**Listen to the song while reading**

Isabella Carson

All these years, it felt like I was falling from a high altitude. The fear and pain stirring up alive inside of me like a monster under the bed waiting to engulf me alive with no forgiveness. However, the pain never came. The monster never got me and I was alive. Warmth wrapped around me like a warm fuzzy blanket.

When I woke up sometime in the early morning hours long before most people had risen, I felt his arms still wrapped around me. His breath slowly caressing my neck as his face was snuggled into my neck and his body protected my body.

He was my warm blanket.

Usually, he was up before me but today he held me in his arms. I felt renewed. The heavy weight on my shoulder seemed to have lifted and although the monster still lingered in the dark shade in my closet, I knew it won't catch me in this moment.

Because I had him...

I grabbed onto his hand and wrapped in my tiny little ones. Bringing it up I kissed the back of his hand before rubbing it against my cheek. His breathing quickened and I knew he was slowly stirring awake.

"Bella, what are you doing?" He said in a low, raspy sleeping voice.

I turned around to see him rubbing his eyes and a hand through his messy bed hair. My eyes took its time roaming his gorgeous proportioned facial feature and down his masculine neck to his hard-naked chest.

"I need to go use the bathroom." I lied smoothly.

He shifted in bed to lay on his back, releasing his hold on me. I slipped out of bed and hurried to the bathroom. Closing the door, I exhaled slowly and walked over to the bathroom mirror. I looked like a total mess. All the crying and stress yesterday was evident still on my face. I exhaled again and turned on the water. I washed my face with cool water before turning it off and relieved my bladder before hopping into the shower.

As relieved as I am feeling right now, I still felt like something was off like I was missing something. I don't know what it was but I couldn't seem to stop the emotion from eating me up inside.

I should be happy that Malcolm accepts me for who I am. I should be glad that he now knows the truth but I wasn't. Him knowing the truth, makes me feel disgusted with myself. The past that used to be far away from me was nearly hindering in the back of my mind and clinging to me like a shadow.

Awful memories to which I have locked away were unleashed and I can feel my demons eating away at my skin.

After washing my hair and now washing my body with Malcolm's body soap, my fingers slid across Malcolm's mark unconsciously and the small little bumps but healed skin where his canines have pierced calmed the burning disgust inside of me.

Malcolm wasn't disgusted with me.

He held me to sleep.

He wasn't mad at me when I had marked him.

This must mean something. Falling to the ground of the shower, I brought my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. The water washing away my self-hatred and disgust. I closed my eyes and concentrated on breathing.

I can't let my father control me even when he was not here. I am the keeper of my fate. I am not a little girl anymore.

I didn't realize how long I was sat in the shower until I felt Malcolm's arms wrapped around me. My skin was ice cold. It was then I realized that the warm heated water had turned cold a long time ago. Malcolm had turned off the water and was not scooping me up with a towel wrapped around me.

"Bella..." He said tenderly.

"I'm okay," I heard myself answer him but even I can tell how unconvincing it was.

"You're not okay." He sat me down on the bed and walked towards the drawers to pull out some of my clothes. I watched him shuffle through my clothes. His naked, muscular back tense with frustration.

"I'm sorry," I said.

He turned to look at me. "For what?"

"I pushed those memories so far back, hidden them, locked them away. I am ashamed of them. They are my nightmares but talking about them—brings them all back." I told him.

He turned with a warm tangerine sundress in his hand. Without saying a single word, he helped me get dressed and I didn't argue with him.

"I'm disgusted with my body. He touched and violated every part of me. There wasn't a single part he didn't touch. When I ran away, I promised never to bring it up again. I pushed him to the back of my mind and in an act of self-preservation, I blocked him and all those memories." I said in a droning voice.

Malcolm finished dressing me before sighing and moving to sit next to me and pulling me into his lap. He brushed his nose on the outline of my neck before tilting his head to look up at me. His eyes were a mixture of his lycan's golden eyes and his blue ones; making them look almost green.

"Don't go back there. That is what he wants. Think about now. The present. I am here, Bella, not him." He said softly, although I knew he was holding back his anger. Malcolm's desire to kill my father has increased.

Sighing he stood up, I slipped off his lap but he kept an arm wrapped around my waist. "Want to do something different?"

I arched an eyebrow, "Like?"

"Want to get out of here, I can take you anywhere you want." He smiled down at me.

Actually, that might help, I knew my lycan was feeling agitated too from all the crushing emotions flooding through us. I nodded and he squeezed my waist.

"Let me get ready and we can go together."

I watched him go into the bathroom before walking over to the window and pushed it open. The cool morning breeze rushed into the room. In Scotland, there was something significantly different from living in the United States. The air felt clean and crisp, inhaling that air seemed to lift me to another happy place.

I sat on the ledge of the window. It was still early morning and most of everybody was still asleep. Only a few gardeners were awake and walking around with pails of water and hoes. The Highland was a vast and never-ending trail of green.

I waited for Malcolm until I felt his arms snake around my waist. He placed his chin on my head since he was too tall to place it on my shoulder.

"Do you know how many days and nights, I will look out this window thinking about you and what you were doing." He whispered before leaning down to kiss the top of my head.

"How many?" I asked, I tried to turn to look at him but his hand moved up and placed a firm hand on my jaw to keep me looking out the window. I felt his fingers brushed against my nape before lifting my hair up. Silk brushed against my neck before I realized he was tying my hair up in a ribbon.

"Too many and it has been too long." He admitted.

"You're saying you missed me," I said with a smile on my face.

He chuckled. He tied my hair up and leaned down to kiss the curve my neck to my shoulder.

"You really did hurt me, Bella. I never loved a woman as much as I loved you." He said honestly. I turned my head slightly and was met with his astounding blue eyes and full lips that were an inch away from me. My eyes fluttered up to meet his.

"I'm sorry for leaving you," I said honestly.

He leaned in and brushed his lips like a feather across mine.

"Don't leave me again, Bella. I am not sure I can survive the second time. I never need anything more than I need you."

His words were like air. It filled my lungs and brought tears to my eyes. I cupped his cheek and brushed my own lips across his just like he did.

"I'll do everything I can to stay by your side. I promise." I whispered.

When we walked downstairs, no one was up yet except for the staff that was working in the kitchen. They were cooking up breakfast. A few nodded their heads at me. Malcolm spoke to a soldier quickly to inform them of our departure and to let Damon know before he slipped his hand around my waist and pulled me up against his side. We walked to the vehicles that were parked near the castle. 

"Where are we going?" I asked him as soon as he pulled out of the driveway and down the courtyard.

"Somewhere away from here." He replied simply. 

Malcolm ended up taking me to Inverness. Inverness was a city in Scotland Highlands filled with history and joy. We ate at local restaurants and traveled to visit beautiful monuments built in honor of Scotland History. It was beautiful and for that day, he did make me forget about my past. I was filled with joy and freedom. The chains that seemed to keep me locked away, were breaking away.