Chapter Ten

Sawyer blinked several times as he looked up at her. Her fighting spirit was something he admired about Constance but the woman needed to understand just who and what he was and where he had come from.

"Constance..."

"No." Her jaw tensed stubbornly. "We're going to eat our supper of steak, potatoes and green beans and you can talk abotu what you remember. What you are not going to do is leave me."

Sawyer rose to his feet. The wolf inside him raging as it saw the hurt in her brown eyes. Leave her? The last thing in the world he ever wanted to do was leave her. She was his home and the only place he ever wanted to be was at her side but if they found him here....

"I never want to leave you, Constance. I want to be here with you always. But the man who created me, he was hunting me the day I lost my memories. I had run from him and he was hunting me. If he finds me here with you...."

"Then I will kill him with my bare hands for what he's done to you," she practically snarled. Sawyer felt a smile tug at his lips. No wonder this woman drew him in so completely. Clearly, there was a bit of a monster in her as well.

"You may feel differently when you've heard all I have to say."

Constance let out a sigh as her gaze went skyward. She pointed to the table. "Try me."

Sawyer nodded, wrapped the blanket around his middle and took a seat as Constance went about making their plates. The last thing he wanted was to lose her but he wouldn't lie or withold information to keep her. "I don't remember my birth parents. The orphanage said my birth father dropped me off there when I was less than a year old after my mother died of fever." Sawyer tipped his head in thanks when Constance laid a plate of food in front of him. "The orphanage named me Sawyer..."

"Sawyer?" Constance smiled. "It's nice to meet you, Sawyer."

Sawyer couldn't give a name to the emotion that tugged at his heart at this sight of that smile and the sound of that name on her lips. It wasn't a name he had heard anyone call him in a lot of years. "No one has called me Sawyer in a long time. When I was around eight or nine, a man came to the oprhanage. He said he was looking for strong boys to work his farm. He adopted ten of us but he seemed happiest about adopting me. I had survived several outbreaks of sickness and kept living even while those around me died by the dozens. I was big for my age, standing head and shoulders above everyone else. I was happy to be adopted. I didn't think working a farm sounded too bad and at least it got me out of that cold, loveless place."

Sawyer stared down at his plate. "The first night I was with that man I admit I cried. I cried to go back. He put the ten of us in seperate cages in a large room. The iron and stone was cold and all we had were cots and thin blankets. The injections started that night. I don't remember a lot of details from the first few months. Just a lot of injections, fevers, siezures, and all the other boys dying around me one by one. I lived."

Constance lowered her fork and frowned. "He poisoned you all?"

Sawyer shook his head. "He created me. He created the monster. The injections killed all the other boys but I grew taller and stronger. My senses and my reflexes grew sharper and quicker. The man in charge, I never knew his name. Everyone, including me, simply called him sir. He had his men begin to train me to fight.

"I'm not sure how long I was there before more injections began. These were different. They made my skin itch and burn as if something was living inside me. The first time I became the wolf was terrifying. He had his men begin to beat me and the rage began to build until the monster erupted from my skin. I killed five of them before they shot me with something and I fell asleep."

"Sawyer I..." Constance reached across the table and laid her hand over his. "I'm sorry. You didn't deserve any of that. You were a child..."

"Not once he got me." Sawyer did not meet her gaze. It was too hard to see the look in her eyes as he told her the truth about himself and what he truly was. "I became a killer. He used me in fighting pits to earn money. He would put me in rooms with those that had information he wanted and I would convince them to give up that information. He used me to hunt and kill anyone who crossed him and anyone in his way.... I have slaughtered entire families..."

"Sawyer..."

He threw his chair back and leapt to his feet, shoving his hands through his hair. He strode away from her and went to the fire, staring into the flames. The echoing screams of his countless victims rang in his ears. "For over twenty years he had me and I did his bidding to avoid the pain and starvation he would inflict if i didn't. I'm a coward and a killer."

Silence followed his admission. He had to know what Constance was thinking. Sparing a glance toward the table where he'd left her, he found that she was still sitting there and her expression was gentle as she gazed at him. "You were a child forced into self preservation who did what he had to do in order to survive. It was ugly, it was brutal, and it was completely unfair, but none of it was your fault. The fault rests soley on his shoulders, whatever his name is."

"You don't understand..."

"You're right. I don't." She shrugged. "I won't pretend to know how you feel or what you went through. What I do know is who you have been since I have known you. Never once have I felt threatened by you or afraid of you. Startled by certain situations, maybe, but never fear of you. You have protected me, cared for me, most likely saved my life from that bear. You protected me from an angry man at my door and didn't kill him...."

"I wanted to," Sawyer interrupted. "I would have if you hadn't stopped me. You are the first good thing to come into my life and I won't allow anyone to threaten you."

He saw her tremble at his words and could scent her arousal in the air. His fists clenched at his sides as he struggled to keep his feet from carrying him to her. "Sawyer, you are not dangerous. Not to me. And you had an entire classroom of children today that trusted you. They saw a giant wolf, larger than any wolf should be. A wolf covered in scars with massive teeth and iron muscles and they weren't afraid. Doesn't that tell you something?"

Sawyer turned his body to face her and let out his breath in defeat. "You're right. I would never harm you or anyone you cared about. I would never harm a child or anyone who wasn't a threat to you. You need to know that I have harmed children but it was under his orders... and I'll never forgive myself for that."

Constance stood up and folded her hands in front of her. She tilted her head to the side and studied him closely. "Stop trying to say things to make me turn my back on you. It's not going to happen. You're not the only one who has found home, Sawyer. You being near me brings me a peace I have never felt before--you've given me something I didn't even realize I was missing until I found you."

Sawyer's heart pounded at her words. He wanted her. He wanted to lose himself in this woman and let go of his past. He wanted to spend every moment for the rest of his life at her side, simply basking in her. He took several steps her direction before stopping himself. "Constance, he won't let me go that easily and if he finds you.. if he were to harm you..."

"You said it's been around two months since you lost your memory. Do you remember what happened just before that?"

"I remember I ran. I could not do the things he was making me do anymore. I had finally decided death was a better alternative. His men cornered me on a cliff and I was left with two options. Return to him or jump. I jumped. That's all I remember."

Sawyer saw tears in her eyes and it caused his chest to ache. "I'm not worth that. Don't cry..."

"You are, Sawyer. You are worth that. Those other children are worth that. I'm sure he has been doing this a long time and there were more children than you've told me about and they are worth that. But it's been two months at least since you left him. Do you have any reason to think he's on your tail?"

Sawyer shook his head. "Only the fact that I know he wouldn't let me go. I was his only success, or at least his greatest success. He's not going to let his best weapon leave him."

"But he doesn't know where you are," she insisted. "We are in the middle of nowhere here in a town that's not even a dot on a map. He won't find you."

"And if he does?"

Constance closed the distance between them and took his hand. Sawyer felt that familiar quiet come over his tormented soul. "Then we will deal with him. Together."

The rasp in Sawyer's voice gave evidence to the deapth of his emotions and fear. "I can't lose you. I can't let him take you..."

Constance squeezed his hand. "You won't lose me. I'm tougher than I look."

Sawyer simply nodded. He knew that last part was true. This woman would stand at the gates of hell and never back down. He knew enough to know that. But could he risk her?

"Does he have anymore like you?" she asked, drawing him from his thoughts.

"I don't think so. I never saw anyone else like me. He had a few that lived through injections and trials but never grew as big or strong as I did. And many of them became trapped in their monster forms or died during the shift. I am the only true success as far as I know."

"So many children...." A tear rolled down her cheek.

"There's one more thing I need you to know about me," Sawyer damn near shook with fear as he pulled away from her and put distance between them again.

Constance rolled her eyes. "I told you to stop. Nothing you say is going to...."

"He forced me to breed, Constance." Sawyer turned his back, unable and unwilling to see her expression. "He forced me to force women. He would bring us to a room with a steel table and force me to try to get them with child. It was cold and it was unfeeling and I did my best to simply turn my brain off so I wouldn't hear their cries...." Damn he was a monster. Even without the wolf he was a horrible person who had done horrible things. "He hoped that my offspring would be strong enough to endure his experiments like I did and be successful."

A long heavy silence followed his statement. Sawyer wanted to run. He wanted to rush out that door, let the monster out and simply run until his lungs burst. He was far too ugly for this woman to waste her goodness on.

He heard movement. Her footsteps. And then suddenly her arms were around him. Her tiny hands rested palms down on his chest and her body was pressed tight to his bare back. "I'm so sorry, Sawyer."

Sorry? He didn't deserve pity. He had forced women. Did she not understand that. "Constance..."

"Stop." Her grip on him tightened. "He forced you to force them. He did that. Not you. You were a child. Brainwashed, manipulated, beaten, and abused. You had no other options. No one was coming to rescue you and the devil had you in his grasp." He was about to argue when her next words stopped his thoughts in their tracks. "How many children, Sawyer? How many of your children did he take from you?"

Sawyer frowned. He'd never thought of them as his actual children before. And he still didn't. They weren't anything he had created out of love with a woman he loved. They were never his. They were his masters children. "I don't see them that way," he replied honestly. The truth is all he would ever tell to Constance. "They were his children. And as far as I know he killed them all. If he was able to turn any of them into monsters like me he never said and I never saw."

She was quiet for a long moment before responding. "There's nothing I can say that will change how you see yourself." Constance tightened her hold on him and felt her lips caress the bare skin of his back. "But I can tell you what I see when I look at you, especially knowing where you came from. Yes, you are strong and you are deadly and you are definitely not someone I would want to have as my enemy. But you are also open, honest, kind, and gentle. I have felt how gentle your touch can be just as I've seen how ferocious your protective side can be. You are stubborn, thankfully, and you may have been mistreated but you were never broken. You are a person who had gone through things that no person should ever have to endure and you have come out with your humanity still plenty intact. Despite not knowing you long, I see a man that I am falling very much in love with, Sawyer."

Sawyer stiffened. Love? She loved him? No one in his entire life had ever loved him--and he had never loved anyone. But he loved her. Had loved her since he'd first smelled her scent. His heart had been hers since the first time he'd looked into those brown eyes.

He pulled away from her and turned in her arms. He cradled her face gently in his hands and stooped to press the tenderest of kisses against her lips. "I don't want to lose you, Constance. I also don't want to put you in danger..."

"I'm not afraid to take the risk. If he shows himself, we'll deal with it."

He sighed. She spoke with such assureadness but she didn't truly know that man or what he was capable of. Sawyer took a step back. "I need space. I need to think..." He could feel the wolf inside him craving to be let out. It was angry that he was even contemplating leaving Constance and the home she provided. It was even angrier at the thought of anyone, even the master, thinking they could harm a hair on her beautiful head.

Despite the sadness he could smell in he air and see in her eyes, Constance managed a small smile and nodded. "Of course. I will never force you to do anything, Sawyer. Even stay with me."

The wolf raged and clawed within him as Sawyer went to the door. It took every ounce of his strength to simply open the door and slip out of it, knowing that Constance was full of sadness and watching him walk away from her.

He let the wolf free once he was outside, his skin tearing as he shifted quickly, and with a long howl, he raced out into the woods. Needing distance and space to think clearly about his tormented past and what his future was going to look like. Could he risk Constance for his own happiness or would he break her heart by leaving her behind and keeping her safe?

***

Constance stood there a long while simply staring at the open door, unable to get any real reading on her racing thoughts. It wasn't until the cold late winter air began to chill her skin that Constance snapped from her daze and closed the door.

As she went about stoking the fire and cleaning up teh dinner they'd barely touched, she found herself crying--which was not something she had ever made a habit of doing. Tears over the fact that Sawyer was gone. That her words had not seemed to sway him. She wanted him at her side regardless of the danger that may or may not come their way. But, she would not beg or attempt to force him to stay. Sawyer's life had been one of imprisonment and servitude. He'd been forced to do things no one should ever do and Constance would not add to that.

Her poor Sawyer. Constance could not and would not pretend to understand how he must be feeling with so many horrible memories flooding back. The things he'd been forced to do...She shivered, pushing thsoe thoughts and images from her mind.

Sawyer would be back. Constance had to believe that. She had to trust that the warmth and acceptence she had shown him would override the self-hared, blame, and fear he was struggling with. She could only hope he would come back and allow her to help him work through those things and heal.

Sawyer was worth it.

Constance swept the floors, washed up the dishes and drew up water before heating it for a bath. After washing off and cleaning her hair, she slipped into her sleeping gown and robe. Constance glanced out the window. The darkness outside was barely illuminated by the moon but she knew she was alone. Sawyer had not yet returned.

Constance couldn't begin to sew his clothes without first getting his measurements so her busy work for the weekend was on hold. She settled for repairing a skirt that had torn and reading a bit by lamp light before retiring to bed, leaving the cottage door unlocked but locking her bedroom door in case anyone other than Sawyer were to enter the cabin during the night.

Constance slipped into bed and hugged her pillow close with tears streaking her cheeks as she wondered where her Sawyer was and if he truly was going to come back to her.