"Deal! Where should I meet you?" I ask, and she chuckles, "Impatient much? Relax, Dean. The spell I have will only work on Hallows Eve."

"I have to wait till Halloween!?" I enquire, and the witch hums. "Fine," I sigh, "Just send me the details."

"Dean," She says softly and pauses; her voice has this uncharacteristic sadness to it that makes my heart sink; she presses on, "Dean, even if we do everything right, the odds..."

No. I don't want to know!

"Don't tell me the odds!" I try to calm down and trying to keep my voice steady, I repeat, "I don't care what the odds are, Rowena. So, just don't." I take a deep breath, "Alright?"

"Alright. Alright. You don't have to tell me twice!" She retorts, and I can almost hear her roll her eyes.

"Now that we got that out of the way, is there anything else?"

"Nope. I will send you the list a day before. Chao!"

With that, the line goes dead, and I unclench my fist. The mere thought that I might have a chance to see Cas again fills me with joy, and the flickering, small flame keeping me going, steadies.

It is only after the initial excitement fades that I realize that I had not asked Rowena if Cas will be able to see me; hear me.

I contemplate calling her again, but I decide against it. For the hope of seeing Cas was all I had right now; it was all that was keeping me from ending myself.

What if Rowena changes her mind?

Or worse, what if the call I had made to her was a dream?

I couldn't have that. There was too much at stake. So I decide to wait. I walk out of the bunker for the first time in days.

The snow kisses my cheek once again, but this time, there is hope where there was none before.

I pull out Baby, my beloved impala, and look to my side. I pretend that Cas is next to me, that he can hear me. "Cas, I called Rowena. She says she can arrange a date for us. Would you like that, Cas?"

I chuckle, "Man, I know you haven't dated... like ever, but you don't need to worry. I am a pro at it."

I try to imagine Cas rolling his eyes, "Dean, I have been watching you. You suck at dating." and chuckle again.

I drive around the town and buy a pie to celebrate my success. I sit on the roof of my impala; I stretch my hand out. As the snowflakes touch the palm of my hand and disappear, I whisper into the darkness, "Cas, wait for me. I will come see you soon."

Days turn into months, and it's winter again. I have still not told Sam and Jack about the deal for obvious reasons, but I know I can't put it off any longer. I call them to the main hall and hand them a glass of hot chocolate each, hoping to lessen the blow.

"Sam, Jack, I have something I need to tell you. I made a deal with Rowena." I blurt out before I can chicken out. "She can help me see Castiel, and in return, she wants my heart."

"What!? Are you crazy?" Sam bites out, but I speak over him.

"I am not asking you. I am telling you, Sam. I love you both, but I can't go on anymore with Cas. All my life, I have done what I thought I had to for you, for dad, the world! I never did anything for myself. So, don't try to stop me from doing this. Let me do something for myself, just this once."

"Dean... " Sam purses his lips, and as if changing his mind, says, "Fine. Do what feels right to you."

Jack doesn't say anything. He just keeps staring at me; he has never been in love, so he can't relate. Then finally, he nods, "I think Cas would like that. When you see him, tell him that I miss him. Tell him that I will be good."

I have never been prouder of Jack than at that moment. "I will, Jack," I reply and leave to meet Rowena.

I find Rowena waiting for me at the cemetery. The night before, she had sent me a message with a list of ingredients, the location, and a time, mentioned in it.

"You are here." She says, sounding surprised, and adds, "Any questions?"

"How long do I have with him?"

"Five minutes."

"That's good enough. Let's start." I state resolutely.

"Not so fast. You need to hear the terms first." She informs and rolls out a scroll, "I will have to pull out your heart and put it in this jar. While I hold it for you, I will perform the spell and send you to the empty. You will have five minutes there to say what you need to say before I take you with me to hell."

"The scroll looks pretty long. Is that all that's written there?" I ask and immediately regret it. Rowena was, after all, doing me a favor. And as long as I got to see Cas, that's all that mattered anyway.

"My my. Aren't we curious?" She smirks and walks closer. She sighs and holds out the scroll to me, "Have a look if you wish, Laddy, but I will have you know that I am busy as hell," She pauses and giggles, "Ye see what I did there. Hell. Busy as hell. I freaking run hell."

I nod and let her have her moment. I try to smile, but it's hard. I haven't been able to smile for a year, and I am rusty. But I don't want to anger her, so I shake my head, "That's fine. I don't need to look. I trust you."

"Just so we are clear, you will be dying and going to hell once your five minutes are up."

"I understand." I nod and step closer. "I have said my goodbyes."

"Alright, so one last thing then, " She says, pulling out a scroll, "Sign here, please." I nick my finger and let a drop fall onto it.

"By the way, Dean, you need to stay awake for it to work. You can, however, change your mind halfway through. If the pain becomes... "

I cut her off, "I won't change my mind."

"And you are sure you don't want to know the odds?"

"Sure as hell." I shrug, and a mischievous grin plays over her for a second. It disappears before I can ask her about it.

She nods and gestures to me to get rid of my shirt.

As I am stripping, Rowena instructs, "You need to keep repeating the spell after me."

Soon I am standing in the cemetery shirtless. The snow kisses my bare shoulders as if bidding me goodbye, and a moment later, without warning, Rowena jabs the knife in my chest.

I yell, but as soon as I remember the reason I was doing this, I clamp my mouth shut.

"Repeat after me," The witch instructs and starts chanting the spell. Her steady hand moves the knife over my chest, carving into my flesh, bit by bit.

I close my eyes and repeat after her, trying my best to keep my voice steady and the words clear. I can't afford to mess this up.

I lose perspective of time. It feels like I have been repeating the words over for hours. I drown out the searing pain, 'My stint in hell sure paid off.' I tell myself, the knife slowly rids me of first my skin and then the muscles underneath.

I start to feel dizzy and push myself to hang on, 'You can do it, Dean, you have to, for Cas.'

I feel a tug, and a second later, I hear the lid of the jar snap shut.

"Done. You can stop now." I hear Rowena instruct, "Don't open your eyes." She adds, and then her breath fans across my face, "Dean, I might be getting in trouble for this, but I owe Cas. And this might be the only chance I get to repay it. Dean, what I am about to tell you, don't forget it, okay?" She pauses; I nod, and she finishes, "Anything you can imagine you can make real."

{Note :- Word count 1385}

To be continued...