There was a huge difference between pretending to be okay and be actually okay.

While I was claiming to be okay to my own self, the pieces of their conversation trudges its way in my mind slowly and in an instant, that pretense of my fake 'okay', mask of my fake calmness came shattering down into million pieces.

It's been half an hour since I came to my room, flopped on the bed and no other soul has entered into the room since then. Akashi was suppose to bring my medicines, before I heard all of their conversation. He would come to the room sooner or later and as bad as I was in confronting people, my raging mind was surprisingly waiting patiently to do just that.

If he did come to my room right after ending the conversation, I probably would've lashed out at him, spewing out all the hurtful words I could muster up. But he didn't. The loud argument ended almost half an hour ago and still there was no sight of Akashi. And as much as I wanted to confront him about all the lies he fed me and all the secrets he kept from me, my mind started to calm down as the time went. And I started to think more rationally.

My eyes absent-mindedly glanced at my cracked phone lying on the bed.

I was suppose to call Shu.

I took the phone and after some minutes of struggle I finally found Shu's contact number through the broken screen. I pressed the phone near my ear as I slowly trudged my way towards the window. I glanced up at the starry night sky as I heard the ringing noise of Shu's phone.

"Hello."

"Hey, Shu. It's Ena."

"Yeah, I know."

"So... I saw your text. Why did you want me to call suddenly?"

"I wanted to know how you were..."

"Oh, I'm well now, I think. The doctor checked me up thoroughly and the meds were bitter. So I guess, I'd okay by tomorrow."

"I see... where are you right now?"

I frowned. "Where do you think I would be right now, this late at night?"

"You're not at your house."

"And how do you know that?"

"Because I'm in front of your house right now."

"Stalker much?" Despite my joking, my voice was hard and cold.

"I just wanted to see you suddenly."

With that my face softened. "I'm at his house."

"Still?"

"Yeah. A lot of things happened and I don't think I can fill you up with all the details right now on the phone."

"..."

"Shu?"

"Yeah?"

"... Don't worry. I'm fine..."

"Okay."

"..."

"Well You're coming to college tomorrow, right? You can fill me up with all the details then."

"Actually, I wanted to talk to about that. I don't think I can make it to college tomorrow. Can you please talk to the dean for me?"

"Ena... did anything happen?"

"I told already, didn't I? A lot of things happened..."

"And you'll tell me everything, right?"

I chuckled. "Yes, yes. I will tell you everything."

"Who will you tell everything?" It wasn't Shu. The source of the deep voice was behind me, making me turn around slowly and I meet his cold heterochromatic eyes.

"I will call you later." Before I could hear Shu reply, I hung up.

He stood there on the doorstep, leaning slightly against the wall. His calculating heterochromatic eyes were boring into mine and the way he looked at me all coldly, suddenly my anger flared up once again that was slightly diminished after talking with Shu.

After everything he has done to me, who does he think is to look at me like that?

He was still waiting for my response and I decided to give him what he deserved.

"That's none of your business." I said coldly.

He raised his brows at me, slowly approaching me while pinning me down with his sharp gaze.

"What happened all of a sudden?" He asked, standing a couple of feets away from me. "I was just asking."

"It was Shu."

"Why calling him suddenly?" He wanted to sound casual but I knew what he was doing. He was intruding and I was more than willing to play the game.

"I wanted him to talk to the dean in advance since I probably won't be able to attend college tomorrow."

"I already talked to your dean."

And that threw me off. "How do you know the dean?"

"I know a lot of things, Ena." He said, slightly amused.

"Yeah, you do know a lot of things..." My voice that trailed off was hard and bitter.

As expected, he didn't fail to notice how bitterness replaced my earlier calm tone. He frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"... and you do make sure to keep all of them secret from me." This time my voice was dripping with venom.

"What did that Shu said to you?" His voice turned cold.

"Your predictions are taking a wrong turn, Akashi. I'm highly disappointed in you, to say the least." My chuckle was poisonous unlike my light voice. My expression was slowly turning dark.

He glared at me.

I continued. "And Shu said nothing. Don't accuse him of something he didn't do. And why are you so angry? Do you really have something that you should've said long ago?"

His eyes widened at that. As expected from Akashi Seijuro. He caught on sooner than expected.

"Ena, it's not like that. I--"

"Then what it is like, Akashi?" I cut him off abruptly, my voice sharp and unforgiving. "I made sure to hear everything with my own ears so don't even try to deny anything."

He stood there in front me, totally frozen. His heterochromatic eyes were widened slightly, hinting me that he really wanted to keep everything a secret from me till the end. I felt a painful pang in my chest.

"Looks like you really don't trust me..." My voice was just above a whisper.

"Ena, it's really not like that. All I've done is to protect you."

"To hell with your protection!" I yelled on top of my lungs, frustrated and enraged. "I didn't ask for it; neither your pity nor your fucking protection!"

He clenched his jaws tightly but said nothing.

"Your found your own father's involvement behind those dirty things said about me and what have you done? You kept everything a secret from me and said... all those disgusting things to me, kicked me out of the house and literally threw me out on the streets! Wow, bravo, Akashi! You've done a great job at protecting your fucking wife! Instead of trusting me, you did that Akashi.

"Who told you to protect me, huh? Who gave you this noble job of protecting me, Akashi, tell me?!" I ranted loudly, my shout could be heard from anywhere of the house but I didn't care a bit. I needed to let all those out even though now my throat was slightly sore. Otherwise, I would've exploded with all those dark emotions and rage inside of me.

Akashi exhaled heavily, with his frustration and desperation mixed expression he ran his hand through his crimson locks. He closed his eyes for a second, giving both of us time to gather our thoughts.

"I love you." His calm and relaxed confession threw me off for a second.

And I realised why I was actually angry at this red haired boy in front of me. Not only he hid the real truth from me, he endangered himself along with me. Deep inside I knew his father was his biggest weakness. His father was the only family he had left and he didn't want to disappoint him. He never wanted, even after everything. Because he was his father. And I understood him more than anyone in this world.

Than why was I angry?

Because it pained me to even think about what Akashi had to go through on his own all these years. He went against his father because of me, yes, but we could have done it together. He could've shared the truth, let me bear some of his pain. That's what you're suppose to do for the person you love, right?

His straightforward confession still lingered in my mind.

"What makes you think I don't?" I uttered painfully.

He looked at me surprised.

"But I don't need you to be my hero, my knight in shining armor if it makes you keep things hidden from me. I would prefer knowing the truth over everything else. Even over my own protection and whatsoever you're babbling about." I said staring into his eyes.

His earlier astonishment replaced by calming softness. He looked at me tenderly.

"You could've told me everything and we could've went against the world together. At least that way we didn't have to be apart from each other like this..." My voice cracked.

"We could've been together now if you didn't keep everything secret from me... if you had just trusted me and let me... in..." With that my trembling legs couldn't hold me up anymore; I broke down.

I fell on my knees, bent down on the cold floor. I hated how my emotions took over me and displayed my weakness in front of him. I shook my head a little to bring my dark blue bangs in front of my eyes, in a futile attempt to hide my tears. I was sweating heavily even though the air conditioner was on, my throat was sore making my voice raspy and I was shaking.

I hated everything.

He rushed towards me and held me in his arms while I kept my tear stained face hidden as much as I could. He embraced me with both arms, bathing me in his warmth and his scent that smelled like coffee, citrus and something uniquely Akashi.

"I... didn't want to bother you with my baggage." He muttered quietly. I felt his chest vibrant against my wet cheek.

I sniffed. "What are even talking about? I'm like the Empress of baggage..."

"And I thought your life would be much better without me..."

"That's not for you to decide, Seijuro..." His first name rolled off my lips for the first time in the last four years like a warm nostalgia. Something that was too precious and too close to my heart.

I felt him stiffen against me and I couldn't help but hold back a chuckle.

His arms slowly released me but still kept me at an arm's length as if to analyse my face. As if he could look directly into my soul, his calculating heterochromatic orbs bored into mine. His expression was unreadable and I was starting to doubt my actions.

He slowly leaned towards me, all the while pinning me down with his sharp gaze, as if he was daring me to keep staring.

And I didn't close my eyes, daring him to do what he wanted.

And then finally his lips touched mine; like the first snowfall, so soft and cold, yet it was there for sure.
He just pressed his lips on mine firmly without moving or anything as if he was still making sure of my existence.

Then he closed his eyes, snaked one arm behind me and pressed me flush against his body. My lips quivered a little as my trembling body melted against his.

I closed my eyes after he did and our lips moved in perfect synchronisation. It's been so long, so long since I tasted him but I still remembered. His breath fanned on my face, just like the way it used to and my hands reached the back of his head, tugging on his soft crimson hair, just like the way it used to.

Memories after memories kept hitting me with full force- our first meeting, our first kiss in the student council office, when he first asked me out after school, out first date, when he proposed me...

Surprisingly, I remembered only the happy memories I shared with this boy. Not all those bitter fights, misunderstandings, arguments came to my mind as we kept kissing each other with sheer desperation.

I felt my tears started flowing down once again but this time for a entirely different reason.

He pulled back, feeling the dampness of my wet cheeks. He looked into my eyes and offered me a soft smile and in reply I choked on my tears and punched his chest with as much force as I could muster. I felt warmth spread throughout my body, seeing how easily he was letting me hit him without any resistance.

"How... dare you do this to me... you pathetic fool..." I choked on my own tears and kept hitting him.

He said nothing and I didn't look up at him.

"I can n-never love anyone more than you... other than you..." I sniffed, my blurry vision fixed on his chest. "You knew that. You know that full well. You knew I was doomed still... you left me. You couldn't place your trust... in me. You didn't let me in..."

He held me tight and I clutched on his black shirt which was now slightly dampened from my tears.

"How... could you..."

He slowly tilted my head upwards. I looked up at him surprised. His heterochromatic eyes were now red. Deep red. He was back again.

He wiped away my tears without uttering a single word, a solemn and pained look painted his handsome features.

"I'm sorry, Ena. I'm so sorry... I hurt you like this." He said. His voice was deep and low but firm.

And this time the infallible desperation and genuineness of his voice touched something deep into my heart.

I wiped away my tears and chuckled in my hoarse voice.

"I will never forgive you."

_

A/N: I jumped around in my room for some time after writing the kissing part. To shake off the cliché-ness.

This was the first time I properly wrote a kissing scene in this book (and in my entire writing experience, yes, I'm serious) even though they actually kissed once and I knew I eventually I had to write one for this book like they are totally in love with each other and still hadn't make them kiss properly for once!!

Just kidding. I wasn't that eager. And solving Ena's mental issues and their past was the hardest.

How was it?? I'm bad at writing those fluffs TTTTT

Anyways, leave your precious comments for this chapter and don't forget to vote if liked it^^

||By my leave||