After a fiasco in the art room over an ear piercing Senpai, Nagatoro, Gamo, Yoshi, and Sakura gathered in the family restaurant to discuss a problem.

"A stalker?" Nagatoro asks.

"Yeah." Sakura responds in tears.

"You were trolling that club, and one of them started following you around like a stalker?" Nagatoro said.

"That's bad." Gamo says.

"Yeah, bad." Yoshi adds.

Meanwhile Senpai is sipping on iced tea his gaze averted from them in an attempt to stay out of the conversation at all costs.

Sakura wiped away her tears, and quickly glanced out the window. Pointing outside to the bushes she saw her stalker out there.

"He's still doing it." She says.

All of the girls look to where she pointed, and the stalker, noticing he had been spotted, ducked into the bushes.

"Oh man!" Gamo and Nagatoro said in unison.

"I'm scared!" Sakura says starting to cry again.

"What do you think Paisen?" Gamo asks.

Senpai thinks for just second, he knows he's probably going to have to pick his words carefully, but he also knows that dancing around the truth doesn't help.

"You guys did it to yourselves, this is what you get for messing with people's heads." He says looking away.

This display of bone-crushingly brutal honesty was not well received, and Sakura started to cry once again.

"Look, Paisen made her cry." Gamo says sounding almost uninterested.

Sakura takes a break from crying and looks up from the table to Senpai.

"Hey..." She started, "Senpai-kun, could you do something for me?" She asks.

He groans and looks away once again.

'The only way I'm getting out of this one, is in a body bag' He thinks to himself.

"Could you pretend to be my boyfriend?" Sakura requests.

As soon as the words escaped her mouth, both Senpai and Nagatoro put on equally shocked faces. Both expected it to be something slightly outlandish, but not something like this.

"I think he might give up if he saw us flirting." Sakura says imagining her clinging senpai's arm with both of them laughing as the stalker looks shocked in the background.

"Wh-why should I do that?" Senpai asks.

"I'm single right now, You're the only person I can ask to do that." Sakura answers.

"B-but, pretend to be your boyfriend?" Senpai responds fully grasping the absurdity of the situation.

It was absurd, but not necessarily unfamiliar. Truth be told he had seen this scenario so many times in the manga he loved oh so much, but that was manga, and this was real life.

"Why not? Paisen would be harmless." Gamo states.

"Totally harmless!" Yoshi adds on.

"No he's not." Nagatoro says.

They all looked to Nagatoro with questioning eyes. Her face was stoic, but all of her friends knew that this meant that her rage was burning like one thousand suns.

"He's super harmful." Nagatoro continues.

Senpai looks to her taking slight offense to the comment.

"He's like a harmful insect." She says with her eyes gyrating, she then walks over to senpai and hits him on the head repeatedly.

"Let this creepy senpai pretend to be your boyfriend, and forget about losing your stalker." She says, "You'll have twice as many!"

Sakura quickly imagines not having to deal with just the one stalker, but this new stalker. 

While she was imagining all of this, all of the other girls were laughing at Senpai's disgust of the evaluation that Nagatoro had written in for him. 

"That's crazy talk, I'd never do such a thing!" Senpai retorts.

"Then could you please pretend to be my boyfriend?" Sakura asks.

Nagatoro stared him down with dead eyes of rage. He quickly averted her gaze and thought it over; He wanted to refuse, but he also didn't really see the harm in it, it was just one fake date after all.

"Sure I guess." Senpai said not even sure of himself.

With this, the girl who supposedly didn't love in the slightest let out an unholy screeching sound that actually glitched out my headphones when I first listened to it. I had to rush order a new pair, I think what happened actually had nothing to do with the sound, but the exposed wire, but I like to think that it was her unholy screeching which did them in.

---

It had been around day since the proposal in the restaurant, and Senpai was in a blue polo with khakis by the Zushi station. He was suffering from a bad case of self imposed whiplash as he tried to recount just as to how he got into the situation. Looking around, he was at the designated spot, but he didn't see Sakura anywhere.

'I couldn't really say no, but what are you supposed to do on a date, I mean, I guess it's just pretend, we can just wander around' He thinks to himself.

He's dragged out of his thought by an almost tired sounding voice.

"Senpai kun?" It says.

Looking behind himself he sees Sakura dressed in a red top and black and white skirt with an orange beret on her head. He blushes slightly, but regains a semblance of composure.

"Sorry, where you waiting too long?" She asks.

"No, not really." He responded.

"Okay, let's go." She says before walking ahead.

"O-okay." Senpai replies unsure of himself.

The two walked on, but unbeknownst to them, had a jolly little squad following them. Well, mostly jolly, Nagatoro was wearing that apathetic pissed off face which seemingly was now permanently glued on. Yoshi and Gamo were quite jolly though, The two were enthralled actually, Gamo was recording on her phones the footage that would surely go down to be archived under the name 'Paisen's first date' and Yoshi was, well, Yoshi.

"Paisen's awkward as hell." Gamo comments while following them.

Nagatoro made some animalistic grumbling sound, and the sound queued Gamo to take notice. Dawning her usual sadistic smile she decided now would be a great time to push her buttons a little.

"Isn't this the kind of thing you might see in one of those anime shows Paisen likes?" Gamo says.

"Totally!" Yoshi adds.

"For some reason, they have to pretend to be on a date." Gamo starts.

"But!" Yoshi adds completing her statement.

"But the act become real, things start heating up, and." Gamo says.

"and!" Yoshi parrots.

"What they though were fake feelings become, an actual date!" Gamo proclaims proudly.

"A date!" Yoshi parrots once agian.

"There's no way he could make it a proper date!" Nagatoro screams.

Gamo slides over to her side with a sly smile and looks her dead in her cold dead eyes.

"Why so mad?" Gamo asks teasingly.

"I'm not mad!" She retorts. "We need to get rid of the stalker, and this is a waste of time, it's not going to ward him off, she'll have two after this!" She says in her defense.

"I don't know, I think this will work out just fine." Gamo replies.

"We need to teach that stalker a lesson, one he won't forget!" She says fuming.

"Well then, go and get him tiger!" Gamo says egging her on.

"Well, we have to find him first, I can't very well do that." Nagatoro says starting to calm down.

Gamo rubbed her chin and thought, as fun as it was to toy with the toyer the problem of the stalker still had to be addressed. In this sense, Nagatoro was right, he probably wouldn't back down just because Sakura had a 'boyfriend'.

"You may not, but I think I know someone who can." Gamo says in thought.

"Well, who is it?" Nagatoro asks.

"Well, maybe a long-shot, but it's worth a shot, come with me." Gamo says while walking away.

"I hope you know what you're doing." She says begrudgingly following her.

---

"That's it, keep your head moving!" Cono screams at his fighter.

Currently him and the rest of team Higurashi were watching him on the slip bag. Quickly moving his head out of the way and in between the time he had before the bag came back he threw out devastating KO combos.

"Right hand, right after the jab!" Fujita added.

The group would continue, giving him pointers the full way through, but after a while Cono looked up to the clock and realized what time it was.

"Alright, that's enough, next drill," He said.

Yuka nodded and ran off to the locker room room to get prepared. While he was doing this the rest of team Higurashi got ready for what was next and set the stage for the 'next drill'.

---

"This is it guys." Gamo said pointing to the building in front of her.

There was nothing stellar about the building, it was a big square brick building which looked like it had been seen hell. One window looked like it was shattered and was being held together by duct tape, and one side of the wall was ash black. A big sign in the front saying

 'Ricci boxing gym'

"A gym?" Nagatoro asks eye twitching.

"Yep, a certain gym rat, well, more, gym dog, that I know practically lives here, he'll help us out." Gamo replies confident.

The trio walks up to the big steel door, Gamo grips the handle and pulls back. Opening the door they didn't know quite what to expect, but whatever they were expecting was certainly not what they saw. 

The place was barren, it had wooden floors and had all the equipment you'd expect. On the right side a few heavy bags were strewn up with a neat row which had certain numbers written on each ranging from 150 to 300, two uppercut bags on the wall, a stack of BOBs, a double ended bag, and 2 speed bags. 

On the right there was an assortment of equipment like pads, gloves, wrap, and such were all either stacked or suspended on or by the wall, by the wall there were a couple other things you'd expect, a pullup bar, decline sit-up bench, chains, rubber bands, dumbbells, and a small area where you could do bench, squats, or deadlifts. A ring was in the center, and overall the entire gym seemed to be up to what you'd expect.

Of course, if those were the first thing you noticed you'd be, insane. The first thing most people would notice is the massive theatre in at the very end of the room. More than the theatre, it seemed that it was populated, a couple seats in the front were occupied by 5 guys, and even more than that, somebody was up on the theatre.

Soft Shamisen music was playing, and up in the spotlight somebody was dancing Nihon Buyo. They were in a full pretty pink Kimono with a floral pattern and had a fan in one hand, their face had pale white geisha makeup, but their long hair wasn't tied back like a Geisha's was.

As they walked forward more details came up to them. The person on the stage was short, extremely short, and they had shiny white hair. Gamo looked and as she put 2 and 2 together her eyes widened.

"Shortstack?" She says somewhat shocked.

"Wait? What!" Nagatoro asked shocked.

Yuka looked to them mid step in absolute horror. His one happy place, his oasis in a desert, his sanctuary had been invaded, and at the worst possible time as well. 

'They'll never let me live this one down!' He thinks to himself.

"You missed your step, what gives?" Cono asks.

"Them, that's what gives!" He replies pointing his fan at them.

All of the guys in their seats turn their heads to face the trio. Gamo gives a small wave and walks forward.

"Cono?" Gamo says reaching out her hand to the oldest of the group.

"Yes, You must be that kid from the Gamo family." He replies shaking her hand.

"I am, how did you know?" She asks.

"Nobody else in the world has hair like that." He deadpans.

She laughs off the remark before looking to Yuka.

"Hey, can we borrow your fighter for the rest of the day?" She asks pointing to him.

"What do you need my fighter for?" Cono asks suspicious.

"We have to teach someone a lesson." Nagatoro blurts out.

Cono strokes his chin and thinks for a little, training was nearly over anyway, and these people were clearly his friends. After a little he makes his decision.

"Yuka, you have 2 minutes to get changed, I want you to go with them." Cono says looking to the theatre.

"Wait! What! No, I refuse." Yuka says crossing his arms

"You seem to forget who you're talking to young man." Cono says rubbing his blind eye.

"Bu-" Yuka tries to retort.

"No buts mister, get changed, and get going!" He yells back.

Yuka puts on a pouting face, but does as he says and goes to the locker room to change. The three watch him as he goes and as the door closes they all look to each other.

"His name's Yuka?" Nagatoro asked.

"I guess so." Gamo replies.

None of them said anything, but if he wasn't there they would all be bursting out in laughter. It was all so perfect, Psycho Chan's real name was Yuka, a girl's name.

---

The quartet gathered outside the gym, and surely enough not too long after the altercation Yuka walked out of the gym clearly fuming. Instead of the pink Kimono he wore a white shirt which gripped his muscles with some blue boxing trunks. 

"Not a word about this!" He practically yells while he opens the door still scrubbing off the makeup.

He walked over to the bench where the group was sitting and looked down to them.

"Alright, mind telling me your problem?" He asked annoyed.

"A stalker is following Sakura, we need you to find him and teach him a lesson!" Nagatoro blurts out.

"The gyaru? What did she do this time?" He asks. "On second thought, I don't care, just tell me what to do." 

"Sniff him out, we all know you're part blood hound or something." Gamo says.

"Blood hound!" Yoshi parrots.

"Very funny, but part blood hound or not, I'm smelling a millions things right here, you got something that belonged to this stalker?" He asks half jokingly.

"I do!" Nagatoro blurts out and passes him a pencil.

He picks it up and takes a quick sniff before dropping on all fours and following a trail. The group didn't quite know what to think about it, they all looked at each other, shrugged, and followed him.

---

After a while of following their dog he perked his head up and looked ahead. The four stopped behind him, taking this as their que that this stalker was nearby.

"Alright, let's do this." Yuka mutters to himself while tightening his tape.

"Go and get him Inuyuka!" Gamo whispers.

He looked back with a stare of hatred, but quickly set his focus back at the task at hand. He could deal with her later. Looking around he saw a fat man in the bushes, stealthily as possible he sneaks up and when in range he finally gets him with a brutal overhead right. The horrifically un-athletic stalker didn't stand an ice cube's chance in hell, and he was sent straight to the ground, knocked out cold.

"We got him." He said uninterested as he picks up the now knocked out person putting him in a fireman's carry.

"Good boy Inuyuka!" Gamo says while putting her hand in her pocket.

"Want a treat?" She asks while pulling out a bundle of smarties.

"Stop treating me like a dog!" He yells back.

"Well stop acting like one!" Nagatoro says.

He brushes off the insults, he wanted to find Sakura so he could have the stalker apologize so he could get back to the gym as fast as possible.

---

The two fake lovers are on the coastline looking out to the sea. The black tailed gulls flied around in the air waiting to dive down on the next unlucky fish they saw. Throughout the entirety of the fake date Senpai had felt nothing but awkwardness, and a strange fear in the back of his head. Looking out he remembers something important.

"S-speaking of which, where's the stalker?" He asks looking in both directions.

"I haven't seen him." Sakura responds almost forgetting entirely about him.

Almost as if on Yuka appeared on the scene the stalker on his shoulder squirming around trying to break free while clearly in pain. Behind Yuka was Nagatoro with that dead look in her eyes once again.

"Alright, let's get this over with." Yuka says before throwing him down roughly.

The thick lad gets to his knees and prostrates himself in front of Sakura.

"I'm sorry! I won't do it anymore! Forgive me!" He pleads desperately.

Sakura and Senpai both look to the human lump on the ground shocked.

"Now we can end this charade." Nagatoro says with a sadistic grin.

"Yeah," Sakura says dejected.

Gamo and Yoshi in the back were simply recording the whole thing. Meanwhile Yuka looked to Sakura and Senpai and back to Nagatoro

'Charade? wait a minute!' He said putting two and two together.

"What the hell!" He shouted out.

All of them look to his little outburst.

"You come in, invade my gym, stop my training, and have me hunt down this guy just for your little love dispute!" He yells pointing to Nagatoro.

She recoils back slightly as if his point alone pushed her.

"I could have spent this time practicing, but no, I have to help some sunburnt half loli her get with a guy she's too damn scared to confess to!" He yells, "You're gonna pay for thith" He says raising his arms.

Nagatoro raises her arms up in defense preparing for whatever he had to throw at her. The altercation however would never come, just as he was going in to deliver a spectacular power punch a tree sounded like it was falling over. Looking down at the shadow Yuka looked up to see it coming crashing down on him. Perhaps it was foolish, but instead of moving a couple centimeters out of the way he raises his hands above his head and catches the log.

"Get out of the way!" He shouts struggling with the weight.

They all disperse as he throws it down while panting heavily.

"You good?" Gamo asked.

"I'm fine," He replies wiping off some sweat, "I'm going back to the gym, don't fucking follow me." He says before walking off away leaving them all behind.

---

It wasn't a long walk by any stretch, but by the time he was there the sun was just starting to go down. Opening the door he saw that only Cono was left sitting down in a chair looking over some paperwork. Walking over to him he looks up from his papers.

"Yuka, training's over, what do you need?" He asked not looking up.

"Why did you tell them my name?" Yuka replied.

"They seemed to be your friends, did you not tell them?" Cono replies slightly confused.

"I wouldn't call them friends, and besides I don't tell anyone my first name." He said.

"Why not?" Cono asks.

"We both know why!" Yuka replies now fuming.

"No, I don't, explain it to me." He insists

"Well, they make fun of me, it's a girls name, they've made fun of me ever since! No matter what I do, because of that damn name I'm a fucking joke!" He yells out.

Cono looked up at him with an unconvinced and unamused face. 

"That's it, you're afraid they'll make fun of you? Tell me, are you going to let that name define you and how you act the rest of your life?" Cono asks.

"W-what?" Yuka asks confused.

"When the big screen up above the rings says 'Yuka Higurashi, Kodomo Bakuyaku' Are you going to get angry?" He asks once again.

He was going to point out all of the times when in amateur boxing competitions they said his name but remembered that they never did. He wasn't sure why they didn't, but they always just said Higurashi or Kodomo Bakuyaku. 

"O-of course not." Yuka replies unsure.

"Let me tell you something, you know what Cono means? It means cone, like Ice cream cone, do you think the kids in the schoolyard left me alone for that? No, they didn't, but I didn't let that name define me, and neither should you, so what if it's a girl's name? you're not a girl, you're a boxer! You're more of a man than most the people at your school , so you can either keep on getting this riled up about a name on a piece of paper, or you could realize that it's just a name on a piece of paper." Cono says.

"It's not the same, you wouldn't understand." Yuka retorts.

"Maybe I do, but I may not, either way, it's getting late, you should probably go home." Cono says after a deep sigh.

Yuka nods and goes and picks up his stuff from the locker room. Running out the door he thinks back on what Cono was saying.

---

It was late in the day and Nagatoro and Senpai were going home together, walking down the street the two retain silence until Senpai broke it.

"Hey, where you scared?" Senpai asks.

"When the tree fell over?" She replies.

"No earlier when Higurashi almost beat the shit out of you, that was crazy, you know he could fucking kill you, he could kill all of us. I think sometimes we forget, that that's Psycho Chan!" Senpai says paniced.

"Nah, I wasn't scared, he's like a puppy." She replies.

In all truth, in that moment she was absolutely terrified. She knew he was more than willing to beat the ever-loving fuck out of her, and that wasn't exactly a very nice thought to have. Still, in her mind at least, it would be the wrong move to show any weakness in front of Senpai.

"Well then Senpai, There goes your much anticipated first date!" Nagatoro says suddenly cheerful.

---

Did you know that according to Theophillus of Edessa, Byzantine Emperor Constans II was assassinated with a bucket. Now perhaps if Constans II had tuned in more regularly, he could have avoided such an embarrassing fate.