"A kiss couldn't possibly mean anything."

I kept saying this to myself the whole night repeatedly. No matter how much I wanted to forget those familiar and soft lips, no matter how much I rolled around on my old mattress, I couldn't put my mind into peace. They were haunting me in the darkness of the night.


'That son of a...'

And what was even more stupid was that I couldn't even recall if I kissed him back or not. That moment, for a split second, I couldn't even remember why I hated him in the first place. His lips were on mine and suddenly everything turned blank.

No hatred, no memories, no butterflies, fireflies or whatsoever. Just blank.

I thought I couldn't sleep tonight, but after all those strolling around the market for a whole day, my body felt exhausted and stiff. I took a long shower to relieve the stress. I took off my clothes and stood in front of the bathroom mirror only in a flimsy white tank top. I could see those long, grotesque, almost faded but still visible scars on the back of my shoulder, down my collarbone, my back and my lower neck in my reflection. I lightly touched them as my mind went back to those dark days. I quickly snapped back.

I sighed. Then I put on my t shirt again, wore my pajamas and went back to my room to get some good night sleep.


*** *** ***

I was strolling around the college campus aimlessly after my class ended. The place was green, filled with college kids younger than me, chattering among themselves, laughing and goofing around carelessly. The weather was nice, but I was feeling a bit lonely without Haruka.

I gave her the present this morning and she was beyond happy. She hugged me real tight and said that I didn't need to give her anything as our friendship was enough for her, but I could tell by her wide grin how much she loved it. I was happy, but now that she was still in her class and mine was finished, I was lonely.

"Ena-san."

I almost jumped three feet away when heard a calm but yet eerily familiar voice from behind out of the blue. And 'blue', that's what came into my vision when I instantly turned around. My eyes widened in surprise as not even in my craziest imaginations I expected to meet him here in Kyoto. He was living in Tokyo after all.

He was still around the height when I last saw him, which was four years ago. His light blue hair was a bit shorter and his blue orbs still reminded me of the clear blue sky of summer. Though his eyes could look emotionless at first, but if you stare at them deeply, you could see thousands of emotions swimming in there.


Kuroko Tetsuya.


"Kuroko!" I couldn't suppress my astonishment. "Wh-how--whe--What are--" I couldn't put all those thousands of questions running inside me into one sentence.

He smiled. Very slightly but it was still very sweet. Just like before. "Konnichiwa [Hello], Ena-san. It's been a long time."

"Oh, uhm, konnichiwa, Kuroko." I would be lying if I said I wasn't feeling a bit uncomfortable. It felt very awkward to be honest. "What are you doing here? I thought you were in Tokyo..."

"I was. The school where I teach decided to bring all the kids and teachers in Kyoto on a study tour."

"Ah, I see. So, you finally became a teacher just like you wanted." I smiled.

"Yes." His eyes turned soft. "How have you been?"

"Um, good, I guess." Again, I was feeling awkward. "What about you?"

"Average. An average life in Tokyo." He said expressionlessly.

I chuckled lightly. "By the way, how did you know that I go to this college? Sure, you didn't just came to hang out alone in a college campus."

He looked at me directly into my eyes for a second then looked away avoiding my gaze, ignoring my question.

Realization dawned upon me after a moment of confusion. Of course, it was him.

"Oh, I see." I say a bit harshly.

"If you have time would you like to get some coffee together?" He offered me politely. My harshness didn't affect him one bit. Just like before.

I sighed. There was literally no point in holding grudge or anything against Kuroko. He did nothing. Well, he literally did nothing until Akashi told him to but still, I realized there was no reason to behave rudely with this gentle boy.

I gave him a small smile. "Sure, why not?"

"Thank you. I found out a place while was walking around. It seemed nice."

I wondered if I saw a small yet grateful smile on his lips before he turned around and lead me to the place.

*** *** ***

The tall waiter served my latte and Kuroko's vanilla shake with a smile and walked away. My thumb circled around the rim of the glass instead of drinking. Quite unusually I wasn't in the mood for a coffee. Kuroko, however, sipped on his vanilla shake thoughtfully.

"It's actually pretty delicious. Though not as good as Maji's Burger's." He said totally devoid of emotions but I could tell that he really liked it. "It was a right decision to come here."

Out of curiosity, I sipped on my latte too. "Oh, yeah, the latte is pretty good too."

"So, how was your life here in Kyoto?"

I looked at him straight in his teal blue orbs. He really didn't know? Then I guess there was no point on ranting about my misery to someone who just came to hang out and chat with me. Our past was a past.

I looked away and through the glass I could see the busy road of Kyoto. I saw a young mother walking and giggling with her daughter. Intentionally or unintentionally, it brought a very small smile on my lips.

"It was... okay, I guess." I answered smiling.

Kuroko didn't smile though. He looked at with those unfathomable eyes, devoid of all expressions. "...Are you really?"

My heart jumped for a second in surprise before it calmed down. Kuroko didn't know about my miseries, there's no way he would.

"Why do you ask?" I tried to keep my voice casual, sipping on my latte.

He heaved a deep sigh. "Just because."

We remained silent for a while lost in our own thoughts.

"Did you meet him?" Kuroko asked slowly.

I looked downwards. "I did. I didn't know when he came back from Tokyo but even if he did I never expected to cross paths with him after everything. But then again fate always had been cruel to me."

A small sad smile lingered on Kuroko's lips. "Well, Akashi-kun always gets what he wants no matter what."

"Wants?" I asked him confused forgetting about my latte. "What did he want?"

"I never expected you to know." Kuroko sighed deeply. "He wanted to meet you."

"Huh?"

"It's just as I said. He wanted to meet you."

I cursed internally as I felt my heart skip a beat. "I... still don't understand. Why in the world would he want to meet his ex wife? Whom, may I add, he kicked out of the house."

It was one of those rare occasions when Kuroko stared at me so intensely that I almost bit my tongue. "You might be his ex wife, Ena-san. But you're also the woman he ever loved. The only woman, for whom he could die, aside from his mother."

'The woman he ever loved...' Out of everything that was the only thing, the only stupid thing that got stuck inside my head. 'The woman he ever loved... The woman he could die for...'

"I won't deny that, Kuroko. I never did." I said quietly ignoring the burning pain inside me. "Even though, I sometimes questioned his love for me after everything he did but deep inside I have always had this feeling. I was greatly loved and cared by him. I don't know how long it lasted, but he did."

"And I know how much you loved him, Ena-san." Kuroko said softly, touching my hand on the table. His hand was warm. "I know you loved him with all your life though I can't tell about your feelings now."

"Me neither."

Kuroko looked at me questionably, waiting for an answer to his unspoken question. I turned my hazy gaze outside of the window. Suddenly, I remembered the kiss. Kiss of yesterday. It didn't make me flush or anything. It didn't make my stomach flip or whatsoever. It just pained me.

"I'm not sure about my feelings either." I sighed. "I was sure that I hated him with all my might all these years. I hated him every single day. Thinking about him pained me, it hurt me beyond words. But even after all these years, I still felt this disgusting longing for him when I met him. A loathsome desire for him stirred inside me every time I saw him. Looking at him hurt me still I kept looking."

Kuroko remained silent. Just like those old times when we were still friends; more like brother and sister. He was always there for me to hear me out. I always ranted, whined to him and he just listened. He listened to me until I finished. And I don't know why but it always comforted me in a soothing way.

"Now, I think I hate myself more than him." I continued. "I am disgusted with myself more than him. I know I loved him but I hate myself that even after everything he put me through, I'm having conflicted feelings for that guy. For a guy like him, I still have confused emotions."

"Don't hate yourself." Kuroko said to in a serious tone. "There's no reason to hate yourself. There never was."

"I don't know anything anymore."

Kuroko sipped on his vanilla shake again. His sky blue eyes looked distant suddenly as if they were lost in some deep thoughts, thoughts I would never find out about. "You two... were perfect. Perfect for each other. Among the Generation of Miracles, we always agreed on one thing, that what you two had was something special. Something unique. If it wasn't for those unfortunate incidents, you could have had a great future together."

I don't know why but suddenly I felt my blood turn hot. Suddenly I snapped. "I know that very well. I don't see any reason to remind me that, Kuroko."

"Ena-san, calm dow---"

"And what was it? Unfortunate incidents? Hah, don't make me laugh. He was the one who made it unfortunate, no need to blame it on the fate. He was the one who destroyed our marriage that everyone shows pity for. Don't blame it on the fate, Kuroko. And more than anything, don't show pity."

"I wasn't blaming the fate and I definitely wasn't showing pity, Ena-san. Please calm down."

I inhaled and exhaled for a couple of times. I was confusing myself, I didn't understand why I even lashed out at Kuroko like that in the first place. In fact he said nothing wrong, he just stated his opinion. Why did I act like such a bitch?

I sighed heavily. "I'm so sorry for acting like that, Kuroko. I don't know what has gotten into me lately. I did that with others too couple of times before. I'm so sorry for my behavior."

Kuroko smiled kindly even after this sudden rude outburst of mine. "It's okay. As long as you do it in front of me."

His kindness brought a smile on my face too. "It will be a lot to take, you know." Then my smile fell a little as I remembered something. "Kuroko, what did you mean by Akashi came back here to meet me before?"

He quietly finished his vanilla shake. I remembered my latte and sipped on it thoughtfully.

"After he realized what he did wrong, he came here... back to Kyoto, to find you."


_

A/N: So, finally Kuroko's entrance!! Some of the scenes from the past will be revealed soon... sit tight ~《>__<》~

What do you think about the flow of the story? Is it going too fast or too slow for ya? Personally, I like stories where the characters develop their relationships (be it love or hate) slowly.

Edited. I hope you liked this chapter. 🤗🤗