idk i feel like the emotional equivalent of wet toilet paper

i went through a phase where my emetopobia wasnt that bad and i was almost over it but now ive just nose dived and i feel terrible almost every other day

like idk whats going on but i feel sick a lot (usually when i get hungry i feel like im going to be sick) and its wrecking my nerves and i cant enjoy anything ive gotten to the point where im scared to go to far from my house its tearing me apart

i used to be excited for vacation but now im just scared and miserable and i can barely eat anything when i leave home and that just makes me feel so much worse

i do this horrible thing where i refuse to eat in fear of throwing up and i dont know if thats an eating disorder or not but im too scared to even eat that much sometimes

im so panicky now i cant even enjoy crap anymore im so ahxhdj

ive had some nights where i just wanted to die because i was scared i was going to feel bad the next day. im just so tired idk if i need different medicine bc it's not freaking working im just gonna start taking those anti-vomiting pills i used to be on

even tho it screws qwith my calcium or something idkdj

ive been trying to keep this on the downlow but rn imjust dying and idont freaking know. it's not like i can just avoid things that trigger my phobia. im the thing im afraid of. im the stimuli thats bothering me. i cant just astral project into the next room until i feelbetter

its so infuriating ik this is dumb and im freaking out over something stupid but it wont go away

This is so negative i hate dpinh this but i need to get this out. consider this a cry for help ig