All eyes were on Iris, causing her to look panicked. She glanced nervously at me as though she regretted her outburst. "Are you saying you want the next turn?" Rachelle asked her in a gentle voice. I was grateful that she'd spoken first as I had no idea what to say. Iris stared at the floor, silent. "I don't mind," Rachelle pressed. All eyes were on Iris.

"No, I'm not ready," she blurted out, before standing so abruptly she sent her chair cascading over. Without another word, she fled across the sand and into her own villa, slamming the door shut behind her.

"What was that all about?" I asked nobody in particular. Rachelle was already placing her plate down on the lounger.

"I don't know, but I'd better go over and see," she told me. She lifted Iris' chair back into position, and grabbed both their plates to take over with her. "I'll let you know what happens," she said.

I fixed her with a hard stare. "Tell Iris that whatever it is, it's ok. There'll never be pressure or recriminations from me. I need her to know that," I told her. Rachelle flashed me her wide open smile.

"I'll tell her."

The mood felt a little awkward after that. Charlie tried to lighten the mood by talking loudly about the steak, asking Doc about her barbecue prowess. It didn't work, as we soon lapsed into silence again.

The atmosphere was lifted by the arrival of Texan, yawning loudly, her hair a birds nest, with mascara streaked around her eyes. Seemingly oblivious, she grabbed a steak and some slaw and plonked herself down at the table before pouring herself a large glass of water from the jug. After noisily glugging it down, she wiped her hand across her mouth and looked around the verandah. "Did someone die?" She asked.

Doc shook her head. "Iris freaked a bit at the prospect of Rachelle having her turn with Henners here. She's run off home crying. It's ok, Rach is with her."

Texan nodded sagely. After swallowing her bite of steak, she said; "it's the first feels. Probably taken her by surprise. I know it well."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"For me, it was the first time I saw Rachelle cry after I'd gone through withdrawal. I'd seen her cry plenty of times when I'd been drugged up or drunk, but self-medicating, like I'd been, limits the ability to empathise or actually feel what's going on inside. Sometimes it's caused by drink or drugs, sometimes through trauma or abuse. In Iris' case it was probably grief."

"Christian's death hit her very hard," agreed Doc. "Rachelle did think at the time that there was also some latent grief for her mother there too. After the initial wave of crying subsided, she often said that she just felt numb."

Iris and Rachelle stayed in their villa for the rest of the evening. I was so exhausted that I made my excuses early and headed back to my villa for an early night. Charlie decided to sit up chatting to Doc and Ava, who were both off work the next day, so weren't in a hurry to rush off.

I must've fallen asleep the very moment my head hit the pillow, however I woke up again at ten past three. I'd suffered with insomnia intermittently throughout my life, so knew that there was no point laying there trying to drop off again. I pulled on a pair off shorts and opened the patio doors onto the beach and stepped out. The sound of the waves seemed magnified in the darkness, especially given what a still, windless night it was. The day's heat radiated off the sand, keeping the air warm.

In the pale light of the thin sliver of moon, I saw the outline of a person at the shoreline. As I padded silently towards her, I could make out the long hair. She was holding out her arms to the Milky Way above us, sobbing quietly to them, as though she was beseeching them for help.

My heart ached in my chest for her. I wanted to take away her pain, take it as my own. It hurt me to watch her.

That's when it struck me.

I could feel.

Not just the superficial annoyances or pleasures that I'd surrounded myself with, the glee at getting a large cheque or the frustration at a nosy fan, but real, genuine pain at seeing this beautiful woman begging the universe for its help.

'You love her'

The little voice in my head taunted me. I stopped walking for a moment, unsure of what to do. I needed to weigh it up carefully, decide whether I should give in and walk up to her, wrap my arms around her and let go of my fear of commitment.

Alternatively, I could turn around, go back into my villa and carry on with my life just fine. There would always be women, sex and fun...