I get that you can't but why?" She stayed silent.

"Is it because you love him?" Ronald smiled.

"I... I do" she looked then.

"Then what will you do?"

"I don't know," Cassandra said.

"Will you give him a chance?"

"I can't" Cassandra closed his eyes.

"Why?" He pushed her again.

"Because I can't forget. I can't I just can't"

"Then why? Why did you forgive him?" He asked. She stared at him.

"You know" she whispered.

"Yes I do to some extent I guess"

Cassandra closed her eyes that day clashed in front of her, " because he was hurt I can't see him in pain"

"Then why can't you be with him?" He asked again. Ronald wanted her to admit because she seems different from the first time she came here. After all this is a joint session. Someone is listening in on them.

"Why can't you give him a chance when you can forgive him just because he was hurt. That's not true Cassandra even if that's how you see it" Ronald shook his head.

"Because he gets hurt when you reject him too. Than why not give him a chance just like you forgive him"

"I can't forget. How many times do you want me to repeat?" A tear rolled down her eyes.

"Then why did you forgive him?" Ronald asked her again.

"I can't.." she trailed off.

"You are playing with his emotions. Cassandra " he said.

"How could I play with his emotions?" She choked on her words as another tear slipped from her eyes.

"Then why did you forgive him if you can't forget?"

"You are just playing with his emotions. You might want to make him feel unwanted just like how he did. But the question is, Are you doing it consciously?" He asked.

"That's not true," she said.

"That is" Ronald just stared at her. Her eyes hurt , that's mean she is doing it unconsciously which is good because he will say something cruel.

"You are not the Cassandra I was once fascinated with or should I say I admired. You might have been cold, cruel , not kind at all and hold grudges but you were always true to your emotions"

"Because the Cassandra I know would hold grudges and make him pay for what he did? She would not serve him what he wanted on the platter. She would have told him that she does not trust him at all to give him another chance and if he wants that then he needs to earn it. You don't seem like Cassandra anymore"

Her heartbeat increased, "You are more like that Catherine that Coltrane mentioned when he talked about his past" there he said it.

Cassandra's widened tears filled her eyes, "how could you say that?"

"That's the truth Cassandra because the Cassandra I knew would never have forgiven her mother for trying to take her life neither did Coltrane after what he did? Or are you more like her than you realize?" Ronald asked her at last.

"I am not," she yelled.

"Were you just doing everything to pretend that you are not Catherine? Only to lose yourself in that process" He asked.

"I.. I am not" tears filled her eyes again.

"Cassandra I know my words are hurting you but ask yourself. Don't pretend to be someone else just because that seems more easy. Hurt him and make him pay. Make him burn in the same fire he burned you"

"I can't. I can't, I can't do that. I love him. I love him enough to give up my existence. I am not pretending Ronald, I I..." she sobbed.

"I was pretending before that Cassandra was someone I wanted to be. So, that I won't get hurt I won't be mistaken for Catherine because I was horrified at how much our character resembled. And when I let Coltrane use me as her it broke me. I was broken, I was hurt beyond repair. I thought if I can be like that I can stop myself from loving him. I can stop myself if my mother ever comes to ask for forgiveness. If my father ever accepts me. I was trying to no, I was struggling to..." she closed her eyes sobbing. When a hand wrapped around her pulling her closer to him. She gasped and her eyes opened to look at Coltrane?

"I love you. The woman I fell for from the very beginning was you and no one else. The one I replaced was you by her, not the other way around. Because of me, I confused her with you and everything went down the hill. I am sorry" his arm tightened around her.

"Ronald," Cassandra said, surprised. He was nowhere to be seen.

"That day in that white dress it was you. The woman I fall for. I will work hard enough to earn your trust, will you let me?" He asked.

"I might not be the most loving or gentle person around, but will you give me a chance just to gain your trust. I promise you I will do anything"

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Here it is at last,

What will be Cassandra's reply? I know this is a boring chapter as the only thing that happened is conversation between Cassandra and Ronald. And their session.

This is an important chapter even if it's boring.

Thank you for reading.

According to the vote the baby was suppose to be a girl but the voting is still on if any wanted to for than do so.

Boy or Girl?