The scene opens with a shot of Imp City that slowly zooms in on the I.M.P building. The sound of the busy streets can be heard in the background. The scene transitions to a closed door labeled "IMP Headquarters", with a crude sign made from a sheet of notebook paper that reads, "Meeting in progress" with a smiley face drawn next to it. The light flickers as the camera zooms in on the door. Inside, Blitzo is walking in front a whiteboard on the wall as he lectures his employees.

Blitzo: Alright. Now, I know business has been... a bit slow lately, yes. It's no one's fault, okay? I'm not naming any names here...  Moxxie.

Moxxie gives him an incredulous look in response.

Blitzo: Now, does anyone have... any bright ideas on how we can get business drummin' up again?

Y/N sat in the meeting, his fingers tapping rhythmically against the table in front of him, a nervous habit he couldn't seem to shake. As Blitzo spoke, outlining the current state of their business, Y/N's mind raced with ideas and possibilities.

Despite his struggles with verbal communication, Y/N had a knack for spotting patterns and making connections that others often overlooked. As the discussion turned to brainstorming new strategies, Y/N's gaze drifted to the whiteboard at the front of the room, where he began mentally sketching out a rough diagram of their current client base and potential target demographics.

Millie: What about a car wash?

Blitzo: This is Hell, Millie. No one cares about cars being clean here, okay?

Y/N: I...personally don't see the problem with a clean car.

Blitzo: Of course you don't. Wait, isn't you dad The Black Pope of Hell?

Y/N: Well, yes...but he doesn't do TV commercials...ever since he learned about how the human world portrayed him in a 2022 movie.

Loona: Why? What did they do?

Y/N: I-I'm not sure. B-but he said "The mortals had it coming, there is but one Dark Prince of Pain. One true Hell Priest."

Blitzo: Uh...Wh- Ooh! What about a billboard?

He waves his hands with an enthusiastic flair as sparkles fly out.

Moxxie: We can't afford a billboard, sir.

Blitzo wraps his arm over Moxxie's shoulder.

Blitzo: Helpful, Moxxie. Really glad you're in the room right now.

He pushes Moxxie away.

Blitzo: Have you guys forgotten what service we provide?

Blitzo turns on a TV that shows the I.M.P. crew brutally murdering people from the overworld as they are paid to do. Blitzo whacks a man in the face with a mallet, Moxxie is blown away firing a shotgun through the mouth of a man tied to a chair, Loona swings a man back and forth in her mouth, Y/N uses chains to rip a man's jaw off, and Millie decapitates someone with a harpoon and laughs.

Everyone was watching the TV, with Loona, Millie, Y/N, and Blitzo eating popcorn. Well, Y/N was also eating human fingers.

Blitzo: Ahh, those were the good times.

Moxxie: I don't need any reminding, sir. Considering you blew most of our salaries on an obnoxious TV ad last week. One that you then additionally paid to have run for a full three hours on a channel... nobody watches.

Blitzo: Uh, hey. Excuse me? What's "obnoxious" about a super-fun jingle, alright? It's a fun distraction when an advertisement's spittin' bullshit!

Millie: People love musicals, sir.

Y/N: I-I think... um, maybe the jingle could be... catchy, but not too... overwhelming? But yes,...I like the angle we are going. I personally like...Phantom of the Opera, and, um, 'The Sound of Music

Blitzo: Exactly, both of you! And we're basically doin' a musical.

Blitzo turned to Moxxie.

Blitzo: Are you gonna crush my musical theatre dreams like my dad did?

Moxxie: Sir--

Blitzo: 'Cause, right now? All I see is just my dad's asshole talking to me! Crushing my dreams of being who I truly am inside.

Millie: Are you tryin' to crush his dreams, Moxxie?

Moxxie: I-- What?

Millie: I thought I knew you.

She playfully sticks her tongue out at him as Moxxie blushes and rolls his eyes affectionately.

Y/N looked at them puzzled as he wasn't understanding what was happening.

Blitzo: I can't believe you, Moxxie!

He tearfully holds up an employee of the month plaque with Moxxie's picture on it.

Blitzo: After I made you employee of the month!

Moxxie: Okay, sir! I'm sorry; a commercial jingle is not comparable to musical theatre. Nobody actually likes the jingles!

Y/N: I liked it.

Moxxie: Do not--Do not agree with him in front of me!

Y/N whimpered and hid under his desk.

Loona growled at Moxxie and held him protectively. She began petting his head and whispering sweet nothings to him.

/////

Commercial

Y/N filmed everything and wrote the script.

Blitzo: Hi, there! I'm Blitzo! The "o" is silent, and I'm the founder of I.M.P.!

He gestures to the logo as it appears on screen, then disappears.

Two pictures of Blitzo in different scenarios show while he speaks. The first shows him wearing two top hats through his horns, a monocle, and twiddling a fake mustache, while standing outside of a burning building with a sign that reads "Orphanage for Elderly Blind Newborn Dogs" appears. The second shows Blitzo wearing an angel costume at a coffeehouse happily throwing an empty coffee cup in a trash can, instead of the recycling bin right next to it.

Blitzo: Are you a piece of shit that got yourself sent to Hell, or are you an innocent soul who got FUCKED over by someone else?!

The commercial cuts to a demon guy wearing an Ohio sports jersey, giving a testimonial, while Y/N holds a cardboard sign in frame that reads "Felix!"

Demon Guy: After lovingly killing my wife for fucking the delivery man, you can imagine my surprise when I wound up here, after the state of Ohio killed me! I really wish I could stick it to that yappy jogger who saw me hiding the bodies!

Blitzo is speaking to the camera and holding a grimoire, while Moxxie and Millie are arranging lit candles on the floor in a pentagram. While he speaks, his eyes narrow as he does a magical gesture with his hand and a flaming portal appears on the floor. Moxxie and Millie run off in surprise. He tosses the grimoire away as he walks up to the portal.

Blitzo: Well, luckily for you. Thanks to our company's special access to the living world, we can help you take care of your unfinished business by taking out anyone who screwed you over when you were alive!

He falls backwards into the portal.

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

The scene cuts back to the boardroom. Millie and Moxxie are sitting across from Loona, who has her feet up and is watching a video on her phone of Moxxie getting hurt. Loona placed Y/N's head on her shoulder and laid her head on top of his.

Moxxie: I'd like to go on record and say that incident was Loona's fault. Dispatch is supposed to give us the right info on the target. It's very simple.

Loona: Oh, sit on a dick, Moxxie.

Moxxie: YOU sit! Sit on... a... and the... d-- DO YOUR JOB!!

Blitzo: Hey, now. We don't blame our screwups on Loona, okay?!

Blitzo hugs and nuzzles Loona, who snarls at him in response.

Blitzo: She didn't do anything wrooooong~

Moxxie: ...Are you kidding me, sir? She's awful!

Y/N's voice wavered slightly as he spoke up, his gaze shifting between Blitzo, Loona, and the rest of the group.

Y/N: Um, excuse me, I-I don't think it's fair to blame Loona for everything. She's just... trying her best, like all of us.

Loona's ears twitched at Y/N's words, her expression softening slightly as she regarded him with a mixture of surprise and appreciation.

/////

The scene cuts to a flashback of Loona at her desk, reading a magazine called "Hellhound Monthly". Her desk phone rings with the sound of a cute puppy barking as the ringtone. Loona answers.

Loona: Hello, I.M.P.

Millie: Loona, I got stabbed! Call Mox--

Loona suddenly hangs up, disinterested in the conversation.

/////

Next, she is in Blitzo's office as he and Y/N present her with a gift.

Blitzo: Happy Adoption Anniversary, Loonie! Me and your boyfriend Y/N got you a little somethin'.

Loona: Is it a cure for syphilis?

Y/N: I... Oh...

Loona took a breath to keep herself calm, and lightly took the present. She covered Y/N's eyes, and angrily but silently slams the gift on the floor.

A large swarm of spiders suddenly emerge from the present box and swarm Loona up to her neck.

Loona: UGHHH!

Blitzo and Y/N are suddenly hiding outside of the office window.

Blitzo: I'm sorry! It was spiders!

Loona: Goddammit.

/////

Loona is then shown at her desk, watching an online video of Y/N Fritz and Velvette performing "This Song Saved My Life".

Y/N was watching the video with her.

Y/N: I've been told by twenty different people we look alike, sound alike, and act alike. I'm flattered...I just...don't see the resemblance.

Moxxie approaches her with a flyer for "Chub B Gone".

Moxxie: Um, e- excuse me. Did you just fax me an ad for weight loss?

Loona: No.

Moxxie: Wha-- Why- Why would anyone send me this?

Loona: C'mon... You know why.

Y/N: Why?

/////

Loona: Babe, I got you a present.

Loona placed a box on Y/N's desk, much to his delight.

Y/N: Oh! Thank you!

He smiled happily and opened it.

Y/N: But...this is just a dog collar and and leash.

Loona: Who said it was for a pet? I got it for you~

She sat on his desk and got close to his face, and smirked.

Y/N: I don't get it.

Loona: Let me show you~.

She removed her top, and put the collar on his neck.

/////

The next scene shows Loona rummaging through the break room fridge.

Loona: Whoever left the fucking... avocado salad in the fridge, I'm taking it, because I have the worst hangover right now!

Loona turns around to face Y/N and Millie with a red box in hand as she shuts the fridge door with her foot. She rips off the lid and drinks the salad.

Millie: Why would you drink on a work night?

Loona: I'm hungover from this morning, dumbass!

Y/N: When did you...drink?

Moxxie enters the room and notices Loona with his box.

Moxxie: Isn't that my lunch?

Loona: Y'know what?! I can't take this assault right now! I need to blow off some fucking steam!

She kicks the box at Moxxie, knocking him out of the room and surprising Millie.

She grabs Y/N and drags him to the backroom.

Y/N: Loona? Loona? What are you doing?! Hey? Hey! Help!

/////

Loona: Ok. Can't argue there.

Y/N: Dads still pretty steamed. He wanted to...pelt you. N-Now he just wants to tear your soul apart. 

/////

The scene transitions to Loona at her desk, telling Blitzo about a caller.

Loona: Bliiiitzo! That clingy, rich asshole is on the phone! Says it's urgent and wants to talk to you! Sounds a little DTF-y.

Blitzo and Moxxie standing by a water cooler.

Blitzo: Oh, GOD, it was one time! If I hadn't slept with that privileged asshole, none of us would have access to the living world.

Moxxie:...You what?

Blitzo: It was either him, or Y/N's daddy.

//////

Flashback

Blitzo: Ah! Oh shit! Oh shit!!

Blitzo was running as Colussus, Look See, and Mordao were chasing him, along with six chains.

//////

The scene cuts to a flashback of Stolas sleeping naked in bed. He is hooting like an owl and there are feathers everywhere. Blitzo, who is partially nude, walks away quietly with the grimoire in hand.

Blitzo: Got the booook, got the booook! Got this fuckin' heavy book!

Blitzo reaches Stolas' balcony and lays the grimoire on the ledge. Grunting, he attempts to step up on the ledge using the grimoire. Instead, the combined weight sends both him and the grimoire falling forward off of the balcony.

Blitzo: Oh- Oh, SHIT!!

Blitzo lands on the cake that Stolas' wife and her friends are having, splattering pieces of it all over them.

Blitzo: Oof! Sorry, I fucked your husband.

//////

The scene cuts back to Loona at her desk.

Loona: BLIIIITZO!

Blitzo: I HEARD YOU ALREA--!

/////

The scene cuts to Blitzo in his office, talking with Stolas, and playing with a bobblehead of Moxxie.

Blitzo: Sooooo, what can I do you for this time, Stolas?

Stolas is shown talking on his phone from a fancy mansion.

Stolas: There's a political candidate causing trouble up on Earth for a few of my associates. He's trying to convince people global warming exists!

Blitzo: Doesn't it?

Stolas: Well... yes. But, more people die if nothing is done about it. And it gets lonely here~

Blitzo: Okay, well. Yeah, that makes sense.

Stolas: You know what happens when I'm lonely, Blitzy?

Blitzo pulls his phone away and talks to himself.

Blitzo: God-fuckin'-dammit.

Stolas: When I'm lonely, I become hungry. And when I become hungry, I want to choke on that red {bleeped) of yours... {bleeped) your {bleeped) and lick all of your (bleeped), before taking out your (bleeped), and (bleeped) with more teeth until you're screaming (bleeped) like a FUCKING baby--!

Blitzo, who's visibly disturbed, scene pans to his with Stolas name listed as "creepy mouth (aka one night stand bird dick) with a call total of 48 seconds. as he hangs up, a knock out noise plays. He snaps his cellphone in half, smashes it with his desk phone, tosses said desk phone away, pulls out a blender, puts the cellphone pieces in it, and blends them.

/////

The flashback ends, and Blitzo is standing by Loona.

Blitzo: Look, the point is, Loona is a valued member of our family, and we don't get rid of family.

Loona looks up from her phone and briefly smiles, touched by Blitzo's words.

Y/N: I-I just want to say... th-thank you. For standing up for her... and for... for accepting me, too.

Blitzo: Awww, it's no problem Y/N. That's what family does.

To be fair, Blitzo first thought he was hiring the Y/N dating Velvette and the Princess of Hell. He already tried calling that Y/N, but he never picked up, returned the calls, and was often answered by a creepy maid named Niffty.

But Blitzo grew attached to this Y/N.

Moxxie: We aren't a family, sir! You are the boss! We are the employees! You treat her like she's some troubled teenager! She's more like a meth-addicted homeless woman you let man the phones!

Y/N wanted to say something, but couldn't think of anything to say. He just held Loona's hand. He laid his head on her shoulder.

As Moxxie rants, Loona continues looking at her phone, slowly flipping Moxxie off. She began petting Y/N's head.

Blitzo: That is offensive! Without homeless people, I wouldn't have HALF the joy and laughter I do in this life!

Blitzo puts his face up against the window, cracking the glass, and sees a homeless demon, looking sad and holding up a sign that reads "Monee helps. Satan bless." A succubus is on her cellphone and turns away from the hobo. Blitzo smugly waves at him, before lowering the window blinds.

Moxxie: While we're on the subject of "family", can you stop finding me and Millie outside of work?

Millie: Come on, sweetie! It's not that big a deal!

Glass shattering noise plays as Moxxie makes a stocked face.

Moxxie: Excuse me...WHAT?!

/////

The scene cuts to a flashback of Moxxie and Millie preparing dinner in their kitchen.

Moxxie: Honey, can you get me the butter?

Millie: Sure, sweetie.

Millie opens the fridge door and finds Blitzo inside as he hands her the gross, viscous butter.

Blitzo: Spoiler alert: the butter's spoiled!

Millie: *giggles*

Moxxie: What's funny, honey?

Blitzo: Really impressive wordplay.

Moxxie: WHAT THE--?! WHY ARE YOU IN OUR FRIDGE?!?!

Later that evening, shows a building, Inside their Moxxie and Millie are asleep in bed. The former is tossing and turning as the sound of a cat purring can be heard. Moxxie opens his eyes and sees Blitzo standing on him, looking him right in the eyes.

Blitzo: Whatcha dreamin' about?

Moxxie: I was dreaming my parents were being murdered, but now... I'd like to go back to that.

In the next scene, Moxxie is singing the end of "Oh, Millie", as Millie joins in on some parts.

Moxxie: ♫ Of all the imps in Hell, it's for her that I fell ♫

Millie (joins in): *harmonizing* ♫ It's for him that I fell ♫

Moxxie: ♫ Oh, Millie~ ♫

They close their eyes to kiss, but Moxxie notices Blitzo outside the window holding a camcorder.

Moxxie: Are you fucking filming us right now?!

/////

Moxxie: Just... stop... doing that!

Blitzo: I don't see what the issue is! There somethin' you don't want me seein'?

Moxxie: No!

Loona snickers at the same time as Blitzo talks.

Y/N's senses were bombarded by the cacophony of noise echoing through the crowded room. Loons looked at him and noticed this.

She crouched down beside him, offering a reassuring smile as she encouraged him to take deep breaths.

Y/N's trembling hands found solace in Loona's fur as he began to pet her softly, the rhythmic motion helping to ground him in the present moment. Gradually, the tension ebbed away from his body, replaced by a sense of calm and safety in Loona's presence.

Blitzo: You a baby-wiener-haver?

Loona put headphones on Y/N's head.

Moxxie: Sir, what you say and how you act is totally INAPPROPRIATE!

Millie: Calm down, Mox! You're gonna have another panic attack!

Moxxie: I AM CALM!

Y/N turned up the volume on his phone.

Moxxie starts whimpering in anger while looking back at Blitzo's

Millie: Shh-shh-shh. There, there.

Blitzo: Look, I don't judge the boring couple stuff  you do outside work hours. So, don't... judge me!

Moxxie: Oh, I do judge you, sir! Quite a lot, actually!

Millie: Mox, he's our boss!

Blitzo: No-no-no, it's fine Mills, your husband is just... how do I say this without being offensive? ...retarded.

Moxxie: Does immaturely insulting me make you feel better about your sad, single life?

Loona: Y/N, you should probably leave the room for a bit.

Blitzo: It actually does.

Loona: The only reason you have a wife is because you're easy to manage!

Millie slams her hands against the table, looking at Loona with anger.

Millie: No, he's not, you BITCH!

Loona growls at Millie

Blitzo: Do not talk to my receptionist that way! She's sensitive!

Loona: Yes, I am!

Y/N: I...think I hear someone at our door...I should probably go.

Eddie: You guys are all fucking assholes.

Blitzo, Moxxie, Millie, Y/N, and Loona's eye all widen in surprise. They look at Eddie, the boy Moxxie accidentally shot earlier. Eddie is lying on a table with three wires from a heart monitor attached to his stomach.

Blitzo: Oh, shut up, kid! You're lucky to witness this!

Moxxie: Ugh, this company is such a mess!

Blitzo: Alright, let's get back to talking about my outfit.

Loona: Nobody was talking about that!

Blitzo: Which is why I'm tryin' to get that ball rolling. So, how does it look? It's good, right?

Eddie: It's been a literal hell having to pretend to be paralyzed so you fuckshits wouldn't kill me! But, now I want that. I want death!

He once again points at Blitzo.

Eddie: You are a selfish, greedy clown. And I'm a kid! We're supposed to like clowns! Even the creepy ones!

Moxxie: Hey, now! That's not very--

Eddie interrupts Moxxie, intimidating him.

Eddie: If I wanted to hear from a spineless jackass, I'd rip out your spine and ask you some shit.

Millie slams her hand on the table, the other gesturing at Moxxie.

Millie: That's my husband you're talkin' to!

Eddie: That's your husband?!

Moxxie and Millie snarl at Eddie.

Eddie: I figured you for a slut. But, I didn't know you needed dick that bad! And you!

Loona: What? What about me?

Eddie: Nothing. I don't talk to dogs. I'm a cat person.

Eddie: And you!

Y/N: W-what did I do?

Eddie: Your brain! Have you even looked at yourself in a mirror? Ugh, why do you people even bother with him? He's nothing but a burden, always slowing you down with his stupid autism. What's wrong with you, huh? Can't handle a little noise? Maybe if you weren't such a freak, you'd actually be useful.

Y/N's heart sank as he heard the hurtful words directed at him because of his autism. He felt a familiar knot of shame and frustration building in his chest, his hands clenching into fists at his sides as he struggled to maintain his composure.

Loona, sensing his distress, stepped forward with a low growl, her protective instincts kicking in. She fixed a steely gaze on the offender, her lips curling back in a silent warning.

Loona's eyes widen as she receives a text message.

Loona: Oh, fuck! Guys, I just got a text from our client! Guess he was the right target after all.

Blitzo: Who?

Loona: Him.

Eddie: (in disbelief) Me?

Loona: Yup.

Blitzo: They wanted us to kill an actual child?

Loona: That's what they're sayin': ...Well, Christ on a stick. I guess there is a God. And that means...Y/N...put on your headphones.

Loona gave Eddie a "Your dead" look. Y/N closed his eyes as she said that and put on his headphones.

Eddie: Oh shit...

Eddie looked at Loona nervously.

Eddie: Wait! I'm sorry! I didn't mean any of that! I swear! It was just a joke! I swear! I'm sorry!

Loona growled.

Eddie: Is it too late to say sorry?

Loona: Don't. Hurt. My. BOYFRIEND!

Eddie: Ah! Wait! I said I was sorry!

Loona began violently ripping Eddie to pieces and eating him,...alive...and ripped his jaw off.

Moxxie was about to get sick, after five minutes of being brutally attacked, Eddie was somehow still alive. He sobbed as as tried crawling away, only to have his skull slowly crushed by Loona.

Loona: No one talks to my boyfriend like that. Got it?

/////

Blitzo: (voiceover) Y'know, folks? With this company, I really wanted to prove that we're capable of doing the same things anyone else can. Like killing people!

[Blitzo and Moxxie are shown wearing full hazard gear, cleaning and gathering the remains of Eddie's. Then shows the group by a dumpster putting Eddie's body parts in a garbage bag.

Blitzo: (voiceover) So, from us here at the Immediate Murder Professionals group, we promise to settle your unfinished business or your money... is gone and you're never getting it back, and you can write us a bad review but we'll play dumb to it, because it's Hell and no one fuckin' cares.

As Blitzo does the voiceover, he hugs Moxxie, Millie, Y/N, and Loona, the latter's phone flying out of her hands. Y/N looked uncomfortable being touched.

Blitzo: Y'know, even though this kid was a target... he's still a child. And it's important that we handle this going forward respectfully.

The group all smile as the scene cuts to a newscast, showing Eddie's mother tearfully holding up a bad drawing of her son. A male news reporter holds a microphone up to her, looking disinterested. The headline on screen says, "Mom sucks at drawing own kid", while the ticker bar constantly reads "There is a missing boy! Yet another missing kid!"

Eddie's mother: *sobbing* Please! If anyone has seen my little Eddie, please contact us at--

Eddie's bloody body bag suddenly falls into her arms.

Eddie's mother and the news reporter look up in shock as the camera follows their gaze. Blitzo, Moxxie, and Millie are shown looking down on them through a portal.

Blitzo: *smiles and waves* You're welcome!