This chapter is almost 4k. Thank you for waiting dear readers.

Merry Christmas to all of my dear readers.

P.S. I will suggest you to wait till 26th December and enjoy today. I don't want you to read this and become sad on a auspicious day.

*********

Catherine wakes up as she falls asleep while talking to Coltrane. Jeremy was sitting beside her, Austin and Coltrane was standing staring at each other coldy. She slowly sat up sensing the tension.

"Are you hungry?" She shakes her head.

"Do you want to eat something?" 

"No I am fine. How is she?" Catherine asked. Jeremy flinched.

"Not right" his words shocked her. 

"Why? What happened?" She was ready to rush to her room.

"Stay away from her, Catherine," Jeremy said, sighing and rubbing his head. Emotional breakdown and trauma are the last thing he wanted her to go through.

"As much as help she needs. We will be there so stay away from her for the baby" Jeremy held her hand.

"No. Something is not right" Catherine struggled with his hand and he let her go.

"You are right" she stopped.

"What?" 

Jeremy sighed should he tell her what he saw just now. Everything seems messed up. Cassandra was not in her right mind the last time they saw her. Jeremy opened his mouth to say.

"Tell me exactly what's going on?" Coltrane asked Austin at last.

"Can't you see what's happening?" Austin snapped, mocking him. 

"I need to know," Coltrane said.

"What are you going to do?" Austin stared at him.

"Anything," his voice determined.

He sighed, "This has happened before. The first time she tried to kill herself. The first time when we met it was through an accident she jumped in front of my car."

" When she woke up at first it had a deep impact. She was silent and confused but later as the time went on. Her reaction started to become self harming, anxiety and emotional break down" Austin rubbed his forehead.

"She used to scream and mumble. It's got worse. We need to tie her and make sure she does not hurt herself" 

"How did she recover?" Coltrane asked slowly as Catherine slowly understood what was going on exactly. She looked at Jeremy who nodded giving a confirmation.

"I don't know if you have noticed or not but sometimes she behaves differently. As if she cut herself off of the world" 

"There is a reason for that," Austin sighed.

"She was severely depressed and taking non-prescribed antidepressant pills has side effects," Austin said.

"We tested her blood and we got to know her. She is having hallucinations. The voice she hears is a part of her unconscious mind" Austin sighed. It takes time to figure it out. "As long as she is under sedative it will happen again but the most problematic thing is to keep her anxiety and break down in check."

"She stopped taking medications ...." Austin look at Coltrane mockingly when he said that. Coltrane closed his eyes realizing something.

"This whole time she was servely  depressed" He painfully whispered to everyone in the room.

"She kept it under wrap perfectly fine. Right?" Austin asked, closing his eyes painfully.

SHOCK

Everyone in the room looked shocked.

"I forced her to see Ernest but she refused to talk. She will just sit there and stare at him. He tried every method but Cassandra sit their silently" 

"But that break one day and she cried.Do you know what breaks her silent shell?" Austin asked, looking at Coltrane.

"That was your name. I still remember it was on the t.v. Coltrane Flynn Mayor the heir of Mayor Empire will be taking reign as a trainee under his father's direction. It was on news"

"Flynn" her eyes widened as tears filled her eyes. Six months the wall she built around her break as she cried.

"I am sorry"

"I am sorry"

"I am so sorry" 

"She repeatedly whispered'' I am sorry ''at first I thought it was about the baby which might be yours but later on I don't know what she was sorry about. But it was a great news for us as we started the therapy. She was unwilling at first but later on she comply" Coltrane looked down; he knows why she was sorry? It was his fault.

"As she progresses It was almost 2 years. We opened a cafe together. She was slowly letting go of the past and calming down. It took time and a lot of process but she was standing again. But Cassandra stopped her therapy half way through and turned her back" 

"I don't know why she stopped but she did. Ernest prescribed her anxiety pills and sleeping pills for emergencies. But we never knew she was taking those antidepressant pills not before that incident happened when she overdosed herself. That's when I realized she was going through depression again '' Austin sighed a headache built up. Now that he was here everything he did was for naught.

"How can we help her?" Jeremy asked.

"That's not the point Jeremy, the actual question is will she let her get help?" Austin asked. They stopped talking.

"And once she knows the truth. I don't think that will happen" it was true that they don't know how she will react, but lying about that.

"Are you suggesting we should lie to her?" Jeremy asked this is not an option he wanted to take himself.

"I don't know," Austin said, her mother is in confinement. The police will need a statement to convict her for her crimes. She will know now or later does it matter.

"If she accepts the treatment, what do we need to do?" Coltrane asked, staring at him. Austin looked at his determined face.

"We will restart her treatment this time carefully to build her self esteem. Fighting depression is not easy, it will take time and patience" Austin said. The more time he stands here the more dreadful it becomes.

Coltrane did not say anything after hearing that. He silently went inside her room and took a seat. She was sleeping peacefully. It's not that he did not know something was wrong with her. She is just good at hiding. 

*************

Cassandra slowly opened her eyes, blinking back the last bit of tiredness. She sighed as her eyes slowly adjusted to the dim light. She looked at her hand but it was not bound. She slowly sat up. She clearly remembers what she did. Those voices will live through that again. 

No she needs to stop herself from going on that part. Controlling her emotions is the best way. If she could keep a tight lead on her emotions and thoughts. She can at least pretend that she is fine. 

Fake it to make it. 

Cassandra looked down, pretending to be fine for who? It's not like they did not see her pathetic self. They all pity her except for Austin. 

She never needed their pity. She was doing just fine without that. She bit her lips as tears filled her eyes. She tightly closed her eyes to stop those tears. 

Is your life worth living for? 

Those words again. It's like she was back in the past where she fought with her own consciousness. 

Why are you alive? 

She stayed silent as much as she wanted to scream and yell for those voices to stop it will not. 

I don't know..Cassandra just replied to that voice. Is she going mad already? Talking to herself. 

But those voices stopped monetarily once she replied to their questions. 

She again opened her eyes to see Coltrane sitting on the chair sleeping. What is he doing here? Cassandra sighed looking out it's almost night time. She slowly walked up to him. 

She looked down at him sleeping peacefully. 

He doesn't even love you. Why do you care? 

'It's not like I can choose who I fall in love with' 

She slowly tapped his shoulder. Coltrane blinked his eyes looking up. 

"Go home and take rest " Cassandra said those words coldly before walking away back to her bed. 

Coltrane sat there dumbfounded. She was acting normally. The drastic change in her behavior shocked him. He has no idea she is having an internal war with herself to keep her emotions in check. She did not want to have another break down in front of him or anyone as a matter of fact. She doesn't want their pity. And it's not like she has not pretended to be okay before and it always worked. 

"I was waiting for you to wake up," Coltrane said. She looked at him. 

"I need to tell you something," Cassandra gulped down . She trembles as she holds on to her sanity. 

"What is it?" She keeps her voice clear and calm. 

"Your mother..." Coltrane sighed. What is it about her mother? He thought about it and decided. Isn't it better she knows about that? Lying and hiding things always comes with more lying and hiding until it becomes unbearable. 

"She tried to..." he trailed off rubbing his head. Even though the words are at the top of his tongue. He stared at her. She did not give any sign. 

"She tried to kill you" at last he ended that sentence. Cassandra stared at him. He looked at her trying to comprehend her expression but nothing her face was as blank as white paper. She played with her finger a little but other than that her facial expression remained the same. 

Pathetic... 

Your own mother not only abandoned you but she tried to kill you too. 

She blinked her eyes. 

Her throat dried off and words vanished. Even when she opened her mouth to say something nothing came out. 

"I.... I am sorry" Coltrane said. 

Her lips tremble and she stares somewhere. 

Her inner turmoil increases as she feels herself shaking. Bile rose up and Cassandra rushed to the attached bathroom emptying her stomach. Her face paled even more. 

When she slowly stands up walking out of the bathroom only to collide with Coltrane. 

He wrapped his arm around her. She froze after a while and she realized what was happening. 

Cassandra pushed him, "let me go" and his arms tighten around her. 

"I said let me go" 

"Stop pitting me" she screamed, pushing him. 

"Stop, pitting me" she yelled. 

"Please..." her voice breaks. 

"Please stop pitting me" 

"I.. I don't need your pity" her voice tremble she choked up. He felt his eyes burn as she begged him not to pity her. 

"I am not pitting you" his words did not reach her. The more time Coltrane spent with her the more he realized how broken she is. For him, Cassandra was always that strong woman who will fight. Someone who is always there when he needs her but now that she is in this state he doesn't know what to do?

Cassandra pushed him away with all her might. 

"Don't you have something you want to say?" Coltrane asked, she looked at him and her eyes widened. Tears filled her eyes but she held back not. 

"I am fine" he knows she is lying. He looked down for a while. 

They stayed silent for a while till she asked, "Can you tell me why she did what she did?" Her voice was soft. Coltrane closed his eyes. And tell her everything. 

Hurt...

That's what she felt hearing his words. Her face remains blank as she listens. This was not the first time someone betrayed her. The example was standing right in front of her. 

"I want to see her," Cassandra told him. He stared at her in shock. 

"Now??" Coltrane thought she would never want to see her again. She was not stable a few hours ago. 

"Take me to her. Can you?" Cassandra asked. It's almost 6 o'clock. 

"I can but not now" Coltrane refused. 

"Please" She requested him. He felt choked up at her please..

"Why don't we go tomorrow morning?" He asked. Coltrane looked down and her expression hurt him with those dejected eyes.

"Okay, get dressed" Coltrane told her. 

"I don't have any" he pointed at the bag which she did not notice before. He left her there and bought the medicine needed for her treatment which was prescribed.

*************

The cold air of the night calmed her. Cassandra reached the police station. She knows what she needs to do? She herself did not have a mother. She cannot sign that fate to someone else.

She looked at the woman who was supposed to be her mother. 

"What do you want?" Cassandra snapped looking at her daughter. She does not even bother hiding her distaste towards her. 

"Aren't you happy that I am behind the bars?" She smiled at her mother. 

"I am" Cassandra smirked. 

"You bitch, I should not have given birth to you" her mother's bitter words make it even more real. 

"You really should not have" she said. 

"Are you here to laugh at me?" Cassandra asked, glaring at her with hatred. Cassy looked at her. If only she could do that. 

"I wish I could," Cassandra shook her head. 

"I am here to give you what belongs to you" She said. 

"Your properties and life" her mother looked at her shocked. 

"I will withdraw the case. You have a son ... who you need to take care of. " Cassandra told her. Coltrane who was standing there looked at her shocked as well as Cassandra. 

"If only you have come to me and asked for the properties. I would have given it to you after all it was never mine" She stood up after telling her that. 

"Get out of the town and live a happy life with your son" she walked out. 

"Cassandra?" Coltrane called. She stopped and looked at him. 

"Yes?" Her voice was clear and cold not an ounce of emotion he pulled her in for a hug holding her closer. 

"Stay away from me, Coltrane," she told him coldly, pushing him away. 

"I don't see any reason for you to hang out around me" Cassandra said staring at him blankly. 

"I have enough of this pity party. You have work and you have your own life. How much time are you going to waste on me?" She asked. 

"I never think of this as a time waste," Coltrane said. 

"Don't worry I know I have a duty to be her replacement and I will be. So you can go away. I will be at your house after they discharge me" her words came out as a whisper. Coltrane wanted to defend himself but she does not seem like someone who will listen to him not now at least.

She walked off, "I want to be alone" 

He stopped as much as he wanted to follow her, he knows she needs a break. But against his better judgment he followed her. 

***********

Cassandra walked out of the jail going to the nearest park. It's night no one is there to see her. She let her tears fall as she sobbed heavily. She bent down hugging her to provide warmth.

She broke down at last. Everything around her shattered. She knows there is no way she can be her former self. The last bit of her break. She does not have any hope left in her life. 

Your own mother regret giving birth to you

"I know. I always know" she answered, choking and shaking. 

Her conscience reminds her bitterly. 

Is your life worth living? 

"No it is not.I know very well how worthless my life is" 

"I don't know how much I am going to last? I can't take it anymore. All I ever wanted from my mother is to tell me she loves me. Was I being selfish?" Cassandra cried out loud waiting to hear anything. 

Then why are you breathing? 

"No you are not" she looked up. Coltrane kneel down. 

"Am I not worthy of being loved?" She asked him. He hugged her. 

"No" his eyes misted. 

"Then will you love me?" Cassandra asked. His hand slid down her shoulder. He pushed her away at his arm length. 

"I promise" she choked. 

"I promise I will be Catherine," his eyes widened. 

"I promise I will be her replacement for the rest of my life" She looked at him desperately. His voice closed off. 

"I... I will be like her kind, helping and gentle" Cassandra said as a tear trailed down. He let go of her choke on his breath. 

"Will you?" She asked pleasingly. 

"I don't want to be Cassandra anymore"

"I am tired" 

"I can't pretend I am Cassandra anymore" 

"You are not Catherine" she looked down chuckling at him. Even when she begged him to love her, he would not. She gives up her last bit of self respect only to be told the brutal truth. 

She grabbed his face pressing her lips against his. 

"Let's have sex" Coltrane pushed her away. 

"Are you out of your mind?" He snapped back his voice tremble. 

"You can call me, Catherine," She told him. He was taken back as the bitter reality set in. 

"No" Coltrane refused strongly. 

Standing up, "Why?" She asked him and hugged him tightly. 

"We are not going to do something like that" Coltrane refused shaking his head. 

"Why is it okay for you to use me but when I need you? You are never there" She yelled. 

"Cassandra" he sighed. It's not like he did not want to touch her but the fact what she has gone through last time. He did not want to add on to that. 

"You will regret it" Coltrane pulled her up. She refused. 

"I don't have anything left to regret" her words where blank but his heart throbbed with pain 

"No," he glared at her. 

She looked down tears and brimmed her eyes," Why?" 

"I want to forget everything for now, Why can't you grant me that?" Her words shake. He gulped down painfully. 

"That's not the way to forget anything it will just hurt you" he kneel down almost begging her to stop this. 

"Does it actually matter? Me getting hurt" she stared at him, he flinched. 

"Please don't do this to yourself," he said at last. 

"I will find someone else. It's fine, you don't have to regret" Cassandra slowly stood up dusting herself. He stood up grabbing her hand before she could walk away. 

"Where the fuck do you think you are doing?" He pulled her closer, her hand behind her back. 

"I don't care, Coltrane. I don't care what happens to me anymore" her words were cold. She looked at him with those chilling eyes which told him that she had given up on everything. 

Coltrane closed his eyes painfully, putting his forehead against her. His lips crash down on her in a soft gentle kiss. She froze her experience in kisses are horrible and painful. It always leads to her lips bleeding. 

His mouth slowly moved against her. She felt weird as his tongue invaded her mouth caressing her tongue. 

He was soft and gentle, he pulled back. She takes a deep breath, her legs stagger. 

Coltrane pulled her up in a bridal style before walking back to his car, setting her down. She did not protest. 

Coltrane takes the driving seat and glances at her. She was looking out with a faraway look. It was her first time to get a proper kiss that does not involve hatred, anger and pain. She choked as everything happened. This only proved how worthless she was, he never kissed her like this before. 

How she begged him, filled her with shame? What shamed her more was his rejection? She would have accepted that as a fate that in order to live a normal life she needs to be Catherine but he snatched that away too. 

Cassandra cannot look at him in his eyes anymore. She has given up her self esteem too. It's not like she has any to begin with. 

"Can you drop me off at the cafe?" She asked. He was waiting for her to say something or anything. 

"No," his voice remained cold. She closed her eyes. 

Those voices stopped. Was giving up on herself the answer? 

"Get down" his voice brought her back to reality and she did without any questions.

Cassandra walked inside, going straight to the room where she thought to end all her pain.

"Where are you going?" Coltrane stopped her. 

"I want to sleep," she said coldly.

"Not there, " Coltrane said before, holding her hand and pulling her through the corridor to his room.

He made her sit on his bed. He walked out to get the medicine he kept in his car. He went to his room and was horrified not to see her there. He rushed to her room. She was sitting on the bed with a bottle of pills.

"Cassandra?" Coltrane yelled, snatching the bottle of medicine. He looked down at the board letters.

Antidepressants 

"Look at me" Cassandra refused. He pulled her up.

"I said look at me, damn it" she struggled. 

"Let me go '' her voice trembled. He gritted his teeth painfully. He dragged her as her struggle increased. 

"What are you doing?" She asked. 

He threw her on his bed. This was the second time since their disastrous marriage. He pushed her down on the bed looming over her. She still did not look at him. 

"Be her replacement and stay by my side" Coltrane said those same words which always hurt her. But this time it pierced him. 

Coltrane kissed her neck slowly, opening her top, but he stopped as a tear rolled down from his eyes. He buried his face on her shoulder. He could not do this. 

She remained blank as she looked at him, not understanding his behavior at all. Shouldn't he be happy? 

"I love you" his words spilled. 

"Hm, I know" Cassandra answered non coherently. 

"I love you," he pressed a kiss on her shoulder. 

Coltrane hovered over her, asking her to be Catherine and hurt him. He does not want her to be Catherine. What he did in the past was horrible? He does not get to keep her while she kills the last bit of herself. She does not deserve that. 

"As Cassandra not Catherine" 

*************

So here it is,edited and raw version.

Thank you for reading dear readers. I know I said I will update after 20 December but I cannot because I don't have any net connections. I am under curfew areas. Though my net connection is back and working again. Thank you dear God.

And I am really sorry that I have not replied to any of your comments even though I love hearing from you. It exhilarating to see my story from someone else point of view. I don't have any internet connection for a while.

How will Cassandra react to this?

Do share your thoughts and comment. I will update as first as I can.

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This is is irrelevant to the story. You can read if you want to or skip it....

I know some of you are disappointed in which direction this story is going but I cannot help it. Not now at least.

So there is something I wanted to share, initially in this chapter they where suppose to know Cassandra's odd behavior. Which happened during the first few chapters where she was cut off from the world.

She was suppose to be a patient of Borderline Personality Disorder.

Those who don't know what BPD is. It is almost like Dissociative Identity Disorder more generally knows as Multiple Personality Disorder but in this case the patient does not have multiple personality though. This happened due to childhood trauma usually. Impulsive behavior, self harming, being detach, have identity crisis, anxiety.

But at last I changed it. Can you guess why?

Thank you for reading this though it has no connection with the story.